I have a rather unusual and age inappropriate list of celebrity crushes that include such questionable additions as Phillip Seymour Hoffman, Alan Rickman and, inexplicably, John Goodman. Yes. John Goodman. In his slightly slimmer, clean shaven, showing off his dimples phase.
Two others on my list are Adrien Brody and Willem Dafoe. Prada, you read my mind.
As everyone read The Top Ten Most Preternaturally Beautiful Men from Coilhouse?
I’m very specific about the kinds of nail polish I wear. I don’t do glitter unless it’s pure glitter, like a disco ball, the kind of polish that requires corrosive chemicals and a pickaxe to remove. I’m not overly fond of polishes with sheen and I’m about 40 years away from appreciating a nice frosted polish in shades of apricot and peach.
I like pure, no bullshit dark or bright red or pink. I’m also fond of very dark purples, browns and burgundys. Occasionally I’ll rock a blue or green but only if I’ve seen someone cool doing it recently.
This is precisely why I love a polish collection that caters to all tastes, because I know that not everyone likes goth/stripper nails like I do. If you follow me on Instagram (I’m Smaggle FYI) or like me on Facebook you have probably been noticing a few images popping up of me wearing Darling nail polish. Darling is a brand new online store that houses a colorful little army of nail polish bottles in whimsical shades like Dollface, Trophy Wife and Love Shack. The founder of the company, Heather, is a friend and colleague and she sent me a stupid amount of Darling polish to play with last week and I have to say I’m hooked. My Bellini home manicure lasted for 6 days and I even did the washing up. Score.
And guess what? The lovely team at Darling are offering three lucky readers the chance to win a Double Darling Prize of 2 Darling polishes. Bonza!
1. Visit the Darling shop and choose your favourite colour.
2. Like Smaggle on Facebook and leave a comment on the Darling Competition Post saying which colour you love the most and whose hand you’d like to hold while wearing it.
Don’t forget to visit the Darling Facebook page for a chance to win the whole collection valued at over $600.
The Boring Bits
1. Only one entry per person.
2. Competition closes Tuesday 31st January 5pm EST.
3. Open to Australian residents only.
4. The most original and creative entry will be jointly judged by Smaggle and Darling.
5. Winner announced on Friday 3rd of February.
The Darling sweeties are also offering a discount of %15 to Australian Smaggle readers. Simply use the code ‘SMAGGLE’ to take advantage of the offer.
Good luck!
Love is so inconvenient. I’d know. I fell in love with an 18-year-old when I was 22 and we’ve quite casually and completely accidentally been together for 6 whole years. Fuck knows how that happened, I was supposed to spend the last six years on boats in Greece getting lots of hairy cock and STDs but as fate would have it, here I am, living in domestic bliss with a man who still gives me tingles in my nether regions. Aside from our extraordinary ability to get diarrhoea at exactly the same time, I think our most impressive achievement to date is the survival of our two-year stint in a long distance relationship. Just quietly we found it remarkably easy, but for those of you who struggle, here are a few tips to see you through.
Be a planner.
Honestly, a long distance relationship is not going to last if one of you moves 800kms away from the other, neither of you have a car and you have to charter a private jet because airlines don’t fly to Why-The-Fuck-Did-I-Move-Here Airport. Before you move discuss your financial situation and work commitments, then figure out how often you need/can see each other. Don’t expect it to all work out because travel is expensive, time-consuming and needs preparation.
But be spontaneous.
One day my partner and I really missed each other (a.k.a got really horny), so that night we met in a town in between our two cities, spent a glorious 24 hours in a hotel together, then went back to our respective cities. It was pretty hot. Do this often.
Be aware that the first three months are the hardest.
I was a mess in the first three months, broke, unemployed and drowning myself in cheap red wine. We put in some serious ground work in those months, lots of phone calls, extra visits, sending each other packages. Allow yourself the time to be a bit sad and clingy in this phase. It’s really okay.
If you are the one who’s leaving…
Be prepared to deal with how alone you may feel. I left my entire support network behind and felt incredibly lost and small without them. I quickly developed a little makeshift family and we’d spend every night together, sharing bottles of nasty plonk and getting way too hammered on weeknights. Make contacts in your new city as soon as you can, you need it.
If you are the one who’s staying…
Be aware that things will be slightly emptier. You don’t have all the excitement and adrenalin of a new life, so make sure you actively involve yourself in your partner’s experiences to avoid feeling jealous or left out of their new life. Also, keep busy. Idle hands can make for a very sad brain.
Make the commitment.
You either want it to work or you don’t. If you don’t want it to work, it won’t.
Treasure your time together.
Try not to spend every weekend together bawling into each others hair as you cling pathetically to the bed like an octopus. Moving is, most of the time, self-inflicted. Remind yourself of that and have a good time with your lover while you have the chance.
Make sacrifices.
You might have to work a little harder to earn money for plane flights, you might have to miss an important 21st, you might have to take a few days off from work unpaid. Be prepared to make these sacrifices for the sake of your relationship. Although be wary here. If you’re the one constantly forking out for flights and fancy hotels, you might not be much more than a high-class, interstate booty call.
Don’t force it.
If it’s been five days and you haven’t contacted each other and you don’t really care, perhaps it’s time to have a chat.
Don’t take it too seriously.
I mean come on, you’re not Emily freakin’ Browning. There’s mobile phones, Facetime, Skype, email, Twitter, Facebook, texting, MMS-ing. Quit being a baby. In the days of yore, you wouldn’t hear from your lover for weeks and then you’d get a letter a year later from their sister saying that they died of small pox.
Have rules.
Personally, I’m a fan of monogamy but that’s just because I don’t like other people playing with my toys. If you’re a particularly sex charged couple who can’t last two weeks without some nookie (what, are you cave people?) then have some ground rules. I’ve heard of couples having ‘sneaky pash on the dance floor’ rules or ‘no names or numbers’ rules. Just make sure the boundaries are clear before you start playing games.
Realise that you aren’t alone.
When I dramatically announced that I was moving cities and that the Mr and I were embarking upon a potentially tumultuous and difficult long distance romance, most couples nonchalantly shrugged their shoulders at the news and went ‘Oh yeah, we did that back when I was at uni/working interstate/travelling around Europe.‘ It’s not actually a very special or unusual thing to do and most couples will experience it. So don’t be thinking that you’re all modern and cool.
Set an end date.
There is nothing worse than open-ended torture. You must have an expiry date set or the relationship will curdle sooner than you think. Imagine running on a treadmill with no idea how long you have to run for. It’s terrifying. Don’t do it to yourself.
Realise that it does get better.
In the first few months of our long distance relationship, I was this pasty, sleep deprived mess who’d ugly cry for the entire seven hour interstate trip home, sipping on my sad little thermos of coffee because I couldn’t afford to buy a takeaway. Two years later I was drinking red wine that wasn’t born from cardboard at the airport, a qualified jeweller and freelance writer in very expensive shoes that I bought as a present to myself for generally being awesome. I hardly recognised the deflated creature who’d sob in JB Hi Fi when Unchained Melody floated out of the speakers. Remember you/they moved for a reason and it was probably a very good reason. It will be hideous only momentarily before it’s amazing. I promise.
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Go for an evening swim? Outdoors if it’s warm? Indoors if it’s chilly? Float around with a friend and relax in the sauna afterwards?
Order a fancy tea instead of your usual coffee? Russian caravan? Infused chai? Raspberry vanilla?
Try your hardest to eat four ginormous serves of vegetables today?
Offer to brush someones hair?
Get really, really excited about something really, really small? Like eating an ice cream? Or seeing a friend? Just like when you were a kid?
Run as fast as you can for no reason?
Pick a signature nail polish colour for the season and wear it until March? Peach? Coral? Burgundy? Ink?
Wear five of your necklaces at the same time? And not give a toss if they don’t match?
Take a mental health day from work? See a movie by yourself? Have your favourite treat? Be delighted that you don’t have to share it?
Do your extra special Saturday night party make-up and hair routine on a Wednesday? During the day?
Start will little 2 inch heels or some shallow wedges. Save the McQueen Armadillos for when you’ve practiced a little more.
I can often be seen tottering around my house in my lazy pants, hoody and glittering heels. Wearing your heels around the house not only breaks them in, but it also gives you practice at walking on different surfaces. No one wants to show up to a carpeted party and immediately take a face plant because you’ve only ever walked on tiles.
When I lived in a small city, I wore heels every day because I drove everywhere. Now I live in a huge city I mostly wear flats because I walk everywhere or take public transport which requires a lot of walking. If you’re making a quick dash to the train and spending the rest of the day sitting at your desk, then go forth with giant heels my friend. If you’re running all over town for meetings or your job requires you to move quickly, perhaps save the heels for dinner dates and weddings.
My most favourite season in Melbourne is race season. When all the die-hard spray-tan fans break out their giant heels that they never wear and attempt to walk in public in them. They do this bizarre toe balancing walk, mincing along like they have a broken pelvis and no control over their upper body limbs. Just calm down, slow down and walk heel to toe. Take small steps. Stand up straight. Place one foot in front of the other. Easy.
Please. Just don’t. They don’t breathe, are badly designed and they hurt. You are much better off investing in amazing, good quality shoes that will last and that you can wear for longer than five minutes. I respect a lady’s right to well priced footwear just please consider the quality before you hand over your cash.
I’m totally addicted to those gel inserts that you stick inside high heels. I don’t have a particular favourite brand but I love the heel strips and the gel pads for the balls of your feet. My trick? Don’t put them in your shoes right away. Wear your heels and tuck your gel pads into your clutch. Half way through the evening when your balls start burning and your heel is developing a nasty blister, pop your gel pads in your shoes and it will buy you a few more hours. This is a particularly fantastic tip for weddings.
A few years ago my mother told me about these places that you can go to get shoes fixed. They’re called ‘shoe repair stores‘. It’s mental. They can reattach straps, fix holes in the soles of your shoes, stretch them, dye them. Take advantage. They take your well-worn pair of boots from unbearable to good as new.
I asked this question of a friend only last year, that’s how out-of-the-beauty loop I am. The response of ‘It’s like a foundation for your foundation!‘ displeased me greatly. That’s like saying ‘It’s like underwear for your underwear!‘ But actually, it’s not.
It’s more like a ridge filler, for lack of a better non-handyman, non-spackle related phrase. It smoothes on like silk and your foundation kind of sticks to it and makes your whole face of slap last all day.
I always thought it was remarkably unessessary to use such a product but on special occasions and evenings out, I’ve become a total primer gal. I’ve even been using eye shadow primer. I’ve totally gone to the dark side.
The one I’ve been using is perfect for summer, it’s the Smashbox Photofinish Luminising Primer. I’ve never been one to play up a tan or go down the bronze path but I’m liking the lil’ kick of colour I get from this product. Makes me look less pale and moody than usual.
What about you? Do you use a foundation primer?
My Smashbox one is running low and any recommendations would be tops.
This product was offered to Smaggle for editorial consideration.
Quite recently I bought a little bench top food processor, because I’m really lazy and I hate finely chopping food. I’m so lazy that when I eat carrots, I eat the whole damn thing like a horse, without cutting it into sticks, jamming that bad boy in my hommus like a boss. So I bought a food processor to aid in my new years resolution to not eat like a neanderthal.
I’m a total wannabe vegetarian (as in I love vegetables but I also love delicious and expensive organic meat) and as such I’m always looking for ways to eat copious amounts of vegetables without eating endless bowls of greens. I’m also funny about fat and sugar in my diet so store-bought dips usually aren’t my forte.
I’ve been experimenting and I’ve come up with a COMPLETELY guilt free dip that you can eat a whole bowl of and not have to buy jeans in the next size up. I’ve been eating this by the bucket load all week and I feel kind of amazing.
A food processor
450gm can of whole baby beetroot (try to get low salt and sugar options but if this is an issue for you just boil your own fresh beetroot)
A bunch of coriander
3 Garlic cloves
1 teaspoon of cumin
Salt and Pepper to taste
2 tablespoons of non-fat natural yogurt
2 tablespoons of lemon juice
Throw all ingredients into your processor and blend that bitch!
Coriander chops best solo, so start with that and then add the rest. Also I have a teeny tiny food processor so I tend to blend in stages. If you have a giant mofo food processor, then go hard my friend. You can also skip the yogurt if you aren’t dairy friendly.
They are two of the most underrated foods in the history of underrating foods. Coriander acts as a natural preservative which means this dip will keep for a few days in the fridge and in Iranian herbal medicine, coriander is administered to relieve anxiety and insomnia. Beetroot is just a purple ball of antioxidant awesomeness and it’s also a food that’s amazing for your blood which means increased protection against stroke and heart disease.
If you’re interest in going totally organic on this recipe visit Taste.com’s How to Prepare Beetroot page.
If you liked this recipe and want more punch-in-the-face-healthy food ideas then do follow me on Twitter or like me on Facebook.
Also, today’s featured image comes from the Raw Colour Exhibition. Swoon.
I spent yesterday sweltering in 40 degree heat which led to the consumption of three consecutive Frosty Fruits and the majority of my day was spent horizontal under the air con. Idle hands usually lead to excessive internet usage in my case, and I found myself randomly researching Hollywood starlets of the early to mid 1900s, with particular interest in their drug/alcohol abuse and sexual escapades.
Judy Garland struggled with an addiction to speed which, rumour has it, was supplied to her by her studio to keep her slim and perky during filming. She also struggled with alcohol addiction and eventually died of an accidental drug overdose in 1969 at the age 47.
Clara Bow was misdiagnosed with schizophrenia and spent much of her adult life in and out of hospitals, being subjected to crude treatments such as electric shock therapy and lobotomies. She was also known to self medicate with alcohol and painkillers. She died of a heart attack in 1965 at the age of 60.
Marilyn Monroe, international sex symbol and star, abused drugs and alcohol through out her career and had several marriages and divorces in that time, including her very public marriage to Joe DiMaggio that lasted barely 9 months. She died of a suspected suicide drug overdose in 1962 at the age of 36.
After I’d read about ten biographies of these tragic, beautiful, talented and misunderstood stars, I found myself feeling pity for our current day celebrities that are badly portrayed for behaving identically to their vintage counter parts.
I was pondering why an old story about a delicate, emotional, drug addled actress from the 50s is so much more romantic than hearing about a supermodel hitting the runway with half a bag of coke littered around her nose. Easy. Photographic evidence. It’s simple to picture Judy Garland, swanning around her mansion in a caftan and jewels, wistfully drinking whisky, swallowing a handful of painkillers and falling asleep to her glamorous death but I certainly don’t envisage Amy Winehouse’s death in the same light. I imagined her death to be like a scene from Trainspotting, which more accurately, is probably what both of their deaths were like. My synopsis of Ms Winehouse’s death comes from seeing image after image of her looking skinny, scabby, dirty and angry on the streets of London, flipping the bird at paparazzi and chain-smoking. I’ve seen no such images of Garland, although I don’t doubt that she had just as many wild nights as Winehouse and died in much the same manner. The pictures literally tell the story.
There’s also a bevy of incriminating information available about these celebrities in the form of tweets, blogs and stolen text messages. It’s much easier now for other people to gain less than flattering photographs of stars and share them in an instant. Which is why we’ve all seen Paris Hilton’s snatch stepping out of a limo twenty times and yet any glimpse we’ve seen of Marilyn Monroe’s unmentionables was classy and planned.
I’ve rewritten a few tabloid articles about some of the ‘troubled’ stars of our era and placed them next to glamour shots. They sound quite different next to a pretty picture don’t they?
Britney Spears started her career as a child star and become famous for her pop music. She began abusing alcohol early on in her career and suffered several drug induced psychotic episodes and had to be admitted to hospital at regular intervals. Her children were removed from her care due to her erratic and dangerous behaviour.
Whitney Housten started her career as a gospel singer and became one of the most successful female recording artists of all time. In 1992, at the peak of her career she married singer/songwriter Bobby Brown. The relationship was abusive and drug fuelled and saw Whitney’s health rapidly and irreversibly plummet. They divorced in 2006 after a tumultuous 14 year union.
Linsday Lohan, rose to fame as a freckled, pony tailed, red-head Disney kid. Her short career peaked in her early twenties before she started abusing drugs and alcohol, leading to loss of acting work and consistent rehabilitation visits. She also had several run ins with law enforcement for crimes including theft and driving under the influence.
If the internet and twitter had existed in Marilyn Monroe’s day, would we still view her with the rose-coloured glasses that we do?
If we had heard of Lindsay Lohan’s struggle with alcohol and the demise of her career 50 years after her death, would we still throw her callously in the trash basket?
If photos like these…
…existed of Judy, Clara or Marilyn, would we think they were just as fabulous as we do now?
What do you think? Has the internet taken the glamour out of celebrity faux pas?
* Published my 1000th blog post.
* Hit the stage in two plays, The Mall and The Christmas Monologues.
* Released my first audio book How to Be The Perfect Bridesmaid.
* Contributed to articles in Cleo Magazine and The Age.
* Celebrated 5 years with my man.
* Trained myself to run for 6 kms without stopping.
* Made my first trip to New York for fashion week and IFB.
* Styled a commercial.
* Celebrated the fourth birthday of Smaggle.
* Dragged my man to Park Street for a Cleo fashion shoot.
* Caned myself at L’Oreal Melbourne Fashion Week reporting on 6 shows in less than 24 hours.
* Spoke about body confidence for the Equality Rights Alliance.
* Celebrated my incredibly talented and gifted niece’s first birthday.
* Talked shit on the radio as PayPal’s Online Shopping Expert.
* Donated the maximum amount of blood allowed per year, per person.
* Met some amazing bloggers including Sarah Von, Mrs Woog, Ms Critique, Esme and the Laneway, Eden, Sawhole, St Murphy, Styling You, The Blog Stylist, Hair Romance, Grit and Glamour, Susie Bubble, Wendy Brandes, The Coveted, Business Chic, Style Melbourne, Harbour Master, Tulia and Ish and Chi. Also Sassy Bella and Stuff That I Bought via Skype. Hopefully this year I will tick Fat Mum Slim off my list!
I just want to take a moment to thank everyone who has visited my little corner of the web over the past four years. I really, really appreciate your support and contributions.
If you haven’t already, please do follow me on Twitter and like me on Facebook. I have a jampacked January planned and I’d hate for you to miss any of it!
I 
mail so send me one hello@carlyjacobs.com
