Askmen

Have you ever had an inexplicable crush on an ‘ugly’ guy? Browny and I were getting coffee yesterday and my ugly crush (who has been my ugly crush for around 5 or 6 years now) approached me and started deconstructing my outfit with the most lyrical of poetry. On Wednesday he had described me as a bad-arse Jet from the West Side when I was wearing my leather jacket and aviators. Yesterday he described me as a charming, floaty love-child and said that he was anamoured of the way that I was travelling through the ages with my sartorial expertise. Swoon. I garbled some lame reply and as he sauntered off Browny said ‘He is TOTALLY your boyfriend!’*. Allow me to describe my crush… He is mid-thirties, balding, short, slightly tubby and bares a striking resemblance to Philip Seymour Hoffman (who by the way is my celebrity ugly crush). He smokes like a chimney, has an almost irritating arrogance about him and he’s as sexy as hell. Go figure.

I must admit I’ve never really been into the whole ‘handsome’ thing. I think Brad Pitt is boring looking and the actor I most want to shag is Giovanni Ribisi. One of Mr Smaggle’s best mates is utterly gorgeous. He looks like a movie star that bred with a Ken doll and then had plastic surgery. When he goes out in public he leaves in his wake tangled piles of women who have literally fainted at the mere sight of him. And I’m totally fine around him. Completely - in fact I kind of forget that he so hot until we go out for dinner and waitresses give him free stuff and the perpetual cloud of giggly teenaged girls forms behind us and follows us around the city. I’m totally immune to his chiseled features and boyish charm. But for some strange reason my short, furry and funny crush is the one that makes my knees go weak… theoretically of course. I really only have eyes for Mr Smaggle. Who incidentally is tall, slim, blonde and ethereal looking. Like a Grecian statue. Sigh! I do love a long and lean boy. None of this Mr Muscles Beef-Cake stuff for me.

I do love how people are attracted to such different features. Mama Smaggle is a tall, dark and handsome woman all the way - Just like Daddy Smaggle. I’ve always liked my men tall, slim and pretty. My friend Na likes hers mysterious and shaggy with the face of Orlando Bloom. My mate Az likes pretty brunettes who wear glasses and he has a strange attraction towards petite pregnant women… anyway…

Over to you ladies! Or gents… Have you had an ‘ugly’ crush? Or have you dated someone a little less than average in the looks department that still managed to ravage you with sexual desire? Do you have a celebrity ugly crush? Do you have an unusual feature that you desire in your ultimate partner? Come on! Share your fetish for the wierd, wacky, wonderfully strange looking people who are lip bitingly, toe-curlingly sexy…

Oh and check out this post at Coilhouse - 10 Most Preternaturally Beautiful Men

Yes please… I’ll take a four-some with Adrian Brody, Tim Curry and my dear Philip…

Love Lady Smaggle

xxx

 *A ‘boyfriend’ for us is generally any slightly awkward boy that we encounter at work. We then immediately brand  him as being one of our boyfriends and gleefully tease each other about it for the remainder of the day. There are a couple of regulars like the DHL Guy who is Browny’s boyfriend and the Admin Guy who is my boyfriend but generally they’re strangers. It’s a fun game and I suggest you all start playing…

Super busy day! I’m off to deliver some homemade peanut butter slice to Mr Smaggle that I made for him last night. Then I’m going to drink wine and eat curry with my delicious friend Fliss for a bit of a girly night. And then we’ll probably talk about boys and have a pillow fight in our underwear…

* Skirt from Cowboys and Angels

* Opaques from Myer

* Shoes from Payless

* T-shirt from American Apparel

* Necklace from Diva

* LADY rings from Girlprops

* Birdy head band Smaggle Made

Love Lady Smaggle

xxx

I’ve had a few emails asking for close-ups of ’smaggle made’ jewellery so I thought I would give you all a peek at what I made last night…

These are for a benefit supporting Burma.

Love Lady Smaggle

xxx

The delightful gang from Nippies sent me a cheeky sample of their stock a little while ago. I haven’t had a chance to test them out as it’s winter and I’ve had little opportunity to wear skimpy dresses. Although rather ironically I’ve had ample high beaming opportunity…  Any way the lovely ladies (who are fans of Smaggle! Blush!) Sent me on a pair of pink heart shaped and a pair of leopard star shaped Nippies and some of this awesome stuff called Stylin’ Tape.

I took the Nippies for a little spin around my bedroom and was rather delighted at how cute they looked. I was all geared up for posting a picture of me modeling the Nippies to promote body pride and all that crap but I was positively ASTOUNDED at the smallness of my breasts and I am far too embarrassed to show you my little bee stings. So here is a picture of them on my desk instead…

 They’re cute aren’t they? And they totally don’t hurt at all when you take them off. They are lovely and light weight and allow your girls to ‘breathe’ at the same time as keeping them covered. It was a little difficult to peel the backing off the Nippies but patience is a virtue and one that I posses none of. Those of you who actually live life at a normal speed should have no problems with this product. I managed to fray the edges of the hearts while peeling off the backing so they are a little furrier than they used to be but you can hardly notice. Once on they seem to stay put and whilst I didn’t wear them out to a club I have confidence that they would keep you covered through out the evening. I did do a crazy little club dancing session to see if they bunch up with breast movement. I was pleasantly surprised to find that they flexed with the movement of my body and didn’t crease or wrinkle. Although my boobies are tiny so they can’t have created much of a challenge for the Nippies. If any ladies with a B-plus cup size have sampled the Nippies I would love to hear from you! 

The Stylin’ Tape packs a pretty punch too. It comes in different widths and is pre-cut into manageable lengths so you always have the perfect size for any dress strap. This is perfect for smaller breasted ladies because you can just tape your top to your jubblies and you’re good to go. For the larger breasted ladies Stylin’ Tape will help you keep your bra straps in place under your skimpy tops.

So thanks to the team at Nippies for sending me the sample. And to say thank you I’m going to do something a little cheeky…

Mr Smaggle has a few photos of me modeling the Nippies hidden in a secret folder in his laptop. If you would like to see the Nippies in action I will post one of the photos. IF I get above 50 comments on this post. 50 comments from 50 different people. My own comments, comments from the same people using different email accounts and duplicate comments will not be counted. 

I know I have tons of gorgeous readers out there and I want to meet you! So comment away to get a look at the Lady Smaggle’s fun bags! (the term ‘fun bags’ comes courtesy of the fabulous Ivy)

So get commenting my loves… you have one week to complete this mission. Should you succeed it’s breasts ahoy on Smaggle!

Love Lady Smaggle

xxx

There is a fine art to thrifting. One must have nerves of steel, no shame and a slightly manic obsession with snagging a bargain. There is no room for morals or modesty and it’s every woman for herself. If you are new to thrifting here are a few tips to help you decide if you have it in you…

* Don’t bother holding your breath. That stale fart smell lives in thrift stores and won’t pass. If you wait for it to stop lingering it’s likely you’ll faint. Just deal with it. Or sniff your underarms occasionally to give yourself a break.

* If you are ready to try on your clothes - WAIT DIRECTLY OUTSIDE THE CHANGE ROOM. Even if it takes the change room hog who got in there before you 45 minutes to finish. If you are wandering around the store YOU ARE NOT IN THE LINE. If you are perusing the counter a metre from the change room YOU ARE NOT IN THE LINE. If you are one step out of the line YOU ARE NOT IN THE LINE. I learnt this rule from a sneaky little Italian lady who jumped the queue in front of me a few years ago. DO NOT TAKE YOUR EYES AWAY FROM THE YELLOWING CRUSTY CHANGE ROOM CURTAIN OR YOU ARE NOT IN THE LINE.

* It’s perfectly acceptable to pick up an item nanoseconds after someone has put it back. In the thrifting world, you snooze you loose. DO NOT take items directly from the arms of other shoppers. I set my little Italian friend straight about that one.

* Speaking of little old ladies DO NOT let them win. They will ‘innocently’ wander into the change room ahead of you, they will grab stuff straight out of your hands and they will say ‘excuse me’ so you move backwards and they will park their tiny arses in front of you and start unabashedly flicking through the rack that you had dibs on. Obviously don’t be mean to them but let them know who is boss. Oh don’t believe that they can’t speak English. I picked up a bag once and tucked it under my arm and this little raisin-faced lady started firing angry sounding words at me in German and snatched the bag off me. I assumed it was her personal hand bag and that I had picked it up by mistake so I apologised and walked away. She then marched straight to the counter, paid for it and quipped to the counter assistant in perfect English that it was a lovely bag and she was so glad she found it. Bitch. I was too shocked to knee cap her at the time but now I’m prepared. God help the next Grandma who tries this one on me… 

* This one is a little controversial but I don’t haggle. Unless something is above $10 it’s not worth it. I’ve seen well dressed vintage loving girls wearing Nine West shoes and designer dresses trying to bully the volunteer counter assistant into giving them a $5 top for $3. Keep your dignity and remember that the money goes to charity. It’s easy to lose to your head when thrifting and your whole value system can go berserk. Remember this rule - if you have bought something at retail prices in the past month don’t bargain in a thrift store. The extra $2 you’re trying to save could be the difference between lunch and starvation for a homeless person. Of course feel free to have a whinge if it really is unreasonable. Like $50 Nine West shoes. That’s just daylight robbery.

* If a guy wearing dirty jeans and eating his own face tries to talk to you just smile and nod. And don’t let him tell you a secret. I got my face licked last time I fell for that.

* Be lovely to the sales assistants. In Australia most of them are volunteers so be kind. If you regularly smile at them and occasionally buy them a coffee they will treat you like ROYALTY. And they will also put aside goodies for you. They truly are the most delightful people and if you acknowledge them it just makes their day. Which will make your day. Love and sunshine and rainbows for all!

* If you can, thrift in the morning. The early bird catches the worm.

* Put your clothes back on the hanger and then back on the shelf where you got it. It’s good thrifting Karma and earns some serious brownie points with the volunteers.

If you’re a precious little princess don’t bother thrifting. It’s not for the faint hearted…

Love Lady Smaggle

xxx

I did it. I wore a big fat bow on my head. It was quite liberating. Although not one person commented all day. I’m not sure if it’s because it’s not that big a deal or whether I looked like a cleaning lady and people were too polite to say anything. Either way I quite like it. There’s something very quaint about a head scarf tied in a bow on top of your head… This evening I’m going to a work farewell and then I’m off home to have dinner with Nanny Smaggle who has come to stay with us for a week…

* Jeans from Jag

* Top thrifted

* Wedges from Gertrude St in Melbourne

* Coin necklace from Poppy Smaggle

* Scarf from Diva

Love Lady Smaggle

xxx

Damn it! I’ve been trying so hard to stay healthy this winter by excercising and eating well and I have been close to flawless in my pursuit. I’ve allowed the occasional champagne and gin evening and the odd organic chocolate or two. And very slowly but surely my head is turning to cement, my body is starting to ache all over and I’m sleeping for around 9 hours when I usually sleep for 6. I even had a flu shot. I HATE it when things are out of my control!!! Grrrr! This afternoon I’m off to buy lots of fresh and yummy food to try and kill this bug before it kills me. I’ll drink heaps of tea and make tofu for dinner.

* Skirt thrifted

* Top from Target

* Opaques from Myer

* Boots from Boots for Broads

* Pearls borrowed from Mama Smaggle

* Headband from Equip

Any advice for killing a winter bug that is slowly taking over my body? I’ve tried all the garlic, honey, ginger, tea crap and I’m still feeling like hell. I don’t really want to start on cold and flu tablets until it’s really bad. Any suggestions are welcome!

Love Lady Smaggle

xxx

I was going to start labeling my Facehunter inspiration posts as ‘Face-spiration’ but I think it just sounds gross. Anyway here is a big helping of the latest super cool stylings from Facehunter. Featuring a few looks I’m dying to try…

Grey over-the-knee socks with white tights. American Apparel have some delightful socks available and I’m planning on purchasing some soon. If anyone can tell me where I can get some giraffe legs and milky smooth skin that would be great too…

Red accents worn near the face with rep lipstick. Even just a red brooch or a hairpin would look gorgeous. And I think I want some bushy Brooke Shields-esque eyebrows too…

A well fitting black trench with mimimal make-up and no accessories. I don’t want to sound like a perve but I love the way this girl almost looks naked underneath the coat. There’s something so fresh and sexy about this look like she’s a secret agent and has a gun tucked in her garter…

Patterned tights. I’m not overly convinced that they are very flattering but that’s never stopped me before. They are fairly hard to come by in adult sizes but I’m working on it…

Fabric brooches. I think this one is part of the dress but you get the idea. Big Carrie-esque fabric flowers and felt shapes. Pinned to your coat and worn with a little beret…

The bustle. It’s such a cute silhouette especially for my fellow flat bottomed girls out there. Lets get a little junk in our trunk! I’m going to make one in black lace. And I’m going to wear it in public too…

I’ve been wanting to try a massive hair bow for ages but I’m a little bit too shy. I think the trick is to dress it up. Try a massive bow with high heels and it will make you feel less like a 5 year old whose mother did her hair.

Just a little food for thought…

Love Lady Smaggle

xxx

Today was the most pleasant day ever. I woke up in the morning and made a delicious slice. Then Mr Smaggle and I spent the afternoon on a picnic rug reading craft books. Well I was reading craft books, he was reading a book on business. Now we are just watching a few episodes of Sex in the City before we head to a mexican feast for my cousins birthday… What a delicious weekend!

* Dress from Cowboys and Angels

* Fishnets from Target

* Wedges from Gertrude Street in Melbourne

* Top from SES

* Bangles from everywhere

* Ring thrifted and re-mixed

* Sunglass from Hot Dollar

* Head band from Diva

How was your weekend?

Love Lady Smaggle

xxx

Today was relatively quiet at work which is quite lovely for a Friday afternoon. This evening I’m having dinner out and getting an early night. I was up at 6am this morning for a pump class and I’m really tired… and my feet are covered in blisters!

* Dress thrifted in New Town

* Cardigan from Target

* Belt from Mr Smaggle from Melbourne

* Boots from Boots for Broads

* Earrings from Tree of Life

* Hair ribbon… from… my floor? I don’t know where it came from before then.

What is everyone doing this weekend? I have no plans at all. Not one. Except to sleep in tomorrow, smaggle my cat excessively and at some point I want to eat duck pancakes. So as you can see my weekend plans are not only shallow but quite boring so please share your plans for your own adventurous weekends!

Love Lady Smaggle

xxx