The Worst Shoes in the World…
by Carly JacobsI did a naughty on the weekend. I paid $180 for one pair of shoes. I know it’s evil. I could feed a small African nation for months on that amount of money but I can assure you I had no choice in the matter.
These are the shoes. Disappointed? Yeah so was I. I LOATHE spending money on shoes that I can’t dance in. They don’t even sparkle. If I’m spending above $30 (yes, I am actually that tight) I want the most spectacular shoes on the planet – gorgeous, comfortable, make me drop a dress size in seconds and they should come with a free overseas holiday and a packet of Jelly Tots. As you can see I’m having difficulty coming to terms with the fact that I just spent about a years worth of thrifting money on ugly shoes. Ugly shoes that GAVE ME BLISTERS!!! Blisters in my rolling high arches. I have HIGH ARCHES that ROLL. Does that sound like a contradiction to anyone else? In case you haven’t caught on to my bitter tone I started my fitness course this morning. My trainer is a sadistic prick. I can’t remember exactly what it was that we had to do in the obstacle course (my brain tends to block out pain) but it went something like this – Run a kilometre, stab yourself in the thighs with a fork, run a kilometre, get your legs run over with a lawnmower, run a kilometre, break some bricks with your butt cheeks, run a kilometre, have a whole football team stamp on your arms, run a kilometre and then finish it all with a lovely session of being punched in the guts. I had to run through this obstacle course 10 times in one hour with no breaks wearing the Fugly Blister-maker shoes and the jerky trainer refused to administer morphine for my pain. I have a plan though. If I manage to make it though my Monday, Wednesday and Friday sessions every week for the full 6 week period I will allow myself to buy the beautiful shoes…
It’s a happy coincidence that they are released just as the course is finishing and I don’t even mind that they don’t come with a free overseas holiday… or a packet of Jelly Tots.
Love Lady Smaggle
xxx

