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To be more specific it’s his sadistic ballad ‘The Piano Man’. Here are the lyrics…
nine o’clock on a Saturday
The regular crowd shuffles in
There’s an old man sitting next to me
Makin’ love to his tonic and gin
He says, “Son, can you play me a memory
I’m not really sure how it goes
But it’s sad and it’s sweet and I knew it complete
When I wore a younger man’s clothes.”
la la la, di da da
La la, di di da da dum
Chorus:
Sing us a song, you’re the piano man
Sing us a song tonight
Well, we’re all in the mood for a melody
And you’ve got us all feelin’ alright
Now John at the bar is a friend of mine
He gets me my drinks for free
And he’s quick with a joke and he’ll light up your smoke
But there’s some place that he’d rather be
He says, “Bill, I believe this is killing me.”
As the smile ran away from his face
“Well I’m sure that I could be a movie star
If I could get out of this place”
Oh, la la la, di da da
La la, di da da da dum
Now Paul is a real estate novelist
Who never had time for a wife
And he’s talkin’ with Davy, who’s still in the Navy
And probably will be for life
And the waitress is practicing politics
As the businessman slowly gets stoned
Yes, they’re sharing a drink they call loneliness
But it’s better than drinkin’ alone
Chorus
sing us a song you’re the piano man
sing us a song tonight
well we’re all in the mood for a melody
and you got us all feeling alright
It’s a pretty good crowd for a Saturday
And the manager gives me a smile
‘Cause he knows that it’s me they’ve been comin’ to see
To forget about life for a while
And the piano, it sounds like a carnival
And the microphone smells like a beer
And they sit at the bar and put bread in my jar
And say, “Man, what are you doin’ here?”
Oh, la la la, di da da
La la, di da da da dum
Chorus:
sing us a song you’re the piano man
sing us a song tonight
well we’re all in the mood for a melody
and you got us all feeling alright
Here’s a list of reasons why this song sucks.
1. The underlying message of the song is destructive. ‘You have an average job and you’re depressed because you wanted to be a rock star and it just never happened so being drunk and sad is really the best remedy. And listen to plenty of Billy Joel’. Um… how about no, Billy?
2. It promotes greed spawned from passion. The waitress who is practising politics? And the real estate novelist? These people sound AWESOME to me. They have reliable jobs that pay the rent and they spend their spare time doing what they love. I just don’t see why this is sad. Obviously it would be nice for us all to be paid to do what we love for a living (for me that would be lying in a bubble bath drinking pink champagne while Christian Bale dances naked in a paddling pool of chocolate pudding) but obviously that’s not going to happen. Let’s use my analogy. Let’s say there’s a frolicking naked with a chocolate covered Christian Bale job going. Is getting paid for it going to make that job any cooler? Doubtful. A paycheck DOES NOT validate someones contribution to the world. I write, I act and I design and I don’t get paid for any of it. Personally I think that makes my work even more valuable because I do it out of love not money. You’re getting all teary on me now aren’t you?
3. The fact that the chorus is so bloody catchy that drunken hobos will loudly slur their tipsy rendition of the song and not even realise what the song is about. The chorus is fine by itself.
sing us a song you’re the piano man
sing us a song tonight
well we’re all in the mood for a melody
and you got us all feeling alright
It’s the verses that annoy me. Little landmines just waiting to explode into your brain and give you instant life regret. The song makes me want to drink whisky on the rocks and chain smoke Marlboro lights and lament about my wasted life. Don’t get me wrong, this song certainly has its time and place - in grotty English pubs and on the pod docks of single forty year old men who work in banks. I don’t need to hear any broken dreams sob stories while I’m trying to find a good avocado. I want a little Whitney, I want some Celine and I want some Mariah god damn it! The trifecta of female power ballads is far more appropriate than Billy’s suicide anthem.
4. The la la la, di da da, la la, di di da da dum parts. We all know it’s filler Billy.
What about you my love? Do you have a Monday rant to share? Tell Lady all about it…
Love Lady Smaggle
xxx
P.S For the record, I’m actually quite a fan of Mr. Joel…
