Smaggle

Here are some gorgeous and funky links to the best of the blogosphere this week…

Bobble Bee shows us some glorious scars of the stars.

Everybody is Ugly invites guest blogger Lydia to share her tips on how to dress for a fuller figure.

Discothequeconfusion throws out some fabulous fashion quotes.

Queen Michelle at Kingdom of Style has me wanting blue metallic eyeliner. Stat.

Ranna’s new hair at Only Shallow is making me curse my curls.

The super stylish Kirsty-Lee from that’s just my vibe shows you how to bleach your jeans.

This is what I plan on looking like in my next life.

Love Lady Smaggle

xxx

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Loathes

* Getting sick on the first day of my first holiday in years. It’s really hard to enjoy a movie when the screen is swimming from your fever.

* Wooden parrot earrings. Shudder!

* The fact that Polaroid has stopped making film. Sob!

* Paper cuts.

* Teenaged boys on bikes who will not get off the road when I drive past. Where the hell are your manners you little shits?

Loves

* Melbourne! I’m there until Sunday… and possibly back next year to live!

* Cookies and Cream ice cream.

* Resin necklaces.

* The sweet assistant in the men’s wear department in Myer who put through at least ten transactions for me today because I kept changing my mind. What a doll.

* Packing up my bedroom (my parents are selling my family home… eek!) and finding years worth of letters, cards and poems from all the amazing people in my life. It’s made me feel all warm and squishy like a hot jam donut.

And you my little chicken pot pie? What’s tickling your fancy and furrowing your brow this week?

Love Lady Smaggle

xxx

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This rant is aimed squarely at all the ‘hip’ new cocktail bars that are springing up, uninvited I might add, in my previously dull and blissfully boring city. Every week some millionaire property owner opens a new bar on a derelict street, wanting to pimp it as a funky new district. I don’t mind the actual bars themselves. They usually have very flattering lighting, sinful cocktails, grope-worthy bar tenders and funky DJ’s. They also have ridiculously ambivalent toilet signs. I may be old school in my opinion on this but I need a very clear FEMALE or MALE sign with both words and a little picture of a man in pants or a lady in a dress. When bathroom matters are involved there is no place for suggestion. I need clear cut directions. I went to a new restaurant last week and after one too many glasses of wine I sauntered off to the toilet. I swear both signs were identical. They were a weird mass of glittery swirls and I couldn’t find any indication of sex on either of them. I must have stood there for two whole minutes until finally one of the impossibly cute waiters tapped the correct door and said ‘This one love, can you see the F?’ I smiled politely and walked through the door but in my head I was screaming ‘No I can’t see the F! I’ll give you an F! Your trendy mullet sucks and your door signs are redundant!’. I actually went back to have a second go and I stared at the mofo like it was a magic eye picture and I still couldn’t get it. 

The inappropriateness of these signs is beyond belief especially as most of the people who use these toilets are drunk. Well I usually am. The main Irish pub in my city has ‘Mya’ and ‘Fir’ or something like that written on the toilets. Presumably they mean male and female but how would one know this? Especially when one has had four Guiness’ and the cover band is starting to play ’500 Miles’ and you need to get back to the dance floor pronto. Thankfully it’s always so busy with regulars that I can usually find the bathroom by following one of the intoxicated, muffin-top sporting eighteen year olds that frequent this particular pub. However I’m still miffed that I have to rely on the habits of the great unwashed to find my way in this maze of hell they like to call public bathrooms.  

Amongst all this mayhem my question is this – why? I get that clubs and pubs want to do the designer thing but surely someone can design a pleasing toilet sign that actually indicates whether or not vaginas are welcome. Otherwise you’ll have a drunk Lady Smaggle squinting and stumbling outside the toilets and accusing poor defenceless waiters of having bad hair. What happens if one of the afore mentioned muffin toppers accidentally leads me into the male toilet? I’m traumatised just thinking about it.

What about you my lovely? What’s got you all cranky this week?

Love Lady Smaggle

xxx

Argh! I’m so busy! Work was so out of control that I’m sitting at my desk at 5.50pm on a Friday afternoon. Why the hell don’t I have a cocktail in my hand? I’m just about to leave and meet Mr Smaggle to buy him some pants for his work trip overseas. I love shopping with him because he is so long and lean that everything looks incredible on him. Then I’m going to snuggle down on the couch with a cup of tea and the new Frankie magazine… I’m feeling blissed out just thinking about it!

* Tights from Kmart

* Vivienne Westwood for Melissa mary janes

* Cardigan from Myer

* Earrings by Bouvier from Bijoux

* Skirt (worn as dress) from my delightful friend Jordan. She was cleaning out her cupboard this week and found this gorgeous wrap skirt that she has never worn and thought I might like it. Hell yeah! I get that it looks like an evening gown and thus should probably not be worn to work but I don’t care. I think it’s freakin’ gorgeous and it’s made me feel like a queen all day!

What are your plans for the weekend my lovely? Anything exciting?

Oh and here’s a little something for you to think about. I’ve been pondering about this whole airport extravaganza where they take nuts, seeds and plant matter away from you at quarantine so you don’t bring diseases into their country. I totally understand this and I’m fastidious about declaring EVERYTHING when I travel because I really don’t want the blood of the economical destruction of a foreign country on my hands but what happens if you eat the rogue nuts, seeds or plant matter and then do a big poo outdoors? What would happen then? It’s not like they can police this. And don’t get all precious on me. We’ve all done number twos outside… especially when travelling.

Just a little food for thought…

Love Lady Smaggle

xxx

Today was super busy again but I am just about to leave and go out to the theatre with Mr Smaggle and some friends to see Phillipe Genty. The shows travel all around the world so if you get the chance to see one I highly recommend it because his work is incredible.

* Opaques from Coles

* Shoes from Gertrude St in Melbourne

* Skirt from Valley Girl

* Top thrifted

* Earrings from Diva

* Head band from Equip

Today’s outfit is basically a walking advertisement for all the stores that I hate. You know the ones where you get served by orange-faced twelve year olds who sing along inappropriately to the thumping club music (which in itself is inappropriate) and call you ‘sweetie’? God I hate myself for being such a tight arse and supporting the hideous epidemic of cheap chain stores…

Love Lady Smaggle

xxx

I had the most bizarre experience today. I have had the same best friend for 15 years (since I was 9 years old) and her family have become my family. I saw her dad today for the first time in a few months and he has shaved his whole beard off and I’m shocked to discover that he actually has a face. It was so jarring – like he has been wearing a mask for 15 years. He said I was wearing Collingwood colours… I assume he meant a football team.

* Dress from Valley Girl

* Cardigan from Myer

* Obi belt thrifted

* Opaques from Coles

* Vivienne Westwood for Melissa Mary Janes

* Glitter belt worn as headband from a play I did

* Earrings from Mr Smaggle (he was courting me at the time – oooooh lov-ers!)

I’m just about to finish work and have a relaxing cocktail with my gay husbands Matt and Ged.

Love Lady Smaggle

xxx

Well I finally made my decision and I have to say that I’m relieved. What happened was there was a big crazy mix up with a few auditions that I went to and I ended up being cast in two plays at the same time which means I can’t do both so I have to pick one over the other. The real problem is that both of the parts are bloody incredible. One was Nurse Ratched in One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest and the other was Cherry in Cosi. It seriously felt like Sophie’s Choice. Anyways I have decided to go with Cherry simply because she is younger. I can play Ratched until I’m a grandma but I’ll outgrow Cherry when I’m about thirty. That meant calling the other director and saying no to my beloved Ratched… that’s why I’m wearing all black. I’m in mourning. 

* Pants from Forever New

* Top from Myer

* Boots from Payless

* Scarf from The Tie Rack 

* Ring from Mr Smaggle from Dubai

* Ceramic ring from Mr Smaggle from Floriade

Now do you understand yesterday’s analogy? I’ve just turned down incredible sex with Brad Pitt. All I can say is that Johnny better be good…

Love Lady Smaggle

xxx

Whoa! Today was out of control. I managed to squeeze two days worth of work in to one day (because I was sick yesterday) and even managed to make it to a hellish spin class at lunch time. This afternoon I’m off to a friend’s house for coffee and then I’m going home to eat dinner with the Smaggles.

* Dress from Melbourne. A cheap store on Swanston St with ‘angels’ in the title.

* Grey tights from my school uniform.

* Cardigan from Valley Girl. (A reader actually saw me just after I bought this! How strange…)

* Singlet top from Cowboys and Angels. (RIP – The greatest store to ever grace the streets of Canberra)

* Red crochet hat. I actually got this from Ebay but it came free with another hat that I bought for my friend. Bargain!

Oh and today I have to make a really awful decision. I can’t discuss the details (yet) but the scenario is kind of like this – You can either have sex with Johnny Depp or Brad Pitt – but not both. They are equally fantastic in bed and if you pick one over the other you will regret it for the rest of your life. Mwah ha ha ha!

Feel sorry for me please…

Love Lady Smaggle

xxx

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I’m a bit sick chickens, and I’m not planning on getting dressed today. So here is a little list of things I’m loving and loathing to tide you over until I’m strutting around in my Melissa’s again…

LOATHES

* People who lie – Specifically, people who lie about really obvious things. Like saying they only ate two chicken wings when there are six bones on their plate. I just find it so insulting and unnecessary.

* Comb overs.

* The skinny bitches at the gym who haven’t eaten carbs since 1999 and do the most rotten empty stomach farts and then shift the blame to some other unsuspecting gym goer. Poor form.

* People who lack time management skills. Seriously I think they should be gaoled.

* Purple parachute tracksuits.

LOVES

* Dark nail polish with sparkles.

* Eating chocolate and drinking wine on a weeknight with a girlfriend.

* Buying people presents when they have done something nice for you.

* Mr Smaggle and I being the only two people in a cinema and getting caught by the ushers having a sneaky pash…

* Red hats. 

What are your loves and loathes of the day? Do share!

Love Lady Smaggle

xxx

I was having trouble deciding which photo to use for my outfit shot so I decided that you get three today. You lucky little rabbits!

* Pants from Forever New (they are SO not me at all but I couldn’t resist them. I was having some serious Kylie visions)

* Tights from K-mart

* Jacket from Nu Nu

* Hippo brooch from Mr Smaggle

* Sunglasses from weird cheap store

* Shoes Vivianne Westwood for Melissa Mary Janes

Oh and I had to tell you that I had the loveliest weekend! On Saturday night I made rice paper rolls and watched a DVD. On Sunday I went to visit the super adorable Grant over at the porn store where he works and he hooked me up with a mega bargain for the hen’s night I’m organising. Then I made Sung Choi Bao and had a date with Mr Smaggle. Delightful! This afternoon I’m racing off to a spin class and then I’m going home to paint my nails.

How was your weekend?

Love Lady Smaggle

xxx