Smaggle

Here is a list of the things that are giving me stomach ulcers right now… consider this a rant. 

1. My parents are selling my house and the real estate agents have removed several important items that are obviously considered offensive to potential buyers. Things like toilet paper, towels, the fruit bowl, kitchen knives, my bin, all of my shower products and my clock. I’m really sick of throwing rubbish on the floor where the bin used to be and not having a towel to dry my face on. The lack of toilet paper also presents issues.

2. My work load has increased by 500% in the last week. It does this about four times a year for a week or two and then it goes back to normal. Right now I’m considering having myself hospitalised because I can’t fit 12 hours of work into the day. It’s relentless. 

3. I have to have my application completed by Thursday morning so I can post it before I go away for the weekend. FREAKING OUT… but loving my readers for helping me! Blush!

4. I have to learn all my lines for my play BEFORE the first rehearsal which is on Monday next week. For those of you who don’t do acting it’s a really weird thing to have to do. Normally you learn the lines as you go along. 

5. I have to go away for four days at the busiest time of the year for a relaxing hen’s weekend. Which will be amazing… if only I had the time to relax.

6. I broke the law today in front of a learner driver and he copied me. Now I have all kinds of death toll guilt. For the record, I ran a red light. 

What else is a girl to do but slap on some killer new heels, paint her eyes with apple green shadow and dance her way through the day? And that’s just what I did. 

* Jeans from Jag

* Top from Material Pleasures (second hand store)

* Singlet top from Supre

* Earrings from Diva 

* Shoes from Nine West (my birthday present to myself – cream and black patent leather platforms. Sigh!)

So is everyone else’s lives falling apart or is it just me?

Love Lady Smaggle

xxx

Why don’t you…

* Wear a high necked cream Victorian blouse with crisp black capris and ballet flats? Tie your hair on top of your head in a messy bun and spear it with crimson chopsticks?

* Present your hostess with perfect peach miniature roses? And clip faux peach roses to your kitten heels?

* Wear a sharp white collared shirt with an antique jewelled brooch?

* Daintily sip mineral water instead of champagne?

* Send a delicious thank you note spritzed with a floral scent? On thick white parchment and sealed with wax?

* Brush your eyes with a light copper shadow and dab some white liner on the inner corners? Perhaps give your regular black liner a rest?

In loving memory of Diana Vreeland…

Love Lady Smaggle

xxx

After drinking my own weight in gin last night and forcing myself to stay awake to avoid the dreaded bed spins I woke up this morning feeling less than fresh. A lovely walk and cafe breakfast revived me enough to make it through an afternoon BBQ with some friends. Right now I’m wrapped in my delicious cotton robe with freshly washed hair, drinking passionfruit and apple juice while Mr Smaggle is downloading party photos… The party post will be up soon. 

* Skirt thrifted

* Top thrifted

* Shoes from Marco Gianni

* Necklace from Paraphernalia

And how was your weekend my little treasure?

Love Lady Smaggle

xxx

I’d like to blame the camera for my eye-splitting leg whiteness but that’s actually what my skin looks like. It’s like a solar eclipse, I should really come with a warning.

* T-shirt from Brand Deop

* Dress from DFO

* Obi belt thrifted

* Earrings from Mr Smaggle from New York

* Shoes from Big W

I’m laughing in this photo because Browny sighed and said ‘My knees are SO much fatter than yours…’

Love Lady Smaggle

xxx

Browny’s back! For those of you who don’t know who Browny is, she is my wife. She shares my office with me at work, makes me cups of tea, takes my daily outfit shots and nags at me all day. I love her. She has been on holidays for two weeks and I’m so glad to have her back! Oh and today I ran into the gorgeous Grant from Ink and Leather and he was wearing the Paraphernalia heart necklace that I also own. God damn it looked spiffy. I love a boy who accessorises…

* Dress thrifted

* Wrap top thrifted

* Obi belt from DFO in Melbourne

* Shoes from Shoe Biz

* Necklace from Mr Smaggle

Oh and I want to thank each and every one of the people who commented on my site launch post yesterday. It was so lovely of you all to come out and say hello. My head is also HUGE right now thanks to all the lovely things that people had to say about my site. I have replied to (almost) every comment now so thank you all so much. I just want to smaggle the shit out of you all!

Love Lady Smaggle

xxx

Sadly, I missed last week’s episode and I heard rumours that it was close to orgasmic so you can understand that I’m quite distraught to have missed such pleasure. This week’s episode was rather weak to be honest. Here’s the break down of the highs and lows of the lame show that keeps getting lamer…

* Tabitha (the crazy actress Grandma) teaching her grand-daughter, Toothpick Annie how to ‘breath from her ass’. Gold. 

* Bitchface Naomi’s mother is twelve. And Bitchface Naomi is thirty. Seriously that girl has wrinkles. Why is it so hard to cast age appropriate people?

* I’m still not over the whole mirror twin thing – Minnesota/Kansas, adjoining bathroom, inappropriate sexual tension… It’s splendid. 

* When Bitchface Naomi is fighting with her Child-Mom and they both have weird cross eyes happening. I’m still not sure if they overdosed on Botox or whether they were just trying to look serious. 

* Okay big massive scream fest when Brenda sits down next to Kelly in the cafeteria and says ‘Wow this brings back so many memories. I can still hear the ringing of “Donna Martin graduates! Donna Martin Graduates!”‘. For die hard fans she is referring to the episode in season 3 called ‘Something in the Air’ where Donna Martin gets drunk at the prom and is forbidden to graduate as punishment. Brandon rallies all the Hollywood brats together and they show their solidarity by chanting ‘Donna Martin graduates!’ until… um… the school decides to let her graduate. For some reason repetition was the key. By the way this is the COOLEST thing I have ever seen and the term ‘temporarily unavailable’ is going to haunt me while I sleep. 

* The hilarious banter between Kelly and Brenda referring to the father of Kelly’s child as ‘him’. You can only say ‘him’ if you have previously established who the person is. You can’t just ‘him’ your way through an episode trying to hide who the father of Kelly’s bastard child is… It’s just bad grammar.

* Speaking of Kelly’s bastard child  - SPOILER ALERT!!! Oh who am I kidding? We always knew it was DYLAN!!! Although they did refer to the father as a ‘do-gooder’ and at that stage I was having serious Brandon inklings. But he is a rubbish kisser and Kelly would never have babies with a lascivious blow fish.

* Why do they pronounce Naomi (nay-yo-mee) as Niomi (nigh-o-mee)? Is that how Americans pronounce it? Or is Toothpick Annie just trying to piss me off?

* Toothpick Annie sucks.

* Okay okay okay! My most favourite part was where Dixon GETS A JOB AT THE PEACH PIT! And Nat (Joe E Tata) is there and he gets all misty eyed talking about ‘…this kid I hired from Beverly High… the best worker the Peach Pit has ever seen.’ I have to say I was super disappointed that they didn’t show Brandon’s framed uniform shirt that Nat mounted on the wall when Brandon left for college. Also what is the go with the new uniform? It’s a stupid t-shirt. Where’s the 1950′s bowling shirts with the employees name artistically embroidered on the left breast? It’s all in the details people. Costume Wench – you have let me down. 

*  Dixon plays lacrosse! What a tosser!

* Swallowing is Bitchface Naomi’s standard reaction to almost everything. 

* Silver and Dixon are totally going to have sex. She called him on his dimples. They are so naked next episode. 

* Ethan has an intellectually disabled brother. Who is really, really hot. 

* Oh and Costume Wench – Why do you hate Shannon Doherty? Her breasts are large enough – the poor girl does not need ruffles in that area. She is also five foot flat. Get that midget out of cowboy boots. Now.

* When Bitchface Naomi goes to confront Slutty Gail (the whore that her Charming Arsehole Father is cheating on her Child-Mom with) and finds the address of her family’s beach house sitting in plain view on the counter of the boutique where Slutty Gail works. Man those writers are totally working over time aren’t they? Who on earth leaves their full name and address written in permanent marker in letters large enough for BLIND PEOPLE to read sitting right on the bench of their work place?

Until next week… Der, ner ner ner. Der, ner ner ner. Pah pah! That’s the opening song in case that wasn’t clear…

Love Lady Smaggle

xxx

I’ve been thinking for a while that Smaggle is getting a little stale, design wise. Just over a year ago I randomly chose a plain looking theme for my blog and never got around to changing it. Mr Smaggle felt sorry for me and designed a whole new site for lil’ ol Lady Smaggle. Bless!

To commemorate the launch of my new site I want to meet every one of my readers. I’m so curious about your lives, loves and why you read Smaggle. My readers are the reason why I do this so please do introduce yourself.

I would love to know…

1. Your name

2. Your age

3. Where you are from

4. Your dress size

5. Why you read Smaggle

6. What you would like to see more of on Smaggle 

I would love for any blog lurkers to come out of the shadows and say hello and regular commenters are especially encouraged to start the ball rolling. Feel free to ask any questions and make requests for posts. If you are too shy to leave a comment please do email me at lady(at)smagglestyle.com

The new design is a work in progress but I’ll keep you updated on any blog news. 

I’d like to take this opportunity to thank everyone who reads my blog. It means so much to me that people take the time out of their busy lives to read my little rants and crazy opinions. It’s very humbling when I think about how many people are actually reading Smaggle everyday. It makes me really happy. Every day. So thank you so much for sharing that with me… it makes me all teary!

Love Lady Smaggle

xxx

When I was 24 I…

* Mastered the art of gluten free baking

* Cut my hair short and dyed it (partially) pink

* Studied Japanese

* Went on a ride in a hot air balloon

* Celebrated two years with my wonderful man

* Held a snake

* Completed a Boot Camp

* Played a saucy accountant, a prostitute and a semi-lesbian bitch on stage

* Started this blog

This week I have had my one year blog anniversary (Blog Day? Blogoversary?), my 500th post and my birthday! That’s a hell of a lot of celebrating to be had. These events called for much wine and a delicious Ethiopian dinner this evening.

I’m seriously the luckiest girl in the world – I received so many messages from my friends, I had three separate people sing Happy Birthday to me on the phone (the best one being my friend Jordan at an ungodly hour this morning. She sings like an angel and her pitch perfect rendition totally set the tone for the day) and my gorgeous work mate Browny arrived back from her holiday just in time to organise an ice cream cake! I’m feeling seriously spoilt.

This is the necklace that Mr Smaggle bought me for my birthday. I’ve seen necklaces like this before and they are perfection. As is Mr Smaggle. 

This is Daddy Smaggle. We are born on the same day (23rd September) so I have no idea what it’s like to have a birthday to myself. I love it though. It must be so much pressure to have a birthday that’s all your own. He is seriously the best dad in the whole world and I adore sharing my birthday with him. Or having him share his birthday with me – he points out every year that it was his birthday first!  

Oh oh oh! I totally forgot to tell you! I discovered my secret super hero power today! You know your secret super hero power? Mr Smaggle’s is that he always gets car parks in the front row. My friend Na’s is that she can tell the time with out a watch. My friend Tain’s is that she can guess people’s star signs within five minutes of meeting them. Mine happens to be that I continuously take awesome driving license photos. My last one was brilliant and I have to say I was a little nervous about continuing the trend. I was blessed with a pearler of a photo today. The guy at the license place called me a poser when I tossed my hair and angled my head at the camera. I said ‘Listen buddy, thirty seconds of you thinking I’m vain is totally worth the five years of pleasure I’ll getting from this baby!’. It was worth every self indulgent second…

Love Lady Smaggle

xxx

Recently I’ve been receiving hundreds of hits from posts about body pride and plus sized fashion. I think I have been referred to as ‘curvy’ at least ten times in the past week. I’m not a tiny girl and I’m not in denial so I don’t find this offensive in any way. I’m happy for curvy ladies to find inspiration in me. To be honest though I have never really seen myself as much of an ambassador for plus sized women. I’m constantly on a diet, I haven’t eaten bread since 1999 and I work out religiously. You see, dear readers, my positive body image comes from physical actions not mental negotiation. I haven’t ‘decided’ to accept my body the way it is. I’m naturally a fatty boomsticks. I used to be quite…erm… festively plump. Like the Marshmallow Man or John Goodman. I was in my late teens when I accepted my sad digestive fate - I strongly suspect I was born with out a metabolism which means I have to work damn hard to look like a girl who enjoys a good feed. It’s just something that I have to live with. I have the proverbial size zero friends who live off cheese and wine and never gain a kilo but I’m just not built that way. 

 I do want to thank all the ladies that have been linking to me in their body pride posts and threads. You can’t fake good self esteem and I feel like I’m heading in a good direction personally if people are noticing it through my blog. I just really want to stress to my readers that I wasn’t born thinking I was hot shit. The reason why I have a positive self image is because I work at it. I eat well ninety five percent of the time, drink litres of water and I make sure I’m physically active every day. Believe me, I would love to eat pies for lunch and head home to a glass of red wine instead of going to the gym every afternoon but these are the sacrifices that I make so I can feel better about myself. I feel that people may have falsely labeled me as a girl who likes her wine and chocolate and proudly shakes her size twelve booty. I do proudly shake my size twelve booty - because I’ve worked damn hard to get it to that size. No amount of self encouragement will make you feel good about yourself if you continuously trash your body. Regardless of whether you are a size zero or a size twenty. I don’t stand in front of the mirror every day chanting positive affirmations and trying to love my cellulite. I get up and go for a run and eat a massive salad. Then I praise myself later because my cellulite is looking better.

Stay tuned for part two…

Love Lady Smaggle

xxx

Some super cool stuff that had me twitching at my keyboard…

Everybody is Ugly shows us how to fold a pocket square. Awesome.

Liebemarlene finds serious treasure while thrifting. Why can’t I find cool stuff like this when I thrift?

Coilhouse showcases some gorgeous Flickr streams. Definately worth a peak.

Indiefixx has me hankering for LADY nameplate necklace from Finch Metal. Want. Want. Want.

This girl gets snapped by both The Facehunter and the Sartorialist. I fully intend on copying her necklace.

Love Lady Smaggle

xxx