Dear Facehunter,

I regret to inform you that my love for you is waning. Rest assured that this has nothing to do with your artistic integrity. I think you are extraordinary. It’s far more personal than that. My heart is heavy with your betrayal and the reasons why are threefold -

* You came all the way to Australia and didn’t bother to tell me. This prevented any opportunity for me to be snapped casually lolling on doorsteps in Paddington wearing short-shorts and smoking rollies. Okay, so I don’t live in Sydney, I don’t smoke rollies and I don’t wear shorts but I WOULD HAVE DONE IT FOR YOU!

* You are not visiting Canberra. I understand why, but that doesn’t stop the pain.

* After seeing you on Fashion Hayley I’ve discovered that you are not only talented but also gorgeous. Why are you not my husband? Poor form.

Despite the fact that my heart is breaking I have compiled a post of your greatest Australian hits.

So well done Facehunter. You’ve managed to capture a delicious assortment of street urchins that represent the spirit of my beloved country. How divinely gorgeous and multi-cultural we are.

Despite your behaviour of late I’ve decided to forgive you, dear Facehunter. After all Trinny and Susannah did it too…

Love Lady Smaggle

xxx