Have a rant Monday – Body comments.by Carly Jacobs
Everyone over at Already Pretty is all a flutter over this post about the phrase ‘real women have curves’. The curvy girls are cranky, the skinny minnies are shitty and all because bloody women won’t keep their fat mouths shut. I’m including myself in this statement and I think that all these body comments have to stop. I know that most people would never say anything intentionally upsetting but I think a lot of us aren’t realising how much damage we do with our comments about each others bodies.
I loathe being called curvy. I cringe when people say I am healthy. And don’t even start me on ‘lovely and tall!’. All I’m hearing is that I’m a fat, muscled, beef-cake, giant of a women. The three things that I hate the most about myself is my ability to store fat like a bear about to hibernate, my stupid muscles that don’t know the difference between ‘lean’ and ‘freaky body builder’ and the fact that at 5’8 I’m too tall for almost everyone I know to give me a piggyback. So hearing the whole curvy, healthy, tall spiel really makes me feel bad about myself despite the best intentions of the comment maker. It’s all my insecurities thinly disguised under a veil of political correctness.
However, the body comment fiasco is indeed a double edged sword and I’m totally guilty of cutting with the other side of the blade. Being a lady of Hulk-like proportions I’m utterly fascinated by petite girls. If you put me anywhere near a ballerina I WILL feel her up. One of my friends has a whacky thyroid which means she is naturally a size 4 to 6. She was having a whinge that she has to get pants taken in all the time and I remarked that I would kill to have her problem. She put it all into perspective by saying that she can’t wear sleeveless tops in public because people stare at her all the time and say that she has anorexia. It never occurred to me that gushing over how skinny she is wasn’t a compliment but actually makes her feel like shit. Just because I think it’s awesome that her butt doesn’t wiggle when she walks doesn’t mean that she agrees. What I should have said was ‘Damn girl, your arse looks so hot in those jeans!’. I get the same message across, she feels great and I haven’t just depressed her by pointing out what she believes is her biggest physical flaw.
So I propose that we ladies keep comments like this to ourselves. Weight loss is not always a celebration. Weight gain, while horrendous to someone like me, may mean happier, healthier times for someone else. No one knows anything about anyone else’s body but their own so I don’t think anyone has the right to comment on it. I think it’s wonderful to compliment your fellow ladies and you should do it every day but seriously THINK about what you are saying. ‘Oh my goodness look at how skinny your thighs are!’ is not a nice thing to say to someone who struggles to keep weight on. And ‘Gosh, your so tall!’ is really stating the obvious for someone who stoops because they hate being a giant. And all the ‘curvy’, ‘voluptuous’, ‘healthy’, ‘real women’ crap is not what a perpetual dieter wants to hear from her tiny friend who lives on a steady diet of nachos and beer.
Here is a list of compliments I think we should all start using -
‘Wow that dress looks amazing on you!’
‘You have such a beautiful smile.’
‘Your posture is awesome!’
‘I love your hair.’
Or even better -
‘You are so much fun to be around.’
‘You’ve got a wicked sense of humour!’
‘You are so intelligent, I just love your contributions to the conversation’
‘What a fabulous dancer you are!’
‘You are splendid.’
Lets take the focus off our figures shall we?
Love Lady Smaggle
P.S PLEASE don’t feel bad if you have ever called me curvy or healthy in a blog post. I have never had a fellow blogger write anything but loveliness about me and I adore every word. This post is aimed at personal interactions. Not the written word.