This year I have come into contact with countless new people. I have new school mates, my first ever house mate, new friends of friends, new co-workers, a new postman… the works. In one of my new-found crowds I have come across a person who does not like me. I’m not being paranoid. She actually doesn’t like me. There is no reason for this, she’s just not Smaggle-friendly. This isn’t me fishing for compliments, I promise, this is just a vehicle for discussion.
Baldren Smaggle (my very handsome and rugged, yet teddy-bear like single older brother – email me if you’re interested!) once compared a friend of his to dark chocolate. He said that this friend was perfect in small amounts but if he had too much he got a headache. This got me thinking about how to deal with this Smaggle-hating situation we have going on here. Instead of getting all down in the dumps and wondering what the hell I did wrong I’m just going to embrace the fact that I don’t tickle this person’s fancy. Like seafood or sultanas the simple fact of the matter is that I’m just not what she is looking for in a friend. Which is so bloody enlightening I wonder I never thought of it before.*
For example, I hate chutney. Can’t stand the stuff. I actually don’t really think that it should qualify as a food. All my friends love chutney. Me, I think it ruins everything edible that it comes into contact with. But that’s just me. Do you see where I’m going with this? I’m her chutney. She just prefers her life without a side of Smaggle. No wuckers.
The only problem that I have with this scenario is that she hasn’t even TRIED my chutney. Maybe she had some bad preserved vegetable sauce experiences in the past but she should at least try to get to know me.
This makes me think that we humans pre-plan too much. We’re little scanning robots that judge each other’s appearances, jobs, families, hobbies and homes to see if they match our own. It’s ludicrous. Here’s a tip – how about we all just be nice to each other? Even if someone isn’t your cup of tea would it kill you to smile at them when you make your coffee in the morning? Or have a chat when you walk to your car in the afternoon? Hell no! So get over yourself.
You should never waste your friendship on someone who doesn’t deserve it but your kindness is never wasted, no matter how you use it. And the best defence against meanness is always to slap that whore with a good dose of sugary sweetness. That way she looks like a bitch and you smell like roses.
Love Lady Smaggle
xxx
* Disclaimer – I’m pretty sure Mama Smaggle preached the bejesus out of this through out my full six years of high school but because I’m recycling the information I can now claim ownership.
18 Comments
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I want to hear more about this brother of yours!
Is he into geeky blondes?
Drop me a line next time he’s in Melbourne.. I’d love to have you for a sister-in-law!
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Yes, my mother taught me the same thing. I wonder if you perhaps remind them of someone they dislike, to not like you it is crazy talk!!
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Good topic Lady.
I’ve got a passive aggressive clash with someone at the moment and though they appeared to like my chutney in the beginning, they’ve now gone off. I’ve accepted that their taste buds have changed, but it took a while for me to get to that point, for a bit I was even worried they might be telling everyone what terrible flavour of relish I was. Paranoia aside it’s actually okay. I’m at that stage where you’ve just got to breathe through it and accept that not everyone likes chutney, nor your specific brand. IT DOESN’T MAKE YOU A BAD PERSON, so just try to move on because, let’s face it, you can’t please everyone and in the grand scheme of things I’m sure I’m just a small smear of pickled preserve on the sandwich of their life and vice versa.
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I say no to chutney! Ugh.
The thing to do when people don’t like you is BE PROFESSIONAL. I had some doozies of disagreements with some people several years back, and it was completely bewildering and very ugly. But I always knew I had to say hi whenever I saw them (as opposed to giving them the DEATH GLARE), because I am a teacher and I knew I would one day be teaching their children. And lo, it has come to pass, and the children adore me, and we can all let the past bury the past.
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I was only pondering this this morning.
I was walking along remembering when I used to dislike this particular person.
I once mentioned it to a friend who was also friends with her. I said I just don’t like her. I can’t pinpoint it. She’s not my sort of person. Blah, blah, blah.
He said that she’s lovely. He can’t see why I don’t like her. Blah, blah, blah.
I was never rude. Never not nice. I just didn’t go out of my way for her. I don’t do mean. So would have never known I didn’t like her.
Fast forward to now (a few years later) and I think she’s lovely. Likable in every sense.
I didn’t taste the chutney so I didn’t know whether I really liked it or not. I obviously didn’t think it tasted yummy just by the look of it.
Lesson learnt! x
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There have been occasions where I thought someone hated me for no apparent reason but it turned out they were just painfully, painfully shy. Shyness can manifest itself in strange ways, that’s for sure.
And have you tried chutney with grilled cheese on toast? Haha so good. 🙂 -
I’m finding the chutney analogy highly amusing!
I’ve found that try as you might, there are just some chutneys you will never be able to stomach.
My workmate is one such chutney. I’ve tried for two years, but I don’t like her and I never will.
Good luck with miss chutney snob! -
Lovely post ‘button’ ……. and I thought you weren’t listening!
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I think everyone is entitled to avoid folks who rub them the wrong way, but being actively ornery to them is inexcusable.
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Ornery – now there’s a fantastic word that doesn’t get used hardly enough. Nice one Sal!
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“And the best defence against meanness is always to slap that whore with a good dose of sugary sweetness. That way she looks like a bitch and you smell like roses.” EXACTLY 😛
I go out of my way to get eye contact and say a bright cheery ‘HHHEEEELLLLOOOO’ to someone that’s being a chutney snob – gets right up their nose – mission accomplished LOL.
Also with chutney snobs it often is more about them than it is about the chutney – they need to do some self development or counselling or something so that they are happy within themselves and don’t feel so threatened by relish. Because afterall if you are happy in yourself you are more prepared to accept all sorts of chutney and you don’t generally dislike chutney for no reason. (Think this chutney analogy just got out of hand 🙂 ).
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I don’t have the happy smiley face – hence, I come off as aloof when I am a big dorky dork. I am shy – really OMG trapped in the spotlight I want to die shy. Which you really wouldn’t credit from someone wearing the dressing up box and pink hair. I come off as aloof when I am a big dorky dork who’d like to join in but hangs back. I (now) don’t drink booze. I was amazed at how this made me an instant social pariah with some folks who think I will judge them for getting pished. Not so – each to their own, (and lord knows if I never drank again I’ve done enough for several lifetimes!) – but without it as a social crutch – I am awkward mcawkward pants. And you guessed it – apparently – aloof.
I am misunderstood chutney.
However, there are some folks who are just obnoxious because they can be, ill-mannered, passive-aggressive, manipulative or good vibe vampires. Circumstance may play a part but some folks are just made that way.
Your hater might be misunderstood chutney or just a no-likey. So long as no one is all about the picking-sides playground nonsense – it’s like a anything else in life – you don’t have to like/dislike someone just because everyone else does. And you can change your mind – either way!
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Whats not to loik!
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This is all very enlightened of you. It’s so hard not to take things personally–even from strangers (I think of how I feel when a clerk or bus driver doesn’t smile back, for instance). I try to remember that it *so* rarely has anything to do with me really. This is a great reminder.
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Great post, I completely agree. However at the risk of sounding as though I missed the point, my favourite bit by far was your incorporation of the phrase, ‘no wuckers’. I sense a comeback…
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great post, i just had to put a link to it on my blog, because I am always worried about how to deal with people who don’t like me.
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oooh, i came across this post from the wonderful person above… and this is so true. i have one person at uni like this, and i am nice to her every time. it does make me feel better about myself.
great blog!…as well as the fact that her gossiping about me being a snob got back to me… i am one of those shy-until-i-know-you people, but REALLY loud afterwards. oh well, tough bikkies.
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ohh yessss!!!! actually it happens to me all the time and i dont know why.. people just hate me without knowing me.. i think those people are sickheaters. i work at a retaurant, i like the job, they pay me well and of curse good tips!! BUT there is this girl.. older than me that hates me.. she does wathever she can to make me feel less. she’s got this artitude and she thinks she is the best thing of the world. i try to ignore her most of the time but it’s imposible… why?? because i have to see her face every single day…. and the bad thing of this story is that when she does all those stuped things to me i just want to kick her behind..
