Can I get a consensus? Can you forgive a kiss?

kiss-29 Image

I watched a DVD recently and the married female lead kissed her ex-boyfriend while on a holiday away from her husband. Then she cried, called her husband to admit her indiscretion, he strung her along for a little while and then forgave her. Cue extravagant gift buying and soppy sentiment swapping.

I thought it was rather interesting how easily all was forgiven. Kissing is such a grey area of being unfaithful and the outcome of such an event can really swing either way. Don’t get me wrong… I only have lips for Mr Smaggle… but what I am saying is that, under some circumstances, a kiss can be an accident. Sex is sex. There’s no two ways about it but a kiss… it’s so open to interpretation.

My question to you is… could you forgive a kiss? Is it worse if it’s an ex-boyfriend? Have you forgiven a kiss? Have you had a sneaky kiss and not told your partner? Do you think kissing counts as cheating?

I can’t WAIT to hear your responses!

Love Lady Smaggle


Carly is the founding editor of Smaggle which launched in 2007 back when blogging was weird. She has appeared in The Sydney Morning Herald, The Age, Cosmopolitan and Cleo magazines. Hoop earrings are totally her thing and she almost got run over by Myf Warhurst while out jogging one day.


  1. Scribbles 6 years ago

    It depends on intention I think. At a party, while single, I’ve had the unpleasant experience of being lip-mauled by a random opportunist. If that happened to my partner, I certainly wouldn’t hold a grudge about it. In saying that, if there was any flirtation or behaviour on his part that led to the kiss it would definitely be of concern to me. Not an immediate dumping offence but definitely a “state of the relationship” “is this what you really want if you are kissing other women?” discussion or several. Having sex with someone else is completely different and would be (and has been) a deal breaker in the relationship. You don’t just slip and fall into a vagina.

    • Lady Smaggle 6 years ago

      AH! That’s hilarious. ‘You don’t just slip and fall into a vagina.’

  2. Emma 6 years ago

    Great Question.

    My answer is yes you can forgive, or I should say yes I can forgive, but I would say it’s different for everyone. I would have always said absolutely not to something like that but I think that until you’re in that situation you can’t say how you would react.

    I had to deal with this earlier on this year and I forgave it. The hardest part was getting over the fact that there had been enough of an emotional attachment to cause the kiss in the first place. I was also very unprepared for the months of jealousy and insecurity that followed and I’m still trying to deal with it.

    I’m not sure I would have considered it cheating if it had just been a drunken pash at a party. If I’m being completely honest, two years ago I had a drunken pash, not with my boyfriend. I felt terrible about it and told him first thing the next day. He asked a lot of questions but didn’t consider it cheating, the other bloke involved was a mate who came to our house with beers and an apology, he unfortunately has a bit of a habit of hitting on taken girls. I don’t know how I would have felt if it had been my boy and not me, but after what we went through this year I think I can safely say I wouldn’t think twice about forgiving a drunk meaningless pash….I don’t want to have to make a habit of it though.

    I don’t want to seem like a hypocrite but I don’t think it’s black and white. A kiss can be the most beautiful intimate thing in the world or it can be absolutely nothing, so much of it depends on context and personal situation. I’m currently in a long distance relationship which has made the whole thing that little bit harder to cope with.

    My view is, if there is any emotional attachment at all, that’s when I consider it cheating and that’s what I forgave this year. It wasn’t so much the kiss itself, it’s what was behind it that I had to consider.


    • Leena 4 years ago

      This happened to me recently, and, i posed myself the same question. Is kissing just kissing? The way I see it is that anything that hurts you matters, its not the case of ‘it’s just a kiss’, it’s the betrayal. I forgave, but I think about it everyday. It was a kiss on a drunken night out with a friend of a friend, a quick kiss…so he says…although I did not want to throw everything away, I felt like he did it already. Sex would be horrific but a kiss makes you question your relationship. I think it IS forgiveable…but I wish someone told me how to do that…because it hurts.

  3. Nadist 6 years ago

    Hmmm . . . I think I DO think it’s cheating.

    Forgiveness all depends on the context and the people involved.

  4. Esz 6 years ago

    I think it can be forgiven – maybe cos I’m on the naughty end of something like this right now. Finding myself with feelings for another man who also feels the same about me…..There’s been a kiss or two. What would my boyfriend think??
    I want to tell him – Try and bring up his name more often at home – He must know that I like this other guy too…didn’t think it was even possible to have so much love/lust for two people at once until it happened to me. Now I find myself very liberal about the idea – I’m not jealous of the other guy’s wife….I truly think I wouldn’t mind if my boyfriend also had a crush. We dealt with any jealousy and insecurity earlier on in our relationship.
    I dunn0 – guess this doesn’t make a lot of sense… there’s a lot of emotion and desire behind the kiss. I think a kiss can be infinitely more intimate than sex…where to go from here? We both want each other but also want our partners to be okay with it. Ha! Dilemma!

  5. fat mum slim 6 years ago

    Yeah… good question. And one I had a lot of thoughts about when I watched the ‘DVD’ too. It’s was a bit corny… the ring buying, in my opinion.

    Would I forgive my husband if he kissed someone else? Yes. I hope I would. Losing what we have with just one kiss, would be a waste. But I don’t really know until I’ve been there, which I hope we never are.

    It is all about intention.

    If he had met someone online, arranged a date, had drinks and then kissed her… that’s very different from being out with the boys, and dancing and having a pash and dash. But very hurtful, but both have different intentions.

    I just know that I would be buying him a car, or something significant if he came home from kissing someone. That sort of behaviour would not be rewarded, at all. x

  6. OfKors! 6 years ago

    I’ll probably have everyone jumping against me, but I think a kiss is far worse than sex. A kiss is intimate, it carries feelings, affection, understanding, a promise, while sex is just a random animal act. Yes, sex+love+kissing is the worst package, but I would be far more offended by a meaningful kiss, than by drunken bootie call sex.
    I agree that it’s the sentiment behind that counts, and no, it should’t be rewarded. And by the way, the “dvd” has the most unrealistic take on relationships ever. Since Friends.

  7. Kitty 6 years ago

    I agree – it’s really about the intention behind the kiss. A drunken pash is one thing, but a kiss with attached emotion or intention for further activity is entirely different.

    Forgiveness is such a personal thing – I think I’d forgive Mr Kitty but I don’t know if he’d forgive me, and I certainly don’t intend on finding out!

  8. Mikaela 6 years ago

    Of course it depends on circumstances, his intentions… but if it was his intention to do the kissing, and he was of sound mind, I couldn’t forgive. No way no how. I’d love to think I would, but unfortunately the trust would be irreparably broken. And I would be so sad. And I know if I did it he would boot me out the door, so it goes both ways!

  9. Mr Smaggle 6 years ago

    I think it’s totally fine, I do it ALL the time.

    Wait – who writes this blog again?

  10. Gem 6 years ago

    I wouldn’t do it, and if I found out my boy had kissed someone else, I’d be pretty damn upset. Probably not “immediate end of the relationship” upset, but still very pissed off… and I think once trust has been betrayed like that, it would be extremely difficult to rebuild it.

    My first boyfriend kissed another girl while really drunk… RIGHT in front of me. Then denied that it had happened, and tried to tell me I’d imagined it. We were both pretty young at the time (18), and yeah, he was wasted, but still… not cool.

    • Mimz 5 years ago

      yeah it is really hard to rebuild the trust you had in that one person  after you lost it!

  11. Miss A 6 years ago

    Whilst I would never want to lose something special over a single thoughtless action … In my heart a kiss would constitute cheating. I could never forgive myself for it let alone someone else. To inflict that kind of pain on someone else or to have it inflicted on you is not an act of love.

    I’m talking about anymore than a kiss on the cheek … Those are ok 🙂

  12. Aprill 6 years ago


    Is it ok if I kiss a girl and not tell my husband? I haven’t done that but it’s my one regret – that I’ve never kissed a girl.

    Sorry, sorry. Back to the actual question. It’s a doozy.

    I think I could forgive a kiss more easily than forgiving sex. However, either act could be born from emotional attachment and it’s _that_ which would upset me most.

  13. Jimph 6 years ago

    I could totally forgive a silly drunken pash. If it was with a girl that he also had an intense friendship with, that would be different. And if I had to find out from someone else that he had done it, it would be a big problem.

  14. Grant 6 years ago

    I love these questions Lady, you’re like the Blogging Oprah now – only, you know, with better hair and wardrobe and without the yo-yo dieting…

    I have to agree with OfKors – sex I could forgive if it happened once and once only; but a ‘kiss’ – no fucking way. And I mean, obviously there’s usually kissing involved with sexing, but that’s more like mauling than a big, swoony, romantic kiss, you know.

    Now here’s my addition to the question: does gender matter in these situations for you guys? For me, it absolutely does. For me, if I was seeing a guy and he cheated with another guy, that’s fine. But if it was a girl – well, that would just be the fucking end of it.

    And I don’t count kissing as cheating – I think it’s something much worse. Like, fucking around is fucking around – but kissing is a more intimate action and therefore a deeper betrayl.

    Xx (Oops! Does that count as cheating? But that’s how I end all my comments and posts…)

  15. Reyna 6 years ago

    Hmmm I think that it is cheating, because I would be pissed if my boyfriend did it and I wouldn’t feel good about it if I did it. Kissing is pretty much as far as I’m willing to go with physical affection at this point in my life, so it means a lot. And no matter how much I tell myself I’m not going to get emotionally involved with someone, it’s almost impossible not to do after we kiss.
    And kissing is that big sweeping moment that we all look forward to. In the movies, that’s what the build up is towards. In relationships, your first kiss is the most romantic thing ever. I remember all the passionate kisses that I had with my last boyfriend, and I wouldn’t want the man I was with to have that special moment with anyone else. That’s mine. And if he doesn’t like me enough to not want to kiss that other girl, I would rather he break up with me and we’ll both be better off. You know?

    • Firecats2010wildcats 4 years ago

       I could not agree more. I haven’t really looked at things from that perspective, but it makes perfect sense.

  16. are you watching pirated SATC dvds? 😉 haha

    To be honest, I think it has to be based on the situation at hand. Though, I would definitely be upset if my partner did this (or vice-versa), if it went down like in that film and they stopped there and felt remorse immediately it would be a little more forgivable. So I guess in most cases to me a kiss is cheating but there are exceptions.

  17. AshleyGee 6 years ago

    Hm, this is a tough one. I think it would be forgivable, under certain circumstances. A drunken-ness inspired liplock with the bestie at a crazy party would probably just be laughed at the next day in my relationship. A “goodbye” kiss for the ex I just can’t forget? There’d be hell to pay.

    Of course, it’s different for every couple. My beau’s family was rocked by a cheating dad, and now he sees much less grey on this issue than me, who can only speak from complete non-experience.

  18. callah 6 years ago

    sounds like SATC2! I think a kiss is still cheating, but more forgiveable than sex-cheating! i’ve never knowingly been in the situation, i always think its one thing to say what you think about it, and quite another to be in the situation and have to make a real decision about it!

  19. OfKors! 6 years ago

    By the way, if the “cheater” feels some remorse and regret, doesn’t it mean like it IS something to worry about?

  20. Harlow 6 years ago

    I consider a kiss a pretty intimate action, no matter how brief, to me it still means one trying to initiate something with another even if it doesn’t go any further than that. But maybe I’m a little uptight?

    My boyfriends best friend tried to kiss me and feel me up and well, some pretty bad things and I told my boyfriend this and he brushed it off as “it’s just a kiss” and “it only happened once so it’s okay”. Now, while we are still together I do not find it “okay” at all and find it hard to understand about how my boyfriend can be so forgiving to someone that is meant to be his “friend” going behind his back and sexually harrassing me.
    Now, I said to my boyfriend what if it was ME who kissed someone and regretted it and quickly told him, he said that he would be upset but he would forgive me, though to be honest, I really doubt he would (not that I would ever even dream of being unfaithful) I think he would definately not be forgiving to me and would put me through hell and make me feel like complete and utter absolute shit about it before even considering forgiving me. As for his friend? He didn’t say a thing to him and acted like nothing even happened, and continues to do so (which puts a horrible strain on our relationship at times) but I have decided to do my best to just suck it up because I love him, he is my life, and that it wasn’t really he who did the bad thing in the end.

    Hope this answer wasn’t too off topic btw, this is a great question dear 🙂
    Lots of love

  21. Mikaela 6 years ago

    erm, for those saying you could forgive sex but not a kiss because “a kiss is more intimate”… you think there’s no kissing before/during/after the act??

  22. E 6 years ago

    Wow. In the context of some of the things in the original post – this is also a real power thing non? The lofty ‘forgiving’ act and the gifts? The judgemental?

    For me at least, it’s trust and respect – for yourself and your sig other. The drunkiness thing? Someone who can’t keep their pants on (literally and figuatively) when they’ve had a drink? It’s a lousy excuse. She said judgementally 🙂

    Want your cake and eat it too? At least own up to it and make sure the others involved know that’s the way you roll.

    • Firecats2010wildcats 4 years ago

       I definitely agree. Being drunk really is a lame excuse. The lamest I have heard yet.

  23. Auréliel 6 years ago

    I wish I could forgive but I think I wouldn’t be able to do it.
    My first love kissed another girl, we were both 16 but I still remember how it hurt. I imagined how he did it, I knew it happened several times and that I visited her to in order to do it so I felt betrayed.

    I told my actual boyfriend that if he does it, I don’t want him to tell me because it will hurt too much.

  24. pam power 6 years ago

    My partner kissed a girl at a dodgy bar a few years ago. He was so guilt ridden he rang my sister, blind drunk, at 4 in the morning to confess. He told me that afternoon and was horrified when I laughed. I guess I’m not the jealous type, and then he got upset that I wasn’t upset!

  25. Kate 6 years ago

    For me it would totally depend on who it was my hubby kissed. If it was an ex girlfriend, then that may be a bit unforgivable for me.
    Hopefully I will never have to experience such a thing. I guess maybe I wouldn’t want to know in the first place if it was just a one off thing.

  26. Natalie 6 years ago

    A kiss is forgivable, but that doesn’t mean it’s OK!

    BTW, I actually liked how Big handled the kiss incident in SATC 🙂

  27. catie 6 years ago

    i agree with E.
    it’s all about trust and respect…
    no matter what the act.

    the trust my husband has
    for me is priceless, i’d never want to
    do anything to wreck that…and
    i respect him and our relationship
    enough not to jeopardize that.

    having said that, no one’s perfect…
    and forgiveness is a great thing
    and every situation is different.

  28. Rach 6 years ago

    In the context of the “film” you watched, it was a bit different because of the history of the two people who kissed, there were and always (I believe) will be feelings there for each other, that’s where the kiss came from.

    I still don’t know whether “she” did the right thing telling him. I do believe he had NO right to judge her though considering their history with cheating with each other on their respective other halves in the past.

    I don’t believe cheating is the death sentence for a relationship that most people make it out to be. Sure there will always be trust issues after an affair but you work through them.

    I could forgive but could never forget.

    • Firecats2010wildcats 4 years ago

       I got cheated on. I walked in on an ex. I felt hurt like I never have before. I believe, that you have a point, … however,  forgiving is no use when not being able to forget, as, not forgetting, and not trusting, end up often crashing and destroying a relationship.

      I haven’t had many days without trust issues, especially since m  ex fiance cheated on me.  He also never apologized for doing so and showed absolutely no  regret in his actions, which make it even worse. Why should I ever forgive him.

  29. Lou 6 years ago

    If my girl was kissed by someone else, and she didn’t reciprocate, but took the unwanted affection with good grace, before sidling away from the kiss offender, I could definitely handle that. If we had a massive fight and I said some hurtful things, and she did it to get back at me, I could forgive that– I can be very mean and I would more than deserve it. If she kissed someone else while I was present, in an attempt to fire up the sex life, that would need no forgiveness, and indeed, would earn the lovely lady some lovin’. 😉

    But if there was an emotional connection present when she kissed another person, or they entered a make-out session of Biblical proportions, I would not a happy woman be.

  30. Jade 6 years ago

    I wouldn’t be happy myself if I found out that my hubby had kissed someone… My reaction to it would depend if he had an emotional connection to the person or if it was a stupid druken kiss… An emotional connection to that person would just kill me to be honest…

    A stupid druken kiss would hurt me and I would probably hurt him, but at the end of the day I think I could forgive him for the second. As I wouldn’t want to throw our lives away for a stupid mistake!

  31. Hannah432 4 years ago

    I know this is an old article, but I thought I’d post anyway! I think it depends on the situation, I always thought that if my boyfriend drunkingly kissed a girl I would be fine with it, a couple of days ago I found out that last year he did just that: kissed two random girls in a nightclub whilst ridiculously drunk- and I’ve been up and down since!  I have forgiven him, it was a stupid mistake, but it would have been much easier if he had just told me when it happened! Sex is different, I’m not sure if I could forgive that.

    • Sj 4 years ago

      This is exactly what has just happened to me! Iv been with my boyfriend for almost 15 months. He broke it off a week ago, only to say the next day that 2 and half months ago, when it was our one year anniversary he drunkenly had a quick kiss with a girl. He wants to stay together, but as you said he’s just made it a lot worse by not telling me at the time it happened! My emotions are a complete mess about what to do

  32. ramon029 4 years ago

     This happened recently, my girlfriend was acting a bit suspicious like not talking to me and not logging in her facebook account. I finally met with her to ask wat was wrong and she told me that she kissed a boy. We have been together for one year now. should i dump her or keep her.

    • treble90 4 years ago

      keep her if you love her and think she’s worth it. my boyfriend kept me and we love each other more than anything.

  33. Confused 4 years ago

    I know how old this article is but recently my girlfriend was kissed by another guy. She kissed him back but then didn’t say anything to him. There was no tongue and it was just a short quick kiss. She didn’t sleep for three days. I knew because she was constantly tweeting about how dumb she was. She finally told me three days after it happened and cried so hard. I’ve never seen her so bent out of it and believe me I’ve seen her when she’s upset. I forgave her because her apology was genuine. I love her more than anything I can imagine an I believe she deserves the second chance. I told her if it were to happen again, we would be through though. Am I wrong in my thinking?

    • Phil 2 years ago

      Did she close her eyes when she kissed him? Yeah she wasn’t thinking of you.

    • ifeelyou 8 months ago

      Im in the same spot as u, dating 4.5 years, the guy( who has be a friend for awhile) kissed her but she still didnt stop it, It only lasted 30 seconds so im told. they were both pretty drunk. But i am giving her another chance since it was just a kiss.But it still hurts like hell.

  34. rrr 3 years ago

    Can you? Given enough time, of course.

    Does it mean it’s a good idea to do so? Much more doubt about that. To me answer is “no”.

  35. Bob 123 3 years ago

    My girlfriend went to a party with her friends and one if her friend told her to dance with this guy she did and the guy kissed her she slapped him and ran away crying thinking of me she had the guys to tell me and I forgave her but I’m not letting nyslef forgive her I love her Alot iv been with her for 4 years and she’s never done this we text everyday and FaceTime and call I love her so much but this is really bugging me did I make the right choice I feel like I did but my heart is still broken

    • Bob 123 3 years ago

      I meant guts instead of guys when she told me

  36. Conflicted 3 years ago

    I have been on and off with my (now ex) boyfriend for 6 years. We took 2 years apart and when we decided to get back together it was for the real deal… or so I thought. I found out he cheated on me with a married woman after only 8 months of being back together– we are long distance but see each other every other weekend. He and the woman went to get drinks to talk about a ‘job’ and ended up getting very drunk and making out. He didnt tell me. Though I wish he did. He accidentally showed me a snapshot of a text message in his photo album while showing me other pictures. We are madly in love with each other but I think I have run out of chances to give. I’ve never seen him cry in agony and apologize on his knees and beg for forgiveness and even suggest couples therapy like this before. Part of me wants to give it another shot. What do you all think?

  37. Lauren 3 years ago

    This is old, but I felt like commenting. I think it depends! I know exactly what movie you’re talking about and I think that her going to find her ex boyfriend was the initial problem. If my husband was out drinking at a bar, had way too many, and some girl kissed him and he kissed her back, I would forgive him. I would probably hardly bat an eye about it if he came to me and was honest about it. That being said, if he went to go seek out an ex girlfriend or anyone he was sexually attracted to without me knowing and kissed this person, that to me would be unforgivable. I believe anyone could walk into a situation where they’d be tempted to cheat, but the right thing to do is to leave situations where it could potentially happen!

  38. Upset&Confused 2 years ago

    Imagine New Years eve, and you walk out to find your husband snogging another woman. How should you feel and what is normal? I don’t know if I’m overreacting

    • Leena 2 years ago

      @Upset&Confused Overreacting…I think not. I can imagine you were horrified and also very confused. Did he know you were at the party/event? Was the kiss hidden or infront of everyone? How’s he reacted? There’s no such thing as normal hun, what might hurt one person may not make another bat an eyelid. Allow yourself to feel whatever your heart feels! X

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  44. Katie 2 years ago

    I found out about six months ago that my husband made out with my best friend since grade school. He finally confessed his “accident” after 5 years. So I am definitely the last one to know this horrible news. He was drinking at the bar with some friends and they ran into each other I guess. I actually remember this night he was mad at me and wasn’t returning my calls and came home with his buddies and my bff. She came in to talk to me and everything. I feel so betrayed and a kiss isn’t just a kiss when it envolves someone so close to you. So I asked my husband more questions and it turns out he felt her up as well. I wanted to puke . I seriously thought about divorce but found out a week later that I am pregnant. I don’t know what to do now…

  45. rob 2 years ago

    Late to the convo….but my story is this…I have never been intimate with another woman besides my wife. I love her and we have been together for 7 years. However, it would be a lie if I said I never think about other women. It is just natural, and never having other experiences makes me ever so curious. I am a natural flirt, and my wife knows this. I have kissed other women, always loving the moment but feeling horribly guilty afterwards. That is as far as I have, and will go. It may seem horrible to some, but I need that. I need to flirt, or else I would lose my mind and would be lying to myself to think otherwise. Does this mean I should leave my wife? I don’t think so. I know she likes to flirt to, and I don’t blame her. We are both very attractive. I think each situation is unique.

  46. Tony 1 year ago

    I think every situation is different. For me, I started dating a girl(ex) mother of two boys. I left for a couple months for work. I thought about her the whole time while I was away. When I came back to live with her she said she had made out with her 21 yr old nanny while I was gone. I don’t know if it had bothered me if she wasn’t a mother and it was just with her friend or random person. But for two years it bugged me to not want to give it my best for the relationship. That, and her kids weren’t the best behaved. But that’s besides the point. I forgave her, but the respect was gone b/c we hadn’t talked about it after the fact it already happened.

  47. Dawn 1 year ago

    My long distance love kissed someone he works with but said he felt nothing for her and he apologize. This was after I found out a few days later after it happend. I am still torn up about it.

  48. Willow 1 year ago

    Well, I was at a friends party last night and I started talking with this really sweet, attractive guy. I knew he had a girlfriend and my intentions were perfectly innocent…to begin with. He started asking me q’s, like whether or not I felt I had a connection with anyone at the party and started getting quite flirty. He was telling me how he had been going through a rough time because something terrible had happened to a family member. He was getting really emotional and I leaned in to give him a hug and a quick peck on the cheek. When I went to kiss his cheek he turned his head and started kissing me on the lips (full pash). I eventually broke off and reminded him of his girlfriend. We talked some more and his sister came outside to get us, saying that his GF wanted to see him. I felt horrible. It may have just been a kiss but there was a lot more to it than that. I messaged him today and told him what happened was wrong, that it wouldn’t happen again and that he should tell his GF. I know what it’s like to have your heart broken by cheating. It makes you question everything about yourself. I don’t know how to forgive myself for what happened. To complicate things further, today he told me he wants to leave her for me (even though he knows full well that I have to travel back to the other side of the country for uni in a week!). What is he thinking?! I’ve been down this road before. I’ve had a relationship start that way and it ended BADLY. I’m not ready to go through that again. What a mess! A note to everyone: as soon as an unavailable guy/gal starts to flirt with you, ABORT MISSION. Do everyone a favour.

  49. Tessa 1 year ago

    So…I’m the bad one here. Last week on NYE I was across the country visiting my best friend while hubby stayed home with the kids. It was his Xmas present to me to get away for a few days. Those guys are my life and I NEVER put anyone, even myself ahead of them so it was a nervous/exciting trip planned. Long story short, put one married mother of 2 too after too many drinks in a bar with a very charming and persuant man in the wee early hours and you get trouble. There was flirting/dancing and a drunken kiss I stopped it after a few seconds when it felt all wrong and I realised what I was doing. I have felt sick about it ever since. I told my husband when I got back and he was remarkably accepting (I dont think I would have been, but then I’m more of a jealous person than he). I was and still feel mentally and physically ill with remorse. If I could take back every awful second I would and I told him so. he is adamant he is OK. He said it was one mad minute and as long as that’s all there is to tell, it’s no big deal. Is that normal or am I just being a girl and overthinking things here? I am still struggling with the guilt, I feel like I’ve destroyed the pure innocence of our relationship and feel like a terrible mother and even worse wife. Is he actually dwelling on it and just doesnt want to discuss it? Or is it really no big deal and I need to learn from it and forget like he seems to have?

  50. wingading89 12 months ago

    This became my situation as of two nights ago. My boyfriend is younger than me (he’s 19, I’m 26), we’ve been together almost a year, and he confessed to a drunken kiss at the weekend with a random girl that had approached him. He’d had a short conversation with her after the kiss in which he then admitted to having a girlfriend, she slapped him in response (“good”, I said). He was so remorseful, and he’s we’ve talked about it a lot since then.

    It was so out of the blue, he’d never given me any reason not to trust him as we have a very honest relationship. It hurt like hell, but I can forgive him, and we can move past it. He’s young, and whilst that doesn’t excuse things, I can see how one stupid mistake can happen.

    It would have been different if it had been anything premeditated, if anything more had happened, or if he’d gone home with her number and continued to speak with her. He knows it’s going to take some time for me to trust him fully again, and I might be a little twitchy when he goes out, but I do believe we can get through it.

    I think it very much depends on the context of the kiss, and the context of the relationship around it, as to whether forgiveness is achievable.

  51. Suzy 12 months ago

    This happened to me two nights ago as well. My best friend was staying at my house and we had been drinking. My husband was celebrating his new job and was in an extra happy mood. He rarely ever drinks or even socializes with my friends but something got into him and he drank a ton. I wasn’t drinking much since I had to be somewhere in the morning but my best friend was drinking a lot too. I had gone upstairs to brush my teeth and I came down to find them embraced, and they had shared a quick kiss goodnight. My heart shattered into a million pieces…I felt like I was in a movie – my best friend and my husband. My husband and I have a wonderful marriage and we love each other to the moon and back. My best friend is in a terrible marriage. They told me they were just hugging goodnight and it just “happened” and didn’t mean anything. Well that doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. My trust in both of them has been shaken. They were both so sick and hungover the next day and said they barely remember anything happening. I’ve forgiven but my heart hasn’t forgotten. I’m so sad and feel betrayed and self conscious – I never thought anything like this would ever happen to us….but it did and I feel stupid and naive. It’s going to take a while to get past it. So sad. Just don’t do it.

  52. Ludimila 12 months ago

    I think this depends on the person and on the relationship. I’ve been on the bad end of this situation..
    After two years of a very rocky marriage with my husband, and a few months of living at the edge of a divorce, I ended up kissing another guy.. Things in our marriage had just started to become better, and I can’t still fully explain to myself WHY I kissed the other guy. All I know is that I was very insecure about our relationship and deeply hurt by the things that my husband had said and done. So I made a mistake.. The next day I told my husband and asked forgiveness. I cut the contact with that guy immediately after the kissing happened.

    I think personally that kissing is cheating and cheating in any circumstances is not okay.
    However, if there is repentance, and it’s not like an affair that had been going on for months and the cheater confessed it himself after it happened, I would imagine it could be forgivable. At least, if the other person thought the person is worth the second chance.

    Unfortunately my husband didn’t think i was worth a second chance… So he divorced me right away… It hurts, but we all have to carry the responsibility of our mistakes.

  53. Jenn 11 months ago

    I’m on the guilty side I guess, drinking w some friends, guy buys drinks, not really hanging out w him, dancing with my friends, night goes on, walking out to leave, guy following us too, I said I have a boyfriend, thanks for the drink, kissed him on his cheek, I told my boyfriend, he says I broke our trust!!! Omg I feel bad,

  54. Mike 11 months ago

    It will be hard, and I would probably go into depression but I’d leave right there, call me selfish if you will but loyalty is everything to me,there is no two ways to it.

  55. Amy 10 months ago

    I am trying to forgive my husband and finding it very difficult. I have 3 children and been married 12 years.
    Recently his best friends niece came to visit from another country and so happened to be in short space of time became friends with my husband. She came out of two divorces, one she is in the process of.
    While they were chatting one evening she kissed him and then second time he kissed her back apparently was both times only seconds. I’m finding it very painful just writing about it. I’m feeling so hurt. He said didn’t mean anything and he just helped him realise how much he loves me and he doesn’t want her. He is feeling so guilty saying that was when he was feeling low about himself, confidence and self esteem.
    We have been so busy in our life’s recently and been fighting and had no time for us, he found it difficult to talk to me as he didn’t feel close to me.
    I blame myself at times and feel if only I showed him more love. Sometimes becomes so difficult with work, home and kids and I get really stressed out.
    I’m battling with emotions. I love him and want to forgive him but really hard to do, not easy to forgive as it seems.

  56. Maui-boi1 8 months ago

    I was in the wrong. I was already intoxicated on a plane from vacation, and a friend picked me up to go chill. I had a little bit more to drink and hit my limit and just stood up against the back of the couch to relax and sober up. This girl was pulling me over the couch and I tried to ignore her while talking to the guys there, but I ended up being pulled over and my lips landed in hers for about 5 seconds. I pulled out my phone and saw my screen saver of me and my girlfriend and I started too teared up for what I did. I didn’t want to kiss anyone and I wished I went home instead. There was no feeling for her let alone the desire to do so. I noticed what I did was wrong and it was tearing me apart for what I did.

    (I never thought that this would happened. I was cheated on before so I know how bad it hurts. My ex had sex with someone and I called it off between us because she went for it. If it was just a kiss and she pulled away from it and told me right away, I would of forgiven her, but that wasn’t the case.)

    I left the party after getting some water to sober up and left. I text my significant other to call me because she was still on vacation, so different time zones. So when she called I told her everything that happened. I cried over the phone telling her I never wanted to hurt her and ect. I didn’t blame the drinks or the girl but myself. Yes I know it’s the girls fault, and my girlfriend knows this, but I still blame myself for that day. 6 months past by sense that day and the forgiveness, but I still felt terrible for breaking her trust and loyalty. I wanted to talk too her about it and she wanted to talk about the same thing. A few hours went by and we decided to take a break, even after its been a while. So as we speak we are taking a break. I am hoping we do not break up, but I’m not going to try and sway her decision of what she wants too do. So as we speak, this break of ours has just started. I love her with my whole soul and I will do anything too prove it to her and she knows this too. Not a day that goes by without me beating myself up for it.

    If you where daring me, what would you do?

  57. Alana 8 months ago

    I need help. I kissed my bet friends boyfriend on the cheek when I was tipsy. She is so angry. Can she forgive me?

  58. Sad wife 8 months ago

    My husband and friend kissed whilst on holiday just before she got married – to his best bud.
    My husband told me about it months later after feeling guilty. He can’t recall how it happened and she said due to alcohol cannot remember it.
    I decided to forgive both after only a couple of days knowing about it as my husband considered suicide and we have 2 young children. We have been together 15 years and married 11 and to my knowledge he has never done anything like this before.
    Now I can’t stop thinking about it. I haven’t been given any answers to ease my wondering imagination. I constantly pretend i’m okay but inside i feel broken. I so want to talk to him but at the same time can’t, just in case he does anything stupid. And as for her, i was okay and now all I think is she’s got away with it so easy pretending she can’t remember and she hasn’t apologised as she said she wouldn’t know what she’s apologising for. I just don’t know what to do! How do i get over this, I need to get over this as it’s destroying me!

  59. Richy 5 months ago

    My boyfriend kissed his ex with the intention of ending it with me.
    I was away for the weekend. Oblivious. Writing love letters in the sand and missing him. On my return he “surprised” me with a visit and tears and an admission of guilt and regret. Begging for forgiveness. He had never had closure from her and had been holding me at an arms length. The “kiss” was more than a kiss. It was closure. But it opened up a wound in my heart that I am battling to heal. The fact that he went to her. He kissed her. But then decided it was me he wanted.
    How do I get over it? I have the date seared into my brain.
    He has been nothing but the perfect boyfriend since. Attentive. Loving. Caring. Present. Which he wasn’t before. He thought he still loved her. I guess what tears me apart is that he was due to come away with me. He didn’t. Instead he went to her and asked her if they could try again. And kissed her. Although he realised then his mistake. ..he still did it. It was planned and my feelings weren’t taken into consideration

    He went to her with intent? knowing it would hurt me. KNOWING I love him.

    I know I need to move on and forgive him
    I do love him. Very much. I made the decision to not let this destroy our relationship.

    But the betrayal still feels so raw. No magic wand? Does it get better?

  60. George 5 months ago

    Like many have posted, there are many factors. For me a simple peck on the cheek is allowed. An open mouth kiss on the lips is adultry. It’s sexual in nature and wrong. A married persons lips are only to be on the lips of their spouse….period. It’s totally unacceptable for a mouth to mouth kiss. Another factor is the length of the kiss. If it’s held for more that a second it’s wrong. Plain and simple. I would not forgive an open mouth kiss or a lip kiss that lasts for a extended period of time. I’m 40 and not old fashioned but I have high morals, values and ethics. I expect the same of my spouse. The last factor, a person should not give their spouse a reason to want to kiss or be kissed by another.

  61. Eamma 5 months ago

    I came across this post having landed myself a gut wrenching situation. I went out with some friends on Saturday night last and drank way WAY to much. I remember going into the last bar but NO memory of coming out. A friend has told me the next day that she saw out of the corner of her eye me kiss some complete random. She said he was hovering around me towards the end of the night before this.I genuinely have no idea who this person was. I have been in a state of panic ever since she told me. I am totally besotted with my other half and dont know how I could let anything like this happened. I feel so guilty for something I dont even remember. Im so disgusted with myself. I know I was blackout drunk but Im the one who let myself get in that embarrassing state and feel responsible and so ashamed. My boyfriend is in Germany at the moment but is coming back this weekend. I know I have to tell him but he has exams coming up and dont want to upset him before that. I really hope he feels the same way as the majority of the people in this thread. The thought of him upset or feeling betrayed makes me feel so distraught.

  62. Idiotic girlfriend 5 months ago

    I fucked up so bad. At the weekend I got off with one of my flatmates whilst still being with my boyfriend. I ended things with him because I felt so guilty, and whilst I was single I got off with the flatmate again. Realised what a terrible mistake I made and got back with the bf, but he doesn’t know about the kiss with my flatmate. I feel terrible and want to tell him but I’m scared he won’t forgive me, even though friends have told me to keep it a secret as there is no point in hurting him further. What should I do?

  63. Eva sanchez 4 months ago

    Hello group my name is Eva my boyfriend went out with his friends and he said he was wasted and he happened to see the mother of his daughters at the party and he said didn’t remember he did anything until he woke up the next morning and there was a video of him kissing her which she posted on fb now I’m hurt and confused and I really want to be with him but is this forgivable ?

  64. Seab 3 months ago

    If it was a simple non-planned lip kiss with no tongue and spontaneous, then I would say ok, but it all honesty that is a very very rare circumstance. If there was more to it (ie, long lingering kisses at a undisclosed location) then absolutely it is cheating on a grand scale and tears at the core of the relationship. I find it very amusing how quickly someone is forgiven because they feel bad without the person being cheated on asking them-self a whole host of qualifying questions: was this the only time? have they gone further in the past? what about trust in the future as it is obvious it means nothing to your partner or wife? was it planned? how much effort did they put into their act to conceal it from you? and so on and so on….of course they are sorry, that is a given but are they sorry for what they did or are they sorry they got caught. You will never know because the person who violated the trust is the very same person asking for forgiveness. I had this happen to me and 20 years later in the middle of an argument, so it is obvious it cuts very deep when you are the victim.

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