Can I get a consensus? Do you tell it like it is?

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How do you go about describing a person to a third party for identification purposes? Are you sensitive? Or blunt? It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that I’m blunt. I was thinking about this the other day when I was relaying a rather hilarious conversation I had with a friend a few years ago when he was talking about a mutual acquaintance.

Me – Who the fudge are you talking about?

Friend – Fred! You know Fred!

Me – Fred? What does he look like?

Friend – He has hair, wears t-shirts. You know! Fred!

Me – I have no idea who you are talking about.

Friend - Fred! Angry, swearing Fred! Chain smoking Fred!

Me – Um… nope. Got nothin’.

Friend – *Sigh* You know… Fred. Tall. Brown hair… *pause*… No arms?

Yep. My valuable time was wasted because my wimpy friend was avoiding uttering the verboten ‘no arms’ while trying to describe a guy who is pretty bloody regular looking when you exclude that crucial piece of information. I assumed that when he didn’t attach the ‘armless’ prefix to the name Fred that he was talking about a Fred with arms. As you assume most people have arms. Which is precisely why lack of vital lifting limbs should be the focal point when describing Armless Fred… the fact that he is… armless. It’s not unkind to call him that. It’s logical.

l frequently get called ‘the one with all the hair’. Often accompanied by the wild gesticulation of splayed hands held in an offensively wide orbit around the describer’s head, suggesting that my hair is a full metre wide. On each side. I used to work with ESL students at a university and was once described as ‘jungle woman’. I was rather chuffed with the English translation but what the student really meant was ‘dirty woman’. That’s cool. I’m unkempt. I’m unruly. It defines me.

Let’s think about it. If Fred overheard the conversation that we had is he really going to get cut up over it? And be all ‘OMG! I can’t believe they said I have no arms!‘. Unlikely.

I’m more than happy to accept less than flattering descriptions of myself if they happen to be accurate and I’m obviously quite relaxed when it comes to describing people myself. Choice phrases include ‘big guy’ (my brother), ‘hot asian’ (my ex-housemate), and ‘massive tits’ (anyone with massive tits).

My question to you is – are you PC when describing other people? Or do you call a spade a spade, so to speak?

Love

Smaggle

xxx

# SisterWolf

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Yes, I am properly descriptive.
Marie

Oh my god. This makes me love you so much!

And yeah, I try to be logical, but sensitive. ish. I think it depends on who I am talking to, and how much I know about how I think they might react.
Marie

Very much so! Probably why I enjoy reading your blog as much as Lady Smaggle’s.
Jords

When I was in hospital having just had my baby, the lady who delivered him, who had only met me while I was lying on a bed being cut open, was trying to find my room and couldn’t remember my name so she described me as “Not the thinnest new mother”! I found it funny. Poor lady was trying to be kind, while still saying I was the fatty.
http://www.nessbow.webs.com Nessbow

I think I’m probably on the tentative side here. I do tend to tippy-toe around the obvious unflattering features when describing a person, but not always. It really depends who I’m talking to or about. If I’m talking to a close friend about someone we barely know, I’m likely to let rip an overly-honest-and-not-too-PC tirade. If I’m describing a good friend, I’m more likely to highlight their more lovely-if-subtle qualities before making reference to something that is more blunt and obvious.
http://www.schmeckt.com.au Lala

Depending on the audience I guess. I do have a friend we called “Fingerless Todd”, because he’s… missing a finger.
http://www.hayleybash.blogspot.com Hayley Bash

I wouldn’t beat around the bush, call a spade a spade! One of my best friends can be recalled super fast if I just say ‘huge tits’ rather than.. shortish, blonde, quite pretty… why not make it easy? she can call me the scrawny pale one in return, whatever!
http://www.project-kathryn.com kathryn

I met a guy for a internet date one time and he excluded the fact that he was on crutches! I was so annoyed about that I didn’t see again since I spent ages looking for him, thinking well if it was the guy on crutches, he’d surely mention that.

Isn’t it just making something worse when you don’t mention it? Like it’s so horrific that Fred doesn’t have arms that you can’t even say it!
http://twitter.com/LadySmaggle LadySmaggle

Like when people whisper ‘she’s in a wheelchair!’ when talking about a person with a disability. It’s not like it’s a secret!
http://twitter.com/LadySmaggle LadySmaggle

I’m totally the same. It’s just easier for people say ‘ You know Carly? The mouthy one with all the hair?’.
http://twitter.com/LadySmaggle LadySmaggle

Oh me too! My bestie has no defining feature like that I always go with ‘You know, the lovely one?’. People always know who I am talking about!
http://twitter.com/LadySmaggle LadySmaggle

Fat is the worst one! People have serious issues with saying fat. All that ‘big girl’ and ‘curvy’ crap.
http://twitter.com/LadySmaggle LadySmaggle

Ha! Thank you!
http://twitter.com/LadySmaggle LadySmaggle

Holy shit balls. I’m entirely honoured to have you comment Lady Wolf.
http://twitter.com/libgirl9 Erin

I’m pretty non-pc. If someone is a different race than me and the person I’m talking to, or missing a limb, or something that is COMPLETELY OBVIOUS then of course I mention it if they’re having a hard time figuring out who I’m talking about. Of course, I’m an epileptic who used to wear shirts saying things like “Seizuregirl!” and “Have you hugged an epileptic today?”
http://makingitawkward.blogspot.com Rachael

For the longest time I was “the one with the blue hair.” Now that my hair is sometimes not blue, in descending order of frequency, I’m “the one who used to have blue hair,” “the really short one,” “the loud one,” or “the short one with big boobs.” I also am pretty un-PC when it comes to describing others, but I find that most people already know they have big noses or lots of teeth, so I don’t feel like it needs to be secretive.
http://www.jauntydame.com Rebekah

I’ll admit it, I tend to lean toward PC. Not to the hilarious extreme of your above-mentioned friend, though.
emmams

I’m generally quite blunt – do tend to describe my husband as ‘the one with the Ned Kelly beard’. Still, not sure I’d like to cop my most descriptive of features – “you know, the fat one with mental health issues”…
emmams

I’m generally quite blunt – do tend to describe my husband as ‘the one with the Ned Kelly beard’. Still, not sure I’d like to cop my most descriptive of features – “you know, the fat one with mental health issues”…
http://twitter.com/LadySmaggle LadySmaggle

From one fat, loud girl to another – I hear you sister! And Mr Smaggle gets ‘the tall one with the big nose’ all the time.
Surferkate66

I just want to know how Fred chain-smokes without arms.
http://twitter.com/LadySmaggle LadySmaggle

He has hands they are just kind of on his shoulders… like little t-rex arms.
Karen

Recently my mechanic was getting audited, so the RTA checked my vehicle and some others, and asked me a few questions. I had to describe what my mechanic looked like, and responded with ‘the big, bald guy’. The guy from the RTA laughed and said that the last 3 people he spoke to gave him the exact same description

Smaggle

Can I get a consensus? Do you tell it like it is?

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