I was reading Kerri Sackville’s article on Mamamia today about the disappointment she experiences when dating her own husband. How it’s not romantic to be wined and dined on a joint credit card and how it’s hard to manufacture stomach butterflies for a man whom you saw on the toilet this morning.
This got me thinking about my significant other (Mr Smaggle) and his strict bathroom etiquette rules. After five years of togetherness and bathroom sharing I have never, not once seen Mr Smaggle so much as unzip his pants any where near a toilet. I am also banned, point-blank from even thinking of peeing in front of him. We are an incredibly close and comfortable couple and this ban on certain bathroom activities annoys me for several reasons.
1) I grew up in a very open door house. Not because the Smaggles are freaky fetishists that enjoy watching each other do their business but because a) nothing stops a conversation between my mother and I (even now I rarely make it through our weekly chat with out jamming the phone between my face and shoulder and having a quick wizz mid conversation) and b) my father can spend a good half an hour in the toilet several times a day and if I needed nail polish remover or the hair dryer I’d just duck in and grab it while he was sitting there reading New Weekly.
2) My man is no way body shy. (read: he’s a naked guy)
3) It makes me think he does creepy stuff in there which is obviously not true but my brain naturally likes to fill information voids and I can get quite creative doing this.
If a person is inexplicably weird about something I’m going to push the issue until they crack. And Mr Smaggle is TOTALLY WEIRD about this.
I’ve tried to catch him peeing and I’ve tried to set him up so he catches me peeing but he is determined for this event to never occur. I came home one night, wretchedly drunk, having just found out that I was the only one of my girlfriends that had never seen their boyfriend pee. The night concluded with Mr Smaggle in the bathroom and me outside, pounding on the door and wailing ‘What won’t you pee in front of me? Don’t you love me? WE WILL NEVER REACH THE HEIGHTS OF TRUE INTIMACY IF YOU DON’T UNCLENCH YOU UPPITY BASTARD!’. I’m obviously paraphrasing but I’m pretty sure it went something like that.
I don’t actually want to see him pee. I just want to because he won’t let me. My friends, it’s all about winning. I WILL see that man pee. Mark my words. And so the war against Mr Smaggle and his girlfriend, Golden Showers McGraw continues.
Obviously today’s question is… Do you and your partner go to the toilet in front of each other? Number ones? Number twos? What are your bathroom rules?
Oh and for the record, I have no desire to share the bathroom during number twos. That’s a solitary affair.
Also I’m releasing my first podcast very, very soon but I’m not doing until I have 1000 twitter followers and 1000 Facebook fans. I would love for my long time readers to spread the Smaggle love and ask a few of your favourite people to help me out. Love you long time… seriously… so much.
Love
Smaggle
xxx
30 Comments
-
Theres a hilarious gag about this at the end of this trailer http://www.traileraddict.com/trailer/the-change-up/red-band-trailer
-
Author
Couldn’t find the link! It went to a weird land.
-
weird….works fine for me.
-
-
-
my boyfriend and I both agree that peeing should be done alone and behind closed doors! there’s no harm in trying to hold on to that ‘new relationship’ feeling even though it’s been 5 years!
-
I know but I’ve had some serious emergencies and there’s just no wiggle room with that man. Secretly, I think it’s quite sweet.
-
-
I wish we were a wee in private couple… our bath is next to the toilet, and if I’m in the bath, he will quite happily whip it out – a stream of stinking hot wee whizzing a few feet away from my face is not conducive to a relaxing bath : (
But #2 is private thank god. Even my 6 year old won’t let me in the bathroom if he’s doing his business : )
-
Hahahahaha! Stinking hot wee whizzing! Those four words BELONG together.
-
-
My boyfriend and I are strict on the “no open door’ policy. We’ve been together for seven years, and we’ve never seen one another pee, nor do we want to. For me, toilet time is private time. I once had to sit down with my housemate and have a serious discussion about how I hate it when people talk to me when I’m on the toilet, becuase she would continually stand outside the toilet door and try to converse with me while I’m attending to business. My boyfriend and I have even gone so far as to say that if we ever buy a house, it must have a toilet that’s in a separate room to the bathroom, to avoid any shared-toileting experiences.
-
See Roomy Smaggle and I, in dire emergencies would pee in front of each other if need be. In two years of living together it only happened once each but still. I stand by the fact that sometimes it’s necessary.
-
If there was some kind of pee-related emergency I could bring myself to go in front of my housemate. I’d just rather that it didn’t come to that.
-
-
-
Oh and for the record, I have no desire to share the bathroom during number twos. That’s a solitary affair.
think you just answered your question it is a thing you do by your self -
Oh my god I would have wet my pants laughing if I didn’t take such good care of my pelvic floor!
-
As a mother of two small children it is impossible to go the bathroom with out being interrupted. My husband and I didn’t used to see each other in the bathroom but once the kids came, those rules flew right out the window, or should I say open door!!!!
-
My husband and I pee in front of each other all the time. I don’t think it ruins the romance at all. In fact, if the only thing helping keep the romance alive was whether or not the door was closed when I pee, we’d have bigger issues.
-
My husband and I have been married almost a year. We’ll pee in front of each other (except when I’m on my period- my choice, not his) and with number two we respect each other’s privacy. We’re okay ducking in to grab something, but we have never, nor we ever see each other wipe. I think that crosses the line.
-
Yeah, no downstairs stuff while on the ps. No no no.
-
-
Ahaha it’s my boyfriend’s dream for us to have toilets side by side and poo together! And I am not kidding. Every time I shut the door to pee I get him yelling out “why are you separating us” in mock sadness. Generally I prefer to pee alone, but I will admit this is definitely relaxed after a few bevwahs. Poos however, that will forever be solitary territory not matter how much the boy would like it to be otherwise!!
-
Poos – totally a solo enterprise. I generally prefer to do all bathroom activities alone but he is so adament about this. Maybe our boys need to chat to each other!
-
-
I believe there needs to be SOME mystery in a relationship and after 13 years, I still have never seen my husband go to the toilet, nor has he seen me go, even though we’ve been through childbirth together. We have been lucky to always live together in a place that had either two bathrooms or a toilet separate to the bathroom. Our son is now in the habit of shutting the door, though he still come into the stall with me in public if it’s big enough and he’s too scared to wait outside the door on his own. This will stop soon, because he’s old enough to get over the fear.
-
That’s Mr Smaggle’s point exactly.
-
-
NO. NEVER. NO.
-
Neither?
-
NO. I don’t even like peeing with the door closed while he’s in the same vicinity.
-
-
-
I don’t quite get why people would want to be in the same room as you do your business – number one or two. Does that really bring the intimacy level up higher? I think this is a very strange concept to let others see you in the toilet. I wouldn’t want anyone to see me. Since I was old enough to use the toilet every time you go to the toilet it’s a solitary affair. So this whole seeing each other go to the toilet is really a bizarre thing for me.
-
I don’t really want to pee in front him. Obviously I jest, I’m just a shit stirrer. That sounded awkward…
-
-
I don’t know if my boyfriend & I ever consciously chose to start peeing in front of each other. It seems to be more like we get involved/engrossed in intense/serious conversation, and eventually someone has to pee, so things just take their course. Like you and your mother, nothing gets in the way of our conversations! …Except maybe #2’s. They’re definitely a private affair.
-
My husband and I are totally comfortable with No. 1 in front of each other. I think it’s been that way since my last year in college, when I had my own bathroom in my dorm. I kept the door propped open with a wedge because it locked from the outside (stupid planning!) and it was just easier to leave it open for a quick pee than to remove the wedge and then replace it afterward. Six years later, we don’t even think about it. Number two is a solo enterprise for us, as well, though.
-
I’ve been with my husband for 14 years and we’ve never seen each other use the toilet full stop! I gave birth to twins last year and even while in labour, closed the door while I went for a pee. Its something we’ve no intention of changing either.
-
Haha funny post! I haven’t had much luck in love but I do recall the following true situations:
Boy 1 offered to help me in the toilet. Errr – I really loved him, but NO.
Boy 2 would never flush the toilet when he did a wee. And the most romantic thing he ever did for me was call my name desperately one morning as he sat outside smoking, telling me to watch the sunrise (the actual sunrise, not the TV show), but I was on the toilet and not very impressed when I rushed my wee to see the sunrise with him. I expected there to be more.
Boy 3 once had to help me to bed after I was really drunk and couldn’t get myself up from the toilet. I fail.
Boy 4 stopped the car suddenly and did a wee by the side of the road, then suggested the next time he does this I could take a picture and upload to Facebook. I also loved him so much I went three days without doing a poo at his house. Girls just don’t poo.
Pingbacks
-
[…] Carly Findlay:Haha funny post! I haven’t had much luck in love but I do recall the following true situations:… […]
[…] Carly Findlay:Haha funny post! I haven’t had much luck in love but I do recall the following true situations:… […]