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I went to yoga yesterday. Not the Les Mills Tai Chi/Ballet/Pilates combo, backed by a trendy soundtrack kind of yoga, I mean the real deal. 90 minutes of breathing, harnessing my chi and trying not to giggle when the teacher said I needed to unclench my braha. I think she said braha. Yoga teachers talk weird.

We ohmed. We breathed heavily. We were told quite seriously that it’s okay to pass wind. At the end of the class the teacher actually sang us into the meditation pose. I shit you not.

‘Now breathe your hands above your heeeeeeeeead… stetch your legs out, point your tooooooooes… aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh……‘

I won’t be going back. The other ladies in the class were loving it. Hard. I felt like I was clogging the room with my negative chakra. Truth be told, I don’t actually think I need yoga or meditation. I’m perfectly happy with my consistently buzzing brain. It stops talking to me when I sleep or read and I feel like that’s enough. I actually quite enjoy the sitting still part of meditation, but then the teacher says that if you’re thinking about what you need to buy at the shops on the way home, then you aren’t doing it right. I’m almost always thinking about what I have to buy at the shops on the way home. Or weddings. Fight Club. Gerri Halliwell (every time). What I’m going to wear to a party on Saturday night. I’m a bad, bad meditator but after years of trying, I’m just going to accept it. I think it’s slightly dangerous trying to turn off your brain anyway. It controls your entire body. I want it functioning at full capacity at all times, thank you. Also, my Type A personality thinks it’s a total waste  of time to spend 90 minutes at the gym and not break a sweat.

My question to you is… do you meditate? Or do yoga? Or participate in a similar calming activity? Did it take a lot of practice? What do you think of meditation?

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