I have recently developed an unhealthy obsession with Mummy Bloggers. It started years ago with Fat Mum Slim and now includes a bevy of sassy mamas include the hilarious Kerri Sackville. Kerri wrote a book, When My Husband Does The Dishes, which I read in one sitting. Hilarious. Completely relatable, and I don’t even have children. I am, however, utterly obsessed with Boo – Kerri’s smart arse toddler who often has me in stitches over my morning coffee. Kerri is this weeks very talented guest poster and I’m kind of giddy to have her here at Smaggle.

Kerri Sackville is an author, columnist and mother of three. Her blog, Life And Other Crises, details the daily dramas of her life as a 40-something wife, mum, friend, bunny wrangler and owner of an improbably white house. Kerri’s recently released book “When My Husband Does The Dishes…A Memoir Of Marriage And Motherhood” (Random House Aust) is a funny, honest account of what marriage looks like after 150 years of togetherness and three children. Kerri is an avid reader and obsessive Twitterer, and in her free time enjoys eating Nutella, drinking caffeine with friends, and lying very still on the couch.

Every few years, my bras fall apart and have to be replaced.

This is a problem for me, as my breasts have also fallen apart, and though they really should be replaced, I have ethical (and financial, and practical) problems with this. So I have to stick with my breasts, and just work around them as best I can.

I’ve been wearing the same bras for three years now, since my breasts returned to normal after the birth of Toddler (using the word ‘normal’ in the sense of ‘not at all like a supermodel, or indeed any woman whose breasts have ever been lusted after by a man’).

Sadly, my breasts did not grow back after the inevitable post-breastfeeding deflation. To the contrary. Over the past three years, they have kept on SHRINKING. I do not know this was actually possible, as I didn’t think one could get much smaller than an A cup, but apparently it is. So now my tiny little breasts swim in their cups, leaving a pocket of space that is quite handy to store tissues or loose change, but that rather undermines the nice shape I am trying to achieve.

So last week, I had to bra shop. I don’t much enjoy bra shopping. This is partly because it is a pain to take off all my upper garments and try on 750 bras whose straps and hooks need adjusting before I can get them over my shoulders, and partly because it’s rather humiliating having a firm bosomed young woman fiddle with my flappy waggly wigglies.

Still, I made the effort. And I cannot quite describe what went on in that tiny changeroom. I mean, I could, of course, but I think it would be dangerously disturbing for my female readers, far too traumatic for me, and WAY too exciting for those men amongst you who have only clicked onto this post because it had ‘breast’ in the title.

Suffice it to say that I ended up with three different bras:

1) A very lovely black strapless bra, that keeps my breasts nicely in place whilst remaining hidden from view, unless I’m wearing something white, which I usually am, in which case my very lovely black bra is going to be an extremely prominent feature;

2) A delightful, lacey, blue push-up, that creates an illusion of cleavage in low-cut tops, with the unfortunate but manageable tendency to allow my nipple to continually slip out in eye-popping wardrobe malfunctions; and

3) An ‘adjustable’ flesh coloured bra, with clear straps, that cleverly makes my four breasts look twice the size they usually are. Which is great, except that I really only want two breasts, and until I put this particular bra on, that’s what I had.

So as you can see, none of my bras are quite ideal. But then again, neither are my breasts, so it’s not like I had a lot to work with. And really, so far they’re working quite well.

Four-breasted nipple flash, anyone?

What’s your biggest bra gripe? What design flaws frustrate you? I hate lacey bras. They are itchy and you can see them under everything. I also hate strapless bras because my breasts are too small to keep them in place. Do you have a favourite brand? Do you wear matching underwear? Lets talk about our smalls!