I had this giant plan of doing a day by day New York posting schedule for you but the moment we arrived in NY, we were told to stay inside until Hurricane Irene blew over. Cue 24 hours of horizontal cable watching and 2 minute noodle eating. So far, NY isn’t that different from when I have my period. I do have a few anecdotal foreigner tid bits to share though, because travel wise, I’ve only seen Times Square so far and lets face it, no one wants to hear about that.

Here’s some weird shit about the US and New York.

Coffee

Ordering coffee in the US is like Russian Roulette. You can get cappuccinos but you’re never sure if that’s actually what you’re going to get. If you order one, you’re likely to get a cup of luke warm, coffee flavoured milk. I got a cappuccino at LAX that was served in a beer stein with two straws. I ordered a small cappuccino yesterday that was the size of a small bucket. They also don’t have instant coffee here which made our hurricane lock down unbearable, as my caffeine addicted man tried to get his fix from this awful tin of vanilla latte flavoured powdered coffee with built-in creamer. A warm sugary vanilla milkshake didn’t quite hit the spot.

Obessession with White Meat Chicken

Every commercial that’s for Wendy’s, Applebee’s or MacDonald’s hosts this bizarre claim that their chicken burgers or nuggets are made from 100% white meat chicken. I thought all chicken meat, as in breasts and thighs, was white. I’m kind of creeped out by whatever the alternative might be.

New Yorkers love to drink complicated iced beverages in clear plastic cups with straws

You can pick a tourist a mile away because they aren’t drinking a litre-sized, zero calorie, strawberry detox, limeade with extra ice or a non-fat, sweet’n'low, lite Mocha Frappucino.

The toilets

The water lives in the bowl, it just sits there inches away from your naked bum. For an Australian, it just feels like every toilet is blocked. I’m terrified of the inevitable splash back. I’ve been very careful with my number twos here.

Eggs

Are white and completely consistent in colour. They don’t even look like they came from chickens. There also doesn’t seem to be a battery chicken thing here, which is terrifying. I like buying ridiculously expensive eggs knowing they came from happy chickens, scratching around in paddocks. I don’t know where the hell these eggs came from.

You can get ‘diet’ everything, everywhere

If you are on a diet in Australia and you want a sweet drink at the movies you’ve got Diet Coke or Coke Zero. In the states there’s Diet Snapple, Diet Vitamin Water, Diet Juice, Diet soda, Diet Iced Tea, Diet traditional lemonade and my personal favourite Diet Frappucinos at Starbucks. It’s awesome. They also have this 100 calorie obsession so if you go into Tasty D-Lite all the yogurts are less than 100 calories or if you go into a deli they’ll have the calorie content on every label of the sandwiches and salads. I freaking love New York. You can also get an iced coffee that is actually cold coffee, not sugary mocha bullshit covered in cream that you get in Australia. It’s total bliss for a seasoned calorie counter.

New Yorkers speak really fast

I’m a really, really fast talker. When people first meet me, the people who know me often have to translate what I’m saying. Let me tell you, I got NOTHIN’ on New Yorkers. I’ve been doing a lot of nodding and smiling here.

Everyone in NY has Sherpa legs

The people here are brown, buff and wholesome. They wear heart rate monitors and shout positive affirmations at each other as they run in tribes around the park. New Yorkers won’t let rain, hurricanes, heat, humidity or anything get in the way of their run and it shows in their slender yet bumpy with muscles bodies. I’ve never seen bodies like this in real life. I’m turning into quite the pervert over here.

Oh and I also saw a dog wearing little Nike runners today. I flipped my freaking lid.

Stay tuned for day three.