Smaggle

I’m not asking this to be pervy. That was a lie. I’m always a little bit pervy but, I’m also genuinely curious. Do you like to sleep nude?

I HATE to sleep in the nude. I hate it. I don’t hate being nude. Not at all. I’m all for post coital lounging in my birthday suit. I’d do it for hours. Preferably followed by more coitus. However, when it comes to the act of sleeping, I must be clothed. The least I will wear is a fitted racer back singlet and underwear. Everything must be fitted. I went through a lace camisole phase but because I like to do acrobatics in my sleep, I’d end up in a pink-ribboned strong hold, quietly being strangled to death by my Peter Alexanders. So it’s Supre sports singlets and cottontails for me now. They must be racer back singlets too because I’m highly irritated by singlet straps slipping off my shoulders in my sleep. Seriously.

There are two reasons why I need to sleep clothed.

1. I’m terrified of having an emergency, like being burgled and having to stumble around, wasting time finding clothes, while a smacky takes off with my TV. I feel comforted by wearing clothes to bed. Like, if the smacky saw me, he’d be all ‘Shit! Is that a racer back singlet? Bitch means business.‘ and get the frock out of my house.

2. I think it’s unhygienic. If I’m not wearing any clothes at all, it’s like the whole bed is my underwear. I only change my sheets once a week and I don’t really want to sleep in a place that’s had private parts rubbed everywhere for eight hours a night. That’s why I change my undies every day. Underwear is a barrier between my junk and everything else, including my bedsheets.

What about you? Are you a nude sleeper? Why?

I’ve claimed many times that I’m not a lady’s lady. I went to an all girls Catholic high school for six years, so I’d had oestrogen up to my eyeballs by the time I graduated. It took a long time for me to learn to trust women, because high school was horrendous. Eye rollingly ridiculous. I had rumours spread about me in year 10 because I had a ‘lesbian phone’. I’m not even kidding. I wasn’t invited to a sleepover for a year because of that rumour. The power of these young women was extraordinary and terrifying. When they combined their powers they could take down teachers, render anyone a social outcast and manipulate boys like putty.

My way of dealing with this was avoidance. Rather than separate the good girls from the bad girls, I just hung out with guys instead. Easy.

The thing I’ve learned, my friends, is that we are all good girls. We are. We’re just fed a lot of B.S early on in life, that makes us believe that we are in competition with each other. Which is utter crap. There’s no winner in life. We are not all competing for the same top spot.  We are all running our own race against ourselves, to get to our own destination. We aren’t all after the same pot of gold. There’s a pot for every one of us, but let me tell you, we have dick all chance of any of us getting to it, if we keep tripping each other up along the way or purposefully pretending that we don’t know a short cut for a fellow lady.

Have you ever not told a girlfriend about a job advertisement because you didn’t want the competition? Or not encouraged your friend to study opera because you were scared she’d be really great at it? Have you ever known that a great guy likes one of your girlfriends but not told her because you were jealous? I’ve seen women gang up and tear other women down and somehow make it look like an accident. I’ve seen women be phased out of friendship groups, be selectively not invited to social events and I’ve seen women actively point out when fellow female co-workers leave early so they in comparison would appear more dedicated. I’ve seen women flirt with other women’s men, right in front of them. I’ve seen women literally turn their backs to other women at dinner tables, trying to block them from the conversation.

We need to stop this. Now. I’m dead fucking serious.

I’ve seen it everywhere. In mothers groups, in the work place, at schools and even in social circles. It’s disgusting and unimpressive.

Do you want to know what would be impressive? Is if we used our combined powers to kick the world’s arse. We could run alongside each other in life and be each others coaches. We could continue to run our races alone, but we’d finish it faster if we had our lady friends to point out the shortcuts, to encourage us to keep running when we are exhausted and to be there to greet us with a glass of champers when we cross the finish line.

There’s not only one book deal, not only one amazing wedding dress, not only one successful actress, not only one CEO job, not only one breathtaking apartment, not only one promotion, and not only one decent man for us all to share. Just because another woman succeeds does not mean that you won’t.

How utterly foolish of any of us to think that. It seems that we may be our own collective worst enemy. How embarrassing.

The world is a giant block of rich, delicious chocolate. Wouldn’t we feel better if we shared it?

Oh and one more thing. We really are all good girls. Lets remember that.

If you have anything to add please feel free to comment here or on twitter or facebook.

I was cruising through one of my new favourite sites Pencil Box and found this sweet post. I decided to keep the tradition going and do a list of my own. Please feel free to do one on your own blog or in the comments.

A. Age: 27… almost 28.
B. Bed size: Queen, but one day I’ll have a giant king sized bed where I can get far enough way from Mr Lava (my partner) so I don’t get sweated out of bed every summer from his man heat.
C. Chore that you hate: Anything to do with floors. Mopping, vacuuming. I’d honestly rather clean the toilet.
D. Dogs: My family has a rat dog called Maggie with one eye. She’s… interesting.
E. Essential start to your day: A healthy breakfast and a snuggle with my man.
F. Favorite color: In design and house interior, I’m having a very orange moment. For clothing, I’m doing off-white a lot recently.
G. Gold or Silver: Either but only one at a time. Including hardware on my handbag and metal on my sunglasses. I’m weird like that.
H. Height: Just a smidge under 5’8, which makes me too short to dance at the Moulin Rouge and/or be a runway model. I’m heartbroken. Seriously.
I. Instruments you play: None, unless you include the recorder when I was in year three. Or guitar in Guitar Hero. I’m ace at that.
J. Job title: Freelance writer.
K. Kids: Not now thank you, I have a plant.
L. Live: Melbourne.
M. Mother’s name: Sally.
N. Nicknames: None. ‘Carly’ doesn’t really lend itself to nicknames which is why my parents chose it. I have a friend who is trying to make C-Jobs work. It’s not really happening though.
O. Overnight hospital stays: Not that I can recall. Although I’m clumsy, I’m also a ninja which means I’ve saved myself stitches and broken bones on many occasions. Like yesterday when I got hit by a car on my bike. I kind of stepped off the bike mid-air and was able to stand and watch as my basket-bearing Nancy bike rolled over the top of the car. I’m fine by the way and so is my bike. As I said, I’m a ninja.
P. Pet peeves: People with no spacial awareness, people who start sentences with ‘I’m not racist but…’, people who offer to help when you’re almost finished and A Current Affair or similar sensationalist ‘news’ shows.
Q. Quote from a movie: “Some birds aren’t meant to be caged, their feathers are just too bright. And when they fly away the part of you that knows it was a sin to keep them locked up, does rejoice, but your world is that much more drab and empty that they are gone.” – Morgan Freeman in The Shawshank Redemption.
R. Right or left handed: Right but I’m ambidextrous so I eat with my fork in my right hand. I also slice things with my left hand. I’m a little odd.
S. Siblings: One brother. Who is thirty and single with a beautiful 1-year-old daughter. Any takers…?
U. Underwear: Nude and seamless. It’s the only kind.
V. Vegetable you hate: Are pickles a vegetable? I don’t even really hate pickles… I’m such a food nerd. Are chokos a vegetable? I don’t like chokos. My grandparents grew them and they taste like wet roasted toilet paper.
W. What makes you run late: I don’t do late. I’m far too uptight to be late to things.
X. X-Rays you’ve had: None. As above, I’m far too uptight to require x rays.
Y. Yummy food that you make: My chilli beef is pretty amazing.
Z. Zoo animal: Monkeys or apes. Especially the really, really tiny ones. Any tiny animals are good but they have to be REALLY tiny. Small just won’t cut it.

Oh and do feel free to let me know about your lists on Twitter or Facebook.

My readership is growing, my friends. How do I know this? For one thing my site stats are pretty sharp. Secondly, I’m getting criticism. Daily. Yep. Daily.

In the year of yore (and by ‘yore’ I mean 2007 when I started this blog), if I got one comment that was anything less than total gushing I’d lose sleep over it. Seriously. These days, it’s like water off a ducks back. My sarcasm and penchant for addressing my audience in an aggressive first person tone, (yes… I’m talking to YOU!) doesn’t mesh well with everyone who visits my corner of the web. Am I going to change the way I write? Hells to the no. Here’s why.

Negative comments are actually awesome. For both you (if you’re a blogger)* and me.

It Means You Are Reaching (lots of) People

Of all the people reading your blog it’s a fair assumption that a decent percentage, say 5% will a) miss the point, b) take offence. Even if you have a modest 100 daily readers, that equals 5 offended people, and 5 offended people will almost certainly guarantee you 1 nasty comment. Basically, the more people who leave negative comments, the more popular you are. Think about how many people know about Lady Gaga and think about the percentage of those people who hate her. Now think about whether or not she gives a crap. Apply this to yourself and go be awesome again.

It Makes You Question Yourself

If someone takes genuine offence to something I have written, I take it very seriously. If the person is a total troll and has been rude, they can get stuffed. I won’t reply. If they have taken the time to construct a good argument, then I always reply. Sometimes, it’s been politely pointed out to me, that perhaps a particular sentence I wrote wasn’t very sensitive. I welcome criticism like this because it helps me become a better writer. If I’m covering a sensitive topic, I’ll always construct my argument carefully because I want to be able to defend myself. When I first started blogging I had a few ‘oh crap!’ moments, where people quoted me back to myself and what I had written sounded awful. I’ve now learned to read my work with neutral eyes and I’m proud to say it’s been a very long time since I’ve regretted something that I wrote.

It Gives You Perspective

The first negative comment I ever received was on a post in 2007 on ballet style. The comment went like this. ‘WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH BALLET??? WHAT A WASTE OF F*CKING TIME!!!!!!!!!’. At this stage, I had been blogging for one month. I was devastated. Now? I get at least two or three comments like this per week and I just laugh. Why? It has nothing to do with me when I get comments like that on my blog. And guess what? It has nothing to do with you either. It’s the same as when someone road rages you when you’ve done nothing wrong. They are just angry little people, shaking their cranky fists in the wrong direction to try to make themselves feel better. Let’s pity them shall we? Then let’s never speak of them again.

Bottom line? You can’t alter your behaviour to please everyone because a) it’s not possible and b) it’s really dull watching someone try.

Be yourself, have opinions, back them up, be respectful, create discussion.

Don’t let anyone stop you.

*If you’re not a blogger then, here. Watch this instead…. then come back and read this anyway because my posts have layers. Peel the onion, people.

Our last few days in New York were spent on the Upper West and Upper East side, where we caught the subway and walked all the way back to Chelsea. Twice. I could crack walnuts with my butt cheeks, they are so firm right now. To celebrate our last night in NY we had a muggy midnight walk, drinking Snapple and window shopping.

Things I Will Miss About New York

Eavesdropping in the street

There is always something hilarious to hear on the streets of New York. I walked past an African American guy yesterday who was saying ‘Believe ME, there be some UGLY white women in Europe, you know what I’m saying? There must be something in the water over there, cos DAMN! Especially in England. Especially in England.’ Where else in the world would you hear that in real life?

Diet Drinks

I’ve drunk way less than my usual 8 glasses of water a day since I’ve been here, because there’s always a delicious zero calorie alternative. I’m sure they are all full of cancer causing chemicals but why drink water when you can have Acia Berry and Mango Lightly Carbonated Vitamin Refresher? Or Diet Snapple Iced Tea Lemonade?

The fact that I can have anything I want whenever I want

Laundry done at 1.30am. Printing fashion event tickets at an office supply store at 2am. Fancy steak dinner at midnight. I’m starting to get concerned about my impending flight home to Melbourne, where my local supermarket is only open for 18 hours a day. What am I going to do if I need an avocado at 4am? Opening hours in Australia are practically barbaric. *sniffs*

Wholefoods

If only for their extraordinary selection of gluten free foods. My mister is a coeliac and the sweet little cherub ate his way through a frightening amount of gluten free bagels, gluten free chicken nuggets, gluten free banana bread and his all time favourite, gluten free toaster waffles. Poor bastard’s going to have some serious bagel withdrawals.

Ajisen Ramen

This is quite a specific one but it’s this quaint little Japanese restaurant opposite our apartment building that had a simple and very clean menu. We returned there four separate times during our stay and ordered the exact same beef on rice and edamame. It was our first and our last meal in New York so we became quite attatched to the place.

Sephora

It’s such a shock for an Aussie to walk into a fancy pants make up store, buy four or five different things and get enough change from $100 to buy lunch. I’ve stocked up but it’s back to Covergirl for me in a few months when my precious supplies run out. Sigh.

The stuff

Just… all the stuff. Any night of the week there’s an event, or a lecture or a performance in whatever incredibly niche field that you’re interested in. Also, there are famous people that just casually perform there. Like right now, Brooke Shields, Daniel Radcliffe and Kevin Spacey are all performing on broadway.

Thank you all for coming on my little journey with me, I do hope I didn’t bore you to tears or make you too jealous.

Back to regular Smaggle soon. Meanwhile, I have a plane to catch… see you down south.

x

Do you ever have those days when you meet a guy who looks familiar and then you realise he was in one of your dreams? That’s what today was like. I attended the Independent Fashion Blogger Conference in New York and the whole day felt like one giant glitch in the Matrix of my brain.

The first person I met when I walked in the door was Wendy Brandes. We’ve been reading each other’s blogs for four years, so meeting each other was like the non-sexual finale of years of non-sexual foreplay, but way less disappointing. I love her. She’s an absolute pocket rocket and we had the most hilarious day tweeting each other while sitting right beside each other. Because we are just really, really current like that.

I was also under very strict instructions from Nikki from Styling You to a) hug Vahni from Grit and Glamour and b) get a photo with her. Done and done. She’s just as composed, elegant and engaging in real life as she is on her blog. You gals are going to love each other hard next year.

Then, after years and years of almost meeting and missing each other, I finally got to meet my dear Susie Bubble. Coincidently, in a city that neither of us live in. I’m not sure if I’ve ever told anyone this (or Susie for that matter!) but hers was the first blog I ever discovered and the reason I started blogging. Are you tearing up yet?

It was also amazing to meet the gorgeous Jennine of The Coveted, we’ve also been following each other for years and it’s just incredible to witness what she’s done with IFB. I remember when she was living the corporate life in San Francisco and dreaming of a career in fashion. Snap. You go girl.

The day ended with a fancy steak dinner and delicious red wine with my man.

There’s only a single piece of weird US shit for today. The word ‘cock’ is very, very shocking to Americans. I’d know. I said it twice to two separate people and was met with the same gasp and nervous giggle both times. It was rather sweet. For the record I was saying it in context. I’m not in the habit of shouting descriptive slang for genitalia for no apparent reason. That would be my mother.

It was lovely to meet so many friendly bloggers today and if you met me for the first time today, and happened to stumble across my blog please do follow me on twitter and like me on facebook.

The past few days have been very busy work wise for us so we’ve been hanging in our Chelsea apartment, eating homemade ham and cheese bagels and drinking litres of unsweetened ice tea.

We did have time to do a rainy cruise around the Statue of Liberty, shop in Bloomingdale’s (my favourite department store so far) and today I got to catch up with one of my most gorgeous readers who took me thrift shopping and out for a delightful afternoon tea in the rainy neighborhood of Gramercy. Perfection.

Even more weird shit about the US

Lemonade is not Sprite

Ben loves lemonade but in Australia, ‘lemonade’ is Sprite or 7UP. Here, lemonade is the equivalent of our ‘traditional lemonade’ made with lemons and sugar. Very different things.

Defamation is fine

Companies are actually allowed to talk shit about other companies. For example Advil (headache tablet company) has a whole campaign asking their fake ‘real people’ how they feel since they switched from Tylenol, their competitors. In Australia they have to say things like ‘25% more effective than other leading brands‘. In the states, you can crush a giant bottle of Tylenol with a giant box of Advil on a commercial and no one can do a damn thing about it. Love it.

Drugs stores sell everything

Snacks, drinks, batteries, phone cards, as well as  your traditional pharmacy goods like headache tablets and bandaids. Everything in Australia is so segregated. You can buy fresh fruit salad at a drug store. Mental.

Peanut Butter is a flavour

They have peanut butter cupcakes, peanut butter M&Ms, peanut butter candy bars and peanut butter milkshakes. They also have flavours like cake batter, red velvet and marshmallow. These aren’t specialty flavours, which you might find in a fancy pants dessert place in Oz, these are common everyday flavours like chocolate and caramel. All kinds of cool.

You can get any kind of food delivered to your house (in New York)

Sushi, salad, soup, yogurt. Seriously. Anything. It’s pouring with rain here in New York and the thought of leaving our cozy little apartment made us very sad. We found this amazing site called Seamless and had fresh burritos, tacos, corn chips and salsa delivered to our door in under thirty minutes.

I suspect New York may actually be heaven. It’s a little dirtier and smells more like urine and arse than I expected but all the frozen yogurt and shoe shopping totally tipped me off.

Oh and it’s four years ago today that I started this wee little blog called Smaggle. Thank you for sticking with me.

x

The last few days have been a blur of work and activity. After spending each morning powering through our respective freelance work, we spent most afternoons doing fancy things in old NY.

On Friday we walked the High Line, which is an abandoned train line that was landscaped in 2009 into a scenic walk. It’s incredible. You walk above the streets, past the most amazing buildings and gardens. I had a salted caramel and apricot popsicle from People’s Pops that was extraordinary. Highly recommended. We then checked out the Amazing Bodies exhibit which was fascinating. They use real dead bodies and replace the moisture in the cadaver with silicone to preserve it. Surprisingly less gross than I thought it would be. I ate a traditional diner cheeseburger for lunch and had incredible mexican food and frozen margaritas for dinner, followed by a walk around Central Park.

On Saturday we bought a picnic from Wholefoods (our most favourite place in NY) and ate lunch in Central Park. We hired bikes and rode around the entire park, which is ENORMOUS. There’s an outdoor pool, several lakes, sporting grounds… it’s like a whole other city in there. I then went shopping in Times Square. Big mistake on a Saturday afternoon. Macy’s was out of control and Sephora was full of tourists wanting deluxe makeovers and hours worth of advice. I managed to duck in to quickly buy a few essentials, but I’ll stick to mid-week shopping from now on. I then headed to Brooklyn to have burgers and beer with an old friend. It was a delightful weekend.

More Weird Shit About the US

They call the ‘bill’ the ‘check’

And they spell it ‘check’ not ‘cheque’. I’ve asked for the ‘bill’ about ten times here and I’ve been met with utter confusion. At least twice, I swear the waiter thought I didn’t speak English.

‘Prawns’ are ‘shrimp’

And as such, I never order it because it sounds like a bad 2 minute noodle flavour, not the delicious and awesome seafood delight that it actually is.

Blinkers don’t blink

Which is why they call them ‘indicators’. When a car goes to turn a corner they put on their indicator which is a solid red light. It’s slightly jarring for me but it makes sense. The whole blinker thing in Australia is a bit panicked. I mean, really. You’re turning a corner, not sending out a signal flare.

They drive on the opposite side of the road

Obviously, but that rule also applies to pedestrian traffic. I’ve been blocking up the left lane in many major train stations, with my Aussie left leaning brain. Must remember to stick to the right.

Toilets don’t have flush buttons

They have handles. It feels very old school to flush a toilet with a handle.

The phrase ‘I’ve got the shits‘ doesn’t mean you’re angry

It means the other thing…

Day seven was spent at the Top of the Rock, Rockefeller centre. Unfortunately, I didn’t have time to grab a hotdog with my girl Tina Fey, but maybe next time. It was incredibly overwhelming seeing New York from up there, it made everything seem huge and tiny at the same time. There’s no official frozen treat eating to report for today but I did drink several litres of a variety of different diet iced teas. I’m really going to miss diet iced tea back in Oz. We finished the day at Ichiumi, a Japanese style buffet restaurant with crab, lobster, oysters, sushi, sashimi and green tea ice cream. Flip yes.

I think it’s time to admit to myself that this trip is a warm up for when I move here in the next few years. I’ve always had NY in my head as a place that I would live one day, and being here now has cemented that. Shhhh! Don’t tell my mother. So for Day Seven, I’ve compiled a list of Things I Need to Learn Before I Move to New York.

To Not Scream Every Time I see a Rat

Every single time. Three so far to be exact. So not New York.

To Speak Really Loudly on my Phone in Public

And use a bluetooth headset so I look very busy and important.

To Eat Just Enough Food So That I Don’t Die but still Maintain That ‘Never Went Through Puberty’ Look

Women in New York are tiny. Like little 9 year girl thighs kind of tiny. They also seem to always be either coming from or going to a workout. They are also immaculately groomed. Perfect hair, perfect nails, neat little designer bags and some kind of ridiculous looking miniature dog. I’m really going to have to work on being less gross if I want to fit in here.

To Answer to ‘Carrie’

I’ve spent my whole life in Australia saying ‘Car-ly not Ky-lie’, but most of the time I’ll answer to both. Here, when I introduce myself the American will reply ‘Hey Carrie!’. I don’t mind though because, as a writer hoping to move to New York, it’s a rather poetic mistake.

To Form an Opinion

Whenever I buy something, there’s the inevitable ‘Cash or charge?’ question. I usually reply with ‘Whatever’s easiest.‘ I then get a raised eyebrow followed by a firm repeat of ‘Cash or charge?‘. I’m far too used to having to run down the street to the ATM in Melbourne, for those pesky cash only cafes, so I’m utterly gobsmacked when I get given a choice in New York. Just FYI the service people here actually don’t care. Just tell them what you want so they can serve the next person.

That Americans are Actually Being Sincere

Americans have this boundless enthusiasm that makes me feel like they’re taking the piss. They’ll be all ‘O.M.G. You’re from AUSTRALIA??? That is SO AWE-some!‘. I immediately get defensive, thinking that they’re being sarcastic but nope. It’s just genuine interest and enthusiasm. Sincerity is not something we Aussies deal very well with.

If you’ve missed any of my previous New York posts here they are. Day One and Two, Day Three and Four, Day Five and Day Six.

Also don’t forget to follow me on twitter or like me on facebook for other New York updates.

Yep. All I do in New York is eat frozen treats. Today’s damage was done at Pop Yogurt in SoHo. Not as great as Tasti D-Lite or Pink Berry, I have to say. Obviously we spent the afternoon in SoHo and yes, Uniqlo, Muji and All Saints are just as spectacular as you would have imagined.

Even more weird shit about the US and NY.

Their currency is like Australia’s in 1989

They have pennies. I cannot even begin to tell you how unessessary that is. I’m getting carpel tunnel from lugging around my 3 kilo wallet that’s full of quarters and one cent coins.

Low-Carb is like, so 2007

I’m a total carbo-phobe and I was trying to buy a protein bar today and the carb content in all of them was horrifying. Upon further investigation I realised I’m just terribly uncool and haven’t yet caught on to the next phase in ‘healthy eating’. FYI the trendy diet train at the moment is all about organic, raw or vegan. Seriously. If you’re doing low-carb, you might as well be wearing a scrunchie.

Flower stores are owned by cats

We are staying in Chelsea on a street that houses wholesale florists and each store has a cat door out the front, each with an awesome, friendly cat that hangs outside and guards it. I have know idea why, but I love it.

They found something for Mario Lopez to do after Saved By The Bell

He talks about things on the TV. They aren’t ads per se, but he likes to say stuff like ‘Beyonce! Lady GaGa! Kanye! All your favourite stars!’. I’m not sure exactly what he wants from me but he’s still rather pleasant to look at, so it’s not so bad.

If anyone has any New York recommendations, I’d love to hear them. Especially places where I can get frozen treats.

Also, please let me know if the New York posts are getting boring. I’m happy to throw in some regular Smaggle posts too.