My readership is growing, my friends. How do I know this? For one thing my site stats are pretty sharp. Secondly, I’m getting criticism. Daily. Yep. Daily.
In the year of yore (and by ‘yore’ I mean 2007 when I started this blog), if I got one comment that was anything less than total gushing I’d lose sleep over it. Seriously. These days, it’s like water off a ducks back. My sarcasm and penchant for addressing my audience in an aggressive first person tone, (yes… I’m talking to YOU!) doesn’t mesh well with everyone who visits my corner of the web. Am I going to change the way I write? Hells to the no. Here’s why.
Negative comments are actually awesome. For both you (if you’re a blogger)* and me.
It Means You Are Reaching (lots of) People
Of all the people reading your blog it’s a fair assumption that a decent percentage, say 5% will a) miss the point, b) take offence. Even if you have a modest 100 daily readers, that equals 5 offended people, and 5 offended people will almost certainly guarantee you 1 nasty comment. Basically, the more people who leave negative comments, the more popular you are. Think about how many people know about Lady Gaga and think about the percentage of those people who hate her. Now think about whether or not she gives a crap. Apply this to yourself and go be awesome again.
It Makes You Question Yourself
If someone takes genuine offence to something I have written, I take it very seriously. If the person is a total troll and has been rude, they can get stuffed. I won’t reply. If they have taken the time to construct a good argument, then I always reply. Sometimes, it’s been politely pointed out to me, that perhaps a particular sentence I wrote wasn’t very sensitive. I welcome criticism like this because it helps me become a better writer. If I’m covering a sensitive topic, I’ll always construct my argument carefully because I want to be able to defend myself. When I first started blogging I had a few ‘oh crap!’ moments, where people quoted me back to myself and what I had written sounded awful. I’ve now learned to read my work with neutral eyes and I’m proud to say it’s been a very long time since I’ve regretted something that I wrote.
It Gives You Perspective
The first negative comment I ever received was on a post in 2007 on ballet style. The comment went like this. ‘WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH BALLET??? WHAT A WASTE OF F*CKING TIME!!!!!!!!!’. At this stage, I had been blogging for one month. I was devastated. Now? I get at least two or three comments like this per week and I just laugh. Why? It has nothing to do with me when I get comments like that on my blog. And guess what? It has nothing to do with you either. It’s the same as when someone road rages you when you’ve done nothing wrong. They are just angry little people, shaking their cranky fists in the wrong direction to try to make themselves feel better. Let’s pity them shall we? Then let’s never speak of them again.
Bottom line? You can’t alter your behaviour to please everyone because a) it’s not possible and b) it’s really dull watching someone try.
Be yourself, have opinions, back them up, be respectful, create discussion.
Don’t let anyone stop you.
*If you’re not a blogger then, here. Watch this instead…. then come back and read this anyway because my posts have layers. Peel the onion, people.
27 Comments
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This is fantastic advice. If you’re flambouyant and opinionated, you’re bound to attract a certain amount of negative attention. Those negative comments only have to bring you down if you let them, and you shouldn’t. Snaps for Smaggle!
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Seriously, f*ck those people, if they don’t like the way you write and what you write about it’s as easy as closing the browser. I find that I try too hard to sugarcoat things on my blog, my writing has no personality because I am always trying so hard not to offend anyone. That’s probably why my blog is boring and yours is amazing – because you tell it like it is. That’s how it always should be, and if people don’t like it they don’t have to read it.
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Author
Thank you love, I didn’t mean for this to turn into a compliment fest the post was supposed to be more empowering for others. But I love the compliments so thank you.
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Agreed. You’ll get more mileage out of a controversy.
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My grandmother said, if you haven’t got something nice to say, don’t say anything at all. I always have plenty to say here!
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Excellent post!
I had a blog last year, and I’m ashamed to say that I stopped blogging due to nastiness. Dealing with nastiness is something that I’m still working on, but I think I’m getting better at it.
Personally, I get truly upset over nastiness when it is about something that I’m insecure about. Because I’m insecure about the issue, I let it bug me. A few weeks ago, I found out that an aquaintence had been talking smack about me behind my back – my boyfriend had heard about it but didn’t want to tell me exactly what the guy had said because he thought I’d be really upset. I started panicking and thinking that he’d been saying things like ‘Oh she’s so ugly, she’s got a giant nose and a giant ass and she’s a horribly boring person.’ I eventually found out what it was he had been saying – this guy who had known me for less than three months had been saying that he saw me going nowhere in life! When I found out I had to have a laugh, because it was so ridiculous. I have absolute faith in myself and where I’m going.
I realised from that, though, that I’m highly insecure about my nose and my bum! So I’m working on it. Moral of the story – if you’re secure in yourself then they can’t hurt you!
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BABY MONKEY!
Oh I can’t stop laughing! Carly you kill me and this post – awesome.
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Thanks doll, baby monkey rocks my world. Hard. There’s a iPhone game of it now.
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Good to know. Thanks Carly.
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This post could be applied to life. You’re going to get nasty comments all through out it. Unless criticism is coming from a place of love, and not a hate fueled rant, I won’t take it seriously. If you want to have a heart to heart and genuinely wish me the best, then I’ll sit down and listen. Just don’t eat yourself alive listening to all the haters. They’re hating on you because they hate themselves.
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I was hoping people would apply to life. Very true.
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I am of the “if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all” school, too. If I find somebody’s blog offensive, I don’t go back to it.
Come to think of it, I have only ever found one blog post so upsetting I had to reply – this was a mixture of the actual material and the way I was feeling on the day…..
Angry blog comments might be another symptom of PMS, perhaps, like eating chocolate and crying at the tiniest thing…..cyber PMS-
Me too, but I’m not precious at all so very little shocks me.
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Dear Lady Smaggle,
You keep on with the Snark, please. And the Generosity. You write like I imagine you are: funny, kind and open-minded. And any negativists will just boost your circulation, like everyone else says. It’s your blog, after all. If you can’t stand the heat, etc….
But no censorship, for Godssakes!
You are unique, just like everybody else.
🙂P.S. When will we hear more about your NY shopping?
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Soon! I have some light this afternoon, so I might start with makeup!
And thank you. x
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Couldn’t agree with the other comments more. The things that the haters hate are the exact things that I love. Smaggle is by far my favourite blog – keep it up!
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Thank you my dear, what a lovely thing to say.
x
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Great post – I’m not at the receiving nasty comments stage (yet!) but I have a moment of terror every time I see that a comment’s from “Anonymous”. But you’re right in all your points – their negative comment reflects more on their frame of mind than on the blogger.
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It’ll happen love and when it does make sure you drink champagne. It means you’re getting big!
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Carly, you’ve blown my mind a little here! I’m very big on pleasing people, and lately have found myself really trying to get out of that habit/ stop that need and concentrate on how I feel instead. Not being rude, just being self-assured. I could never be rude! Well, not deliberately.
Great work, you’ve given me (more) food for thought.
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Good girl! I think it’s important to send the message that we don’t have to alter our opinions or behaviour as long as we arent being offensive or rude.
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Woot! Love this. My philosophy exactly. And this is priceless: “If the person is a total troll and has been rude, they can get stuffed. I won’t reply.” Good on ya. I need to tell Hubby to read your blog. He will appreciate reading something written in his own language.
xo
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PS: Not sure if Disqus has released a plugin update, but I’ve tried to comment by logging into Twitter via Disqus and I can’t. Boo. Just thought I would let you know, cause I know this shizzz is at the top of your list of things to do.
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Well, of course it just worked then. I’ll stop spamming you now.
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Amazing insight. I’ve only been blogging for a few weeks but I’ve definitely thought about this. Everyone seems so “nice” and encouraging at first (I think mostly bc people commenting are bloggers so we don’t want to criticize each other). I wonder when the real people will show up, haha.
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BRILLIANT! Love this post!!! Early on in blogging, I tried too hard to “fit in” when now I realize that Trail Blazin’ is what I wanna do! ~Serene
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