I’m not asking this to be pervy. That was a lie. I’m always a little bit pervy but, I’m also genuinely curious. Do you like to sleep nude?

I HATE to sleep in the nude. I hate it. I don’t hate being nude. Not at all. I’m all for post coital lounging in my birthday suit. I’d do it for hours. Preferably followed by more coitus. However, when it comes to the act of sleeping, I must be clothed. The least I will wear is a fitted racer back singlet and underwear. Everything must be fitted. I went through a lace camisole phase but because I like to do acrobatics in my sleep, I’d end up in a pink-ribboned strong hold, quietly being strangled to death by my Peter Alexanders. So it’s Supre sports singlets and cottontails for me now. They must be racer back singlets too because I’m highly irritated by singlet straps slipping off my shoulders in my sleep. Seriously.

There are two reasons why I need to sleep clothed.

1. I’m terrified of having an emergency, like being burgled and having to stumble around, wasting time finding clothes, while a smacky takes off with my TV. I feel comforted by wearing clothes to bed. Like, if the smacky saw me, he’d be all ‘Shit! Is that a racer back singlet? Bitch means business.‘ and get the frock out of my house.

2. I think it’s unhygienic. If I’m not wearing any clothes at all, it’s like the whole bed is my underwear. I only change my sheets once a week and I don’t really want to sleep in a place that’s had private parts rubbed everywhere for eight hours a night. That’s why I change my undies every day. Underwear is a barrier between my junk and everything else, including my bedsheets.

What about you? Are you a nude sleeper? Why?