Smaggle

Oh, goodness. Funny stealing story?

My boyfriend and I made a drunken 2am grocery run a few weeks back (we were in severe need of snacks)! Upon entering the lobby area of the store, we were greeted by shelves of all the discount junk foods–those that are probably about to expire, or that no longer fit the current holiday theme. I proceeded to rant all during our excursion about how foolish it was for the store manager to set up the sales racks like that, where people had access to them right next to the door and far away from the checkout clerks. I insisted that he or she was just *asking* for petty theft, and decided in my indignant, inebriated state to teach them a lesson.

Even though our arms were already loaded with a frozen pizza, plenty of toppings and more booze, I swiped a bag of Milano cookies as we walked out the door.

They tasted delicious, but only because they were free.

I think it’s strange to have stationery and food lumped together in the stealing from work category.  To me they are quite different because taking stationery is stealing from the man while taking food is stealing from your workmates and pretty damn low.

Oh I agree… But not everyone works in an office. I meant people who work in places that sell food like supermarkets and news agents.

Should have included the office fridge stealing scenario though, next time!

Miranda July has a brilliant story about her wayward years of thievery

I answered “to impress someone” on the last question.
Several years ago my friend and I worked together in a large retail store. She worked in LayBy, and the back of the department, where all the laybys are wrapped and labelled was in the stockroom. Because it wasn’t always attended, they had trouble with other staff members stopping by and borrowing scissors or whatever, using them and then not putting them back in layby. So they printed out A4 signs saying something like “DO NOT REMOVE ANYTHING FROM THIS AREA WITHOUT ASKING LAYBY STAFF FIRST” and laminated them. So for my friend’s birthday I took down one of the signs and gave it to her. It wasn’t really stealing in my eyes because they had those signs everywhere and could easily print out a new one. Which they did. It is the only “stealing” I have done (on purpose). I have borrowed stuff and genuinely forgotten to return it a few times. Pens from work included!

While I have never actually stolen anything from a real shop myself, I do have a friend who went through a light fingered phase a few years back. This friend, who is still a very good friend, was VERY good, SHOCKINGLY good. I could not believe her skill and admired her so much for it. I’m not a very moral person of course, but I don’t care. I thought that if she could steal me a beautiful but very over priced skirt in a boutique, why not? A nice sweater? Yes please! Body Shop cosmetics? Gimmee! And the list goes ooon and on. Let me tell you, this girl was good. And I reaped all of the benefits of being there with her. This was in our teenage years, before we could actually afford to shop in those nice boutiques the way we do now. After a nice streak of goodies she decided to stop while she was ahead, which was clever because she was reaching the age where she could be charged for it. I have no regrets about being her accomplice back then, none at all. I just regret not being more ballsy myself while I was still of  a “safe” age to get away with it, damn.
The only real stealing I ever did was from my highschool tuckshop. I used to amaze my friends with my ability to walk out with several boxes of hot wedges to share

When I was at school, word quickly got out that a couple of girls had been caught stealing from the local Target.  Because of the high value of the products [cosmetics], the police were called, and the girls were taken to the station.  One of them realised, at that point, that she still had an eyeliner pencil stuffed in her bra.  Worried that the cops might search her, she asked to use the toilet, and took the opportunity to stick said eyeliner pencil up her … [yeah].  They were both released with a suspended sentence, and that particular girl proudly wore her new eyeliner to school the next day – and she wasn’t too shy to explain how she’d managed to get away with it.

I have stolen a lot of beer glasses from pubs in my time but there doesn’t seem to be a checkbox for that…
I have also um… removed an ornament from my grandma’s house to see if she’d notice it missing (she hasn’t) and a spoon from the restaurant car on a train in europe. I wouldn’t normally count that as a great thievery but my friend had borrowed it on the promise that he would bring it straight back, and was horrified when he noticed the next day that it was in my bag! hey, cutlery is handy when you’re backpacking!
I’ve also taken a lot of airline blankets from planes.

so I guess most of my thievery falls under the category of ‘souveniring?’

With 111 responses, the Brazilian wax survey was accurate to within 9.3% (at the 95% confidence level). Although the sampling probably couldn’t be called random…

Anyway, just a quick stat from your friendly neighbourhood survey geek

My high school girlfriends went through a phase of stealing clothes from the local department store when we were around 14. I was never allowed to go shopping with them, so I never participated in the shoplifting forays, but they used to come to school and unveil these piles of dresses and scarves and jeans and tops… One of the girls at school even had access to a device for removing colourtags.

At around the same time I dared to steal a single lipstick (a black one, Australis brand – wtf? I was not even remotely goth and I never wore it) off the discount table at Myer. Almost immediately I heard a voice behind me say “I saw you take that.” My heart leapt into my mouth and I spun around to find a cackling old bloke who was very entertained by giving me a fright, although clearly didn’t care that I was stealing from the store. I booked, but the scare stayed with me, and I never stole anything again.

Not long after that two of my friends got properly caught in a store, and handed over to the police, so I think the phase ended about then.