Smaggle

I was reading this article yesterday on Mamamia and it got me thinking about irritating Facebook statuses. I’m very lucky in that most of my Facebook friends are actors, writers and artists or simply bat shit crazy, so it makes for a rather hilarious news feed scan every morning with my cuppa. I do however have a rather healthy obsession with LameBook, which has given me fodder for the 6 Irritating Facebook Status Updater Profiles that I’ve created.

The So Not Subtle Emo Updater

‘OMG. FML!!!!’

‘A true friend stabs you in the front.’

‘<Insert badly transcribed lyrics to Generic Death Metal Band song called Death of Love or Bloody Kisses.>’

The I’m So Fucking Fabulous Updater

‘Awesome job, awesome friends, awesome face, awesome trees, awesome sheets, awesome forks and awesome bricks. I LOVE MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!’

‘Just got a massive promotion. 6 figures. Ladies… line up.’

The ‘Um… Should you be updating your Facebook status right now?’ Updater

‘Holy shit, stuck in traffic, so bored. Massive accident, blood all over the road. Thank god for Facebook, or I’d fall asleep at the wheel!’

‘In a work meeting and the chairperson looks like the love child of Larry David and a boa constrictor.’

‘I do!!!! I’m officially Mrs Jane John Smith! As of thirty seconds ago!!!!!’
(Jane Brown changed her relationship status to married)

The Please Send a Private Message Updater

‘Dear Honey Bear Jizz Wizard. I <3 you so much. My life has never been more perfect since we met at the Uni Bar three weeks ago. You are my everything. Chocolate starfish and ladybug kisses forever. <3 from Slurpy Pink Flaps.’

The Everything on Facebook is True Updater

‘ZUCKERBERG IS TRYING TO STEAL YOUR CHEESE! Have you noticed adverts in the sidebar of Facebook? They are actually cameras that can see into your home and scan for dairy produce. Cut and paste this into your status to stop the evil Zuckerburg from macking on your cheddar.’

‘Facebook is going to kill your mother. Go to ‘settings’, then ‘options’, then ‘other’, then ‘profile’, then click on ‘self destruct’. Then eat a piece of liquorice at midnight, bury a lock of your hair in the garden and dance naked in the moonlight. Copy and paste to your own status to protect the woman who gave you life.’

The Have You Ever Read Anything Ever? Updater

‘Definately need meat a hot chik soon. LOLZ, i mean maybes 2 hot chiks. ;_)’

‘i single agin… oh wellz. plenty moar fish in da sea! lols’

‘never nos the diff btwn Kourtney and Kloe? Witch is witch?’

My question for the day?

What is the worst status update you’ve ever read? Go!

Also feel free to create any Updater profiles that I might have missed.

Also, watch this.

And read this.

AND LIKE MAH STATUS IF YOU LIKE MAH STATUS!!!!!

For me, it’s this $20 crochet skirt I bought at SES about ten years ago. Here it is in..

2007

2008

2008

2009

2011

What’s your magic wardrobe item? The one you reach for time and time again? The one you’ve worn for several years and that you intend to wear for several more?

Honestly? I’m seriously considering it. Especially after the Che event that I attended about a month ago. I just found these photos hidden on my memory card and thought I’d share them. There’s something so quaint about cupcakes and cats-eye glasses right?

Buy a label maker? Label everything in sight? Make sure every item has a home of its own?

Do your shopping at your local asian grocer? Buy exotic greens? Delicious spices? Unusual sweets and snacks?

Drink dandelion tea?

Fill your home with plants? Make it resemble a rainforest?

Always have perfectly groomed eyebrows?

Wear earrings that match your ensemble? Tiny white button studs with a crisp white linen shirt? turquoise and silver shoulder dusters with a turquoise silk shift?

Give your house a thorough dusting? Light decadent scented candles as a reward for your hard work?

Bake apples for dessert? Add a dollop of thick yogurt and sprinkle them with cinnamon?

Carry a basket as you run your errands? Letters and packages from the post office? Fresh bread from the bakery?

Go on a 1950s date? Order a cookie and a milkshake at your local milk bar? Go bowling? Eat at a diner?

The woman who follows the crowd will usually go no further than the crowd. The woman who walks alone is likely to find herself in places that she’s never been before. 

- Albert Eistein

Today we have our regular contributer Kimberley Smith from Dream. Delight. Inspire. telling us why we need to ease up on ourselves and cut back on our relentless striving for total perfection.

I have written a couple of posts lately about perfectionism and supporting the women around us rather than competing with them, and I’ve discovered that this is something that a lot of women are really struggling with. I think most of the time we put it down to being “normal” and tend to say we’re simply “high achievers”, but it gets to a point where nothing ever seems good enough and THAT is not healthy.

I know too many women that are hung up on not being a size 6-8, being in a less than thrilling job, not having met The One yet (well, the straight one anyway), and just generally not being where they thought they would be in their lives by now. I’ve seen it eat away at them and start to become the focus of their lives. You probably know people like this too and perhaps you recognise these traits in yourself.

How much time are you spending being unsatisfied with your life? How often do you find yourself planning huge changes to attain something that someone else has (and you’re not sure that you even want)? How often do you look at yourself in the mirror and wish that you were more this or less that?

JUST STOP.

Stop comparing.

There comes a time when you have to accept who you are. Comparing yourself to others doesn’t help you get to where they are any faster. You might never get there. I would kill for Miranda Kerr’s skin and über toned way-too-much-yoga-and-a-shot-of-noni-juice-a-day body, but that will never happen. My genes guarantee me mild rosacea and child-baring hips and I’ve come to accept that. Focus on being the best version of yourself you can be, rather than wanting to become someone else.

Stop rushing.

Take time to relish what you’re learning and how you’re growing as a person. You will reach your goals eventually, there’s no need to constantly be impatient and irritated at the rate at which you’re progressing. Why rush through things? Enjoy the journey. Be the tortoise and not the hare!

Stop complaining.

When we’re consistently hard on ourselves and striving for bigger and better things, we often vent our frustration in the form of an unconstructive whinge-fest. Settle down and be grateful, not just for everything you’ve got but everything you’ve achieved. Too often I see women who have so much going for them and have had great success in their lives that can’t even see it themselves. Open your eyes and acknowledge your wins.

Stop pushing yourself.

It’s okay to have a day in bed reading or watching DVDs. Sometimes what your body (and mind) needs is for you to just relax. Perfectionists tend to wonder why they get sick often – because they never give themselves a break. Listen to your body and slow things down when it’s telling you you’re pushing it too hard and fast.

Put an end to the self-loathing, the unrealistic comparisons and the unachievable goals. Realise what you’re good at and what you’re capable of and let yourself shine without measuring the wattage!

So give yourself a chill pill okay? Do the best you can at a sensible pace. There’s no rush and there’s no time limit. Just breathe.

The Grey Knit

As a staple in any wardrobe, the grey knit is timeless throughout the seasons and can work wonderfully with any outfit, treading the line between casual and smart depending on what it’s combined with.

The Checked Shirt

The checked shirt, which was once the preserve of lumberjacks and punks, has been on-trend for two or three years and doesn’t seem to be going anywhere – especially with new designs gracing shop shelves each year!

The Tan Boots

While they are certainly flexible, tan boots are a fashion must that should be paired with certain things in particular to get the best look. Women should look to skirts, while men should opt for darker clothing on their bottom half to provide marked contrast.

This is a featured post in conjunction with Scotts.

Finish each day and be done with it. You’ve done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.

- Emmerson

I know you guys probably think it’s weird that I keep blogging about making gluten-free treats from packet mixes like I’m some kind of gluten free treat hero but seriously. If you could see my man’s eager little face as he crams non-toxic donuts in his gob. It’s like when you’re sixteen and you realise how awesome it is to be drunk. It’s emotional, you know?

I’ve spoken before about my aversion to recipes that are complicated. For me, this means recipes that have ingredients that I’ve never heard of or have steps that require an action that lasts more than 30 seconds. This ‘recipe’ requires the deep-frying of things. I don’t do deep-frying usually. It’s far too variable, like poaching an egg. I need rules and restrictions in life, and in cooking this translates to pots and pans or some kind of surface. I’m very uncomfortable with food just cooking itself, floating in boiling liquid. But Mr Smaggle made his sad face and then rubbed his bum on my leg and I couldn’t resist.

In all seriousness, they are dead easy. You mix up the ingredients, drop tablespoons of mixture in boiling oil (so much more fun that you could ever imagine) and then roll them around in powdered sugar and cinnamon.

If you have a glutard in your life, make them the damn donuts. Macro have made me realise that you can buy love. With tiny balls of deep-fried fat, coated with sugar.

This post was not sponsored or endorsed by Macro. I just think they are rad. 

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