What’s the worst Facebook status you’ve ever read?by Carly Jacobs
I was reading this article yesterday on Mamamia and it got me thinking about irritating Facebook statuses. I’m very lucky in that most of my Facebook friends are actors, writers and artists or simply bat shit crazy, so it makes for a rather hilarious news feed scan every morning with my cuppa. I do however have a rather healthy obsession with LameBook, which has given me fodder for the 6 Irritating Facebook Status Updater Profiles that I’ve created.
The So Not Subtle Emo Updater
‘A true friend stabs you in the front.’
‘<Insert badly transcribed lyrics to Generic Death Metal Band song called Death of Love or Bloody Kisses.>’
The I’m So Fucking Fabulous Updater
‘Awesome job, awesome friends, awesome face, awesome trees, awesome sheets, awesome forks and awesome bricks. I LOVE MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!’
‘Just got a massive promotion. 6 figures. Ladies… line up.’
The ‘Um… Should you be updating your Facebook status right now?’ Updater
‘Holy shit, stuck in traffic, so bored. Massive accident, blood all over the road. Thank god for Facebook, or I’d fall asleep at the wheel!’
‘In a work meeting and the chairperson looks like the love child of Larry David and a boa constrictor.’
‘I do!!!! I’m officially Mrs Jane John Smith! As of thirty seconds ago!!!!!’
(Jane Brown changed her relationship status to married)
The Please Send a Private Message Updater
‘Dear Honey Bear Jizz Wizard. I <3 you so much. My life has never been more perfect since we met at the Uni Bar three weeks ago. You are my everything. Chocolate starfish and ladybug kisses forever. <3 from Slurpy Pink Flaps.’
The Everything on Facebook is True Updater
‘ZUCKERBERG IS TRYING TO STEAL YOUR CHEESE! Have you noticed adverts in the sidebar of Facebook? They are actually cameras that can see into your home and scan for dairy produce. Cut and paste this into your status to stop the evil Zuckerburg from macking on your cheddar.’
‘Facebook is going to kill your mother. Go to ‘settings’, then ‘options’, then ‘other’, then ‘profile’, then click on ‘self destruct’. Then eat a piece of liquorice at midnight, bury a lock of your hair in the garden and dance naked in the moonlight. Copy and paste to your own status to protect the woman who gave you life.’
The Have You Ever Read Anything Ever? Updater
‘Definately need meat a hot chik soon. LOLZ, i mean maybes 2 hot chiks. ;_)’
‘i single agin… oh wellz. plenty moar fish in da sea! lols’
‘never nos the diff btwn Kourtney and Kloe? Witch is witch?’
My question for the day?
What is the worst status update you’ve ever read? Go!
Also feel free to create any Updater profiles that I might have missed.
Also, watch this.
And read this.