Born in 1983, I’m well and truly a product of the 80s so it was with a resigned sense of inevitability that, last December, I booked tickets to see New Kids On the Block and Backstreet Boys in concert with my mate Tae. Backstreet Boys graced the cover of Teen Hit at the prime of my teenage years and I still run screaming to the dance floor when I hear the opening beats of Backstreet’s Back, so I felt I had little choice but give in to my fate. I was fully prepared to be disappointed because come back tours have not done well by me in the past (Oh Whitney. May you rest in peace). However NKOTBSB was easily the best $100 I’ve spent in a year. Here’s what you need to know if you’ve also taken the plunge and charged your card for their concert. This is very BSB based by the way because NKOTB were a touch before my time. Although seeing the NKOTB boys do the stupid side-leg jump dance from the The Right Stuff  live will stay with me forever.

Your BSB Favourite Might Change

I was a Brian gal from way back. He seemed sweet and sensible. Like he could hammer nails in a wall and cook meat really well. After the concert, I’ve enthusiastically switched to Team Nick. See No. 5.

The Dance Moves Will Come Flooding Back

‘Step touch and click. Step touch and click. Shoulder, head, body roll and… sexy point…‘

Nick Carter Has Changed. In A Good Way.

In all my 14-year-old wisdom I thought that Nick Carter was a useless, smarmy pretty boy. 14 years later he looks like he’s coming out the arse end of a decade of living in tribute to Kurt Cobain. He’s all dirty blonde locks and leather jackets. I just want to ride him like the filthy little pony he is. He’s a cheeky bugger too, constantly dry humping the other band members and taking the piss. Despite his tomfoolery his performance was rad. Ten out of ten for Grimey Carter!

They Don’t Make Boy Bands Like They Used To

It was all just good old fashioned choreographed dance moves, the ripping open of velcro-ed shirts and suggestively stroking the microphone stand like it was a penis (which I’ve always found to be rather homo-erotic). There was the pulling of girls from the audience to serenade them while they cried and shook on stage and moments of fake amazement at how much the audience loved them. Perfection.

You Might Find Someone Missing

Kevin wasn’t there and it wasn’t spoken about. If anyone has any gossip on this matter, I’d love to hear it.

The Audience Is Full Of Women (and some men) Just Like You

And every one of them is mentally singing into their hair brush as they belt out ‘Love is all I have to giiiiii-iiiiiive… for you….‘ at the top of their lungs from the seat next to you.

Not All The Men Were Dragged There By Force

There was a gorgeous and terribly polite Asian couple sitting next to us in the audience, the man was very straight-laced looking and spent the duration of the warm up performance ignoring his girlfriend and sending emails on his smart phone. Half way through the concert we saw him with his arms flailing above his head as he crooned along to As Long As You Love Me with his eyes closed in ecstasy while his bored looking girlfriend sat filming the stage with her camera. I guess we figured out who dragged who.

Despite Loving Every Second, You’ll Probably Want to Leave Before It’s Finished

Including the warm up act, the concert went for three and a half hours without an interval. So when half an hour before it finished AJ was screaming ‘YOU WANT TO GO HOME YET????‘, I was all ‘ACTUALLY…. YES PLEASE!‘. And then he was all ‘DO YOU WANT TO STAY AND ROOOOOOOOCK??????‘ to which I replied ‘UM… NO… I WANT A CUP TEA AND A PANADOL!‘. Bless them for trying to give me my money’s worth but I’m an old lady. Sometimes a quickie is all I need.

Did you go to the Melbourne concert on the weekend? What did you think? Do you have tickets for any of their other concerts?