When My Boyfriend Checks Out Other Women In Front Of Me.

I was having a chat with one of my girlfriends a few years ago and she was really upset. She’d been walking around the shops with her beau and he’d checked out a few women right in front of her. She called him on it. He got defensive. They had a fight. The usual stuff.

She made a remark that I’m lucky that my man would never do that in front of me. Um… beg to fucking differ. My man is a supreme gentleman of the first order. He’s a real door-opener, drink buyer, subtly remove a drunken person from a party and drive them home kind of guy. He treats me like a queen, makes me tea every day and cleans up after me without complaint. He’s wonderful. However he has both a penis and eyes, the two of which (or three of which) are linked by many blood vessels and sexy themed brain waves. If a great pair of tits walks past, he’s going to look at them. If a magnificent arse is shaking it’s thing in front of him, he’s going to see it and appreciate it. It’s a built-in impulse, a light bulb moment. His brain is all ‘Tits! I like those!. Same as when kids see a Baskin Robbins or my mum sees tequila.

How do I feel about this? Honestly? I don’t give a shit. Not even half a shit. Why? Because women are fucking fantastic. They’re magnificent and they come in the most extraordinary shapes and sizes. Looking at women is awesome*. Some have great tits, some have amazing legs, some have faces like dolls, some have fabulous hair, some dress like they just walked out of the Dior workshop in Paris and some have smiles that make you feel like the world is a unicorn playground. It’s all very, very good. Particularly breasts, I love breasts. Mine are rather modest in size so I love a decent sized pair of knockers. If I was a dude or a lesbian they’d totally be my thing. If a gal walks past and she’s got the puppies on display, I’m going to check them out. Because they rock. So why would I deny my boyfriend that?

Before everyone starts accusing me of being a disgusting tits pervert let me just make a point. Boobs are attached to people, usually women. So are faces, legs, eyes and arses. All of which are likely to grab my attention and therefore  are likely to grab my boyfriend’s attention. It’s all part of a package of beauty. Him pointing out a beautiful women to me is no different to him pointing out a beautiful building. It’s something that’s visually pleasing to him and quite frankly I like it when he shares those things with me. I don’t want to miss a great rack anymore than I want to miss a really cute dog wearing a hoody. It’s just more awesome stuff to see. 

Having said all that, there’s a big difference between appreciation and lechery. If he stares laciviously, makes a lewd comment at a women, flirts with another woman or openly looks at a women in an obviously sexual or derogatory way, particularly when in the company of a large group of other men then he’s being an extreme tool and you have every right to tell him to stick it. If your man sneaks a side ways glance at a pretty girl in the mall, I don’t feel that it’s that big a deal. We’re sexual beings and pleasure whores. Our eyes naturally wander towards things that look good.

Over to you… how do you feel when your partner checks out other people in front of you? Do you not give a shit? Or does it really bother you?

I’m assuming that I represent the minority on this one so I’d love to hear your thoughts!

* You know what else I like looking at? Men! Square jawlines, floppy hair, awesome jeans, side burns, broad shoulders, white teeth. People are just great to look at aren’t they?

Carly is the founding editor of Smaggle which launched in 2007 back when blogging was weird. She has appeared in The Sydney Morning Herald, The Age, Cosmopolitan and Cleo magazines. Hoop earrings are totally her thing and she almost got run over by Myf Warhurst while out jogging one day.


  1. I totally 100% agree with you. My gentleman sounds like yours…charming polite, worships me…and it’s all about appreciating beauty rather than tongues hanging out, staring like a cartoon character. 

    • Author
      Smaggle 4 years ago

       Oh how lucky we are! 🙂

      • Star 2 years ago

        Thank-you Carly (or Smaggle!).

        I’ve been trying to find the words to differentiate between the ‘looks’ guys give for so long and this article articulates the difference perfectly!

        I too appreciate beauty of all sorts…like has been said, buildings, a cute dog wearing a sweater, a sunset/sunrise, a gret set of tits/ass/legs on a chick, a muscular guy, a great jaw line/hair you want to run your hands through/washboard abs/stunning eyes on guys and girls, long list short, I love it all!

        But there’s such a difference between the looks. The ‘I appreciate your beauty’ and the ‘the things I’d do to you’ looks are so vastly different. It would be great if more guys read this article to know just how uggy and creepy the “toungue hanging out, staring like a cartoon character” look truely is!

        I’m fairly oblivious to people ‘checking me out’…according to my boyfriend it happens though, so I’ll take his word for it! But I do notice the “cartoon character” look and wow does that ever make my skin crawl!

        Thanks again for finding the words I can’t seem to be able to string together on my own! 😀

  2. Nicole 4 years ago

    You might not be in that small a minority on this one. I completely agree with you (and Elise).  If my husband checks someone out, it’s subtle enough not to be creepy/gross, but he’s definitely kind enough to share the view with me. And just like Mr Smaggle, treats me like an infinity bucks : P
    Women can be just as gorgeous as men to me. In fact that lady on top of your post is one of our favourites.
    He also has a thing for cute girls in glasses so if I spot someone who fits that bill first, I’ll often let him know. I might be a little weird though because I think I used to point out beautiful women to my brother as well.

    On the flip-side, has your man ever noticed you being perved at?

    • Melanie Lindner 4 years ago

      ‘On the flip-side, has your man ever noticed you being perved at?’

      Yep, and he points it out because I’m usually oblivious to it!!

    • Author
      Smaggle 4 years ago

       My man has actually noticed but I tend to get checked out by girls more than men. My lesbian friend says it’s because I’m tall.

  3. TheArtistKnownAsSawHole 4 years ago

    It depends if it is blatant or subtle.

    • Author
      Smaggle 4 years ago

       That’s the clincher, I totally agree.

  4. Nessbow 4 years ago

    It doesn’t bother me, because it’s always subtle and I feel secure in the knowledge that my boyfriend would never cheat on me.  As you said, it’s more about noticing and appreciating something beautiful than scouting out someone to bang.  

    In the past, I’ve been in relationships when this has been a big issue.  This is mainly because a. the guy had a history of cheating on his girlfriends or b. the guy was flirting/propositioning other women right in front of me.

    • Author
      Smaggle 4 years ago

       I’ve seen men check out other women in a really gross way and that’s not cool.

      • Author
        Smaggle 4 years ago

         That’s totally the clincher, completely agree.

  5. Granthrax 4 years ago

    I don’t think I have ever noticed my man checking another guy out, let alone a woman. I’d like to say “I would be cool with it because I am hip and comfortable with myself like Smaggle”. But I’m not. I am a green-eyed, violently jealous, controll freak. As far as I am concerned, I am the centre of the universe, and everyone should know this and act appropriately, especially my guy.

    I’m  happy for him to check people out, I’ll even encourage it; but not while I am present. When I am around, I am priority number one.

    However, I happen to be something of a lech myself. I actively try not to be when my guy is around, but I border on predatory-gay when I am with my girlfriends or basically anyone else. I am aware this is a double-standard.  I’m complex* like that.


    *Read “I am a duplicitous a-hole”.

    • Author
      Smaggle 4 years ago

       Ha, you’re funny! You’re also totally correct. You ARE the centre of the universe.

  6. Destrehan's Daughter/Sarah 4 years ago

    I actually suggest women that I think he would find attractive so I’m with you on this one.  I don’t care if he looks provided he isn’t being skeevy and gross.  I also look openly at other dudes but never in a leering yucky way.  I work with many men on a college campus too so I’m used to the oh i’m sorry I was distracted for a minute look.  40 year old men + college students = brain pauses. 

    • Author
      Smaggle 4 years ago

       As long it’s respectful! x

  7. Helen Perris 4 years ago

    I’m usually the one pointing the attractive women out to my husband so he can have a sly glace and appreciate the view. He occasionally points out attractive men for me. It’s all fair.

    • Author
      Smaggle 4 years ago

       I’m the same. I find hot chicks and I’m like ‘She’s a babe!’

  8. Omega 4 years ago

    The day I stop rubbernecking at gorgeous girls and boys and stop admiring the world around me is the day they’ll put me in a pine box!

    For me though there’s a big difference between looking over and saying “Wow, look at her, she’s gorgeous!” and “heh heh heheheh I’d like to bleep the bleep out of that bleeping bleep…” 
    Recognising beauty in all it’s forms is one thing, objectifying people and being skeezy, is quite another. 

    • Author
      Smaggle 4 years ago

       Totally. If it’s sleezy it’s just not on.

  9. Suegp 4 years ago

    My husband is fabulous – and was friend for many years before we bagan to date.  Several of his Ex-Girlfriends attended our wedding as they are my friends too.  I think he taste is great so he can keep on looking if he wants – I am flattered to be is such lovely company.

    • Author
      Smaggle 4 years ago

       What a lovely way to look at it. 🙂

  10. Melanie Lindner 4 years ago

    I totally agree.  We are sexual creatures and, men in particular, visual creatures.  My husband is quite free to admire anyone or anything that wanders by looking good, just as I am.  To his credit his admiring is usually accompanied by a comment like ‘you’d look great in that dress’ or ‘your boobs are way better than hers’.  Whether it’s true or just a cover up, at least he’s trying 🙂

    • Author
      Smaggle 4 years ago

       To my man’s credit he usually checks out girls that look like me. 🙂

  11. lulu c 4 years ago

    I don’t mind at all, like you it just seems natural to check people out so it’s not really fair to get annoyed at something I do too. I don’t approve of him ‘checking out’ my friends (because I think they’re fantastic catches and I get a little jealous…) but if he says “your friend looks really lovely tonight” then that’s cool.  But in your article you’re talking more about strangers, which is totally fine if it’s harmless admiration, not creepy or offensive comments.

  12. Tara 4 years ago

    Are you telling me that there are men who occasionally look away from their iPhones?! Amazing!

  13. Fiona 4 years ago

    My partner and I like to check out chicks together 😉

  14. tuffhr 4 years ago

    I point them out to the spouse.  And totally agree – beautiful is beautiful, why not appreciate it?

  15. Kathryn OHalloran 4 years ago

    I tend to agree but it depends on the situation too.  I used to go drinking with a guy friend (not a bf) and he’d constantly interupt me to rave about some chick’s tits.  I found that really rude and annoying especially if I was saying something IMPORTANT.

  16. Harlow 4 years ago

    I check out girls more than my partner does, so if anyone should have a problem it’s him! No really though, it’s not a lesbian thing, it’s just that yes, women are beautiful and it’s hard not to look and admire. I do this constantly, when watching tv or just when we’re out. We often discuss how hot actresses are I guess we have a pretty similar taste in women 😛 In the most non f*cked up, weird way, we have crushes on the same women sometimes lol, like Kate Winslet! I don’t know, it just doesn’t bother me…and I am a very insecure person! To be honest though, I’ve never actually noticed him looking at girls…but that’s probably because I was too busy looking myself haha.

    I personally don’t look at other guys because (while I really don’t want to sound contrived here) why the f*ck would I want to look at other men when the one in front of me is the most beautiful man I have ever seen? I’m just not interested…

  17. Hannah 4 years ago

    Mr BB doesn’t really do it that much. I think it is natural but if he did it a lot I’d find it hard. Especially if they were thinner than me – it’s always a sticking point for me and even though I know it is irrational I’d feel like I was a disappointment. I think it is natural but that doesn’t mean my reaction to it is rational. Oh dear x

  18. Katherine 4 years ago

    Brilliant. I love it. I think I’m worse than my boyfriend…or maybe I’m just more vocal than him haha! I like Tara’s comment too 😉

  19. mumabulous 4 years ago

    Ha – I’m with Tara. My techie guru husband is more likely to comment on that hot chicks smoking new ipad than her righteous bazookas. (I’m sure he does appreciate the bazooksa however!).

  20. Sasha 4 years ago

    I wish I could agree with you, I hate being bothered by something so seemingly petty.
    But it hurts.
    I am a fairly slim girl, but my husband has a thing for extremely tiny girls, and always checks them out in front of me. He told me I was fat, so I lost 30 pounds and finally was self-confident with him now that I was one of those very petite girls. But he never complimented me or even noticed. The only comment he made was: “I wouldn’t check out other girl’s asses if your ass wasn’t still fat”. I kills me inside because I know that no matter how skinny I get there will always be someone skinnier; I am in my 20’s and just can’t compete with the middle/high school girls my husband looks at.
    I think women are gorgeous and maybe if my husband was just appreciating their beauty then I wouldn’t be jealous, but I know he’s comparing my body to theirs. He wants kids but I’m afraid to get pregnant. It’s ironic; I’m even jealous of girls who aren’t jealous.

    • gh0st 3 years ago

      i think your husband was quite mean and disrespectful when he told u “i wouldnt check out other girls asses if yours wasnt still fat” what kind of comment a man could make to his woman?? woman is not an object…

    • peapod 2 years ago

      Whatever you do, don’t breed with that bastard. you’ll regret it. Sounds like a pedophile.

    • Dang Sasha! At least you are only in your 20’s, and figuring this out. I’m 52 (look much younger, and guys still check me out), and didn’t think I was Jealous, so don’t be jealous of skinny women like me who think they are in love with a big, 300lb pig. Smaggle’s blog helped me FINALLY see the difference between a “man” who loves titties, c-cans… (I’ve even treated him to Hooters twice, and I had a good time there, but that’s the place to admire more “openly”, if crudely, not when we are in Costco.), and ABUSE. I completely agree with ghOst and peapod! Ya, I was even married to that pedophile peopod in the ’80’s, screwing everything from a poor 13 y.o. motherless abuse victim, to a 16 y.o. prom queen, when I was having his babies (which he never supported). But just look at me now; dating a yet another pig trying to tell me I’m “crazy” ‘cuz I get upset when he tells me about wanting to throw that “delicious hot ass down right there and… And no judge would blame him”!!! Tried to tell him that is a rape joke! Never tell rape jokes!!! He just called me hypocrite, and said “all guys think that way”. Right now he want’s to spend Thanksgiving with me, bring me leftover elk meat, but after our recent row over him wanting to give his “poor, sweet…” 25yo stripper buddy with yummy c-cans $500, I keep telling him to please stay away! You have time to love yourself and let a wonderful man love you! Don’t end up like me, and certainly don’t feel jealous of women who “are not jealous” like me. <3

  21. m 4 years ago

    What if your boyfriend tells you a girl is hot and he wants to bang her, or calls another girl a milf? is that okay? It doesnt really feel okay

  22. Jess 4 years ago

    I have struggled with this with my guy. He’s amazing and I love him to pieces. But it’s a personal problem where I already don’t feel like I’m good enough for him. I DO realize that’s my own problem and not his. Looking at hot guys is kind of boring to me. But I’ve found that being a tease and getting the attention of other men is what turns me on. So if hes going to continue to look, I’m going to tease and flirt with other men. It does hurt him, but I really see no difference between the two.

    • gh0st 3 years ago

      OMG i totally feel the same!!! my bf is a very loving man, treats me really well but when it comes to “checking out other women” he is just another male on earth lol… however i found this article to be quite “soothing” compare to others with men commenting on how “stupid” it is for women to be jealous or feel bad abt the issue! because they don’t know what women feel and how hurtful it can be to women. but when a woman put her thoughts in words like how Smaggle did, she did a great job at educating us women to think about it at another perspective, which helped me tremendously, and it is the first, and almost the only article that actually made me feel better abt this issue, because i think she got it right, I personally check out girls too and I feel sexual when I look at hot girls with great figure.

      but what I feel bad about my men checking out other girls is that i am obsessed with what they have in their mind after they check out the girls… and what if these women were their colleagues, or people they occasionally see on a regular basis…? Would their physical traits attract him and make him start to have feelings for them? Like you said, we women enjoy getting the attention from other men

      *Note – i dont really “check out” men on the street seriously, i never even have any sexual urges when i see men with great abs or arses, it’s always a man’s personality or a sense of humor that attract me to be honest, but you do not know what a man is like by just looking at them on the street, u just have to get to know him in order to find out abt it… maybe it’s the reason why i feel this is unfair. when people do the same, they usually don’t mind others doing it. although i now realised many people do really have double standards, which is sth i never understood, never will. i always feel unhappy because i feel unfair. i really wish i could check out guys like how men check out girls, so i dont have to feel unfair. i never really think my man doesn’t love me, i know he finds me very attractive too, fact is, even a man is with the prettiest, sexiest woman on this planet , he would still find others attractive. so i m quite sure its not about my self esteem, i just don’t understand why.

      and oh yes, i do enjoy getting attention by other men, and my man hates it when i’m wearing sexy and guys keep checking me out. it does make me feel more “fair”. lol…

      • gh0st 3 years ago

        sorry forgot one thing… and how old can a woman still be “checked out” by other men? men will check out other women until he dies, so by the time when i dont feel attractive anymore, i might feel worse lol

      • tori 3 years ago

        Call me old fashioned if you want, but I find it totally disrespectful if your significant other is checking others out in front of you. I love my man and only have eyes for him. He turns me on and I am oblivious to good looking men when we are out in public. He looks and I catch him and the only reason I catch him is because I am always checking him out. This is my pet peeve, he works 12 hours a day, drives around and is all over the valley Mondays thru Fridays, I know he is checking women out all day long, and I have no problem with that. But on my time, evenings and weekends, that is totally unacceptable, and dis-respectable to me. If he finds me that unattractive that he has the need and desire to look at other women then why be with me. We’ve had many of arguments and conversations, and I still catch him, sometimes I ignore and other times I let him know that I am pissed. I haven’t yet figured out how to teach him a lesson about doing this in front of me …..but my patience is running short.

        On the other side of the fence:
        I have noticed men checking me out when they are with their significant other, and it grosses me out. I feel bad for her and think of him as a creep. Totally makes me uncomfortable. I usually turn my attention to my guy and swoop in for a kiss to verify to the watcher and my guy that I am with the one I want to be with.

        So I don’t think we as woman have to get used to it, or settle down. We should demand the respect that we give to our man. If you want to gawk at other men when you are with him then by all means you have to allow the same behavior by him.

        • tori 3 years ago

          One thing I would add is that after he checks out other women he then tries to hold my hand or be affectionate, and I am so turned off, the last thing I want to do is hold his hand or even be around him! Don’t know how to make him understand my feelings are hurt by what he does, and part of me feels that because he is still doing this, means he doesn’t give a crap about the way I feel.

        • TampaChik 3 years ago

          I soooo agree with you, I also get irritated with men who stare at me when they are with their girlfriend/wife. I also feel that if more women reacted that way, instead of basking in the glory, it would encourage men to respect their partner.

  23. Nesa Hewen 3 years ago

    men are fkn pigs

  24. Brittany 3 years ago

    I get your point of view about humans being sexual beings and they cant help to notice nice things. I get that. But as for my situation, I didn’t let that shit fly with me. My guy and i were just hiking down a hill.. and i turned my head and saw a girl walking by and she had mother hips. Bigger than mine.. I moved so she could get through.. and i was talking to my guy too. and i payed attention to his eyes. and i saw he didn’t care what i was saying, matter of fact his eyes fixed to the girl walking past. In my face.. and to me I found that rude and quite disrespectful.
    After he tried to say , he couldn’t help notice the “people” walking by? and added he couldnt help not notice a sexy woman. i dont know .. to me your relationship sounds like what every girl would dream of having in a relationship. Mine is just going to crap. he dosent deserve me.

  25. Seriously 3 years ago

    The difference between admiring the beauty of an object and the beauty of another human being is that humans are not objects and admiration of another’s physical appearance is a form of social interaction that leads to more intimate forms of social interaction. Appreciating a woman’s tits, ass, legs, genitals is not the same as admiring a nice car despite wht men may tell you. It’s sexual and a sign that he’s not fully committed to you. Some women are ok with this and some aren’t. I can’t tell if the author really doesn’t give a shit about sexual promiscuity or is totally gullible or in denial.

    • Hatlover 3 years ago

      I agree with you. It’s not about how something is beautiful. When a man enjoys staring at a woman’s legs or breasts, that goes beyond just admiring something beautiful. When a man enjoys looking at a woman’s breasts he is not thinking ‘Oh that’s a pretty woman, cool’ – he’s thinking ‘Mmmmm, she looks fine.’ So no, a man enjoying a woman’s big breasts/etc is not the same as looking at a beautiful painting. But I feel that a lot of people say this because it makes them feel better about the situation or convinces themselves that the situation is okay. I guess I’m going to share my story about this issue.

      I was in love with my fiance. We were friends first and I always thought he was an incredibly nice person and as we were in a relationship I developed even more trust and love towards him. I got to the point where I trusted the love so much that I didn’t mind if he occasionally saw me without makeup and I asked him to rub my stomach for me when it hurt although it sticks out and I try to hide that to the public. Like Smaggle’s boyfriend, my partner would have done anything for me. I introduced him to my mum, etc. But one day I saw him looking at a photo of a woman in lingerie.

      This came as a shock to me because I never knew that it is emotionally possible for men who are in relationships (except really bad ones that cheat) to be attracted to other women. As for me, I’m super attracted to handsome guys when I’m single. But my brain works in such a way, that if I even have a crush on someone, it immediately does not do anything for me whatsoever to see a handsome person. Sure – I can recognise that someone is good-looking (going back to my first paragraph), but I’m not attracted. For a more extreme example, if I were watching a show and 2 men were handsome to me, I’d immediately pick one that I’d feel that “pleasurable attraction” to. I am emotionally incapable of focusing on 2 men in a more-than-platonic (I’m not saying I want to date them or do anything with them – but that’s my best way of expressing it) way at the same time. So I thought it was like this for men as well.

      After this happened, all of my female and male friends, whom I really respect and who are really wholesome people, told me that all men (and even some women) are attracted to other women. One married male friend even told me that once a woman had propositioned him and he said no because he was married, but he was tempted. To me it is a stretch of the imagination to try to understand how someone could possibly find the idea of someone else’s body appealing after they have a wife. Now I’m not saying that my problem with men’s attraction to others means I think they’re tempted to sleep with them – this is just an example of my mindset. People have suggested that I was insecure. To the contrary, I don’t think Lukasz thought that other women were better-looking and I was certain he would not act on his thoughts and that he loved and was devoted to me. However, it just doesn’t seem right to me morally and emotionally.

      The idea that a man could “love” his partner but yet enjoy admiring another women’s breasts is incomprehensible, foreign, and crazy to me. Sometimes I think I’m being punked and that the whole world is playing a trick on me. Surely such a thing can’t be true….but yet it is!

      It has been a year and 2 months since this happened. I have decided that I am going to remain single since it seems indisputable that all men are attracted to other women, and I cannot accept this. Yes, relationships are beautiful, but the mental turmoil that I experience around this issue must dictate my decisions. (I went from a size 6 to a size 0 in less than 2 weeks after this happened and have never recovered – before I had been a size 6 since high school and I’m now almost 25.) Recently I saw some photos of the place I used to live and it made the memories of Lukasz and my time with him very vivid as if I was there only yesterday.

      The whole thing made me cry at work, at home, etc. I did not break up with Lukasz because I had an argument with him or something changed about my feelings towards him. This whole time I have maintained that he was a wonderful person and I have missed his friendship. I decided to contact him through a mutual acquaintance, C. However, I started feeling so anxious that I couldn’t eat for days. It was almost as if I was back in London and I felt totally defenceless and vulnerable against the fact that no matter what, he would be attracted to other women and enjoy looking at other women’s bodies. So I told C not to mention anything.

      After that I started remembering more in detail about his attraction to others and thinking about how if I ever saw him again, I would know he is attracted to others (although to me it would be a very far cry to want to meet him again even if I talked to him). That made me feel cold towards him and I felt “I’m so over it.” I alternate. Some days I sit there and tears run down my face, I dream about him often. In my dreams I know I shouldn’t see him but I hope he will walk in. Lately I had a dream where I was looking at him from afar. He saw me and approached me and hugged me. I felt that he loved me but then I remembered he was attracted to others and that shattered the illusion. Yesterday I saw an article in the news about a woman he was very much attracted to and it made me feel so cold towards him (a picture speaks a thousand words).

      Sometimes I do tell myself…you would be happy to see him again, why not? You only have one life to live. Why not talk to him just because you hold a grudge? (I determined never to talk to him again after this, I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of knowing what I was up to after he did this.) But it’s not only that…..it’s also that it would make me feel very uneasy in the here and now. In fact I would feel that he sees me as inferior because in my mind, if he had really loved me he wouldn’t have been attracted to others, so he must have thought I wasn’t good enough to love. Now rationally I know that’s not true and I even emotionally know it’s not true but my mind has 2 thoughts, and again I emphasise that I wasn’t insecure at the time that this happened. The feelings of inferiority happened afterwards not because I thought he preferred the other women and compared me to them, but because of what I just explained. It’s based on my moral beliefs that true love doesn’t allow for attraction to others.

      And I still do have a grudge which is more pronounced when I remind myself of the details of his attraction instead of thinking of it in an abstract way. But at the same time sometimes I think of the times when people say, I should have told this person I loved them while they were still alive….And I think, Lukasz is still alive and we only have one life to live, why don’t I see him again or tell him I care about him while he’s still around? A lot of people don’t even have that chance. By the way, for the record before I left England Lukasz wrote this in my diary “Maja doesn’t love me any more. I don’t know if when we’ll see each other again and where I will be. But I will wait until I see her in heaven. I hope she will never forget me. I will never forget her.”

      • PP 3 years ago

        I refuse to believe and to accept that the men who loves me would have the desire to check out other females. There are good looking females and men out there and it ends there. I never check out other men because I love my bf so why would he? He is an awesome men and he says I’m the most beautiful thing he has ever seen (I’m not the pretties woman in the world.) He compliments me i every way but lately I have pay very close attention to him. He doesn’t stares but I hate that he makes eye contact with people when we go out, females of course. I know he is not flirting but the fact that he puts his eyes on other females drives me insane. I’m very old fashion and I believe that when you really love someone, not only the body is faithful, BUT the eyes, the heart and soul are faithful along.

        When I realize women are ok and think men are allowed to check out other females, the illusion of getting married one day kind of dies on me… This isn’t fair, I should be the only female my man wants to see……

      • Janet Kung 3 years ago

        Exactly. I’m not going to get a fcking orgasm looking a a beautiful painting like i would by looking at a sexy pair of breasts. wtf.

    • Michael Barata 3 years ago

      The assumption there is sexual organs “always” = sexual contexts. Seeing a women with a gaping chest wound from battle or viewing an art exhibit which features nudity don’t necessarily fit your assertion that seeing such parts of the female anatomy is sexual and means one is not committed.

      Hell, what are thoughts about gynecologists? Your argument will be context and that’s part of her/his job. Well, people are natural observers. Thats what we do. We notice people and things.

      And if this whole discussion is trying to be framed in the context of attention – no one would seem to have an issue if during a convo, someone took notice to a cute lil puppy or blooming tree or juggling clown or a house on a fire, but once you add the fear of looking at another woman/man, that becomes the issue. So, its not about attention. Its about self-esteem, insecurity, and jealousy.

      7 billion people and we are beautiful. Acknowledge that. Embrace that. Love that. Stop trying to deny it.

  26. Daskaea 3 years ago

    I love you, Smaggle-goddess. It’s such a perfect post, as usual.

  27. Martin 3 years ago

    Sort of like the same question why America,Germany,England,etc. dont repent of there evil imaginations about men and there compliments. God never told Adam if he complimented Eves breasts,face,rear and cleavage he would send him to hell. So why do we live in a world where women and socalled cops think they have the right to play God with mens words and cast them out like Satan himself from a shopping center over something as ridiculous as saying your breasts are pretty, your skirt is nice,etc.? Men treated like Jesus the ladies,”police”,governments are the pharisees who are self-righteous.

  28. Merle 3 years ago

    “Lewd” “comment”? What? How about the comments ladies make about men, the inexcusable things they say on the internet,magazines,etc. like men are “pigs” compliments is lied about being mistakenly,wrongfully called hassling,whistling hassling,etc? If women today loved men they would love the Devil so much that they would use two lying words hassling and socalled sexual. All femeanists ought to satanists because alls they think about is themselves. Real Christians should not call the cops on people who compliment them, there bosoms,cleavage,rears, whistle at them,etc. Im sorry I should not have judged you falsely for telling me my breasts are comely. Those who practice evil in Gods eyes by calling compliments,whistling,staring,etc. hassling will be in hell when they are dead unless they repent.

  29. Merle 3 years ago

    Judging men in an obviously derogatory way with your snide remarks like that one shows you dont value your life or where you are going to send it when you are dead. Compliments dont send a man to hell but bearing false witness against a man and holding a grudge against him for more than a year will send you to hell, because your holding the compliment he gave you, against him. Thats morally and spiritually wrong to call compliments, “lewd” “comments”, commentary,message, and even hassling thinking it should be a “crime”? Compliments was not to be profaned in such a vile manner to insult us,our intelligence. God complimented the earth and man and woman.

  30. Kiara 3 years ago

    If you are comfortable with yourself then you will always be comfortable in your relationship (because to care enough about yourself means that you will only give your time and heart to someone who fits and deserves it). I have been with my partner for 13 years (since I was a teenager) and he is a lot more experienced than I am in the dating/flirting/sex ranks (given he was my first boyfriend!). Sex is sex. I am old fashioned and have only ever kissed one man – but sex is sex, art is subjective, beauty is all around us and I find it completely funny and healthy that he openly notices other women based on their appearance. It’s healthy and we have seriously bigger hurdles in life then worrying about really silly and normal things like noticing the world around us! The more open you are about these things, the healthier they remain – if you constantly get down at someone for these issues it just magnifies them and transforms them into problems that were never there in the first place IMO.

  31. em 3 years ago

    my boyfriend does this too… and i worried this means he cant devote himself to me…

  32. Spider 3 years ago

    I’d have his nuts on toast for breakfast!

  33. Jeff 3 years ago

    I missed my ex bad. My family and friends were tired of me being so upset one of them actually ordered a Love Spell for me from priestandrew91@yahoo.com, I had no idea what they had done. They ordered the LOVE SPELL as it the best and most powerful and effective Love Spell. Needless to say, I was shocked to see my wife at the door a week later with her eyes full of tears, I cannot believe how well my spell worked. — Jeff

  34. Ashley 3 years ago

    Yeaa… Honestly, I don’t have a problem with it. I look at other woman too! Lol. We both usually end up starring at the same ones and he usually looks at me grinning and will say she got a big butt or something . Then I just shake my head and laugh. But he always tells me that she has nothing on me though. I let him go to strip clubs with his boys as well and sometimes me and him go together! Then we go Home and I dance and he throws me 1’s and we have sex all night. Lol. And your probably thinking he’s a jerk but actually he is total gentleman and treats me like the queen that I am. Oh and Im not some ugly low self esteem woman either, I know my worth and I get hit on by men and women everyday. I guess im just weird though. Men are highly visual creatures though so I wouldn’t get so upset over it, they will never stop looking at beautiful woman. Just have a little confidence just because he looks doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. 🙂

  35. Grace 3 years ago

    My first husband had so much respect for me and for himself . He strongly believed in God he never ever looked at women, I think that type of guy is so easy to be with plus you trust them and respect them more because they are showing respect to the marriage. My second husband I love him and we have fun together but l he has this problem he cannot stop staring at women. One day we were at some music event I’ll never forget it he saw one of the winner of the American beauty pageant and she was much older now

    . My husband ran off during intermission , he is one of those older groupie type of guys that loves to brag how he saw so and so and they said hi to him! Just like in high school! Since , his eyes are going I realized something…..then I started to giggle then I had all out laugh fit because Miss beauty pageant lady now looked like a real live drag queen! Then my husband came back and said, wow she looks bad.then he goes she almost looks like she was in drag! I laughed so much . I’m 10 years younger than my husband and I used to model so when I dress up men stare. So I decided to turn the tables. I wore the tightest dress you could imagine and still be able to breath and walk! LOL A night out to the symphony and as we waiting to cross the street this guy in a Ferrari was stopped at the light and my husband was just staring at his car and then my husband goes the guy in the car is staring at you and I’m staring at his car! I go oh he is then I looked at the guy and smiled. That is just the beginning I did that to all the guys all night smiled and gave them eye contact. This is so not me, just doing it felt so insane, like I was desperate or insecure in some way like a silly teenage girl it was so felt so strange to behave in this way I have no idea how anyone can just walk around gawking at others. I forced myself to do it to make a point . That night, I wanted my husband to see with his eyes , and feel with his heart, what it feels like when someone you love, really is not present for you and could really careless how it makes you feel . Anyhow I felt going with him places made me feel bad and I felt embarrassed to take him anywhere with me, you know how a parent may tell the child I can’t take you anywhere if act like this! Well that his how I felt so I would rather just go alone to places, parties that way I don’t have to deal with the negative emotions it causes so I just left him at home . The other thing is his mother abused him physically and emotionally, nor was she spiritual in anyway so why would he ever really respect women ,,, i think by punishing or disrespecting women in his life, he is actually maybe punishing all women to what happen to him as a child. If you really think about it most women hate being stared too much it gives us the creeks It is okay to glance but when you fall into a trance well it seems crazy. He is a really nice guy who knows who he would be today if his mother would of just loved him. and taught him about the type of life God wants for you because he loves you so much

  36. Tara 3 years ago

    I wish i had your attitude on this! My boyfriend almost breaks his neck trying to get a good stare at a beautiful women in front of me. He actually goes out of his way to do this too. He treats me right, says he loves me but it totally bothers me that he does it because i feel second rate…which leads me to question whether its my own insecurities or whether its him? Its driving me mental

  37. Marvin 3 years ago

    You would care if she or he looked and stared at others? Disgraceful. Satan wanted the socalled sexual hassling law passed that was his will in hell as it is on earth. Two lying words, “sexual” and “hassling”. They don’t even have that nice of a ring to it, those two words don’t. It’s insulting and offensive to call compliments a crime of “hassling”.

  38. Sophie 3 years ago

    I think that men and women are just born to be different, and we cannot help it that men are just more visual than women. I think that the best thing as a woman to do when a man looks at another woman is just to ignore that, and love him nonetheless for who he is, and how he treats YOU. And the best thing for a man to do is … of course, after looking at another woman, to quickly get back to your girl and give her a big hug in the way that can communicate to her ‘yes, i like beautiful women, and I am so lucky to be with the most beautiful woman like you’. 🙂

    Check out my blog post on if our desires can be fulfilled by one person – maybe we can relate to this: http://clockkilla.blogspot.com/2013/11/lipstick-jungle-can-we-get-everything.html

  39. Nancy Stevens 2 years ago

    My boyfriend treats me like I am just someone to fuck and to take care of him, he has pushed me out of way because of a hot girl and is always looking at girls , he is 56 yes old,so yes I don’t like it

  40. Jill 2 years ago

    Does it ever cross your mind that he’s thinking of them while having sex with you? Fantasies make me wonder who we’re really having sex with. I would find it hard to believe if I were told most people don’t question it.

  41. Jill 2 years ago

    I think it’s disrespectful, too. He can do that on his own time, when I’m not around. I don’t do that to him, and I think if I did it as much as he did, it wouldn’t be long before I would see some sort of annoyance on his part. It is also depressing to think that I would like to start dressing slutty and looking around for eye candy just to see how he likes it. If it’s meaningless, then why can’t they stop, so we can feel better? Like you said, there’s a lot to see–a lot of other things to look at when you’re with your wife or girlfriend. And telling women how to feel, well, nobody tells me how to feel. I cross-examine my own feelings and motives quite thoroughly.

  42. Jill 2 years ago

    One more thing: You can try to befriend and love everyone on the planet, but if you want your sex life to be exclusive, the need to be considered the hottest thing around becomes very important. That makes sense to me. I don’t want to be wondering if he would rather be fucking someone else. Why would I, when he’s the only partner I’ve got? If I were promiscuous, I really wouldn’t care.

  43. Blahhh 2 years ago

    What if he points out or comments on how attractive other women are, even after you tell him that this bothers you and you’d prefer if he could stop? I don’t expect him to never look, but I don’t feel the need to send him a memo every time I see a good-looking man. I feel disrespected and like he does not understand, and he makes light of it and minimises it and says I’m over-reacting. Conflicted.

  44. yas watts 2 years ago

    Great page… needing help, struggling with this just now. I hooked up with a friend from childhood who had completed 22 yrs in the army. When we first got together he rattled on about how pretty his ex was and pointed out other pretty girls to me, never once saying i looked nice or pretty. I took it on the chin thinking im a confident young woman and comfortable in my skin and could see this was more of an insecurity on his side. Then i caught him flirting on 2 different occassions on line… i was devestated. He was forced to apologise and stopped the online flirting and began trying to persuade me i was beautiful. By this time my self esteem had plumetted and now i dont believe him. He checks girls out when im there and i agree its pretty normal… however it turns my stomach and makes me feel physically sick. I long for the days when i was confident and around good male friends for encouragement. Why cant i deal with this? I feel like his big sister now, unatractive to him and we’re contemplating splitting. Shame as we work well together (had a business together) and make eachother laugh. Whats gone wrong?? X

  45. Can't deal with it 2 years ago

    I have had issues with my boyfriend, not for checking out other women, but for making stupid jokes about how he’d find a lover, take condoms when going away alone, go off with my sister, stuff like that. He insists it’s just habit and means nothing. I told him time & time again how upsetting it was but he carried on for months.
    Then I found him on a dating site on the web, accidentally. That killed me. When I met him he was on the web and he said he just hadn’t had time to take off the profile, and never used it.
    Then at a party I heard him comment to another man about how he’d met his “sexual fantasy” at a party recently (from other details of the conversation I know he wasn’t talking about me). He did this within earshot and I have never, ever been so angry with someone. I took him out of there and dumped him. Than, after talking for a long time, he insisted it was just a stupid comment, like male bullshit, and that nothing had happened, he was just “letting off steam” because of tension in the relationship. I carried on with him on condition he took this to a psychologist.
    I do actually believe that until now (1 and a half years together) he has been faithful and that most of this is just thoughtless, that at the moment he doesn’t intend to cheat. However, it has given me such an inordinate amount of insecurity that I’m unsure I can ever get over it or feel I can trust him. I have never felt unreasonably insecure or jealous before in a relationship and I like to live and let live. So it’s unbearable for me to feel I’m fretting if he goes out with friends, for instance. I hate this and I don’t know if I want to continue with him.

    However at base, I feel we are in an uneven playing field. This burns me up. I’ve never made him feel insecure, I have no need to, plus, and this is key here, online dating and the new forms of relating scare me and I can’t do it. I want love or at least caring with sex, not free sex without true freedom, although I’m extremely sexual. He had a great time online and I know he would go back to that happily at the drop of a hat. It makes me feel nauseous.
    I kind of identify with Hatlover though I wouldn’t have been upset by what upset her. But in the sense that she just feels that there are common ways of seeing things that hurt her too much and she’d rather not be in a relationship than put up with them. Although it’s not that extreme for me, there is a base inequality in the ways men and women approach relationships that I feel very strongly and I just don’t know how to get around it or deal with it. I can’t just take it in my stride. Does this resonate with anyone?

  46. mel 2 years ago

    Well, I always felt okay with the checking out women business when I was younger because I was still in the game and could hold my own so to say. Now I’m older it’s not so okay with me anymore. I used to get checked out a bit and it made me feel a bit better about my husband’s glances at other women but now it’s as though I’m invisible to men. They look right past me and check out the younger women around me. I’m slim and not ugly but must have fallen off the procreation radar, it just started this year as I’ve just turned 40! Now I know what my husband is attracted to and I don’t have it anymore 🙁

    Now that I know other men don’t find me attractive (they don’t notice me at all!) I’m having serious doubts about my attractiveness toward my husband. This is a HORRIBLE space to be in, an insecure one. I’m not looking forward to him noticing no one checks me out either – big value drop for a guy. Honestly, I never ever saw this coming. I used to be really fine with him checking out others……so much easier when you can still your own.

  47. rachel 2 years ago

    Sounds like your minimizing women to body parts. That’s a person who doesn’t need to be ogled just because she’s a woman. Sounds like you’re all clinging to some society created justified idea that women want to be noticed. If you were all happy with your life and slightly understood its meaning ogling women would be less of a concern and you’d be more focused on your life then another womans body.

    • sauce 2 years ago

      I have to say I agree with you. I see it as disrespectful to women, and to the partner. There are women that like to be looked at, but unfortunately when you are so intent on who’s looking at you, you place your self worth in their hands. It’s very unsteady, and it’s also dangerous because one day those looks will stop. Not only that, there is always someone younger, prettier, or just different to ogle. I’m beginning to think everyone is just brainwashed by the media now. I mean, if people want to be fine with their partner ogling, then that is up to them. However, I don’t think they should act like they have taken the moral high ground, because it’s perfectly acceptable for men (and women) to expect their partner not to ogle others. After all, I don’t think many of us want to be just ‘friends’ that takes care of the cooking, cleaning, babies etc. while the husband gawks at younger women and fantasizes about them.

      Appreciating beauty with a quick glance is fair enough, but staring or constantly looking, especially to the point where they miss the other partner’s conversation is rude in my opinion (again, if a woman/ man is ok with that, then whatever – but it doesn’t make it ‘right’ or ‘wrong’, just a different boundary to others who don’t think it’s ok). Oh, also there is no evidence that men are more visual than women. Studies that have touted this are outdated. I suggest people read ‘what do women want?” by Daniel Berger. He reviewed the literature, and found that women are just as visual as men, when talking about their physiological response. Previous studies had a major flaw in that the studies were based on self disclosure, which is known to cause major bias in studies. Particularly with participants saying answers that they ‘feel’ they should say. I.e. men have always been encouraged to be sexually aggressive, and have the ‘upper hand’, therefore to be seen as a ‘man’ they feel the pressure to say they are visual, whereas women are less likely to be truthful about their fantasies, as they are likely to be labelled a sl*t or wh*re. Men have also been trained to see women as sexual objects since the day they were born, whereas women are taught they are ’emotional’ and only have or want sex with someone they ‘love’. Therefore of course this conditioning shows up in studies. Those that tell themselves that sexual responses are ‘innate’ in men and women, and are different have been reading too much pop psychology (not hard to come by). They also keep themselves in denial and look after their own ego, but saying ‘everyone does it, they can’t help it’. Again, it’s fine if people are truly ok with that – I cannot dictate what happens in other’s relationships. But I despise it when they try to back up their own opinions with untrue, outdated, pop psych babble.

  48. Tayla 2 years ago

    I strongly hate it when my boyfriend stares at other girls right in front of me like honestly it really does hurt inside and makes you feel like you aren’t good enough! Everytime u get up him for doing it he denies it and says he will stop but he keeps on doing it which hurts me a lot more :(((( sometimes guys don’t realise how much it can hurt there partner :'(

  49. Female 28 fl 2 years ago

    I think if the man ultimately satisfied his gfs needs it wouldn’t be such a big issue. Underlining things are probably going on, which then makes sense why he’s looking and why it makes her feel so bad. To say it’s human nature and every one does it, is like saying….”I’m sorry it makes you feel like shit but I can’t help it”. Calling it an esteem issue just leaves the person to deal with it on their own and forgetting it’s a partnership.

  50. Depressed 1 year ago

    I think it is truly heartbreaking that women are being reduced to pretending to ogle other women just to look cool for a man. Seriously, have some self-respect. Also, think about the woman you are talking about and reducing to nothing more than a set of mammary glands. So much for sisterhood, when even women are reducing you to nothing more than your sex organs just to try and look good in the eyes of some sleazy sad old wanker.

    • lola684 1 year ago

      What about a man that keeps looking at the same girl several times during the course of a meal….not staring as such but keeps looking over sneakily?

  51. Virginiapetal 11 months ago

    I think what bothers the most about this article, and many of the comments, is the total reduction of women to body parts. This is where the problem lies; why it upsets some women, why it can be emotionally crippling, why women have so much depression and horror about aging (you wait…you’ll get there). There are some wonderful comments here that eventually the writer and some of the other commentors will appreciate one day. I do NOT like how it makes me feel when my boyfriend cannot peel his eyes off another girl, and I wholly appreciate that this feeling is rooted deep inside of myself. While I still get looked at, I am at an age where I know this will stop, no matter what I do. I ask myself all the time, why is it that a man’s gaze has so much power over how I feel about myself and my value? It has been very difficult for me…oh and yes, I was one of those girls talking about how I am not intimidated by other women and blah blah blah. That was me. These days I struggle to find meaning for myself outside of what men think of my looks…and you would not believe how powerful the struggle is. There is one person here (sauce) who hit the nail on the head….spot on. Thank you for your comments.

    • Sauce 9 months ago

      Virginiapetal, you’re right! That’s exactly the problem – reducing women to body parts. It is disrespectful, not only to the partner of the man, but also the woman/ girl being ogled. Sure she may like it while she’s young (I was one of them) but it’s actually very damaging. She will realise when she matures a bit, that her whole worth was based on being an object for men to ogle. Even when she’s young she’ll realise she’s not getting respect from those men, and she’ll find it hard to find her own self worth outside of what men think of her looks. Which sounds harmless, but it’s crippling. I still get looks too, butam also at an age where I know it’ll stop. I’m also at that strange intersection where I look for validation from men’s looks, but also hate the feeling of being an object despite the fact I’m a full person. It also takes the fun out of sex when you’re an object…because you know you’re only there to be looked at, so you end up playing a movie scene when you’re having sex…not actually being in the moment. You know that sex is shallow with your partner and that as soon as you don’t look good, or someone else catches his eye due to just looking different to you, then you’re no longer the only one for him sexually. It’s damaging to all parties involved in ogling, no matter how benign it seems.

  52. Kat Doll 10 months ago

    Hi…i know i need help. I was molested by an older family member when i was younger, and he used to parade women in front of me. Im now 43 and remarried. My new husband appreciates beauty a great deal, and says its like looking at a painting. No matter how much i try to deal with it, it tears me up inside. I feel like im either going to be insane or drive him away. He is truly loving and respectful, never ogling, but its still very painful.

    • Sauce 9 months ago

      Kat doll, it’s definitely a good idea to get counselling because of your past abuse…for yourself though, not for your husbands benefit. However you do have every right to feel upset about your husband looking at other women. If you are uncomfortable with it, he shouldn’t be openly looking or talking about it. Even if it’s not ogling. He is a grown man and he can learn to avert his eyes and his attention! You aren’t asking that much of him! If it causes pain to you, he should listen and adjust to that. I can understand people noticing attractive people – I notice an attractive man, boy, woman, girl, child, baby, even animals…but it’s not remotely sexual at all! It’s just noticing an attractive quality and moving on. I never stare! It’s just rude. The difference between noticing beauty and the way men ‘appreciate’ beauty is that noticing is just noticing. Like you would acknowledge a great singer or dancer or the fact that the sky is blue. However the way men ‘appreciate’ beauty is often sexual. Beauty is not supposed to be sexual. Our culture has blurred the lines. They also place emphasis on this importance of beauty and that’s why it hurts. If your partner noticed attractive people of all ages and sexes and moved on, it would probably be ok. But the fact he appreciates beauty so much, to me shows he is putting a large emphasis on it. Plus “it’s like looking at a painting” is quite objectifying in my opinion. Women are human beings. They are not pretty things to admire.

      Take care of yourself and please don’t be so hard on yourself x

      • kathy 9 months ago

        Thank you for your encouraging words Sauce….. I have started counseling this week.

  53. RC 9 months ago

    My now ex-boyfriend openly checked out young and older women to the point of leaving me alone to try to get their attention. Didn’t matter where we were. It hurt me deeply. I don’t mind looking but the leering was total disrespect. I expect to be treated with respect and will treat him the same. As they say. Hurt to leave, but would hurt more to stay. Moved on.

  54. Meghan 9 months ago

    Wow lots of comments. I guess none of the readers here found this site by searching “upset about boyfriend checking out women” like I did.

    I think the common feeling from women is to accept it and go with it. And when I’m in my least jealous mood I might be okay with it, (like if I’m currently high). But really it does bother me. Like an irrational, bad pms reaction.

    My boyfriend also gets irrationally jealous about my guy friends. Maybe we both have some issues that make us this way.

    I think that there is one major reason that I feel so deeply hurt by his attention going to another girl’s physicalities. It’s because I feel like the part of me that is most compelling to him is my body. He tells me often enough that he loves different aspects of my personality, and I know that if he didn’t love these things about my personality he wouldn’t be with me. I know it’s true that he loves me for who I am inside. But what does he point out about me almost every time he walks near me? He grabs my tits or smacks my ass. He is just obsessed with it. He might know that he loves my personality, but his brain is constantly flashing neon signs that say “Ass! Tits! Ass! Tits!” It consumes him. And it’s great that he is so enamored. But what that means is that another woman can walk by and give him the same reaction. It’s not like my tits are more alluring to him because they’re mine. Tits are tits. In fact I think the unfamiliarity of a different body would be more alluring. More like “holy shit new ass! Holy fuck new tits!”. So, it’s the one thing I think preoccupies him about me most, and it’s also the one thing that is easily replaceable in another woman.

    I think I could remind him to stop emphasizing those things about me so often and focus on the other things, but the problem is just that he would have to make this conscious choice to change what he naturally is thinking about. Pysical overpowers non physical naturally. What do guys talk about most regarding girls? “Dude this chick is sooo chill”? “This girl is hilarious man it’s fucking awesome”? Yeah maybe once for every 500 times a guy says something about a pair of tits or ass. But even then how EXCITED is he about it? It’s more like an interesting comment about a girls personality but something really fucking thrilling about a pair of tits. Guys need to date a girl with the right personality that’s true. But guys only get PSYCHED about a woman’s physical features. Guys access and appreciate personality like someone accesses their finances. “Yes, all of the saving are there and in the best investments. Wow that’s fantastic, I have nothing to worry about. This is going to really serve me well. I’m definitely keeping my money here.” It’s a good feeling. That’s what all of these girls on here are feeling like is the most important. “He’s going home to me at the end of the day.” “He’s with me and that’s all that matters.” “He’s not going to leave me because our relationship is strong.” But that’s the cake. And if you’re like me who always asks for a corner piece of the cake, this metaphor works to explain what I’m getting at. The body is icing. The fun part. That’s when you make a trip to Disneyland, or a resort stay at the Bahamas. Fuck yeah vacation time!!!!!! What is more fun, looking at your bank account, or looking out at the horizon from an island? What is more exciting, staring at your account on your phone or shooting down a water slide in a tropical resort after downing a margarira?

    And looking at women really is that fun to guys. Its an adrenaline rush. It’s THE adrenaline rush. It’s the number one thing that trumps everything else good in the world. Nothing beats it. Looking at tits. And that’s what hurts. A stranger might not get his “love” which is like this deep meaningful important thing, but she can get his “love for tits”, which is the thrilling and fun part.

    • Sauce 9 months ago

      Sorry I’ve written on here so many times, but I get emails when there’s a new comment and I’m very passionate about this. Just wanted to say Meghan that your comment was so well written, really great analogies and I totally understand. I always thought I would grow out of it, but it got worse as I got older. It makes perfect sense what you say. Men aren’t innately like this, but our society teaches them from the day they’re born that women are there to look at and play with. What you describe is more crudely known as the madonna who re dichotomy. And as a woman, I don’t want to choose. I don’t want the love, if he just wants the new set of Ta ta’s. Sorry I want the fun.

  55. ANDREA 8 months ago

    Ok ladies agreed..but it it okay to say about every girl that your man says ” I’d like to fuck and cum all over her titties” have a threesome or open relationship? When he knows your not that type of girl? Or when your camping together and him hoping that that red hair girl will come.?.join us” or nice million dollar hips or nice pussy lips? Or can fuck other girls while away at work? What’s appropriate boundaries? There’s bedroom talk but there’s also a thin line to cross or try to come on to friends and a few times accomplish with it to a point where your friends don’t come around anymore because they are uncomfortable with your man around and because alcohol is involved? Please answer this..this is me..

  56. ANDREA 8 months ago

    Is it ok having to hear this all the time in bed or driving around giving him a blowjobs while looking at other girls on the street? Or wanting threesomes with my mom or family? It’s not normal in my eyes and he wonders why I’m so angry all the time and unhappy and turned off. Then when I hang out with my male friend only innocent way he chokes me and beats me because I don’t tell him because he’s threatened an end of our relationship or hurting them?

  57. Beni 6 months ago

    My boyfriend has a huge stating problem!I think it’s disgusting I think he’s just obsessed in general with women. Constantly on social networks looking at them or adding them.He’s a nice guy and good family man but he gives more attention to random girls other than me and talking to him about this is hopeless he pretends be doesn’t understand n laughs

  58. Beni 6 months ago


  59. Michelle 4 months ago

    I think it is rude and disrespectful when he looks in front of me and then comments how he would like to touch her ass….it makes me feel like nothing…

  60. Michelle 4 months ago

    My man when called on it says just kidding…I say your not, then I suddenly become the asshole….Right that’s It now it’s my fault, let’s get real, there’s a difference between looking and want to f it.

  61. isaacjun16 1 month ago

    Hi, I’m a 28 years old man, I’m in a happy relationship with my girlfriend, already living together for 2 year and a half now, but and incident happen yesterday that got me worried. While we were coming back from the grocery store, we passed close to one of those corners where there are women all day, when we passed, there was a woman with a really tiny skirt, so we noticed her, I didn’t stare at her, while we were getting closer to her, she went inside a store, so when we passed in front of the store, the curiosity won me over and I turned to see her, but was not to see what the skirt was not covering, honestly I just turned to see her face, like I said, I just got curious, but my girlfriend noticed me, then she got mad and hits me in the stomach and she started to walk faster, we were also walking our dog so, I took it slow and let her cool off, once we got home, se was still mad, and toll me the se was really mad at me, and then started to struggle with me, I told her to calm down but she was really mad and started to curse, and ask me why I turned to se her, I told her that I got curious and I just wanted to see her face, but she didn’t believe me, and demanded an apologies from me, to turn to see the ass of that woman on the street, in the moment I told her I would not apologies, because I didn’t turn to see what she thinks I did, then I told her we better talk after she calm down, but she kept struggling with me, in one point she got tired and then she grab my face stared to my eyes, and told me that I was the worst piece of shit, and walked away, I’m not trying to be the victim of this story, but this had never happen before, I saw a face of her I had never seen before, although she always been a bit temper, but yesterday she went completely out of it, I don’t know what to do or say because she doesn’t talk me since yesterday…

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Hell Yes and Shit No.

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