When My Boyfriend Checks Out Other Women In Front Of Me.

When My Boyfriend Checks Out Other Women In Front Of Me.


I was having a chat with one of my girlfriends a few years ago and she was really upset. She’d been walking around the shops with her beau and he’d checked out a few women right in front of her. She called him on it. He got defensive. They had a fight. The usual stuff.

She made a remark that I’m lucky that my man would never do that in front of me. Um… beg to fucking differ. My man is a supreme gentleman of the first order. He’s a real door-opener, drink buyer, subtly remove a drunken person from a party and drive them home kind of guy. He treats me like a queen, makes me tea every day and cleans up after me without complaint. He’s wonderful. However he has both a penis and eyes, the two of which (or three of which) are linked by many blood vessels and sexy themed brain waves. If a great pair of tits walks past, he’s going to look at them. If a magnificent arse is shaking it’s thing in front of him, he’s going to see it and appreciate it. It’s a built-in impulse, a light bulb moment. His brain is all ‘Tits! I like those!. Same as when kids see a Baskin Robbins or my mum sees tequila.

How do I feel about this? Honestly? I don’t give a shit. Not even half a shit. Why? Because women are fucking fantastic. They’re magnificent and they come in the most extraordinary shapes and sizes. Looking at women is awesome*. Some have great tits, some have amazing legs, some have faces like dolls, some have fabulous hair, some dress like they just walked out of the Dior workshop in Paris and some have smiles that make you feel like the world is a unicorn playground. It’s all very, very good. Particularly breasts, I love breasts. Mine are rather modest in size so I love a decent sized pair of knockers. If I was a dude or a lesbian they’d totally be my thing. If a gal walks past and she’s got the puppies on display, I’m going to check them out. Because they rock. So why would I deny my boyfriend that?

Before everyone starts accusing me of being a disgusting tits pervert let me just make a point. Boobs are attached to people, usually women. So are faces, legs, eyes and arses. All of which are likely to grab my attention and therefore  are likely to grab my boyfriend’s attention. It’s all part of a package of beauty. Him pointing out a beautiful women to me is no different to him pointing out a beautiful building. It’s something that’s visually pleasing to him and quite frankly I like it when he shares those things with me. I don’t want to miss a great rack anymore than I want to miss a really cute dog wearing a hoody. It’s just more awesome stuff to see. 

Having said all that, there’s a big difference between appreciation and lechery. If he stares laciviously, makes a lewd comment at a women, flirts with another woman or openly looks at a women in an obviously sexual or derogatory way, particularly when in the company of a large group of other men then he’s being an extreme tool and you have every right to tell him to stick it. If your man sneaks a side ways glance at a pretty girl in the mall, I don’t feel that it’s that big a deal. We’re sexual beings and pleasure whores. Our eyes naturally wander towards things that look good.

Over to you… how do you feel when your partner checks out other people in front of you? Do you not give a shit? Or does it really bother you?

I’m assuming that I represent the minority on this one so I’d love to hear your thoughts!

* You know what else I like looking at? Men! Square jawlines, floppy hair, awesome jeans, side burns, broad shoulders, white teeth. People are just great to look at aren’t they?

Carly is the founding editor of Smaggle which launched in 2007 back when blogging was weird. She has appeared in The Sydney Morning Herald, The Age, Cosmopolitan and Cleo magazines. Hoop earrings are totally her thing and she almost got run over by Myf Warhurst while out jogging one day.

70 Comments

  1. I totally 100% agree with you. My gentleman sounds like yours…charming polite, worships me…and it’s all about appreciating beauty rather than tongues hanging out, staring like a cartoon character. 

    • Author
      Smaggle 2 years ago

       Oh how lucky we are! :-)

      • Star 3 months ago

        Thank-you Carly (or Smaggle!).

        I’ve been trying to find the words to differentiate between the ‘looks’ guys give for so long and this article articulates the difference perfectly!

        I too appreciate beauty of all sorts…like has been said, buildings, a cute dog wearing a sweater, a sunset/sunrise, a gret set of tits/ass/legs on a chick, a muscular guy, a great jaw line/hair you want to run your hands through/washboard abs/stunning eyes on guys and girls, long list short, I love it all!

        But there’s such a difference between the looks. The ‘I appreciate your beauty’ and the ‘the things I’d do to you’ looks are so vastly different. It would be great if more guys read this article to know just how uggy and creepy the “toungue hanging out, staring like a cartoon character” look truely is!

        I’m fairly oblivious to people ‘checking me out’…according to my boyfriend it happens though, so I’ll take his word for it! But I do notice the “cartoon character” look and wow does that ever make my skin crawl!

        Thanks again for finding the words I can’t seem to be able to string together on my own! :D

  2. Nicole 2 years ago

    You might not be in that small a minority on this one. I completely agree with you (and Elise).  If my husband checks someone out, it’s subtle enough not to be creepy/gross, but he’s definitely kind enough to share the view with me. And just like Mr Smaggle, treats me like an infinity bucks : P
    Women can be just as gorgeous as men to me. In fact that lady on top of your post is one of our favourites.
    He also has a thing for cute girls in glasses so if I spot someone who fits that bill first, I’ll often let him know. I might be a little weird though because I think I used to point out beautiful women to my brother as well.

    On the flip-side, has your man ever noticed you being perved at?

    • Melanie Lindner 2 years ago

      ‘On the flip-side, has your man ever noticed you being perved at?’

      Yep, and he points it out because I’m usually oblivious to it!!

    • Author
      Smaggle 2 years ago

       My man has actually noticed but I tend to get checked out by girls more than men. My lesbian friend says it’s because I’m tall.

  3. TheArtistKnownAsSawHole 2 years ago

    It depends if it is blatant or subtle.

    • Author
      Smaggle 2 years ago

       That’s the clincher, I totally agree.

  4. Nessbow 2 years ago

    It doesn’t bother me, because it’s always subtle and I feel secure in the knowledge that my boyfriend would never cheat on me.  As you said, it’s more about noticing and appreciating something beautiful than scouting out someone to bang.  

    In the past, I’ve been in relationships when this has been a big issue.  This is mainly because a. the guy had a history of cheating on his girlfriends or b. the guy was flirting/propositioning other women right in front of me.

    • Author
      Smaggle 2 years ago

       I’ve seen men check out other women in a really gross way and that’s not cool.

      • Author
        Smaggle 2 years ago

         That’s totally the clincher, completely agree.

  5. Granthrax 2 years ago

    I don’t think I have ever noticed my man checking another guy out, let alone a woman. I’d like to say “I would be cool with it because I am hip and comfortable with myself like Smaggle”. But I’m not. I am a green-eyed, violently jealous, controll freak. As far as I am concerned, I am the centre of the universe, and everyone should know this and act appropriately, especially my guy.

    I’m  happy for him to check people out, I’ll even encourage it; but not while I am present. When I am around, I am priority number one.

    However, I happen to be something of a lech myself. I actively try not to be when my guy is around, but I border on predatory-gay when I am with my girlfriends or basically anyone else. I am aware this is a double-standard.  I’m complex* like that.

    Xx

    *Read “I am a duplicitous a-hole”.

    • Author
      Smaggle 2 years ago

       Ha, you’re funny! You’re also totally correct. You ARE the centre of the universe.

  6. Destrehan's Daughter/Sarah 2 years ago

    I actually suggest women that I think he would find attractive so I’m with you on this one.  I don’t care if he looks provided he isn’t being skeevy and gross.  I also look openly at other dudes but never in a leering yucky way.  I work with many men on a college campus too so I’m used to the oh i’m sorry I was distracted for a minute look.  40 year old men + college students = brain pauses. 

    • Author
      Smaggle 2 years ago

       As long it’s respectful! x

  7. Helen Perris 2 years ago

    I’m usually the one pointing the attractive women out to my husband so he can have a sly glace and appreciate the view. He occasionally points out attractive men for me. It’s all fair.

    • Author
      Smaggle 2 years ago

       I’m the same. I find hot chicks and I’m like ‘She’s a babe!’

  8. Omega 2 years ago

    The day I stop rubbernecking at gorgeous girls and boys and stop admiring the world around me is the day they’ll put me in a pine box!

    For me though there’s a big difference between looking over and saying “Wow, look at her, she’s gorgeous!” and “heh heh heheheh I’d like to bleep the bleep out of that bleeping bleep…” 
    Recognising beauty in all it’s forms is one thing, objectifying people and being skeezy, is quite another. 

    • Author
      Smaggle 2 years ago

       Totally. If it’s sleezy it’s just not on.

  9. Suegp 2 years ago

    My husband is fabulous – and was friend for many years before we bagan to date.  Several of his Ex-Girlfriends attended our wedding as they are my friends too.  I think he taste is great so he can keep on looking if he wants – I am flattered to be is such lovely company.

    • Author
      Smaggle 2 years ago

       What a lovely way to look at it. :-)

  10. Melanie Lindner 2 years ago

    I totally agree.  We are sexual creatures and, men in particular, visual creatures.  My husband is quite free to admire anyone or anything that wanders by looking good, just as I am.  To his credit his admiring is usually accompanied by a comment like ‘you’d look great in that dress’ or ‘your boobs are way better than hers’.  Whether it’s true or just a cover up, at least he’s trying :)

    • Author
      Smaggle 2 years ago

       To my man’s credit he usually checks out girls that look like me. :-)

  11. lulu c 2 years ago

    I don’t mind at all, like you it just seems natural to check people out so it’s not really fair to get annoyed at something I do too. I don’t approve of him ‘checking out’ my friends (because I think they’re fantastic catches and I get a little jealous…) but if he says “your friend looks really lovely tonight” then that’s cool.  But in your article you’re talking more about strangers, which is totally fine if it’s harmless admiration, not creepy or offensive comments.

  12. Tara 2 years ago

    Are you telling me that there are men who occasionally look away from their iPhones?! Amazing!

  13. Fiona 2 years ago

    My partner and I like to check out chicks together ;)

  14. tuffhr 2 years ago

    I point them out to the spouse.  And totally agree – beautiful is beautiful, why not appreciate it?

  15. Kathryn OHalloran 2 years ago

    I tend to agree but it depends on the situation too.  I used to go drinking with a guy friend (not a bf) and he’d constantly interupt me to rave about some chick’s tits.  I found that really rude and annoying especially if I was saying something IMPORTANT.

  16. Harlow 2 years ago

    I check out girls more than my partner does, so if anyone should have a problem it’s him! No really though, it’s not a lesbian thing, it’s just that yes, women are beautiful and it’s hard not to look and admire. I do this constantly, when watching tv or just when we’re out. We often discuss how hot actresses are I guess we have a pretty similar taste in women :P In the most non f*cked up, weird way, we have crushes on the same women sometimes lol, like Kate Winslet! I don’t know, it just doesn’t bother me…and I am a very insecure person! To be honest though, I’ve never actually noticed him looking at girls…but that’s probably because I was too busy looking myself haha.

    I personally don’t look at other guys because (while I really don’t want to sound contrived here) why the f*ck would I want to look at other men when the one in front of me is the most beautiful man I have ever seen? I’m just not interested…

  17. Hannah 2 years ago

    Mr BB doesn’t really do it that much. I think it is natural but if he did it a lot I’d find it hard. Especially if they were thinner than me – it’s always a sticking point for me and even though I know it is irrational I’d feel like I was a disappointment. I think it is natural but that doesn’t mean my reaction to it is rational. Oh dear x

  18. Katherine 2 years ago

    Brilliant. I love it. I think I’m worse than my boyfriend…or maybe I’m just more vocal than him haha! I like Tara’s comment too ;)

  19. mumabulous 2 years ago

    Ha – I’m with Tara. My techie guru husband is more likely to comment on that hot chicks smoking new ipad than her righteous bazookas. (I’m sure he does appreciate the bazooksa however!).

  20. Sasha 2 years ago

    I wish I could agree with you, I hate being bothered by something so seemingly petty.
    But it hurts.
    I am a fairly slim girl, but my husband has a thing for extremely tiny girls, and always checks them out in front of me. He told me I was fat, so I lost 30 pounds and finally was self-confident with him now that I was one of those very petite girls. But he never complimented me or even noticed. The only comment he made was: “I wouldn’t check out other girl’s asses if your ass wasn’t still fat”. I kills me inside because I know that no matter how skinny I get there will always be someone skinnier; I am in my 20′s and just can’t compete with the middle/high school girls my husband looks at.
    I think women are gorgeous and maybe if my husband was just appreciating their beauty then I wouldn’t be jealous, but I know he’s comparing my body to theirs. He wants kids but I’m afraid to get pregnant. It’s ironic; I’m even jealous of girls who aren’t jealous.

    • gh0st 1 year ago

      i think your husband was quite mean and disrespectful when he told u “i wouldnt check out other girls asses if yours wasnt still fat” what kind of comment a man could make to his woman?? woman is not an object…

    • peapod 8 months ago

      Whatever you do, don’t breed with that bastard. you’ll regret it. Sounds like a pedophile.

  21. m 2 years ago

    What if your boyfriend tells you a girl is hot and he wants to bang her, or calls another girl a milf? is that okay? It doesnt really feel okay

  22. Jess 2 years ago

    I have struggled with this with my guy. He’s amazing and I love him to pieces. But it’s a personal problem where I already don’t feel like I’m good enough for him. I DO realize that’s my own problem and not his. Looking at hot guys is kind of boring to me. But I’ve found that being a tease and getting the attention of other men is what turns me on. So if hes going to continue to look, I’m going to tease and flirt with other men. It does hurt him, but I really see no difference between the two.

    • gh0st 1 year ago

      OMG i totally feel the same!!! my bf is a very loving man, treats me really well but when it comes to “checking out other women” he is just another male on earth lol… however i found this article to be quite “soothing” compare to others with men commenting on how “stupid” it is for women to be jealous or feel bad abt the issue! because they don’t know what women feel and how hurtful it can be to women. but when a woman put her thoughts in words like how Smaggle did, she did a great job at educating us women to think about it at another perspective, which helped me tremendously, and it is the first, and almost the only article that actually made me feel better abt this issue, because i think she got it right, I personally check out girls too and I feel sexual when I look at hot girls with great figure.

      but what I feel bad about my men checking out other girls is that i am obsessed with what they have in their mind after they check out the girls… and what if these women were their colleagues, or people they occasionally see on a regular basis…? Would their physical traits attract him and make him start to have feelings for them? Like you said, we women enjoy getting the attention from other men

      *Note – i dont really “check out” men on the street seriously, i never even have any sexual urges when i see men with great abs or arses, it’s always a man’s personality or a sense of humor that attract me to be honest, but you do not know what a man is like by just looking at them on the street, u just have to get to know him in order to find out abt it… maybe it’s the reason why i feel this is unfair. when people do the same, they usually don’t mind others doing it. although i now realised many people do really have double standards, which is sth i never understood, never will. i always feel unhappy because i feel unfair. i really wish i could check out guys like how men check out girls, so i dont have to feel unfair. i never really think my man doesn’t love me, i know he finds me very attractive too, fact is, even a man is with the prettiest, sexiest woman on this planet , he would still find others attractive. so i m quite sure its not about my self esteem, i just don’t understand why.

      and oh yes, i do enjoy getting attention by other men, and my man hates it when i’m wearing sexy and guys keep checking me out. it does make me feel more “fair”. lol…

      • gh0st 1 year ago

        sorry forgot one thing… and how old can a woman still be “checked out” by other men? men will check out other women until he dies, so by the time when i dont feel attractive anymore, i might feel worse lol

      • tori 1 year ago

        Call me old fashioned if you want, but I find it totally disrespectful if your significant other is checking others out in front of you. I love my man and only have eyes for him. He turns me on and I am oblivious to good looking men when we are out in public. He looks and I catch him and the only reason I catch him is because I am always checking him out. This is my pet peeve, he works 12 hours a day, drives around and is all over the valley Mondays thru Fridays, I know he is checking women out all day long, and I have no problem with that. But on my time, evenings and weekends, that is totally unacceptable, and dis-respectable to me. If he finds me that unattractive that he has the need and desire to look at other women then why be with me. We’ve had many of arguments and conversations, and I still catch him, sometimes I ignore and other times I let him know that I am pissed. I haven’t yet figured out how to teach him a lesson about doing this in front of me …..but my patience is running short.

        On the other side of the fence:
        I have noticed men checking me out when they are with their significant other, and it grosses me out. I feel bad for her and think of him as a creep. Totally makes me uncomfortable. I usually turn my attention to my guy and swoop in for a kiss to verify to the watcher and my guy that I am with the one I want to be with.

        So I don’t think we as woman have to get used to it, or settle down. We should demand the respect that we give to our man. If you want to gawk at other men when you are with him then by all means you have to allow the same behavior by him.

        • tori 1 year ago

          One thing I would add is that after he checks out other women he then tries to hold my hand or be affectionate, and I am so turned off, the last thing I want to do is hold his hand or even be around him! Don’t know how to make him understand my feelings are hurt by what he does, and part of me feels that because he is still doing this, means he doesn’t give a crap about the way I feel.

        • TampaChik 1 year ago

          I soooo agree with you, I also get irritated with men who stare at me when they are with their girlfriend/wife. I also feel that if more women reacted that way, instead of basking in the glory, it would encourage men to respect their partner.

  23. Nesa Hewen 2 years ago

    men are fkn pigs

  24. Brittany 1 year ago

    I get your point of view about humans being sexual beings and they cant help to notice nice things. I get that. But as for my situation, I didn’t let that shit fly with me. My guy and i were just hiking down a hill.. and i turned my head and saw a girl walking by and she had mother hips. Bigger than mine.. I moved so she could get through.. and i was talking to my guy too. and i payed attention to his eyes. and i saw he didn’t care what i was saying, matter of fact his eyes fixed to the girl walking past. In my face.. and to me I found that rude and quite disrespectful.
    After he tried to say , he couldn’t help notice the “people” walking by? and added he couldnt help not notice a sexy woman. i dont know .. to me your relationship sounds like what every girl would dream of having in a relationship. Mine is just going to crap. he dosent deserve me.

  25. Seriously 1 year ago

    The difference between admiring the beauty of an object and the beauty of another human being is that humans are not objects and admiration of another’s physical appearance is a form of social interaction that leads to more intimate forms of social interaction. Appreciating a woman’s tits, ass, legs, genitals is not the same as admiring a nice car despite wht men may tell you. It’s sexual and a sign that he’s not fully committed to you. Some women are ok with this and some aren’t. I can’t tell if the author really doesn’t give a shit about sexual promiscuity or is totally gullible or in denial.

    • Hatlover 1 year ago

      I agree with you. It’s not about how something is beautiful. When a man enjoys staring at a woman’s legs or breasts, that goes beyond just admiring something beautiful. When a man enjoys looking at a woman’s breasts he is not thinking ‘Oh that’s a pretty woman, cool’ – he’s thinking ‘Mmmmm, she looks fine.’ So no, a man enjoying a woman’s big breasts/etc is not the same as looking at a beautiful painting. But I feel that a lot of people say this because it makes them feel better about the situation or convinces themselves that the situation is okay. I guess I’m going to share my story about this issue.

      I was in love with my fiance. We were friends first and I always thought he was an incredibly nice person and as we were in a relationship I developed even more trust and love towards him. I got to the point where I trusted the love so much that I didn’t mind if he occasionally saw me without makeup and I asked him to rub my stomach for me when it hurt although it sticks out and I try to hide that to the public. Like Smaggle’s boyfriend, my partner would have done anything for me. I introduced him to my mum, etc. But one day I saw him looking at a photo of a woman in lingerie.

      This came as a shock to me because I never knew that it is emotionally possible for men who are in relationships (except really bad ones that cheat) to be attracted to other women. As for me, I’m super attracted to handsome guys when I’m single. But my brain works in such a way, that if I even have a crush on someone, it immediately does not do anything for me whatsoever to see a handsome person. Sure – I can recognise that someone is good-looking (going back to my first paragraph), but I’m not attracted. For a more extreme example, if I were watching a show and 2 men were handsome to me, I’d immediately pick one that I’d feel that “pleasurable attraction” to. I am emotionally incapable of focusing on 2 men in a more-than-platonic (I’m not saying I want to date them or do anything with them – but that’s my best way of expressing it) way at the same time. So I thought it was like this for men as well.

      After this happened, all of my female and male friends, whom I really respect and who are really wholesome people, told me that all men (and even some women) are attracted to other women. One married male friend even told me that once a woman had propositioned him and he said no because he was married, but he was tempted. To me it is a stretch of the imagination to try to understand how someone could possibly find the idea of someone else’s body appealing after they have a wife. Now I’m not saying that my problem with men’s attraction to others means I think they’re tempted to sleep with them – this is just an example of my mindset. People have suggested that I was insecure. To the contrary, I don’t think Lukasz thought that other women were better-looking and I was certain he would not act on his thoughts and that he loved and was devoted to me. However, it just doesn’t seem right to me morally and emotionally.

      The idea that a man could “love” his partner but yet enjoy admiring another women’s breasts is incomprehensible, foreign, and crazy to me. Sometimes I think I’m being punked and that the whole world is playing a trick on me. Surely such a thing can’t be true….but yet it is!

      It has been a year and 2 months since this happened. I have decided that I am going to remain single since it seems indisputable that all men are attracted to other women, and I cannot accept this. Yes, relationships are beautiful, but the mental turmoil that I experience around this issue must dictate my decisions. (I went from a size 6 to a size 0 in less than 2 weeks after this happened and have never recovered – before I had been a size 6 since high school and I’m now almost 25.) Recently I saw some photos of the place I used to live and it made the memories of Lukasz and my time with him very vivid as if I was there only yesterday.

      The whole thing made me cry at work, at home, etc. I did not break up with Lukasz because I had an argument with him or something changed about my feelings towards him. This whole time I have maintained that he was a wonderful person and I have missed his friendship. I decided to contact him through a mutual acquaintance, C. However, I started feeling so anxious that I couldn’t eat for days. It was almost as if I was back in London and I felt totally defenceless and vulnerable against the fact that no matter what, he would be attracted to other women and enjoy looking at other women’s bodies. So I told C not to mention anything.

      After that I started remembering more in detail about his attraction to others and thinking about how if I ever saw him again, I would know he is attracted to others (although to me it would be a very far cry to want to meet him again even if I talked to him). That made me feel cold towards him and I felt “I’m so over it.” I alternate. Some days I sit there and tears run down my face, I dream about him often. In my dreams I know I shouldn’t see him but I hope he will walk in. Lately I had a dream where I was looking at him from afar. He saw me and approached me and hugged me. I felt that he loved me but then I remembered he was attracted to others and that shattered the illusion. Yesterday I saw an article in the news about a woman he was very much attracted to and it made me feel so cold towards him (a picture speaks a thousand words).

      Sometimes I do tell myself…you would be happy to see him again, why not? You only have one life to live. Why not talk to him just because you hold a grudge? (I determined never to talk to him again after this, I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of knowing what I was up to after he did this.) But it’s not only that…..it’s also that it would make me feel very uneasy in the here and now. In fact I would feel that he sees me as inferior because in my mind, if he had really loved me he wouldn’t have been attracted to others, so he must have thought I wasn’t good enough to love. Now rationally I know that’s not true and I even emotionally know it’s not true but my mind has 2 thoughts, and again I emphasise that I wasn’t insecure at the time that this happened. The feelings of inferiority happened afterwards not because I thought he preferred the other women and compared me to them, but because of what I just explained. It’s based on my moral beliefs that true love doesn’t allow for attraction to others.

      And I still do have a grudge which is more pronounced when I remind myself of the details of his attraction instead of thinking of it in an abstract way. But at the same time sometimes I think of the times when people say, I should have told this person I loved them while they were still alive….And I think, Lukasz is still alive and we only have one life to live, why don’t I see him again or tell him I care about him while he’s still around? A lot of people don’t even have that chance. By the way, for the record before I left England Lukasz wrote this in my diary “Maja doesn’t love me any more. I don’t know if when we’ll see each other again and where I will be. But I will wait until I see her in heaven. I hope she will never forget me. I will never forget her.”

      • PP 1 year ago

        I refuse to believe and to accept that the men who loves me would have the desire to check out other females. There are good looking females and men out there and it ends there. I never check out other men because I love my bf so why would he? He is an awesome men and he says I’m the most beautiful thing he has ever seen (I’m not the pretties woman in the world.) He compliments me i every way but lately I have pay very close attention to him. He doesn’t stares but I hate that he makes eye contact with people when we go out, females of course. I know he is not flirting but the fact that he puts his eyes on other females drives me insane. I’m very old fashion and I believe that when you really love someone, not only the body is faithful, BUT the eyes, the heart and soul are faithful along.

        When I realize women are ok and think men are allowed to check out other females, the illusion of getting married one day kind of dies on me… This isn’t fair, I should be the only female my man wants to see……

      • Janet Kung 1 year ago

        Exactly. I’m not going to get a fcking orgasm looking a a beautiful painting like i would by looking at a sexy pair of breasts. wtf.

    • Michael Barata 1 year ago

      The assumption there is sexual organs “always” = sexual contexts. Seeing a women with a gaping chest wound from battle or viewing an art exhibit which features nudity don’t necessarily fit your assertion that seeing such parts of the female anatomy is sexual and means one is not committed.

      Hell, what are thoughts about gynecologists? Your argument will be context and that’s part of her/his job. Well, people are natural observers. Thats what we do. We notice people and things.

      And if this whole discussion is trying to be framed in the context of attention – no one would seem to have an issue if during a convo, someone took notice to a cute lil puppy or blooming tree or juggling clown or a house on a fire, but once you add the fear of looking at another woman/man, that becomes the issue. So, its not about attention. Its about self-esteem, insecurity, and jealousy.

      7 billion people and we are beautiful. Acknowledge that. Embrace that. Love that. Stop trying to deny it.

  26. Daskaea 1 year ago

    I love you, Smaggle-goddess. It’s such a perfect post, as usual.

  27. Martin 1 year ago

    Sort of like the same question why America,Germany,England,etc. dont repent of there evil imaginations about men and there compliments. God never told Adam if he complimented Eves breasts,face,rear and cleavage he would send him to hell. So why do we live in a world where women and socalled cops think they have the right to play God with mens words and cast them out like Satan himself from a shopping center over something as ridiculous as saying your breasts are pretty, your skirt is nice,etc.? Men treated like Jesus the ladies,”police”,governments are the pharisees who are self-righteous.

  28. Merle 1 year ago

    “Lewd” “comment”? What? How about the comments ladies make about men, the inexcusable things they say on the internet,magazines,etc. like men are “pigs” compliments is lied about being mistakenly,wrongfully called hassling,whistling hassling,etc? If women today loved men they would love the Devil so much that they would use two lying words hassling and socalled sexual. All femeanists ought to satanists because alls they think about is themselves. Real Christians should not call the cops on people who compliment them, there bosoms,cleavage,rears, whistle at them,etc. Im sorry I should not have judged you falsely for telling me my breasts are comely. Those who practice evil in Gods eyes by calling compliments,whistling,staring,etc. hassling will be in hell when they are dead unless they repent.

  29. Merle 1 year ago

    Judging men in an obviously derogatory way with your snide remarks like that one shows you dont value your life or where you are going to send it when you are dead. Compliments dont send a man to hell but bearing false witness against a man and holding a grudge against him for more than a year will send you to hell, because your holding the compliment he gave you, against him. Thats morally and spiritually wrong to call compliments, “lewd” “comments”, commentary,message, and even hassling thinking it should be a “crime”? Compliments was not to be profaned in such a vile manner to insult us,our intelligence. God complimented the earth and man and woman.

  30. Kiara 1 year ago

    If you are comfortable with yourself then you will always be comfortable in your relationship (because to care enough about yourself means that you will only give your time and heart to someone who fits and deserves it). I have been with my partner for 13 years (since I was a teenager) and he is a lot more experienced than I am in the dating/flirting/sex ranks (given he was my first boyfriend!). Sex is sex. I am old fashioned and have only ever kissed one man – but sex is sex, art is subjective, beauty is all around us and I find it completely funny and healthy that he openly notices other women based on their appearance. It’s healthy and we have seriously bigger hurdles in life then worrying about really silly and normal things like noticing the world around us! The more open you are about these things, the healthier they remain – if you constantly get down at someone for these issues it just magnifies them and transforms them into problems that were never there in the first place IMO.

  31. em 1 year ago

    my boyfriend does this too… and i worried this means he cant devote himself to me…

  32. Spider 1 year ago

    I’d have his nuts on toast for breakfast!

  33. Jeff 1 year ago

    I missed my ex bad. My family and friends were tired of me being so upset one of them actually ordered a Love Spell for me from priestandrew91@yahoo.com, I had no idea what they had done. They ordered the LOVE SPELL as it the best and most powerful and effective Love Spell. Needless to say, I was shocked to see my wife at the door a week later with her eyes full of tears, I cannot believe how well my spell worked. — Jeff

  34. Ashley 1 year ago

    Yeaa… Honestly, I don’t have a problem with it. I look at other woman too! Lol. We both usually end up starring at the same ones and he usually looks at me grinning and will say she got a big butt or something . Then I just shake my head and laugh. But he always tells me that she has nothing on me though. I let him go to strip clubs with his boys as well and sometimes me and him go together! Then we go Home and I dance and he throws me 1′s and we have sex all night. Lol. And your probably thinking he’s a jerk but actually he is total gentleman and treats me like the queen that I am. Oh and Im not some ugly low self esteem woman either, I know my worth and I get hit on by men and women everyday. I guess im just weird though. Men are highly visual creatures though so I wouldn’t get so upset over it, they will never stop looking at beautiful woman. Just have a little confidence just because he looks doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. :)

  35. Grace 12 months ago

    My first husband had so much respect for me and for himself . He strongly believed in God he never ever looked at women, I think that type of guy is so easy to be with plus you trust them and respect them more because they are showing respect to the marriage. My second husband I love him and we have fun together but l he has this problem he cannot stop staring at women. One day we were at some music event I’ll never forget it he saw one of the winner of the American beauty pageant and she was much older now

    . My husband ran off during intermission , he is one of those older groupie type of guys that loves to brag how he saw so and so and they said hi to him! Just like in high school! Since , his eyes are going I realized something…..then I started to giggle then I had all out laugh fit because Miss beauty pageant lady now looked like a real live drag queen! Then my husband came back and said, wow she looks bad.then he goes she almost looks like she was in drag! I laughed so much . I’m 10 years younger than my husband and I used to model so when I dress up men stare. So I decided to turn the tables. I wore the tightest dress you could imagine and still be able to breath and walk! LOL A night out to the symphony and as we waiting to cross the street this guy in a Ferrari was stopped at the light and my husband was just staring at his car and then my husband goes the guy in the car is staring at you and I’m staring at his car! I go oh he is then I looked at the guy and smiled. That is just the beginning I did that to all the guys all night smiled and gave them eye contact. This is so not me, just doing it felt so insane, like I was desperate or insecure in some way like a silly teenage girl it was so felt so strange to behave in this way I have no idea how anyone can just walk around gawking at others. I forced myself to do it to make a point . That night, I wanted my husband to see with his eyes , and feel with his heart, what it feels like when someone you love, really is not present for you and could really careless how it makes you feel . Anyhow I felt going with him places made me feel bad and I felt embarrassed to take him anywhere with me, you know how a parent may tell the child I can’t take you anywhere if act like this! Well that his how I felt so I would rather just go alone to places, parties that way I don’t have to deal with the negative emotions it causes so I just left him at home . The other thing is his mother abused him physically and emotionally, nor was she spiritual in anyway so why would he ever really respect women ,,, i think by punishing or disrespecting women in his life, he is actually maybe punishing all women to what happen to him as a child. If you really think about it most women hate being stared too much it gives us the creeks It is okay to glance but when you fall into a trance well it seems crazy. He is a really nice guy who knows who he would be today if his mother would of just loved him. and taught him about the type of life God wants for you because he loves you so much

  36. Tara 12 months ago

    I wish i had your attitude on this! My boyfriend almost breaks his neck trying to get a good stare at a beautiful women in front of me. He actually goes out of his way to do this too. He treats me right, says he loves me but it totally bothers me that he does it because i feel second rate…which leads me to question whether its my own insecurities or whether its him? Its driving me mental

  37. Marvin 12 months ago

    You would care if she or he looked and stared at others? Disgraceful. Satan wanted the socalled sexual hassling law passed that was his will in hell as it is on earth. Two lying words, “sexual” and “hassling”. They don’t even have that nice of a ring to it, those two words don’t. It’s insulting and offensive to call compliments a crime of “hassling”.

  38. Sophie 11 months ago

    I think that men and women are just born to be different, and we cannot help it that men are just more visual than women. I think that the best thing as a woman to do when a man looks at another woman is just to ignore that, and love him nonetheless for who he is, and how he treats YOU. And the best thing for a man to do is … of course, after looking at another woman, to quickly get back to your girl and give her a big hug in the way that can communicate to her ‘yes, i like beautiful women, and I am so lucky to be with the most beautiful woman like you’. :)

    Check out my blog post on if our desires can be fulfilled by one person – maybe we can relate to this: http://clockkilla.blogspot.com/2013/11/lipstick-jungle-can-we-get-everything.html

  39. Nancy Stevens 8 months ago

    My boyfriend treats me like I am just someone to fuck and to take care of him, he has pushed me out of way because of a hot girl and is always looking at girls , he is 56 yes old,so yes I don’t like it

  40. Jill 8 months ago

    Does it ever cross your mind that he’s thinking of them while having sex with you? Fantasies make me wonder who we’re really having sex with. I would find it hard to believe if I were told most people don’t question it.

  41. Jill 8 months ago

    I think it’s disrespectful, too. He can do that on his own time, when I’m not around. I don’t do that to him, and I think if I did it as much as he did, it wouldn’t be long before I would see some sort of annoyance on his part. It is also depressing to think that I would like to start dressing slutty and looking around for eye candy just to see how he likes it. If it’s meaningless, then why can’t they stop, so we can feel better? Like you said, there’s a lot to see–a lot of other things to look at when you’re with your wife or girlfriend. And telling women how to feel, well, nobody tells me how to feel. I cross-examine my own feelings and motives quite thoroughly.

  42. Jill 8 months ago

    One more thing: You can try to befriend and love everyone on the planet, but if you want your sex life to be exclusive, the need to be considered the hottest thing around becomes very important. That makes sense to me. I don’t want to be wondering if he would rather be fucking someone else. Why would I, when he’s the only partner I’ve got? If I were promiscuous, I really wouldn’t care.

  43. Blahhh 7 months ago

    What if he points out or comments on how attractive other women are, even after you tell him that this bothers you and you’d prefer if he could stop? I don’t expect him to never look, but I don’t feel the need to send him a memo every time I see a good-looking man. I feel disrespected and like he does not understand, and he makes light of it and minimises it and says I’m over-reacting. Conflicted.

  44. yas watts 3 months ago

    Great page… needing help, struggling with this just now. I hooked up with a friend from childhood who had completed 22 yrs in the army. When we first got together he rattled on about how pretty his ex was and pointed out other pretty girls to me, never once saying i looked nice or pretty. I took it on the chin thinking im a confident young woman and comfortable in my skin and could see this was more of an insecurity on his side. Then i caught him flirting on 2 different occassions on line… i was devestated. He was forced to apologise and stopped the online flirting and began trying to persuade me i was beautiful. By this time my self esteem had plumetted and now i dont believe him. He checks girls out when im there and i agree its pretty normal… however it turns my stomach and makes me feel physically sick. I long for the days when i was confident and around good male friends for encouragement. Why cant i deal with this? I feel like his big sister now, unatractive to him and we’re contemplating splitting. Shame as we work well together (had a business together) and make eachother laugh. Whats gone wrong?? X

  45. Can't deal with it 3 months ago

    I have had issues with my boyfriend, not for checking out other women, but for making stupid jokes about how he’d find a lover, take condoms when going away alone, go off with my sister, stuff like that. He insists it’s just habit and means nothing. I told him time & time again how upsetting it was but he carried on for months.
    Then I found him on a dating site on the web, accidentally. That killed me. When I met him he was on the web and he said he just hadn’t had time to take off the profile, and never used it.
    Then at a party I heard him comment to another man about how he’d met his “sexual fantasy” at a party recently (from other details of the conversation I know he wasn’t talking about me). He did this within earshot and I have never, ever been so angry with someone. I took him out of there and dumped him. Than, after talking for a long time, he insisted it was just a stupid comment, like male bullshit, and that nothing had happened, he was just “letting off steam” because of tension in the relationship. I carried on with him on condition he took this to a psychologist.
    I do actually believe that until now (1 and a half years together) he has been faithful and that most of this is just thoughtless, that at the moment he doesn’t intend to cheat. However, it has given me such an inordinate amount of insecurity that I’m unsure I can ever get over it or feel I can trust him. I have never felt unreasonably insecure or jealous before in a relationship and I like to live and let live. So it’s unbearable for me to feel I’m fretting if he goes out with friends, for instance. I hate this and I don’t know if I want to continue with him.

    However at base, I feel we are in an uneven playing field. This burns me up. I’ve never made him feel insecure, I have no need to, plus, and this is key here, online dating and the new forms of relating scare me and I can’t do it. I want love or at least caring with sex, not free sex without true freedom, although I’m extremely sexual. He had a great time online and I know he would go back to that happily at the drop of a hat. It makes me feel nauseous.
    I kind of identify with Hatlover though I wouldn’t have been upset by what upset her. But in the sense that she just feels that there are common ways of seeing things that hurt her too much and she’d rather not be in a relationship than put up with them. Although it’s not that extreme for me, there is a base inequality in the ways men and women approach relationships that I feel very strongly and I just don’t know how to get around it or deal with it. I can’t just take it in my stride. Does this resonate with anyone?

  46. mel 1 month ago

    Well, I always felt okay with the checking out women business when I was younger because I was still in the game and could hold my own so to say. Now I’m older it’s not so okay with me anymore. I used to get checked out a bit and it made me feel a bit better about my husband’s glances at other women but now it’s as though I’m invisible to men. They look right past me and check out the younger women around me. I’m slim and not ugly but must have fallen off the procreation radar, it just started this year as I’ve just turned 40! Now I know what my husband is attracted to and I don’t have it anymore :(

    Now that I know other men don’t find me attractive (they don’t notice me at all!) I’m having serious doubts about my attractiveness toward my husband. This is a HORRIBLE space to be in, an insecure one. I’m not looking forward to him noticing no one checks me out either – big value drop for a guy. Honestly, I never ever saw this coming. I used to be really fine with him checking out others……so much easier when you can still your own.

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