When you’re a grown up, you’re supposed to be able to do grown up things. Like take the rubbish out late at night without shitting your pants every time you hear imaginary footsteps. Or answer the door when you’re home alone without your heart pounding a hole in your ribcage. 99% of the time I’m totally fine and I can walk down a dark alley to my car without too much positive self talk but there are times when my mind wanders into very dark places and I can almost paralyse myself with fear. These incidents are usually brought on by one of the following 5 inanimate objects that scare the bejesus out of me. Here’s why…

Televisions that Aren’t On

TV screens are not my friend. If they’re on, I’m fine. If they’re off and reflecting the light eerily in the corner of the room I’m half expecting this…

to happen at any moment. This means that I’ve spent a decent amount of time draping sheets over TVs in hotel rooms or sprinting past the TV in the lounge room. Because lame girl running and thin cotton barriers are a great defence against the undead.


Especially in the rain. Tim Curry. Making drains terrifying since 1990.

Mirrors in the Dark

This one came to fruition when I went to a sleepover when I was 9 and my friend’s older sister told us ghost stories, one of which was a very gory version of Bloody Mary. I’m fully aware of how dangerous it is to chant ‘Bloody Mary! Bloody Mary! Bloody Mary!‘ into a mirror in the dark but it doesn’t stop my subconscious from doing it. When alone in a dark room with a mirror, one part of my brain will inevitably start silently chanting the forbidden words and the other  part of my brain is all ‘Shut up! Are you crazy? Bloody Mary is going to come crashing out of that mirror and KILL US! SHUT UP! Or turn the damn light on!‘ If I’m in a dark room with a mirror, you can bet your arse it’s not going to be dark for long. Again, because a light bulb is such a fabulous defence against the undead.


I’m not overly fond of statues either. Especially if they’re not human sized. If they are tiny or huge they freak me out even more. There’s always just that small fear that they’ll come to life. The worst ones? Those terrifying Ronald McDonald park bench statues. How parents get their children to go anywhere near them is beyond me.


Not all the time but sometimes, if I let my mind wander I have water based terrors of a ghost trying to drown me. Like the one in What Lies Beneath.

Charming isn’t she?

Do you have any inanimate objects that scare you shitless? Or scenarios that give you heebie jeebies?