I HATE 6am Carly. 6am Carly is an asshole. She’s cranky, she’s ugly, she likes to set me up for failure and she’s just a downright selfish bitch. I much prefer 11pm Carly. 11pm Carly is lovely. 11pm Carly removes all my makeup and puts yummy thick moisturiser on my face before bed. 11pm Carly sets out gym clothes for 6am Carly so she doesn’t have to search for sports socks in dark. 11pm Carly makes Mr Smaggle cups of tea.
6am Carly is the worst living human. Thankfully we don’t see her all that often but here’s a list of the dick moves she’s pulled over the last few years.
* 6am Carly has on more than one occasion, spilled her smoothie all over the floor and didn’t clean it up properly so I had to spend all afternoon scrubbing the floor.
* 6am Carly likes to bang things loudly.
* 6am Carly once jabbed me in the eye with a sharp eyeliner pencil because she hates the world and everything in it.
* 6am Carly has emotional issues and will often eat her feelings by chowing down on a row of left over chocolate sitting in the fridge, completely undoing the sensible chocolate avoidence of 11pm Carly the previous evening.
* 6am Carly hates Mr Smaggle. She hates him. His restful little face calmly snoozing when she has to leave the house in the cold makes her very, very angry.
* 6am Carly sometimes doesn’t wash my face.
* 6am Carly often doesn’t cook my porridge properly because, and I quote “Who the fuck cares?”.
* 6am Carly doesn’t care whether or not my dress is clean… or my underwear.
* 6am Carly often forgets to take the delicious salad that 11pm Carly made for her lunch. She then makes me eat weird things like Tuna-On-The-Go because her heart is made of coal.
* According to Mr Smaggle, 6am Carly likes to tear the house apart and leave it in utter devastation. I know nothing about this because he cleans up her mess… apparently.
Do you have a 6am alter ego? Are they a total jerk like mine?
27 Comments
-
Haha this is fantastic!
I certainly have a ‘sleeping’ alter ego. Asleep Amber is aggressive and slaps her boyfriend if he comes anywhere near her side of the bed. She pushes his face roughly out of hers if he starts breathing on her (she likes nice cool air when she’s sleeping). She also hoards all the duvet then gets kicky if he tries to steal it back.
-
Author
Ha ha ha! I can’t believe you slap your boyfriend. That’s hilarious.
-
-
I am usually even-tempered but can get grumpy when I get hungry, usually just before dinner.
I am clumsy and messy at any old time of the day.-
I reach supreme levels of perfection between the hours of midday and midnight. Midnight to midday… it all comes unfolded. Literally.
-
-
Actually, my 6am alter ego is much nicer than 11 pm Vanessa. 6 a.m Vanessa prepares a sensible breakfast, and eats it neatly while making cheery conversation with 6 a.m Ross (who is somewhat less cheery). 6 a.m Vanessa smiles while doing her hair and makeup. 11 p.m Vanessa is a whingy, tired brat who often snacks on salty chips in bed and leaves crumbs which 6 a.m Vanessa has to pick out of her hair.
-
Ha! Love it! I can totally tell that you’re a morning person.
-
-
Oh dear. I slap spouse whilst asleep, but also do it awake (although apparently nowhere near as hard). 6am, the alarm has gone off, I still need another hour. Grumpy. 11pm, just not happening, this little black duck is generally dead in the water by 9:30pm. Still grumpy.
Civilized conversation is possible after the first cup of coffee and up till about 8:30pm. Later is possible if I’ve had an afternoon nap.
In all, I’m not sure I have an alter ego – just a “tired” and a “not tired” version, where the not tired version is actually something approaching humanoid.
-
All these women slapping their spouses!
-
-
6am Carly has a heart of coal – hahahaha, that’s awesome
-
She does. She’s a horrible little human.
-
-
I just
calledwanted to say that I love you heaps Carly gurrrl. Even 6 am Carly sounds adorable! I know that I am possibly sounding like a mad stalker but I’m not (I think). You rock my world that’s all!!! MWAH loveya stay gold XOXO-
Wahhhhhh?!!!! Most awesome comment ever! Thank you so much! You can’t see me but I’m visibly chuffed. xxxx
-
No probs, it’s all true! Funniest chick ever as well. Wish more people could be exposed to your gorgeous Smaggleness. Maybe one day it will happen. Mwah!!! Lots of love from me XOXO
-
-
-
I have two of these alter egos.
Hangry Monica is the worst person in the world. Either feed it, or kill it with fire.3 am Monica makes daytime Monica groggy, slow and useless. She eats all the carbs in the house (I live in Italy, so you can imagine how many she can find). She gives daytime Monica horrid back-aches due to shit posture. On the brighter side, she makes daytime Monica walk into thesis revisions seeming as if she was a design and development goddess.
-
Hangry Carly is actually quite fine.
Hangry Monica sounds like a barrell of laughs. 🙂
-
-
Lol, so entertaining this post! Tell 6am Carly to take it easy, lol.
-
She can’t be reasoned with. x
-
-
Actually, 6am Carly & 6am Natalie sound like they may be personality twins!
-
Let’s hope they never meet each other! :-/
-
-
My 8am alter ego is even worse than my 6am – I’m a night owl so I don’t see 6am all that often but I think my 8am and your 6am are long lost twins from the sound of things… ha.
-
It’s more like Woken Up Before Midday Carly. I’m always cranky in the morning.
-
-
8 pm Dorothy hates anything to do with kids. Kid time is officially over then and she must be left alone.
-
I have met 6am Carly … You are really right about her. Don’t expect ANY pleasant interaction from her if it was 11pm Carly who ASKED you to get up and go for a run. Does 11pm Carly have one of her little curls right in the middle of her forehead?
-
6am Helen is always asleep… Unless the baby is awake, in which case she is likely to rip into anyone who dares to speak to her.
-
Also, 6pm Helen is horrible because she’s spent all day with the baby and is over it. 6pm Helen calls her husband and demands to know when he’ll be home from work so she can give him the baby and a vasectomy.
-
-
Oh my gosh, that post is hilarious! Thank you for the best, relatable post I’ve read in ages.
-
Ha! love a prompt to a year old post! 6am Carly is me when tired/hangry. Do not interact. Do. Not.
