Have You Ever Had A Serious Case Of Mistaken Identity?

Have You Ever Had A Serious Case Of Mistaken Identity?

I had a very strange day on Monday. I relief taught a class full of gorgeous teenage boys with autism who slept through out the entire day. I tried my hardest to prop them up at the work table to do puzzles and make pancakes but most of the class persisted to face plant and snoozed through out each session. I cannot describe how disorienting it can be to literally spend the day trying to get several quasi-narcoleptics to participate in a series of incredibly basic activities. These boys who can usually complete complicated puzzles in nano seconds were reduced to gooey piles of useless mush, which is pretty typical of the first week of term after two weeks of sleeping in. Imagine waking up your significant other in the middle of the night and trying to get them to play poker for the next 6 hours and you’ll have a rough idea of how my day panned out.

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Then I went home to where my bestie was waiting outside my apartment for me with a giant Husky that she’s dog sitting. Said Husky was too terrified by the lift to come inside so we sat on the steps of my building and had a truly confusing conversation about regular costumers at her work and how many times a day she does number twos. See the Smaggle Facebook page for more info.

I had a very quick nap and then Mr Smaggle and I headed to the supermarket. Mr Smaggle was holding the shopping basket as usual. I was in the fresh produce section when I selected a perfect bunch of basil. I wandered over to Mr Smaggle, casually tossed the bunch of basil in the basket he was holding and affectionally patted him on the bum. I then heard the following words.

‘Oh… It’s a good thing I needed basil!’

I looked up and realised I was cupping the incredibly pert bottom of a complete stranger.

Mortified, I clasped my hands to my face and proceeded to laugh maniacally at this poor man who I had touched incredibly inappropraitely in front of the lemons and limes.

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Mr Smaggle and I, happily on holiday in Thailand… before that one time when I sexually molested an innocent stranger at the supermarket.

He was an absolute darling. We clasped each other’s hands and laughed like old friends. I apologised profusely and he assured me it was the best trip to Woolies that he’d had in ages. He’d got more action from me in the last 20 seconds than he’d ever had in a nightclub. I scuttled off to find Mr Smaggle and tell him that I totally scored in the veggie section. 

Have you ever had a serious case of mistaken identity?

Carly is the founding editor of Smaggle which launched in 2007 back when blogging was weird. She has appeared in The Sydney Morning Herald, The Age, Cosmopolitan and Cleo magazines. Hoop earrings are totally her thing and she almost got run over by Myf Warhurst while out jogging one day.

22 Comments

  1. 26 Years & Counting 1 year ago

    I feel like your ‘regular’ story should be jumped on by metamucil or some company haha

    • Author
      Smaggle 12 months ago

      I COMPLETELY agree. I also love metamucil. :-)

  2. Angela 1 year ago

    BAHAHAHAH that sounds hiiiighhhlarious! Glad that he took it well, imagine if it was the other way ’round, ladies are much likely to get more “fluster-y” and make a bigger deal out of it I think…
    I very very verrrryyy nearly jumped into a complete stranger’s car at the train station once. It was a foggy and dark evening, my night vision isn’t so great and my mother’s car is incredibly common and in an incredibly common colour as well. I got off the train, bounded straight for what i thought was her car in the carpark. Wasn’t until my hand was almost touching the passenger door did I realised it wasn’t her at all (an elderly couple Caucasian couple in fact), I did a not so subtle 180 and even more NOT SO SUBTLELY STACKED IT! Cutting my knee and spilling the contents of my schoolbag. I was so embarrassed, pretty sure a full carriage of passengers saw me. I still have the mental and physical scar to this day hahah!

    x

    • Author
      Smaggle 12 months ago

      I once stacked it in front of a whole theatre and landed on my knees. They both started bleeding heavily and everyone in the audience passed along tissues for me. It was actually very sweet.

  3. Erika 1 year ago

    oh, oh, so glad I work from home and only Wibbie was startled at my laughter….. (best trip to Woolies ever). Takes a lot to startle a bull terrier out of a snooze.
    As for the relief teaching? Sympathy both ways. Best Beloved doesn’t always sleep well and I sleep LOTS. So he’s watching the ceiling, thinking and waiting for me to wake up. I’m then assaulted with a barrage of information before my brain cells have even registered the fact that it is daylight… Whaa?

    • Author
      Smaggle 12 months ago

      It was just such an odd day!

  4. Oh you crack me up Smags. God love yah!

    • Author
      Smaggle 12 months ago

      I was hilarious! I’ve never laughed that hard!

  5. cilosophy.blogspot.com 1 year ago

    Lol. I’ve nearly done that a few times. Nearly.

    • Author
      Smaggle 12 months ago

      What I can say? I always follow through.

  6. Ali 1 year ago

    oh god SUCH a traumatic experience for six-year-old me when I thought I saw my dad crouch down to get something from a lower shelf at woolies (must be a supermarket thing!) and I decided that him being at my height meant a perfect opportunity for a surprise crash-tackle-hug…. I yelled “hi daddy!” and launched myself at this total stranger who just kind of chuckled and said “hello, I think you’ve got the wrong dad!”. looking back it could have been so much worse and he was totally lovely about it but I just immediately burst into tears and never really got over it. he then helped me find my real dad (probably by looking around for someone who looked like him!)

    • Author
      Smaggle 12 months ago

      My dad’s really tall so he was just a pair of legs until I was about ten. I did this all the time!

  7. JicyJac 1 year ago

    It was not my mistake, but I was involved. Many moons ago not long after I started seeing my now husband, I bumped into him at the supermarket at lunch time, and like you I snuck up on him in the produce section and pinched his bum. Just prior to my arriving he had been chatting to his sister’s boyfriend’s mother (his sister has also since married this fella so we could say she is his sisters mother-in-law) For a few fraught moments before he built up the courage to turn around and see that it was me, he thought his sisters mother-in-law had pinched his bum.

    • Author
      Smaggle 12 months ago

      Oh my lord! That would have been really difficult to recover from! :-)

  8. Anonymous 1 year ago

    Someone did this to me! At a dimly lit pub, about 8 of us were sitting on opposite sides of a table. I knew two of the girls really well but the others were all her work friends I was meeting for the first time. One of the girls I didn’t know, her boyfriend came back with two drinks, sat down and put his arm around me. I looked up in shock to find his girlfriend, sitting opposite me, staring- shocked and mortified. I sort of made a ‘Ah’ sound and he looked at me and I swear he jumped a metre in the air when he realised I wasn’t his girlfriend. We all laughed our heads off but the worst thing was that despite the fact it was obviously a complete accident, the girlfriend was really weirded out by it and they left soon after!

    • Author
      Smaggle 12 months ago

      That’s a bit odd, it’s not like he did it on purpose! One of my mates did that to me when I straightened my hair to play his girlfriend’s twin in a play. He came up behind me and nuzzled into my neck. He has terrible eyesight and we were both so embarrassed but half our friends saw it so didn’t get away with it!

  9. Emma Bovary 1 year ago

    hah that is gold! I often almost do that at the shops, it is hard to shop in a duo sometimes I guess ;) Lucky the guy was okay with it, was definitely the highlight of his trip ;)

    • Author
      Smaggle 12 months ago

      He just kind of went ‘Oh!’ as I threw basil in his basket and that distracted him while touched his butt. It was a pretty smooth move actually!

  10. Harlow 1 year ago

    LMFAO!

    I am so mortified of my own mistaken identity story that I’ll just say this: one time, my dad and I were sent to the airport to pick up my grandpa….and nearly took home the wrong grandpa.
    This is a story my mother and grandfather will NEVER know!

    • Author
      Smaggle 12 months ago

      Oh my god! Hilarious!!!!!

  11. Marie 1 year ago

    Long ago in a club, I was standing against the wall in hallway to catch the breeze from the AC when I spotted a guy I had been talking to before and whom I found very attractive. I wanted to tap him on the back to call his attention, but he was so fast and the corridor sloped a little downwards and I am a very short person, that I accidentally full on grabbed his ass.
    We’re married now. : )

    • Author
      Smaggle 12 months ago

      That is a gorgeous story!!!!

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