Have You Ever Had A Serious Case Of Mistaken Identity?by Carly Jacobs
I had a very strange day on Monday. I relief taught a class full of gorgeous teenage boys with autism who slept through out the entire day. I tried my hardest to prop them up at the work table to do puzzles and make pancakes but most of the class persisted to face plant and snoozed through out each session. I cannot describe how disorienting it can be to literally spend the day trying to get several quasi-narcoleptics to participate in a series of incredibly basic activities. These boys who can usually complete complicated puzzles in nano seconds were reduced to gooey piles of useless mush, which is pretty typical of the first week of term after two weeks of sleeping in. Imagine waking up your significant other in the middle of the night and trying to get them to play poker for the next 6 hours and you’ll have a rough idea of how my day panned out.
Then I went home to where my bestie was waiting outside my apartment for me with a giant Husky that she’s dog sitting. Said Husky was too terrified by the lift to come inside so we sat on the steps of my building and had a truly confusing conversation about regular costumers at her work and how many times a day she does number twos. See the Smaggle Facebook page for more info.
I had a very quick nap and then Mr Smaggle and I headed to the supermarket. Mr Smaggle was holding the shopping basket as usual. I was in the fresh produce section when I selected a perfect bunch of basil. I wandered over to Mr Smaggle, casually tossed the bunch of basil in the basket he was holding and affectionally patted him on the bum. I then heard the following words.
‘Oh… It’s a good thing I needed basil!’
I looked up and realised I was cupping the incredibly pert bottom of a complete stranger.
Mortified, I clasped my hands to my face and proceeded to laugh maniacally at this poor man who I had touched incredibly inappropraitely in front of the lemons and limes.
Mr Smaggle and I, happily on holiday in Thailand… before that one time when I sexually molested an innocent stranger at the supermarket.
He was an absolute darling. We clasped each other’s hands and laughed like old friends. I apologised profusely and he assured me it was the best trip to Woolies that he’d had in ages. He’d got more action from me in the last 20 seconds than he’d ever had in a nightclub. I scuttled off to find Mr Smaggle and tell him that I totally scored in the veggie section.