We’re up to 11 on the 20 Days of No Bullshit Health and Fitness and to get a bit of inspiration I’ve been reading heaps of healthy living blogs and following some very toned blonde people on Instagram. One thing I’ve noticed is that they all make super helpful suggestions on how to burn calories incidently. Like doing squats when you’re brushing your teeth or parking your car really far away from your building so you’re forced to walk further. I thought I’d have a go at coming up with some brand new incidental calorie burning ideas for you guys, to keep you super motivated. Enjoy.

5 Effective Yet Extremely Unconventional Ways To Burn Extra Calories

Chase People and Try to Lick Them

Simply find a person who looks quite fit and politely inform them that you intend to lick them on the face in 10 seconds and that if they wish for this not to happen then they better run away. When they run away, give them a 5 second head start and sprint after them. This is excellent for interval training as you’ll get a short spike cardio intensity that will keep your metabolism burning all day. If you catch your victim you’ll burn extra calories wrestling them to the ground for their face licking which will give you a fabulous arm toning work out as well.

Start Using a Lasso

From now on, I want you to stop picking things up with your hands and only ever retrieve objects with a lasso. Invest in a slim length of malleable rope, use this guide to fashion it into a loop and then start lasso-ing away your tuck shop lady arms. The secret here is to only EVER lasso objects. If you need a coffee cup from a shelf, lasso it. It you need to get a pen from the storage room, lasso it. If you need to get your dog outside, lasso him. It’s all in the consistency.

Knock Over 5 Things Every Time You Go To The Bathroom

Every time you go to the bathroom, knock over 5 objects on the way. Then on the way back, squat down and pick them up. If you break something, pick up the pieces individually to really get a deep burn in your butt muscles. Just be careful of objects like fish tanks and people as they can be cumbersome to pick up again after you knock them over and fish die quite soon once they’re out of water.

Have a Nutbush Key Phrase

Choose a word that gets bandied about in your office regularly. Maybe ‘annual reports’, ‘monthly analysis’, ‘web designer’ or ‘arse pelican’. Whenever that phrase is uttered you must stand up and do a complete round of Nutbush. This means a full  execution of the routine facing forward, right, back and left and back to the front again. To increase the intensity of the work out you must sing along. If you don’t know the words, don’t let that spoil your workout! Simply sing the song in sound words. ‘A church mouse in a blouse… a school house mouse mouse… got a handbag only nineteen… the cleaner uses Mr Sheen… they call it Nut Bush… oh Nut Bush… Nut Bush kitty minutes.’ If you do this once every hour throughout the day you can totally skip the gym. Bonza.

Invest in a Miniature Pony

Horse-riding is a major calorie burner and body toner but it isn’t very practical for everyday life. The solution? Simply invest in a miniature pony and ride your way to killer thighs. Again the key here is consistency. If you have a meeting, ride your pony there. If you have to go on an errand, ride your pony. The major benefit of a miniature pony is that they fit in most commerical hallways, so you can work on your killer thighs everyday without ever having to track down a regular sized horse. Super convenient.

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So who’s off to buy rope and a pony?