Okay. I’ve officially hit the rock bottom on Netflix. I’m over Dawson’s Creek now. Once everyone has dated everyone at least once all the magic disappears from the show. I’ve now moved on to Ghost Whisperer. It has the most shallow plot of any television show I’ve ever watched but for your entertainment, as well as my own, I’m going to dissect the storyline. Don’t feel like you need to concentrate. A toddler could pick up the inaccuracies of this beautiful television disaster. Many of these points are related to the fact that she supposedly lives in a small town and like the super sleuth I am I’ve figured out that this is practically impossible.
9 Observations from Re-watching Ghost Whisperer as An Adult
1. It’s a massive secret that Melinda can communicate with ghosts… yet she tells at least 2 total strangers about her ‘gift’ every single episode. She also lives in a small town, so how she even comes across so many people who she’s never met before is mathematically questionable.
2. She paraphrases like a motherfucker. A ghost will be all ‘Tell him I love him. Tell him I will never forget his kindness, the way he always believed me. Tell him I will always be with him in spirit and that I want him to move on. I want him to find someone else to love. Tell him not to waste his love… it’s too precious. I want him to smile when he thinks of me and be happy that I’m in a better place.’ Then Melinda will get all misty eyed and say ‘She loved you. She wants you to be happy.’ I just sit there shaking my head and thinking that the translation of the final words of a deceased love one is the worst time to be getting all interpretive.
3. Considering the ‘small town’ they live in, Jim is an extremely busy paramedic.
4. Again with the ‘small town’ nonsense. Melinda has been living there for 5 years and the only people she actually knows the names of are her husband and which ever secondary character is working in her antique store at the time. Every one else seems to be brand new to her.
5. Melinda does everything really slowly. It will take her like 5 lines of dialogue to slice a mushroom. I’m there being all ‘Jim’s waiting for you to slice the bloody mushroom so HURRY UP! Do you want to ruin the risotto and disappoint your impossibly handsome husband?’. It’s equally as infuriating watching her gift wrap a package at her antique store. *twitch*
6. Often Melinda will find a ghost, start researching them and then figure out that they died in the Grandview village square/high school/local library exactly a year ago. This news is always shocking to her. I’m like ‘Bitch! You live in a small town. How did a murder that took place there less than a year ago escape your attention?’.
7. All the famous people are in it. So far pop ups include Abigail Breslin, Dominique Swain, Madeline Zima, Mike and Jesse from Breaking Bad, Kives from Hello Ladies, Lacey Chabert… It’s like watching a super lame and not funny Seinfeld.
8. Melinda dresses so beautifully. 50% of the reason why I watch Ghost Whisperer is because of her antique lace nightgowns, embroidered coats, pretty smock tops and ridiculously gorgeous falsies. She also has spectacular breasts.
9. I cannot look at Cameryn Manheim without hearing ‘Okay Toby, fuck off!’ in my head.