31 Thoughts That Women Have When They’re At The Gym

31 Thoughts That Women Have When They’re At The Gym

This post is sponsored by Female for Life

This week I’m teaming up with the gorgeous folks from Female for Life to bring you 31 Thoughts That Women Have When They’re At The Gym… make sure you keep reading for your chance to win some sweet work out threads. Here’s a basic run down on what women think about while at the gym… based entirely on what I think about when I’m at the gym.

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31 Thoughts That Women Have When They’re At The Gym

6.00 pm‘Running on the treadmill, running on the treadmill…’

6.02 pm – ‘My mouth totally tastes like sock.’

6.03 pm – ‘OH GOD THIS IS SO BORING!’

6.05 pm – ‘How much food would I have to stop eating to look like her?’

6.07 pm – ‘Whoa… what muscle was THAT?’

6.10 pm – ‘I can’t remember the last time I washed this t-shirt.’

6.12 pm – ‘Can olives be dinner?’

6.13 pm – ‘Hola! Mi nombre es Carly! Me gusta el queso!’

6.15 pm – ‘I’ve burnt 131 calories… how many calories is chocolate?’

6.17 pm – ‘I hate Gwyneth Paltrow.’

6.20 pm – ‘That guy was a real dick at work today… he must be MAN-struating.’ *snort*

6.22 pm - ‘If I was famous, I’d totes be besties with Oprah.’

6.24 pm – ‘I wonder if anyone is in love with me right now?’

6.27 pm -  ‘I do dynamic tantric workouts 7 days a week and I only eat food consciously …’ (fake interview with Vogue)

6.30 pm – ‘All the single ladies, all the single ladies, all the single ladies, all the single ladies…

6.33 pm – ‘What if someone I love suddenly dies?’

6.35 pm -  ‘I can totally run that fast…’ *turns treadmill up to 14kms per hour*

6.36 pm -  ‘It was so freaking sad when Ross and Rachel broke up on Friends.’

6.37 pm‘Nope.’ *turns treadmill back down to 7kms per hour*

6.38 pm – ‘Does going to the gym make you better at sex?’

6.38 pm ‘John Goodman is sexy.’

6.38 pm – ‘Oh christ did anyone hear me think that……???’

6.39 pm – ‘Erm… I meant James Franco. James Franco is sexy.’

6.40 pm – ‘I need to buy tampons and bread. For totally different purposes.’

6.41 pm – ‘What are baby sea horses called?’

6.41 pm – ‘Flipping sweet! Only 4 minutes to go!’

6.41 pm – ‘Only 4 minutes to go…’

6.41 pm – ‘Only 4 minu… DAMN YOU EVIL TIME LORD GYM!’

6.43 pm – ‘I’m legitimately going to die. This must be what a stroke feels like.’

6.44 pm‘Beeeeeeeeeeep…………..’

6.45 pm -  ‘Done. I’m off to beat the shit out of Lara Croft.

To celebrate all the wonderfully complex lady fitness goddesses out there, the glorious team at Female for Life are giving one of my readers the chance to win an exercise outfit from their range. It’s such a gorgeous shop and I’m so stoked to be working with them. They have gym gear for ladies of all shapes and sizes and I know from experience how comfy their gear is.

You may remember these running pants from such 12WBT round up posts as Week 3 and Week 4.

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Seriously, I’ve been wearing these pants non-stop. My biggest pet hate with work out gear is when my bloody pants fall down. Exercise is already unpleasant enough, so if I have to keep hitching at annoying saggy pants, I’m going to get a bit stabby. The Leopard Print 3/4 length pants can withstand lots of bendy yoga and much jiggly running. Bonza. I also have the Leopard Sports Jacket which I pop on at the end of gym sessions. It’s makes me feel like a super serious fitness person. I think it’s the zips. Exercise gear with zips are bad-ass. The Female for Life site is super easy to use and you can shop according to your shape and size. My favourite part is that you can click any item and see a picture of a real person wearing the item… and by real I mean a variety of differently shaped women not just one super buff, athletic model with killer abs and legs that just won’t quit. I mean regular, every day ladies. Love it. My personal favourites are the leopard leggings, leopard sports jacket, comfort bra, yoga body suit and leopard 3/4 pants. I actually really, really love the yoga body suit and I may or may not have one on my to buy list. I’d recommend sizing down if you’re in-between sizes simply because I find working out in baggy clothes really frustrating but use your own judgement. Everything is regularly sized, it’s just a matter of personal preference as to whether you like your workout gear to be super snappy tight or a little more relaxed.

To go in the draw to win a 1 x Sportswear top (excluding jackets) and 1 x Sportswear pants  from Female for Life just let me know in the comments what you think about when you’re exercising.

Whoever makes me giggle the most wins.

Female for Life would also like to offer a $15 discount for all first time orders. Simply enter the code myfirstorder to claim your discount. Not available for sale items and not in conjunction with any other order.

So tell me… what do you think about when you’re exercising?

This post was co-ordinated by The Remarkables Group.
Carly is the founding editor of Smaggle which launched in 2007 back when blogging was weird. She has appeared in The Sydney Morning Herald, The Age, Cosmopolitan and Cleo magazines. Hoop earrings are totally her thing and she almost got run over by Myf Warhurst while out jogging one day.

62 Comments

  1. Julia Munro 7 months ago

    “I hate running. I hate running. I hate running. I can’t do it. I hate running. I hate running” *finish run* “God I love the high after running”

    • Author
      Smaggle 7 months ago

      After running high is the best. I’m trying to get my butt off the couch to make that happen right now… hang on a minute… something just happened on Facebook…

  2. Caitlyn 7 months ago

    Haha, my thoughts are usually something along the lines of “no one is thinking about you, stop worrying, no one cares that you are totally out of shape and your gym clothes are super ratty and you barely know how to use any of these machines. You aren’t thinking about that girl over there so no one is thinking about you. Oh wait, except you just totally thought about that other girl… which means she is probably thinking about you after all. Damn.” or “Yay! The gym has cable TV, I get to watch whatever I want! Yay!! Hmm, wait, there’s nothing on. Seriously what is this drivel? People pay money to watch this crap? There is just commercials on every channel. Why do they only show food commercials? They should ban food commercials from the gym. Seriously, WTF? that is the 5th time I have seen an ad for that cheesy pasta! Don’t they know I am working out? This is an EVIL conspiracy!”

    • Author
      Smaggle 7 months ago

      I’m surprised how many people are concerned what they look like. I think everyone is in the same feral boat at the gym! :-)

  3. Sassa19 7 months ago

    Totally depends what I’m doing – if I’m with my trainer it alternates between “this chick is crazy, I need to impress her & not make her punish me any more” and being worried if I’m sweating too much, not enough, am I bright red? Or not red enough? I guess you never stop wondering what people are thinking of you even if you’re paying them to kick your ass.

    If I’m in a class I’m totally consumed by being impressed/jealous of the awesome people, having an internal giggle at the people looking a bit nuts, and trying to not look a bit nuts myself. There’s one guy who looks like he’s straight out of a Britney Spears video and I am equal parts amazed and amused by him.

    If I’m on my own, it’s just food. & how long until I can go get some food. This is danger territory because coupled with my somewhat low self discipline it generally ends with me leaving early to get food.

    • Author
      Smaggle 7 months ago

      I used to do a class with a chick who was INSANE. I loved her. She’d rock up in tiny denim shorts and 80s high tops, full face of make-up and then THRASH the class. I’m talking step aerobics and she’s bounce around for an entire hour. She was the best thing about that gym. I miss her.

      • Sassa19 7 months ago

        I love this. I need her in my gym class life.

  4. kforkarli 7 months ago

    I mostly think about that joyful glimpse when the really good looking guy next to me wipes his face with his shirt showing juuuuuuuussst enough of his abs to keep me happy for the next 35 minutes. I keep thinking it if his shirt is so sweaty by the end of the session. I am not a perve …THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENED ON SATURDAY AND IT WAS THE BEST.

    • Author
      Smaggle 7 months ago

      Holy shit. That makes me miss working out in a gym!

  5. Tamsin Howse 7 months ago

    “What if I fart?”

    • Author
      Smaggle 7 months ago

      I’ve never sharted in my life but sometimes I get shart fear… it’s the damn squats.

  6. Maz 7 months ago

    “Ten, nine, eight, seven….”

    • Author
      Smaggle 7 months ago

      The internal count down. Torture!

  7. “Run just as fast as I canTo the middle of nowhere
    To the middle of my frustrated fears
    And I swear you’re just like a pill
    Instead of makin’ me better, you keep makin’ me ill
    You keep makin’ me ill”

    I’m ALWAYS P!nk when I’m working out. Always!

    • Author
      Smaggle 7 months ago

      Oh ME TOO! I love Pink! Mr Smags always pays me out but I love her!

  8. Maddi 7 months ago

    90% of time time my thoughts are either: “shit what if I fart” “I hate this” “WHERE ARE THE ENDORPHINS””are endorphins a lie”

    • Author
      Smaggle 7 months ago

      I have to work REALLY hard to get my endorphins… the endorphins happen right before you’re about to spew. It’s a fine line.

  9. ordesa 7 months ago

    All I think about is “I’m running for brunch” or “running for gin”, depending on the time of day it is.

    • Author
      Smaggle 7 months ago

      I’m just about to ‘run for curry!’.

  10. Nicole 7 months ago

    And THIS is why I watch something really engrossing while working out, to try and quiet my crazy thoughts. That or pervy thoughts about various celebrities. haha

    Doesn’t everyone hate Gwyneth Paltrow?
    John Goodman IS sexy! Dan was one of the best husband and father’s on tv. I remember thinking he was such a bad ass when he beat up Jackie’s abusive husband.

    • Author
      Smaggle 7 months ago

      Ha! I don’t hate Gwyneth Paltrow… she’s actually really cool! I picked her because she cops so much flack for her super healthy life style!

      • Nicole 7 months ago

        Uummm, I think she’s gets a lot of flack because she’s a ridiculously privileged white lady who, for the most part, ignores that privilege. Also thinks because she’s friends with Jay Z and grew up listening to hip hop, it’s perfectly ok for her to use the N word. And sells, boring, unoriginal clothing for ridiculous prices.

        And yeah, maybe the media gives her shit about her lifestyle, but I think regular people fart on it because she talks like it’s perfectly normal and expected for people to be able to afford the very expensive ingredients she has access to.

        • Author
          Smaggle 7 months ago

          Oh my I didn’t know she used the N word. That’s not cool. I’ve seen her interviewed several times and she knows that Goop is ridiculous but she’s being honest about what she does to look the way she does. She’s very up front and says she works out for 3 hours every day and no one’s got time for that but it’s what she needs to do to look the way she does – which is unfortunately necessary for her job. She also said when she turns 70 she’s going to give up completely and start living on chocolate and wine and give up exercise. I think celebrities are painted differently in the media depending on who’s reporting. I quite like her, I think she’s a bit cheeky. But the N word – nuh uh. :-)

          • Nicole 7 months ago

            I really love that we can have a difference of opinion and it doesn’t have you bringing down the ban hammer : P
            I actually quite like a few of her parts in movies, she was great in Iron Man 3 and some of the ones when she was first starting up. She just comes off like she’s in her bubble a lot of the time.

  11. Ellie Scarf 7 months ago

    What IS a baby seahorse called??? I tend to negotiate with myself. If you run at 8.5 for one minute, and 9.0 for one minute and 9.5 for one minute, then you can walk for a few minutes. Or you could run at 9.0 for 3 minutes and then finish early. Or you could put it on an incline but stay at 8.5 for the whole time. Or you could get off and go on the cross trainer for 10 minutes – that would be good for balancing your muscles. Or the cross trainer for 5 minutes and the bike for 5 minutes. Or you could do a really good stretching session, those hamstrings feel a bit tight. Yeah, maybe just some nice stretching and a few push ups… or just stretching…

    You can only imagine the debate when getting out of bed. I have to employ the Michelle Bridges ‘motivation is bullish*t’ rationale and just get up. Sometimes. But sometimes sleeping is more important. Etc etc… :)

    • Author
      Smaggle 7 months ago

      A fry! Erika figured it out! The getting out of bed debate! ARgh! The worst!

  12. Erika 7 months ago

    I looked it up via the Great God Google. A baby sea horse is a fry – sadly, same as any other fish.
    Aaaaaaaaaaand, I don’t exercise. On a good day, I get to do some very necessary stretches to keep my back in order, and maybe take one of the dogs for a short walk. I hate CFS.
    When I used to be able to go to the gym, thoughts alternated between “what an unattractive shade of red I must be” and “oh god, how much longer?”. It used to be so much easier when I was younger with a working metabolism, gardening and dog walking took care of everything!

    • Author
      Smaggle 7 months ago

      Like a small fry? Cute. I have to exercise otherwise my brain goes weird.

  13. Fiona Dolan 7 months ago

    I am always thinking about the person next to me and what they are running because obviously the gym is a COMPETITION AND I MUST WIN. But subtly obvs, because I don’t want to look like a Type A gym freak without the physique to match. But I’ll be checking out the numbers on their machine and making mine higher. And I won’t get off until after they do. So then I’m thinking WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, SOME KIND OF RUNNING MACHINE?? What the EFF can you slow down and get off already?? Whilst also kind of watching Grand Designs which always seems to be on.

    So I’m also thinking that Kevin McCloud is HAWT and totally seems gay but then he has children and is married… So is he closet gay or just really excited about design … Or is my gaydar just really off?

    STOP RUNNING YOU CRAZY PERSON. Get offffffffff!!!!

    • Author
      Smaggle 7 months ago

      I never want to beat anyone. I want to burn the most amount of calories in the shortest amount of time possible! :-)

      • Fiona Dolan 7 months ago

        Fair enough! I’m after the same goal, it’s just that on my own terms I lack motivation and would be at the gym for four hours and somehow only burn 100 calories due to daydreaming…so I need to turn the gym into a competition to keep myself on track!! Subtle, shifty competition!

        • Sassa19 7 months ago

          I was talking to my boss (who is a spin class freak) about this spin studio in new york where all the bikes are synced to a leaderboard up the front so you can actually see where you’re coming in the class!! He said he’s probably have another heart attack trying to beat everyone. We’re winners on our team haha.

  14. Gold Ms Smags. Gold. x

  15. sarah 7 months ago

    “maaaaan why do they grunt when they lift weights.”

    “my sweat patches better not look like i pee’d myself”

    • Author
      Smaggle 7 months ago

      I’m a grunter… sorry! :-)

  16. Nicole McCann 7 months ago

    I have totally been exercising and eating well for 24 hours now. WHY AREN’T I SKINNY YET!

  17. Stacy huskey 7 months ago

    I’m usually thinking … Why is that girl here she is buffer than Jennifer Anniston ! Oh there is someone my size … Damn do my tits sag like that ? Oh crap this guy beside me smells like Bo big time ! Am I rude if I tell him ? Maybe he will leave soon . He is still here ?!!!! The smell . ….12 more min maybe I won’t throw up . Holy crap look at her I want to look like her !! She prob isn’t 39 … I’m ok for 39 ! Or am I ? Yeah I am … Six more min . I’m doing abs and arms today do I can look like her !! …….

    • Author
      Smaggle 7 months ago

      I think that too! I’m like ‘If I looked like you, I’d be at home and naked with a delicious man.’

  18. Roberts 7 months ago

    Such a great article! Here is a snapshot of my brain this week at the gym:

    “She keeps screaming to go lower. She means me, I know she does. WHY CAN I NEVER PLEASE HER.

    I’m totally gonna invite my bestie to this class next time, she would love it.

    Jesus Christ this instructor is a fucking sadist. HOW can she even talk. I can barely breathe. Fuck her and her amazing level of fitness.

    What kind of friend would I be if I wanted to subject my bestie to this?

    OH. MY. GOD. The burning. It burns so bad.

    That woman is like a hundred and five. And she is still squatting. MUST KEEP SQUATTING.

    We just burned 800 calories? I LOVE this instructor!

    Can people hear me grunting? Oh god I can’t help it, this is so hard. Maybe this is what happens when you give birth, you end up making cow noises involuntarily. Shit, if I can’t get through this pump class, I will never make it through childbirth. Shall now consider this endurance training for childbirth. I’m not even pregnant, so by the time I give birth, I will be fucking amazing at it. Ick, imagine having your legs in stirrups with no knickers on. Do they even do that anymore? What if I have an ugly baby? I hope my babies have red hair. Oh my GOD my abs are on fire.

    Weee, bumping up a level of weights!

    What if I just dropped dead from a heart attack right now? Wait…am I having a heart attack? Don’t think about your heart rate. Ergh it’s beating so fast, what if I die?

    Dropping down a level of weights. What was I thinking.

    I’m so glad I did dance classes when I was growing up, because I’m pretty sure I look uber graceful doing this step combo. Oh god, is that ME in the mirror? Argh, don’t look at yourself. Be a gazelle in your mind.

    JESUS I can’t even do five tricep pushups. Ow. Ow. OW. How did my arms get so weak?

    Yep, never doing sh’bam again.

    Errghhh, a tub of yoghurt before RPM was not an excellent idea. I wonder if anyone has vommed on this very bike. Oh GROSS. Don’t think about that. Don’t think about that. Don’t think about that.

    That felt amazing, I am defs doing 2 classes in a row tomorrow instead of one!”

    • Author
      Smaggle 7 months ago

      Ha! Totally! The second I finish my exercise is always my favourite part of the day!

  19. Anna O'Leary 7 months ago

    For the past 3 weeks it’s been a constant, reassuring stream (possibly poor choice of word) of ‘you’re not going to poo…you’re not going to poo…you’re not going to poo’
    …and I say that not just because I think you and I place poops on a similar end of the comedy spectrum, but because a friend of mine severely shat himself on the same jogging route I take (Lake Burley Griffin in the ‘berra!) and I can’t shake the fear that all public exercising is just a countdown to shitting yourself and my time may be up soon!

    • Author
      Smaggle 7 months ago

      I’m so glad everyone else had phantom poo! I thought it was just me!

  20. Harlow 7 months ago

    If I’m going for a run: would I be able to outrun a herd of zombies? This running will be good practice for the zombie apocalypse. This may be boring now but I will be able to out run those fuckers and survive. Oh god I wish a zombie apocalypse would happen – I would be so skinny from all of the running and I’d never be able to have late night Maccas again.

    Working out on the stationary bike (while watching Walking Dead ): MUST.PEDAL.HARDER.FASTER. COME ONNNNNN. ZOMBIES EVERYWHERE. OMG LOOK AT THE SCARY ZOMBIES!!! Damn Michonne is a bad ass mother fucker, I need to go to cash converts and try to find some Samurai swords…hmmm….
    YAY I burned 400 calories…those two slices of Vegemite toast I ate can SMD.

    • Author
      Smaggle 7 months ago

      I do the same thing! Mr Smaggle’s mates were doing their zombie apocolyspe team once and totally over looked me and I was like ‘Dudes! I run 4 times a week! Which is 4 times than you lazy boys!’ They totally want me on their team now. Jerks.

  21. Jan Hamilton 7 months ago

    Hi, no gym for me but up at 5.15am for 5.30am out the door for one hour walk – would someone please advise when the endorphins kick in, has now been over 20 years of stretching, walking, exercising etc etc – still waiting for them to kick in. So my thoughts are always “come on girl enjoy, what is the matter with you woman – fresh air, peace, expletive, expletive come on brain you ARE enjoying this.” Nup.

    • Author
      Smaggle 7 months ago

      I hate to break it to you but the endorphins come from raising your heart rate. You have to get huffy puffy and sweaty! This is why I don’t do yoga… it’s too gentle and I never get my exercise high!

      • Jan Hamilton 7 months ago

        Believe me I get huffy, puffy, red faced and sweaty, thanks for replying x

  22. Gem 7 months ago

    whenever I try and run on the tready at the gym my thought pattern is basically “oh god, why am I doing this… what if I need to spit… this is a bad idea… just keep going… it’s happening… I need to spit… goddamnit why didn’t I just run outside?? I KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN!!!”

    • Author
      Smaggle 7 months ago

      Ew. Running outside. I hate outside. I like my AC, water on hand and toilet. I’ll take not being able to spit any day! :-)

  23. Alisa Muir 7 months ago

    I love this post. So funny.

    Along the lines of.

    “Wow this feels good”
    “I think I need to pee”
    “nope false alarm”
    “Ohmygosh I am soooo thirsty”
    “I need to pee”
    “No I don’t”
    “Holy crap I think I am dehydrated, I am sooo thirsty”
    “Shite I am bored”
    “Maybe i don’t need to do this for 30 minutes, maybe 20 would be fine.”
    “Shite I need to pee” *yes I have the bladder of a 3 year old, yah childbirth x3*
    “OHMYGOSH I need water”
    “What can i have to eat after this?”
    “Would it be bad to leave here and buy chocolate?”
    “Next time i am so going to pee right before I do this’
    “OH MY GOSH I NEED CHOCOLATE”

    • Author
      Smaggle 7 months ago

      Phantom pee is THE WORST! My treadmill is right next to my toilet so it’s super tempting.

  24. kate 7 months ago

    Keep running or the zombies will get you……keep running or the zombies will get you. Seriously. I have a running app in my phone where you get chased by zombies. Can’t get better motivation than that!

    • Author
      Smaggle 7 months ago

      I love Zombies Run! It makes me run like a dick around the park but who cares???

  25. Kathryn OHalloran 7 months ago

    If I’m at the gym, I’m usually thinking – what the hell is this music? Is this what the kids listen to do today? Is it Justin Beiber or something? Maybe if I turn my ipod up really loud it will block it out… not loud enough, not loud enough… am I doing damage to my ears?

    • Author
      Smaggle 7 months ago

      This is why I love the treadmill. I just watch trashy TV and I don’t have to listen to the pop soundtrack of the 18 year old fitness instructor.

  26. daddownunder 7 months ago

    I knew the seahorse babies were fry after a little animal learning with Max this week, the rest was a revelation

    • Author
      Smaggle 7 months ago

      I never really thought about it but my mind goes to useless places when I’m at the gym.

  27. amanda 7 months ago

    How to get rid of the inevitable workout wedgy without everyone behind me noticing!!

  28. Bonny O'Shea 6 months ago

    i love these leggings… no pressure to answer, but what size are you wearing? i suck big time at estimating my size when shopping online!!

    • Author
      Smaggle 6 months ago

      They’re a ‘curvy’ from Female for Life… it’s size 14 to 16 I think. They probably a teeny bit big but I’m a bit smaller than I was in the above photo. Hope that helps!

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