A few weeks ago I wrote a post called Things You Apparently Shouldn’t Say To Someone Who Just Got Engaged. A writer friend of mine sent me through a rebuttal of things you REALLY shouldn’t say to someone who just got engaged and because she’s fabulous and I love a debate I thought I’d bung it up here for you gorgeous folk. Enjoy!
My boyfriend proposed when we were on holidays last September. While we were travelling we kept it between just the two of us, an exciting little secret inside our holiday cocoon. When we did get home and started calling everyone, one recently married friend said to me get ready for lots of squealing and never having another conversation without lots of wedding questions.
At the time I had no idea just how right she was. The squealing was certainly an initial phase that has since worn off, but the questions just keep coming… and coming. Don’t get me wrong, I am absolutely happy to talk about how he proposed and answer questions like how long we’ve been together. I’m happy to show off my bling and discuss the pros and cons of strapless wedding dresses.
But believe me, there really are some things you just shouldn’t say to someone who just got engaged. I’m not a shy person and am hardly backwards in coming forward, but some of the comments I’ve received really have left me speechless. Here’s some of the pearlers I’ve experienced the last couple of months.
Things You Really, Really Shouldn’t Say to Someone Who Just Got Engaged
“Well it’s about time, he does move at a glacial pace.”
This was one of the first comments I received from a relative when we called with the news. There’s really no way to respond to a comment like this without sounding like a passive, desperate needy woman who’s been waiting around waiting for a proposal.
“I guess you are at that age.”
Why yes, now that I’ve turned 30 I got engaged just because the time was right. It has nothing to do with love and commitment, it’s just because I don’t want to be 30 and alooneeeeeeeee, wearing my pyjamas and drinking vodka from the bottle singing, All By Myself Bridget Jones style.
“I didn’t see anything on Facebook.”
This one has been said to me in an accusatory, almost disbelieving tone like you’re not really engaged until it’s FB official. I know a lot of people announce their engagement on Facebook and I’m totally cool with that, in fact I love to see people’s photos and share in their excitement. Word to the wise though, FB announcements are definitely not compulsory. Four months on we still haven’t done the Facebook thing and we likely never will. But I promise you, the wedding will still be real even if it’s not announced as a “Life event” to my 500 nearest and dearest FB aquaintances.
“I knew it, I totally knew he was going to propose, just sayin.'”
I got this comment as the first response when I told someone we’d gotten engaged. It really took the wind out of my sails, like I’d just told this person that the sun rises each morning… just a big fat no shit Sherlock response. I mean would it have hurt them to just shut their face and smile and say congrats?
“Is there any other reason you got engaged?”
For a while there when we first got engaged I was in lala land about how much time, planning and money goes into a wedding, so I thought we’d get married pretty quickly after we got engaged. This led to some unfounded speculation about ulterior motives for a fast wedding. Just like asking someone when they’re due when you’re not certain they are pregnant, you should never, ever assume someone is getting married cause they are up the duff. I’m amazed I even had to type that sentence, but here we are.
“It takes a village to plan a wedding.”
Gettting engaged is an exciting time. At first you think it’s going to be a personal time for the two of you to plan out your wedding day… then two days later you laugh and laugh and laugh that you ever thought that was the case. Every person you’ve ever met will feel that it’s appropriate to give their opinion on everything from the engagement ring right down to the colour scheme you should have for your big day.
My advice to anyone who has just gotten engaged? Turn up the dial on your sense of humour and take everything with a big sack full of salt… or a stiff drink. Block out the white noise and hold on to that glow.
What’s the worst/weirdest thing anyone has ever said to you?
Fiona Dolan lives and works in Canberra, but is one of the five people there who aren’t actually public servants. She’s a couch enthusiast and an avid consumer of coffee and wine. If you’re looking for her at a party, she’ll be the one wearing bright lipstick and giggling at her own dad jokes. You can find her on Twitter and Instagram @fionaldolan.
If you’d like to contribute to Smaggle just send an email to hello@smaggle.com
20 Comments
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Sooooo I just did the ‘I so knew it’..last night in fact. Ah well. I did plenty of congratulating.
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I’m pretty sure I’ve said that too! 🙂
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I think this one is all about tone. If you say it in a super excited YAY voice, then all is totally cool! It’s the people who say it in a derr Ralph voice that need to pipe down. I’m sure you and Carly both fit into category one!!!
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I have a daughter from a previous relationship, and when I announced my engagement to my family, my grandmother said in a hushed tone, ‘You’re lucky to have found someone who will take you on in your situation’. Thanks Nan, it’s true I am a giant whore.
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Oh nan. Those “situations” sure are pitiable…
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Wow, just wow ! Oh Nan, it’s lucky you can get away with saying anything!
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Oh my god! That’s THE BEST.
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I have no personal experience to share, but I have a teeny rant about the ‘oh planning a wedding is so hard’ comment. The correct response, surely, is ‘Zororastrians don’t actually have conventional weddings, so we will just be doing the standard fire ceremony on a dormant volcano followed by the traditional dinner of stewed marsh-grass and yaks milk. Thanks for your interest though.’ A wedding is no-one’s business but yours. 🙂
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This made me laugh out loud at my desk…in an open plan office 🙂 Filing away for future reference!
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Love it. Also planning weddings is fun! I do it all the time!
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Ugh, the facebook thing. Like that’s the only way. I didn’t even announce I was pregnant, or that I’d had the baby, and people were all like “why didn’t you put it on facebook?” because it sucks, that’s why! Nobody actually cares, and I hate playing out my life for everyone’s consumption that way. I also got hassled with stupid questions after I got engaged too. People are VERY quick to tell you how miserable it is to be married. Well, it’s been seven years and I’m not miserable yet. I’ll keep you posted tho!
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My mum is a bit like that. If there’s a major life event and someone doesn’t facebook it she gets a bit annoyed. She also can’t figure out how I can see things on Facebook that she can’t. It’s been slow learning process with that one.
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OMG some of those things are just bizarre to say to someone! I’d be making fists at anyone that said
“I guess you are at that age.” LOL-
I know right! At this rate I’ll need a Zimmer frame to walk me down the aisle!
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I’m ‘at that age’. It’s like people think that a timer goes off and it’s like ‘Go! Marriage. Babies.’
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I got married just recently, unfortunately some of these comments aren’t just for engagement. I was pulled aside by a guest who said in a rather dramatic hushed tone ” Thank God you didn’t wear a strapless dress!” instead of a lovely congratulations at the end of the aisle.
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Oh my lord, why would someone say that? Rude.
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These are awful! They deserve a sigh and a massive eye roll. The same people who makes these comments don’t stop after the wedding. Then it’s all about when you’re going to have a baby and they’ll ask incredibly personal questions about your sex life and internal organs.
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Oh totally! I’m already getting the baby talk from most of my family. ARgh!
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A family friend of my future father in law was told about my engagement and his reaction to my face was, “Really?” served with a scrunched up expression and a disgusted tone. That was all he said. 10 minutes later he ‘congratulated’ me after first asking me why I would want to put up with my fiance and blah blah. I think he was trying to be funny… It was so rude I had no idea what to think. But then again, I was and am so happy that I don’t mind as much as I probably could.
