I was having lunch with some friends the other day and the conversation steered towards one night stands. One of my friends told us about her cousin who’s ‘life is over’ because of a one night stand where the girl said she was on the pill ‘but wasn’t’. Now he has to ‘hand over half of his paycheck’ every week until the kid turns 18 because of an ‘innocent mistake’.
I get extremely annoyed when I hear language like that surrounding one night stands that result in pregnancy. I can understand where my friend is coming from. Pregnancies between two people who don’t know each other outside of a sweaty drunken shag, are really traumatic for both the male and female involved. It’s never an ideal situation for anyone. The thing that really upsets me about this though, is that the male in these situations is more often than not painted as the innocent victim, particularly amongst his peers and family.
I don’t think men understand this but it’s actually very difficult for us women to control our reproductive systems. We have to remember to take a pill everyday, make appointments for Depo injections, keep track of when we last had our Implanon changed or have painful procedures to have coils inserted in our wombs. It’s a really complicated business. Even if we manage our contraception perfectly, after all these precautions, sometimes we’ll get pregnant anyway and it always seems to be our fault when it happens. Frankly, I think it’s bollocks.
I’m not talking about all men. Some men are fantastic about using condoms but there are enough surprise babies out there that make me believe that a lot of men are a bit shit at it. I’m astounded by the way some men lack ownership over their own jizz. They don’t seem to care much about it when they’re spraying it all over the place but then they act like wounded puppies when their lax attitude about contraception leads to an accidental pregnancy.
Whenever I hear of a guy getting a girl pregnant it’s usually because ‘She said she was the pill.‘ The excuse is never ‘I didn’t wear a condom’ which is usually more truthful. I’ve also heard actual real life men say ‘She LIED and said she was on the pill‘. What a disgusting thing to say. I can’t think of anyone who would lie about being on the pill, especially for a one night stand. That just seems ludicrous. The pill often fails, especially if you’re not taking it correctly or if you’ve been ill. Even if a women DID lie and said she was on the pill when she wasn’t, the guy is a bit of a chump for trusting someone he’s only just met. If a girl said ‘Hey can I have a thousand dollars in cash and I’ll pay you back later, even though you don’t know my name or have my phone number?‘ can you think of any man in the world that would give her the money? No, because it’s really silly. Yes condoms are inconvenient but you know what’s more inconvenient? Getting a stranger pregnant.
The only control that men have over the spreading of their seed is condoms, a vasectomy or abstinence. So if you’re a dude and you have sex and you don’t wear a condom and the sex results in a pregnancy, you need to own it. All this horrible language that blames women for ‘getting pregnant’ like it was a choice has got to stop. Two people were there, two people made choices and two people have to deal with the consequences of those choices. If the sex was consensual then both parties are responsible for what ever outcomes may occur. Simple as that.