7 Ways You Know You’ve Found A Forever Friend

By Carly Jacobs

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riendships are weird. You kind of get thrown together with people accidentally in life and then you’re like ‘This human is cool. I want to keep hanging out with this human.’ and then you do that forever. Most of my closest friends have been my closest friends for at least 10 years, often more. Being friends with me is a bit like a jail sentence. Once you’re in, you’re in. You’re not going anywhere. I was thinking the other day about how you know when someone is going to be in your life for a long time and how those moments are usually a combination of gross, hilarious joy. In my humble opinion here are 7 ways you know you’ve found a forever friend (or bestie!)…

1. Going to the toilet is no excuse to stop a conversation

There’s something delightfully gross and sweetly intimate about urinating in front of a friend. It usually takes a few vodka cranberries on an empty stomach to make you do it the first time but from that point onwards it becomes a proverbial free for all. Other truly intimate acts include seeing each other’s bare naked boobs and/or adjusting said boobs to create the perfect amount of classy/sexy cleavage. You’ve seen each other without makeup, first thing in the morning, in underwear and dying from the flu… at the same time. There’s no state of being too embarrassing for a forever friend to see it.

2. You can tell a good silence from a bad silence

If your bestie hasn’t texted you for three days it either means she’s dead or she’s had her mouth wrapped around someone else’s mouth and hasn’t come up for air or food in 72 hours. A good bestie can always tell the difference.

3. You know what each other’s favourites are

True BFFs can buy their bestie’s favourite of anything without even asking. Wine, chocolate, ice cream, salad, coffee. You’ll also know that she has a giant crush on Jon Hamm and will send her at least one picture of him on Facebook per day with the hashtag #futurehusband.

4. You know when to cut each other off

You can swiftly remove that one-glass-of-champagne-too-many from her hand before she embarrasses herself in front of that guy she likes and she can successfully wrestle your phone away from you when you’re about to drunk dial your ex. Trivia: I once wrestled the phone out of one my besties hands and BOTH of her boobs popped out of her top. It was, I believe, the highlight of our friendship.

5. You know each other’s sexual history like you wrote a combined thesis on them

You know the order, the length of time, the length of heartbreak and the… length… of every lover she’s laid her hands on and vice versa. You know that James Number 2 was the one that looked like the love child of Ray Liotta and Dr Spock and that all future boyfriends will forever be compared to The One That Broke Her Heart… and you may not have actually met either of them.

6. You can actually communicate with just a look

And thanks to the Bridesmaids movie it’s now a long, deep, slightly twitchy and deranged look. You can lock eyes with each other and silently say ‘I know it’s only 10am but this movie theatre serves champagne. Really. It would be rude not to.’ and the other will just order two doubles without blinking.

7. Horrific insults become terms of endearment

A screaming match over whether or not it’s okay to want to bone Tyrion Lannister can end with you telling her that you’re going to rip her face off and feed it through a sausage mincer. Text messages are punctuated with casual swear words and when you discover that she met a guy and waited four whole days to tell you, you let lose on a tirade of language so filthy, you cease to make sense and just start adding swear words to nouns. ‘Shit hat, fuck waffle, crap brick, ass lamp why didn’t you TELL ME???’

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What’s your BFF like? Do you guys have a secret language that no one else can understand? Do you have one BFF? Or several?

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P.S Did you know there’s a Smaggle newsletter? And Smags on Facebook? There’s lots of cool shit in both places so make sure you go to there.

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About Carly Jacobs

Carly is the founding editor of Smaggle which launched in 2007 back when blogging was weird. She has appeared in The Sydney Morning Herald, The Age, Cosmopolitan and Cleo magazines. Hoop earrings are totally her thing and she almost got run over by Myf Warhurst while out jogging one day.

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