This post is sponsored by Melbourne IVF
W
hen people (mainly older women to be honest) talk to me about my biological clock ticking, I get a bit petulant. I kind of laugh and say ‘Oh I’m not even sure if I want to have kids.’and then I good naturedly sit there while they tell me that they had problems conceiving when they were only 27, so I better start thinking about starting my family. Like now. I smile and nod but in my head I’m yelling ‘You aren’t the boss of me!’. There’s just something about them raising their eyebrows at me while tapping their imaginary fertility watch, that just really pisses me off.
The thing that most annoys me about it, is that they’re right. Lots of my friends have either just had or are trying to have their first child. I’m a touch younger than most of my friends so watching this experience has been fascinating. As a teenager, I was raised to fear pregnancy more than the plague and despite the fact that I was armed with the hardcore facts of procreation from my nurse mother, I still harboured irrational fears of falling pregnant through totally safe activities like dry humping. I’d imagine the sperm wiggling its way through my boyfriends jeans and somehow finding its way to my uterus, because it was THAT EASY to fall pregnant.
As I’ve grown older and observed women in my life trying to get pregnant, I’ve realised it can actually be a really, really difficult thing to do. Even if you’re super fertile, young and healthy. Lots of my friends have suffered at least one miscarriage. I naively thought that miscarrying a baby was rare but apparently lots of women will experience this. A few of my friends have even had to have IVF in their very early 30s and one in her mid 20s. I’m totally shocked by this and it’s made me realise why I keep getting prodded about my damn biological clock. It’s because it actually IS ticking… more and more slowly each year to be exact.
There’s obviously a variety of different factors that effect whether or not a woman can have children in her 20s. Not finding the right person to do it with, wanting to travel, wanting to focus on her career, not feeling financially or emotionally prepared. All of these reasons are really valid, in fact most of them apply to me personally, but that doesn’t change the fact that the longer I wait, the harder it is to have babies.
Believe me I’m not trying to scare anyone into having children. I’m sitting very much on the fence of having children myself. Like smack bang on the fence. I literally have no opinion at all on the matter. The point I’m making is that if having children is not negotiable for you, then don’t negotiate. Honestly, if I found out that I couldn’t have children tomorrow, I’m fairly certain I would be relieved. Not because I hate the idea of having children but to have the decision made for me would be so incredibly freeing. It’s the choice that’s killing me and if I don’t make my choice sooner rather than later, I may not feel as if I’ve even made a choice. I know for a fact that if I actively wanted to have children, I would already have them by now. I’m paralysed by uncertainty.
Fertility can be a really hard issue for women to discuss, which is why I’m being so honest about my own experiences in this post.
I’ve teamed up with Melbourne IVF to open up a discussion about the effects of age and lifestyle on women’s fertility. I know it sounds weird that a fertility clinic would be all ‘Don’t wait until you need our help to have babies when you’re 40, do it when you can for the love of god! PLEASE!’ but that’s pretty much what they’re doing.
So tell me…
What’s your baby status?
Do you have kids?
How old were you when you had them?
Do you want kids?
Do you have a planned age to start trying to have a baby?
Have you had IVF?
What was your experience like?
Any words of wisdom for those of us who might be wanting children soon?
Is anyone competely undecided like I am?
Co-ordinated by The Remarkables Group
102 Comments
-
I have always known I wanted children , there has never been any doubt of that. However finding the right partner took a while. I have two beautiful boys that were made with assistance from Melbourne Ivf and we are going back to make one more. I know many people have heart breaking stories about infertility but we have been extremely blessed that Ivf has helped us.
-
Author
Oh I’m so glad you had a positive experience. I think half the trouble a lot of women have is finding the right guy.
-
-
I don’t have children and have never wanted them (am now 35). The issue caused the breakup of my marriage (he assumed that I’d change my mind).
I am the most enthusiastic auntie ever though. I get a new nephew tomorrow!I, like you, sometimes wish that decision would just be made for me. Like kablammo, no kids for you! Then I feel like I wouldn’t have to explain my choice all the time. I’ve considered permanent sterilisation but that option is so fraught with drama that I’ll revisit it in another 5 years….
-
There’s a huge danger when people expect their partner to change their mind. It’s too much pressure and it’s really unfair on the other person. I’m also an enthusiastic auntie. My niece is my life!
-
-
I’m a mum of one little lad, born when I was just about to turn 29. We’re now in the hum-hah position of “Do we have another one? If so, when?” boat. While my birth was pretty easy, the last few weeks of pregnancy and the first few weeks of motherhood were abysmal. I’ve got no huge desire to go through that again but we both grew up with siblings and would like our son to have that experience. So I guess you could say that I’m in the same position as you, just with one kid. I almost wish that a second kid would happen by accident so that we didn’t have to choose but given what it took to get pregnant with our son I don’t think it is likely. He’s such an awesome little dude that if he is the only kid we ever have I think I’ll be okay with that.
-
I think it’s just generations of expectations. It’s our parents generation that find it ‘weird’ to have only kid but most women in their generation didn’t have jobs and their husbands had job security. Times and have changed and makes having a larger family a big deal for modern women. Hold your own love and only have another if you really want to.
-
-
I’m only 21, but my long term boyfriend and I do talk about children and how we would like children one day, preferably with each other, but generally that that’s what we want for ourselves. We both work in the arts and I know freelancing and having a family might become hard for us. We’ve sort of tentatively talked about wanting to “start” around when I’m 28-29. We’ll see what happens, but I find it reassuring that we can talk to openly about those desires even if we’re still so young.
-
Honestly that’s one of the biggest issue Mr Smaggle and I have is our unstable freelancer incomes. Honestly, since being with him though I’ve leaned more towards maybe than no on the kid front. He’d be an amazing father so it’s a bit tempting!
-
-
I’m in the same boat as you, smags: undecided Last year I was told I have PCOS, which means that it is possibly harder for me to conceive. I felt a HUGE amount of relief when I heard that – perhaps the universe will decide for me.
Sometimes I look at friend’s babies and think it would be wonderful, but I just can’t see it fitting anywhere into my life…
-
That’s exactly how I feel. I have a niece who is my whole world and I’d quite to experience motherhood if only because I’m completely FOMO about everything but then I’m like… sleeping in on the weekends and going out without organizing a babysitter is awesome. Hard choices yeah?
-
-
I have a 14 month old, perfect little girl. I’ve just turned 31 and am working full time. I sat on the fence for ages, and what finally did it for me was my partners age (he’s 10 yrs older and has 2 teens from previous marriage). We tried for 12 months with nothing, then had the “Right, let’s get this shit done” conversation (yep, they were the actual words !!) so, one successful round of IVF later and here we are! I love our Girl more than anything in the world, and I am done at one. Happy that we didn’t wait for it to happen naturally, and I STILL feel guilty (and selfish) every day that I’m happy with just one, is it the best thing for her?? Who knows!
We went through Sydney IVF and they were BRILLIANT 🙂There is no ‘right time’ for anyone, you have to make it right. If you don’t want kids, then that’s that and your decision is made but if you do, just go for it… your life will adjust to suit. Good luck!!!
-
I love that so many women don’t mess around with IVF. 30 seems far too young to have it but then if it’s not working then go for it! So glad you had a positive experience.
-
-
I have 3 and always wanted to, but I know that kids are not for everyone and the choice should absolutely be up to you. There is one story that stays with me whenever this subject comes up: I once met an older woman on a plane. She sat next to me and my then 1 year old son. She was lovely with him and I asked her if she had kids, just to make conversation. She said no and then she looked at me and said ‘I never wanted kids and never minded not having them. But now that my friends are grandparents and I am sorry to have missed out on that. ‘
I would never say to someone they should have kids. It’s bloody hard and horrible at times. We are broke and never travel. Are we better people for having kids, definitely … sometimes. I love being a parent and I would not give up the hope to live long enough to see my kids grow up and the hope to love their children with all my heart for anything.
But if you decide not to have kids then please don’t wate time regretting your decision. Live it up! You have freedom, flexibility, hours of sleep and choices that us breeders dream of. Whoop it up! My sisters are childless and they are squandering their freedom with regret. An amazing life awaits either way. Better to choose and live it out with gusto.
-
Thank you so much what a lovely response. It’s odd that you say that’s what they woman said because I see myself as a grandmother but I’ve never seen myself as a mother. I get that I have to be one before I get to the other (obviously!) but I have such a great relationship with my own mother and I’d kind of like to experience that… but then I can’t decide! The agony! 🙂
-
-
I fell pregnant at 29 with my son totally by accident. I was informed with the medical issues and procedures I had had done in the past I would most likely never have kids. At the time I felt that it was obviously meant to be. But since then I have made a conscious decision not to have any more children. I, too have wanted permanent sterilisation for many years and have been advised against it because I was still in my 30’s and I might change my mind. Now I’m 40, I’m not taking no for an answer, it’s my choice.
-
Yeah you go girl! I hate that medical professions are so hardcore about that. It’s your decision. Go for it!
-
-
Great post! I have 1 daughter, nearly 5 and we have no plans to have more. People often say I’ll change my mind or hint that she really should have a sibling as if we haven’t thought through our decision.
I always assumed I’d have 2 but never actively wanted kids and don’t know how things would have gone if my husband hadn’t pushed things along. Very glad I went with the flow because she’s an awesome little thing but totally get why people don’t want kids or are fence-sitters.
BTW, we stopped at 1 partly because the anxiety, sleepless nights and manic-ness of having 1 made us never want another baby/toddler EVER. we’re counting on all the cousins to beat her up like a sibling would.-
I honestly think that half the reason why I’m so undecided is because women are so much more honest (through blogs etc) about child rearing than they were in the past. It’s wonderful and it’s the way it should be but with all this honesty floating around it makes the whole thing seem like too much hard work! 🙂
-
-
I have two amazing daughters, I feel so blessed that I also have 3 amazing step children (now with families of their own). I had always wanted children. I had my first born when I was 27 and my second when I was 30. I was very lucky and had perfect pregnancies with no dramas what so ever. I feel for those that are trying so hard to have them and I completely support those who choose not to as well. V x
-
Oh me too! One of my dearest friends had a terrible struggle and ended up having 2 miscarriages and I cried and cried for her. Women who want babies and can’t have them are in a MUCH worse position than me.
-
-
I’m with you – I hope it’s a nice comfy fence!
-
It’s pretty comfy right now… but I suspect it’s going to start digging into my backside soon!
-
-
Hi Smaggle
I have two kids, aged 2 & 4. I had my first when I was 36 and will turn 40 this year. Prior to having my first child – while we were in fact trying to conceive – I was painfully undecided about whether I really wanted children. Now, of course, I can’t imagine life without them and am SO GLAD I had them. My Dad always said, on a risk management basis, it’s crazy to have kids (he’s got 5), but it’s not an entirely rational decision in the end, more a leap of faith. What no-one can explain properly is how much you fall in love with your children. My only regret is not starting earlier so I would have time to have more. By the time we felt somewhat ready to have kids, I became seriously ill and was on medication which meant I had to defer pregnancy. We then had difficulty falling pregnant. So I would absolutely advise young women to face the decision head on as early as possible.-
See that’s another thing that I have to consider with my fence is that I’ve never met a woman who regrets HAVING children. I’ve met plenty who haven’t regretted NOT having children but I’ve also met lots who have regretted not having them.
Also… this may sound weird… but is the Gervy that used to comment on my blog way back in the old days? 🙂-
Yes it is the old Gervy Smaggle! I do still read you… but don’t comment very often …because of the kids, ya know 😉
Just in response to some of the other comments – I didn’t ache for children. We always thought we’d have them, but when it came to the crunch I was concerned by lack of a desperate desire for them, and by the irrevocable nature of the decision, and by the lifestyle change… etc etc. So I NEVER felt sure about my decision – until after I’d actually had my first baby.
We had a fantastic life as a couple before kids – overseas travel, date night every week at great restaurants, plenty of disposable income, sleep-ins every weekend, time to waste playing computer games or staying in bed all day reading. The hedonic treadmill is a wonderful thing. But I don’t miss it.
I also have a niece and nephew I adore, but when I spent lots of time with them before having my own kids I felt exhausted and wondered how I could ever do it full-time. But it’s different with your own kids. Being a mum is exhausting and it is the hardest thing I’ve ever done but also the most meaningful, and it is incredibly rewarding.
-
There are lots of people who regret it: https://m.facebook.com/IRegretHavingChildren
-
-
-
I’m a longtime reader but mostly a lurker and I just wanted to say thank you for a really honest post. I’ve always assumed that I wanted to have children, but I’m 26, not even a year out of grad school and have basically nothing to my name- just not in any position, financially or emotionally, to be having children anytime soon. And the thing is that as I get closer to an age where I *could* be having a kid, I’m almost paralyzed with anxiety over how difficult having one child, let alone more than one, is, especially for someone who intents to return to work afterwards. Just thinking about the logistics of full-time work + daycare + household responsibilities + caring for a child is enough to make me freak out a bit! I genuinely don’t know if I have the degree of patience and self-sacrifice required. 100% totally relate to your thoughts on the fence-sitting.
-
Thank you for de-lurking to comment! I think it’s almost easier if you actively DON’T want children. The fence sitting makes everyone think that you’re just not ready, which isn’t necessarily true. I’m sure our brains will tell us what to do one day! x
-
-
I have one little boy, 10 month old and very much hope to have more but if I’ve learned one thing about having babies it’s that nothing is certain.
I’d always known I wanted children, it was non-negotiable for me. I started trying in my late(ish) 20s and found it very difficult to fall pregnant. Over the course of a few years I did fall pregnant twice but both ended in miscarriage. We had fertility testing done to see why it took so long to fall pregnant each time but there were no real answers. In the end we tried IVF, as much as a diagnostic tool as to try to get pregnant. It isn’t the easiest thing ever but compared to the years proceeding it it was a walk in the park. We were very fortunate and I fell pregnant on the first round. Then, miraculously it felt, I stayed pregnant. I still find it kind of hard to believe how ridiculously fortunate we are – it kind of blows my mind to be honest. I would never, ever in a million years wish infertility or miscarriage upon anyone, but if there is a silver lining its that if you do succeed in having a baby you will be perpetually stunned and amazed at your good fortune and never for a moment take it for granted.-
Thank you for commenting darling, I hoped you would. And what a little blessing he is to us all. xxx
-
The last part of your comment is so incredibly true
-
-
I’m 34 and I don’t have children. I do wish sometimes that I couldn’t as you’ve said so the decision would be taken away from me but I am very careful about saying this because I have close friends who desperately want children and can’t have them. The conversation about having (or not having) children is putting a huge strain on my relationship but part of that is my fault because I always assumed that I would have kids in the future when we got married. We just kept pushing it back though and now the conversation has turned from ‘when’ to ‘if’.
-
I totally agree! That’s why I worded this so carefully because it’s such a sensitive issue and extremely emotional for a lot of women. Although our journey of indecision isn’t any less valid than someone else’s journey. 🙂
-
-
Thank you so much for posting this article. Just like our clothing, one size does not fit all, and we all have different views on what we want for our lives and they all are “right” for us. But then of course life laughs at us and throws us a curve ball – the unplanned pregnancy, the step-child, infertility issues, sick parents and the unexpected break up. When I was in my early 20s I thought getting married and popping out kids was the measure of success and I wanted it so badly to show others that I was “successful”. To achieve that goal I nearly got hitched to a guy who ended up sleeping with my best friend who was married with two kids (does anyone see the irony in that!). In my late 30s, single and with a great career, I made peace with the idea that kids were just not going to be my lot in life. Then in walked a curly headed guy with a 4 year old daughter who turned that plan on its head. Two strawberry blond cherubs later, I just look back at the path my life has taken in wonder.
-
I honestly feel like that’s how it will happen for me. If it’s meant to happen it will. I love your story BTW it’s similar to my sister in law who took on my brother and his beautiful daughter when she was just 1 year old. Love it.
-
-
I’m 21, married, with no kids. I definitely, definitely want children. I’ve been maternal since I was born and always dreamed of being a mother.
I do a lot of second-guessing myself on that though, just because it’s such a permanent decision. You can’t just decide it’s not working out and change your mind…and kids are SUCH an all-consuming decision to make. It changes your entire life forever, and gives you SO MUCH responsibility. So I start to psych myself out over how scary that fact is.
But I always come back to the knowledge that I was pretty much born to be a mother and will be a good one when the time comes.
With that said, I’m in no rush. Being married by 21 is fantastic because I have the right guy there, but no rush on fertility. We want to have kids young, but not too young. I’m about to start my Masters degree – I want to enjoy pursuing my education and intellectual development. Thinking we’ll probably start trying when I’m about 25, but if circumstances change then we can keep putting it off further.
You’re right though, it is SUCH a personal decision and such a big deal, and overwhelmingly just terrifying and confusing. Hardest decision to make I think, because there is almost no decision as permanent.
-
You’ve already made your decision. You were meant to be a mother, it’s just about picking your timing now. x
-
-
I’m about to turn 33 and I’ve never wanted kids. I have absolutely no problem with children and I love being around them, but it’s not for me.
I do get endlessly frustrating with people who don’t think that children are optional. I’m always being told that ‘I will change my mind.’ I get blank stares when I say that at this age it’s unlikely…also, why is it so terrible that I don’t want kids? It’s definitely nice knowing that’s my decision because the whole biolicgicl clock has never been an issue for me.
-
I think it’s fantastic that you know you don’t want them and can own it. I have jealousy over your conviction.
-
-
I’m 25 (married at 21, husband is currently 29) and I’m also Mormon (LDS), which is great, but my religion places a TON of pressure on husbands and wives to have children That would be fine if people didn’t constantly feel like my reproduction is their business. Here in Salt Lake City, I’m constantly interrogated by people at church, my husband’s family, etc. about why I haven’t had children yet, as many of my friends and even my own mother were pregnant in their early 20s. My husband and I want to have children, yes, but we are a-typical in my religion (or it seems so at least) because we are perfectly content not having kids yet. We don’t have an exact plan for when we’ll start trying either, which tends to blow people’s minds. My parents and my husband’s parents all married really young and had lots of kids that they had to drag through divorce after divorce. My parents never knew each other before having kids, so now that they’re empty-nesters, they’re having to get to know each other without the defining roles of mom and dad. I think my husband and I are content enjoying our marriage and our 20s without the responsibility that our parents had.
Now that you’ve heard my life story, I’m done. Haha.
-
I really admire that, especially as your religion places so much pressure on you. There’s no benefit to having children before you’re ready, so stick to your guns. And thank you for commenting all the way from Salt Lake City!
-
-
I’m 23 and I’ve known my whole life that I will never have kids! I am very maternal and like kids (in a year I will be a fully qualified primary school teacher) but I have never had any desire to have my own. I also have thrombocytopenia (my blood doesn’t clot well and I have to have regular platelet infusions) so pregnancy would be pretty risky business. I’m glad though because it means I have a good excuse and I don’t have to explain the 101 other reasons as to why I don’t want to have kids!
-
How convenient for you that you have a medical condition to back up your decision! Not that it’s great to have a medical problem like that but least you won’t have to have those awkward ‘No actually I just don’t want babies’ conversations.
-
-
I think we might be twins, Carly! I’m much the same line of thinking as you – I’m 32 so I SHOULD be thinking about it, but I don’t want to yet. And I’m not sure that “Trying for a baby in case I regret it later but don’t want one now” is really the best option for anyone, much least the child.
It’s not that I do or don’t want children, but I’m the same in that if I found out I couldn’t have them it would be a bit of “Well that’s sorted then”.
-
That’s so true. I often think that I never regret the things I’ve done, only those I didn’t do but this is having a baby, not sky diving. It’s such a big decision and if you’re not super into it!
-
-
Two kids, was 27 with the first, 33 with the second. Lost one in between. I was very lucky in that I fell pregnant straight away both times (not counting the one I lost, which was unplanned and I was on birth control). And by straight away, I mean the first month we actually tried. My parents had serious fertility issues so I was kind of worried it might be hard for me to conceive, but whatever the problem was, it wasn’t hereditary.
I’m not having any more kids. I’m done. I wasn’t sure if I was done or not after the first one, but I am certain now.
-
That’s my worst nightmare, falling pregnant on contraception. 2 sounds perfect for you!
-
-
I am 35 and have a beautiful 8-month-old baby girl. I always knew I wanted kids and as a teenager, thought I would have them in my early 20s.
As it happened, I spent most of my twenties building a career and travelling before I met my Mr Right at 28. At that time, I thought for sure we would have kids quickly..but travelling, study and career changes kept pushing it back.
We were so lucky that when we finally decided it was ‘time’ (I was 33), I fell pregnant straight away. We feel extremely blessed and still can’t believe that this little person is in our lives 24/7.
I don’t regret the decision we made to wait. We’ve had such a full and exciting life so far and can’t wait to introduce our little one to the things we love.
-
Honestly, 35 is my ‘scary’ age where I really have to make my decision. I’ve also lived a massive life and by then I may feel ready to share the rest of it with a kid! Who knows?
-
-
I’m 29, about to turn 30 in a few months. I’m married to the love of my life. We have no children. We’re not even sure we want any and we’re both totally fine with that.
It’s such an interesting and yet intensely personal topic, isn’t it?-
We’re identical – I’ve been with my man for 8 years and he’s the best human and we’d make great parents but we’re just of ‘meh’ about it which isn’t really very helpful is it? 🙂
-
-
I’m 39, single, and don’t have any kids. I seem to be permanently single (not for lack of trying) and haven’t had a decent long-term relationship. That said, I don’t really care about having kids. I’d like a partner though! (It’s hard to meet someone at this age because men think you’re looking for a baby daddy.)
I have a full-on career, I have awesome nieces and nephews, I have SO MANY friends with kids, and I also work with kids. It’s just not a priority for me. However I suspect if I was to fall pregnant I would be happy about it (though financially/logistically it would be a nightmare right now).
I confess I am curious about pregnancy – I often wonder whether I could conceive and carry a child to term. But that curiosity doesn’t extend to wanting to go it alone. One of my single friends is currently going through IVF using a sperm donor – I hope it works for her, but it’s not something I’m interested in.
-
That’s so frustrating! I can totally see how guys would think you’re on a baby making mission. How irritating. I’m also curious about pregnancy. I’m naturally very FOMO so part of fence sitting is me not wanting to miss out on something awesome!
-
-
Wow! this post really reasonated with me.
I’ve just turned 30 (ok, 2 months ago) and am getting married at the end of the year. I told my fiance (43) that I’d wait until I was 30 to think about kids (I was 23 when we met) so… now I’m 30. Obviously having waited this long I’d wait til marriage, but then we have another overseas holiday planned… so I might end up being 32ish by the time I pop one out.
If I even want to pop one out. We both claim we are selfish, but then we give our all (and all our $) to our dogs so I know we are responsible enough to provide everything the child would need.
It’s just a huge commitment.
I also have a few investment properties along with the house we both ‘own’ and I don’t know how I could afford to keep those properties if I went on maternity leave (would love to be at home as long as possible) or with childcare.I really understood when you said that if you couldn’t have kids you’d be relieved. I certainly don’t ache for a child and I’m sure I’d love an adopted child as much as a biological one, but having that pressure of the biological clock ticking removed would be nice….
-
That’s exactly it. I don’t ‘ache’ for a child. Are you supposed to ache? I think I need to ask more mothers about this. Food for thought. I’d also love to adopt. I don’t know why but that’s always appealed to me more than being pregnant.
-
-
I never wanted children. Ever. Then at 20, while living and working in England, I met my now hubby, Guv. We happened quickly – met him 3 weeks after arriving in England, we were engaged within 3 weeks of starting to date and married 11 months after we met.
I fell in love and I fell hard and when I did, something in me flicked and I wanted babies, Guv’s babies, something that was a tangible thing of our mad crazy love for each other.
I was 21 when we got married, Guv was 31. I was 21 when we started trying to a baby. In 20 days, I turn 35 and we still don’t have that much longed for baby. 14 years of trying and all we have to show for it are multiple miscarriages and my absolutely disdain for my failure of a body. The positive? After 15 years together, we’re more in love than ever and while I’ll ALWAYS long for that baby we both wanted [and still do want], I know how blessed I’ve been to not only find Guv when I was so young but to still have him after all the crap we’ve been through. Infertility sucks arse and A LOT of couples don’t make it through to the other side of it, I’m forever grateful that we have.
Maddison I read your comment and I could have written it, especially this part:-
“With that said, I’m in no rush. Being married by 21 is fantastic because I have the right guy there, but no rush on fertility.”
– I thought that too when we got married, pffft I’m only 21 heaps of time…..now here I sit at 35 and the hardest lesson I learnt, was that even if you do have time on your side, don’t count on it because you just never know.If you think there is even a remote chance that you want children, go get yourself checked out, if they find anything, it’s better to know sooner rather than later. That wouldn’t have helped us because we have that mysterious issue referred to as “unexplained infertility”.
I envy you ladies who don’t know if you want children or not OR who have had the choice taken away from them and are perfectly okay with it. I didn’t want them, then I desperately did [damn you husband!] and now the choice has been taken away from us but I will never be okay with it.
It’s heartbreaking to see everyone else around you get the one thing that you want and have wanted for so long. I got tired a long time ago of the pity I see in people’s eyes when we say “oh no, no children, it’s just us two”, like we aren’t enough and don’t get me started on the amount of people who are so quick to dismiss “just us two” of being a family! I truly dislike how society seems to judge your worth and your contribution to society on whether or not you’ve grown a human in you – you don’t have to have children to have had a good and meaningful life but that’s how I’ve been made to feel on more than one occasion. As more of the population/couples don’t have children [and that is a statistic that is growing every year, with more and more couples choosing not to have children or are not able to have them] I’m hoping societies attitude towards both childfree and childless couples changes.
Good luck with whatever decision you make Smags and if people start asking WHY you don’t have children, feel free to use my line – “Oh we can’t, you see, we have white carpet”, smile and then walk away. Gets em every time ;;)
[I apologise for the essay like comment, as you can tell it’s a subject close to my heart]
-
Oh Rach, how awful for you. I said in another comment reply that I’m lucky that my biggest issue is indecision. There’s nothing worse than a woman wanting a baby and being unable to have that. I totally agree with you on finding the guy… I’ve been with Mr Smags since I was 22 and I NEVER wanted children before then but I ended up fence sitting because of him… he’d make such a wonderful father. It’s true that you don’t need children to have a true and meaningful life and how wonderful that you and partner get the silver lining of a delicious and perfect life for two. x
-
Rach I am truly truly sorry that your journey for a child hasnt ended how you had hoped. It sounds like you have a wonderful relationship with your husband and I know many people that would be very envious of that.
And Smaggle let me just say, and I am not normally soppy, but when you see that man who would make a wonderful father, being a wonderful father, or you hear the two of them cracking up laughing together or just see them sitting quietly having a cuddle…. ugh. The BEST!
-
-
-
It’s a really interesting topic and has come at a really poignant time in my life. I am 34 and have just made the difficult decision with my husband of eight years to stop trying for a baby. We have been going through IVF ICSI for five years and it has emotionally and financially exhausted our reserves. We are unable to concieve naturally becasue of a vasectomy he had in a previous marriage. As a hopeful 29 year old i thought that would be our only obstacle. Turns out i have shitty eggs, there was no way of knowing i was just born that way and it makes it much harder for me to fall pregnant. Against all the odds i did manage to fall pregnant two years ago and i even went out and bought a book so i could follow all the exciting changes that would happen to my body. It was not to be, unfortunately it was an ectopic pregnancy and had i discovered it a few days later i wouldn’t be here. The growing embryo had burst my fallopian tube and i was bleeding internally. An emergency laparotomy ensued and 6 months of recovering from the disappointment. I have done seven cycles of IVF in total involving injections, operations, endless blood tests, i even tried doing 6 months of accupuncture and chinese medicine to make sure i was completley healthy. I had a very strict diet excluding alcohol of course, all caffine, but also chilli, garlic, ginger and other foods that are considered yang. I never knew how much i loved garlic till i couldn’t have it. I have been given every kind of fertility trinket but alas no pregnancy. I spent months thinking about the idea of an egg donor or adopting and i can see why it would be great for some people but not for me. I already have two grownup step children. My step son came to live with me from quite a young age so for all purposes i am his mum. I don’t feel the need to raise another persons child again. I have been lucky enough to know what it feels like to be a mum and go to the soccer games in the middle of winter and freak out when they get their motorbike licence and have their first sexual relationahip. So i haven’t completely missed out. What i have missed out on and desperately wanted was to pass on my family legacy. Give birth and watch a little piece of me and the man i love grow and develop and change. What i mourn is the chance to really love something of my own that is a piece of me. What keeps me looking forward are all the amazing woman in existance past and present who made inspiring contributions to the world and didnt have kids. We have planned to climb mt Kilimanjaro in 2016. Thinking about all the financial freedom, time and choice to live my own life, move wherever, stay out as late as i like, drink and eat what i want doesn’t always stop me being disappointed but it’s a pretty sweet alternative. I guess i was lucky the decision was made for me, by my body. It would have been nice to know that when i was 18 or so, would have saved alot of time, money and heartache. I haven’t totally given up but i am taking time off to go and enjoy life.
-
Thank you so much for sharing your story. It’s so important for people to hear about the fertility journey of other people. Thank goodness you figured out the pregnancy was ectopic. What a weird blessing in disguise. x
-
-
I’ve wanted children for a very long time. I’m in my 30s my husband and I have been trying to have a baby for over 10 years. After 3 cycles of IVF cycles I was pregnant with identical twins, we lost both of our daughters at birth, a year later I miscarried our third child. We know we’re unable to convince naturally and to have a biological child would mean more IVF. IVF is a huge emotional, physical and financial process. We are also talking about adoption and hopes of having our long awaited family are still high.
-
Oh Ginderlla, that’s heartbreaking. My auntie just had IVF twins a week ago and I can’t imagine how awful it would have been to lose them. Good luck, I hope you get what you want. x
-
I am so sad to hear your story. I wish you and your husband all the very best and hope that you get your wish for a family x
-
-
I’m nine days away from turning 34 and I gave birth to my first two babies three months ago. I was lucky because I conceived naturally and my husband and I weren’t trying for very long before I fell pregnant. I always wanted to have children, even if the thought of being a mother has always scared me a little. There’s so much responsibility involved and parenthood changes your life forever. My pregnancy was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I was extremely ill with morning sickness (all day, every day for most of the pregnancy), my body changed, my moods changed and my relationship to food changed too. The birth was traumatic because the doctors left it too late to give me any drugs, my son had to be revived when he came out and I had my babies prematurely at 33 weeks, which was an upsetting experience, as they needed several weeks in the NICU. In saying all that, I’m more than willing to go back for more babies. As much as I wanted babies, I never thought I’d get the chance to – I never thought I’d meet someone who wanted a family with me. I guess the point to what I’m saying is to consider whether having children or not will be something you live to regret when it’s to late to make the decision.
-
See that’s my whole thing. I don’t want to have babies because I feel like I should but I also don’t want to regret not doing it. It’s such a catch 22.
-
-
I always longed to be a Mom, as far back as I remembered. It is just something I always knew I would do. Never thought it would be difficult. I didn’t meet the man I love until pretty late – I got married at 33. We started trying right away, and unfortunately struggled. For awhile nothing happened, then I had two ectopics. We turned to IVF – and thankfully were successful. IVF is very emotionally and physically challenging, but I am very thankful it exists. I had my son when I was 36. We had a lot of frozen embryos left – so when we were ready we tried for a 2nd, and my daughter was born 2 weeks after I turned 40. It definitely was not as easy as I thought it would be to get pregnant, (and parenting is also wayyyyy harder than I ever imagined) but I wouldn’t change a thing. I think being an “older” Mom has it’s advantages – I don’t feel like I missed out on any youthful fun, I have more patience, I was SURE sure that I wanted to have children. It all worked out!!
-
That’s how I feel, I look at young mothers and I just can’t image having had a child in my twenties. Mind you my childhood best friend just called me a week ago and told me she was pregnant and while I’m so happy for her it was a bit of a shock. We’re the same age and have done most things at the same time but I was like ‘Wow if L is pregnant I should really start thinking more seriously about this whole family thing!’.
-
-
I’m only 23 but definitely have kids in my life plan. We’ve got a few years of travel and house renovating ahead before we will try for one, but I’ll still be in my 20’s when we try I imagine. I watched my brother and his wife go through multiple rounds of IVF and the details of it astound me, seeing their twins now is like a little scientific miracle for the family. All of the rest of my family had kids naturally but many have also miscarried, now that I think about it it is more common than many of us think.
My best friend isn’t planning on having children, and the flak she cops about it is horrible – from strangers and family alike. The way I see it, if you don’t want them you just don’t- as long as your partner and you are happy and agree, the rest of the world can butt out! Another friend was ashamed to tell me she didn’t want children- she’s married and only last month held a baby for the first time and she was so weirded out about it.
Thanks for making me think Smags x
-
I never even ask people if they’re going to have kids. It’s just not a thing that I ever expect from people these days. I have 2 aunties who don’t have children, one from choice and one from circumstances. They’re the best aunties in the world and I don’t think their lives are any less amazing for it. I think they both have amazing lives actually! 🙂
-
-
Wow – such a great article and such a complex issue. I am 35 now and have a 13 month old son. I am on my second marriage and regret nothing. I wasn’t ready in my first marriage and wouldn’t have made a good mother. When we started trying though we did have a miscarriage and we were lucky it was easy to conceive for us. I had squared with myself that if I missed the boat it was meant to be and in reality I wouldn’t have known what I was missing. There is a lot of pressure and information about the difficulties needs to be weighed up and carefully considered. Info without pressure is the key to making the right choice and the right choice is the one you convince yourself is right. Great article that helps with this information!
-
It is such a complex issue and I’m loving everyone’s responses about their own journey. How wonderful that every thing worked out for you after your first marriage. I love stories like that.
-
-
I am 31 with a 2 and half year old.
I had never wanted children and did not think I could have them without medical intervention. When I found out I was pregnant it came as a complete shock, I hadn’t had a period in 5mths (endometriosis and thyroid issue) and it took some time to get my head around. I am glad we made the decision to keep her and she is the love of my life but I totally get why people decide not to have children and support that decision. We are planning to have a second child if we can (trying for a few months now) but I know that it may not happen and it wont be the end of the world (for us) if it doesn’t.
I think it is important however to make the decision yourself early on whether you would be happy not to have children (and be open to change if they happen anyway!) as it is definitely not as easy as we think when teenagers trying to avoid pregnancy!-
Oh I wish that would happen to me! I’m so fastidious about contraception it’s extremely unlikely! That’s the issue, I need to make the decision soon otherwise the decision will be taken out of my hands!
-
-
I’ve never seriously given much thought to not having children, but I have considered it a couple times and in theory the opportunities and lifestyle that are easier to manage without kids is certainly appealing (travel, career, money, etc.)
But I think I’ve always known I want kids, partially because of my personality and partially because of how I was raised. There’s never really been much question from family/friends about IF I’d have kids, its more a matter of “when”. But now at 28, with a kid realistically in the 5-year plan, things are getting more serious. 1 -there is no serious boy in the picture anymore -so considerations on when and how I’d do this alone if in 4-5 years I was still single are being considered. 2 -the actuality of what a child entails is creeping up: money & space living in Vancouver, Canada one of the highest real estate costs in the world , career considerations (just got an MBA , what will a kid/maternity leave etc mean), my family lives across the country etc. and 3 -what really are my own true feelings on the matter vs family and society expectations?Anyway, as more and more friends are having kids, and my 5-year self-imposed deadline is creeping up, the topic comes up pretty frequently these days.
-
I’ve got a 5 year plan from now as well and it’s about 35ish that’s my deciding age. I also live far away from my parents and that makes a big difference. Thankfully though Mr Smaggle’s parents live in the same city as mine so it will make it very convenient!
-
-
@clare That’s so great to hear! That’s another one of the reasons why I feel slightly guilty about not wanting children is that I have the perfect partner. I know it’s silly but I can’t help but feel like he might be wasted on me a bit! You know?
-
Interesting read, but no time to comment properly in my lunch break! I was reading something by Kirstie Allsopp a few days ago, and she talks about this very thing- her perspective is actually very logical but of course is dividing. Recommend a read! Heres the link- http://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2014/jun/02/kirstie-allsop-young-women-ditch-university-baby-by-27
-
Interesting read, that’s the whole point of this article is make sure that if women want children that they don’t mess around with their fertility and get to it. It’s the making of the decision that’s hard for some of us.
-
-
“It would have been nice to know that when i was 18 or so, would have saved alot of time, money and heartache. ”
Susan, this exactly! I wish, at 21, when we started trying, that someone had told me it wouldn’t happen for us because it would have saved a whole TONNE of heartache and time spent putting our life on hold, hoping, wishing and wanting!
-
If only there was a magic crystal ball that could predict the future. I feel the same, because I haven’t made my decision I wish I see into the future and see whether or not I have kids and then I’ll just know what I’m doing! 🙂
-
-
What a lovely bunch Smaggle readers are. When there so much judgement in the world, everyone here is so accepting that what works for one won’t work for another.
I’m so sorry for those who want children but can’t have them, I hope you find your peace somewhere.-
I’ve had the most amazing afternoon reading through all the responses. I’m so stoked at how wonderful and supportive my readers are. I’m a very, very lucky blogger. 🙂
-
-
I don’t have kids. I don’t want them now. I’m with a dude who I’m fairly certain would make an excellent daddy… We talked about it a while ago and I decided that if I wasn’t ready in ten years I never would be. I live and work around people for whom it’s normal to have one or two kids by the time you’re 21, and I respect that. It’s just not for me. I have a motherly instinct but it tends to be reserved for the young women under my supervision at work and friends who are younger than me.
-
We sound very similar. People are often telling me that I’d make an amazing mother but that’s actually not a good reason to have kids. Mr Smags would make an excellent dad too but again, that’s not a good enough reason. My main issue is the whole FOMO thing… I don’t want to regret not doing it.
-
-
Hi Smaggle, I’m a long time lurker of your blog also, but this post bought me out from behind my invisible cloak! I am 31 and have a 5yr old son. He’s tops and I love him to pieces. Motherhood did not come easily to me though. In hindsight, I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I didn’t consider it very well, it just kind of felt like the next step we should take. We’d been together for ten years, travelled extensively and had a wonderful relationship. We fell pregnant on the first try (much to my husbands disappointment! hah). I miss nights out. I swing from insane to besotted daily, but I would never in a million years not have him. The thing that really pissed me off the most was the pressure from every damn human I met asking “when are you having number two”, I DIDN’T KNOW! And I sure as shit didn’t like the pressure or the guilt that inconsiderate question put on me. It made me feel like an alien, like i was a ‘not coping’ mother. We have just decided to start trying for a second child. I have learnt so much from my son. He is the most tender, loving, hilarious, energetic, stark raving mad little character. I swear he was sent to me to take me on this wonderful roller coaster of a journey… its made me a better human. Plus he’s now at an age where he will be the most amazing big brother, he’ll remember me pregnant, he’ll remember his baby brother/sister as a baby and he’ll remember our time together when it was just us. So take your time Smaggle, it was the best thing I ever did!
-
Thank you, that’s a lovely response. I am taking my time, I refuse to be pressured. I think I also have the luxury of having everything else in my life sorted. Career is great, partner is brilliant, I love where I live… I’ve ticked every box I wanted ticked so I’m just going to enjoy it for a bit! 🙂
-
-
Wow. I can totally relate to your imagined relief at not being able to have kids… as the choice would be made for you. We were never going to have kids. We were happy to be the childless couple amongst our friends and shower their kids with love, attention and gifts and then hand them back. Pronto. Once we got married (took us 12 years so we quite clearly rushed into things) hubby said we should think about. And so began the turmoil. I knew it was a life changer, and in a BIG way. The question I kept coming back to was would we regret it if we didnt, not straight away but 10, 15, 20 years from now. Even after my first miscarriage I questioned if we were doing the right thing, had we made the right choice or was it a sign and was my body ‘letting me off the hook’. Now we have a 3 year old and although I dont regret a thing, theres are times that I miss my old life terribly. TERRIBLY. It appears to be true that I may never go to the toilet alone again, I still struggle with 5 minute trips to the shop for milk taking 30 minutes and as much organisation as a weekend away, and not being able to roll over and sleep for hours after the occassional afternoon nookie. But all that being said, life is great. Different, but great.
In terms of getting pregnant, the first 2 pregnancies happened extremely fast… number 3 took 18 months (possibly age related, I am 35).
Whatever your decision…. i wish you all the best.
-
That’s my whole thing about having kids is that I love my life SO MUCH! Like I’m genuinely so pleased with everything – career, partner, travel, living situation – and I’ve spent my entire 20s getting to this point and now I’m just like ‘Stuff it! I want to enjoy this!’. I’m sure the decision will get easier.
-
-
I think you’ve pretty much said everything (and everyone else’s comments too) that I could say!
Personally, I find the thought of being pregnant and giving birth to be disgusting. I have no desire to actually experience that. I actually think the raising kids part sounds easier than the pregnant/giving birth part. But that’s just my brain. I’m sure if I was pregnant, hormones would take over!
The other big factor is that my husband has been sick with a variety of vague/undiagnosed/misdiagnosed conditions for a few years. It’s tiring. I feel like a child would be another thing restricting me from living my life the way I want to. And we have unstable income with me having always been on contracts.
Like Krisite, my in laws are Mormon (though my husband left the church before we met). I know my MIL would just love a grandchild (we’d probably have to kick her out of the house every time she visited haha), but thankfully she doesn’t put the pressure on. However, I am only 28, so I wonder if the pressure will start when ‘my time’ gets closer to being critical.
I’ve never been a big fan of “you’ll change your mind when you’re older” because it has been said to me many times and never, ever been true. Having said that, of course a person can change their minds…it’s human to do so!
I think we would both rather adopt than have our own kids but I’ve worked in adoptions a little bit and I know how nearly impossible it is.
I guess what I’m saying is that I’m on the fence too…
-
You know, I actually agree with you. My mother LOVED being pregnant but whenever someone I know is pregnant I just think how uncomfortable they look. Again though I’m pretty FOMO so I wouldn’t mind knowing what it’s LIKE to pregnant but it’s kind of the same as knowing what it’s like to jump out of a plane. It’s just an experience, not necessarily a thing I want to do.
-
-
Wow, great to read about so many experiences.
I always thought I’d have kids and I knew I wanted them because when I pictured myself as an old woman I saw a grandmother surrounded by a big beautiful family. The problem was that I could never see the years in-between – those pesky parental years – and so I just figured that meant I wasn’t ready to have them yet. I expected by the age of about 27/28 that ‘parental’ picture would have developed but my 28th birthday came and went with no inkling of a desire for motherhood. I started to second guess whether I really wanted to have children or not, the thought of just having them without a strong desire was really daunting – it seemed a very big gamble to have a child and just assume maternal instincts would kick in when it popped out. And so we just waited. Now at 30 I definitely have a feeling that I didn’t have before, the picture is still a little blurry but the desire is there and it’s really exciting.
-
I have the exact same thing, I definitely see myself with a family when I get older I just don’t see myself being a parent. I’d love it if it was a bit more clear cut but we’ll see how it goes. I used to be ‘no way’ and now I teeter between ‘no way’ and ‘maaaaaaybe…’ so we’ll see.
-
-
BB and I are currently being asked A LOT about when we’re going to have children.
Now, we’ve made no secret of our desire to have kids (SOON) because we’re both super-clucky, but it really grinds my gears when folks think it’s completely ok to ask about it. I mean, how do they not know that we aren’t having MASSIVE issues trying to conceive (which we are. MASSIVE issues).
I end up being rude and responding that it’s none of their business, and I hate doing that!
-
I’m 28, with a 2 year old. My husband I were married for 7 years before deciding to bite the bullet. My one recommendation to people is to travel before having kids. You can travel with kids, but it’s logistically more difficult and expensive and you won’t really get a kid free chance to go again til you kids are grown and out of home. Everything else, like a house and career, can be done along the way. Maybe not in the timing you like, but it can be done. I was doing a phd before I had my son, and the lady at the desk next to me was doing her phd on IVF. Her advice was – have a kid, don’t think you can wait and then rely on IVF. Sadly our bodies just don’t wait.
-
Exactly, that’s my whole conundrum! I don’t feel ready but my body disagrees. I have really heavy, painful periods and my Dr said that’s because my body is begging for a baby. What a princess, gosh! 🙂
-
-
Growing up I always saw myself having kids – two to be precise – but I was kinda thinking later-later. Turns out the decision was made for me when I fell unexpectedly pregnant at 21. At the point I decided whatever happened, I’d be done having babies by 30 as I didn’t want to spread the baby days out over two whole decades. Number two turned out to be not-so-easy to come by and after a period of sub-fertility and a devastating loss, it turned out that two was in fact two and three. Best laid plans and all that. Number 4 arrived when I was 27 and that was it, we were blissfully done… Yep, best laid plans – at 31 I gave birth to a very unexpected number 5, and I can safely say there will be no more!
-
Oh wow, that’s amazing! I’m definitely in the later camp!
-
-
I have just turned 39. Turning 40 next year is not going to be pretty, nor will it be graceful. I am actually devastated that life has flown by so quickly, and I find myself dwelling on regrets.
The last 10 years has flown by in a rough order of: morning sickness, immense pain, sore and bloody boobs, endless nappies, endless spews, prams, cots, car seats, fevers, teething, earaches, mothers group, play group, sterilising bottles, drink cups, dummys, nappy rash, blankees, interrupted shopping, interrupted sleep, interrupted showers, planning, planning, planning everything for every scenario, food, snacks, more foods, routines and timetables, clothes and more clothes because they just. keep. growing! And that is all before they start school. And I only have 2.All I wanted when I was young was to get married and have babies. 10 of the them. Amongst our peers and families, it was just kind of what was expected really. My sisters and I were never encouraged, or discouraged to go to university. I wouldn’t have anyway because I just thought what’s the point I’m just going to get married and have babies.. I wish I had.
Thankfully I waited until I was 25 to get married, and then I was 28 when I had my first.Can I just say now, that when you have a baby, no matter how much you tell yourself and others that your life wont change, and the baby will fit in with your lifestyle, you are kidding yourself. Once I strapped my 3 month old to me and enjoyed a wine festival because “the baby will fit into my lifestyle” I used to strut around the shopping centre with my cute baby in my cool pram. Then, after sitting in a manky “parents room” breast feeding for an hour at a time, the novelty wore off.
I now borrow bread and milk from the neighbours because its too bloody painful to drag them both to the shops, even at the ages of 7 and 10.Yep thats right, 7 and 10. because someone forgot to tell me that cute little babies grow into terrible toddlers, then horrible kids, and worse… the PRE TEEN! Oh man you know you are alive when you have locked your (adorable) 10 yo daughter outside while in a rage about having to pick up a towel that wasn’t hers. When she is trying to smash the door down with a broom and screaming obscenities at you that you have no idea where she learnt them.
Ok so I know this sounds all negative, but those first few weeks are hard, then as the months roll on, it gets easier, then you encourage them to walk and talk, then spend the next 10 years wishing they couldn’t 😉
Once you are officially established as “married with kids” its is ALL ABOUT THEM.You mentioned that no one ever says they regret having kids because, well, that would make them a monster of a mother. But lately, there are times…
I love my kids of course, (most days… ) but I never had a life before, of travel, seeing the world, having an awesome single social life, and I guess now nearing 40, I wish I had more opportunity to do so. Because now the pinnacle is a cruise when I retire.. and the kids are old enough to fend for themselves.There are good times too don’t get me wrong. When you look into their eyes and realise you have created a whole other person (aren’t I clever!) a little version of you (oh no!)
That you are the one person that will love them forever, no matter what..My advise, make a great life, do awesome things, travel, socialise and earn money. Everyone says there is never a right a time to have kids, but I think there is. Be happy and content before moving on the kids stage, because once you do, its a life changer. Definitely (mostly) for the better, but not for the feint hearted, or half hearted. But don’t get too comfy or you wont want to give it up!
-
Thank you for such an honest response, I love it. I’m fully aware of how much kids change your life, I have friends with kids and it is just a total game changer. I guess that’s why I’m so hesitant about it.
-
-
Great post! My husband and I decided not to have kids, we are in our 40’s now and have been together 20yrs this year, married for 9, my husband never wanted them (although he loves kids), I was undecided but said if I get to 35 and I haven’t had a baby by then then I wouldn’t bother, I always played with dolls and loved babies growing up, but as I got older it lost its appeal, don’t get me wrong I love kids but the thought of actually having one, well the thought was enough, I have nieces and nephews and a god son who I adore but after a few hours I have had enough! LOL I have never regreted my decision, when I ponder on it the only thing I would have liked to experience was actually being pregnant and giving birth (as weird as that sounds!) I Love newborn babies, the smell, their soft skin, they just radiate love, but I wouldn’t have wanted them for other reasons I hear people say ‘who’s going to look after you when you get old?” I don’t know many kids these days who would look after their parents in old age! My hubs and I are very happy, we have an amazing relationship and love our time together and our freedom, we have two cats so they are our substitute babies. I look at all our friends with children and they are always SO busy! I get exhausted just seeing them run around, as a quote I read once said “people with children and without children always feel sorry for each other” very true!
-
I never had an opinion one way or the other until I had children and now they’re both the best and worst thing that ever happened to me, so theoretically I still don’t have an opinion on the matter… Except to say that now that I have them, they are the only thing that matters. x
Pingbacks
-
[…] IVF got such a fantastic response from the post How Do You Know If You Want To Have Kids? we decided to team up again to have a chat about sperm donation and how people feel about […]
[…] IVF got such a fantastic response from the post How Do You Know If You Want To Have Kids? we decided to team up again to have a chat about sperm donation and how people feel about […]
