or an evolved species us humans can be pretty bloody stupid. Myself 100% included. I like to kid myself that I’m an intelligent person. I have several tertiary qualifications, I can walk around for days at a time and not fall over and I read a lot. So, you know. Gold star for me.
However I do sometimes look back on incidences in my life and wonder how I could have been so stupid. Here are a few life lessons that I learned the hard way and I’m sorry to say I wasn’t even on the turps when any of these occurred. I’ve also repeated some of these mistakes… many, many times.
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Don’t put 12 cloves of garlic in a salad
I tend to double the amount of garlic recommended in most recipes but raw garlic is very different to cooked garlic. My friend and I had garlic seeping out of our pores for at least 48 hours.
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Hummus is not a substitute for egg
I was a vegan for four days in 2011. It didn’t end well.
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Don’t use hand santiser if you’ve been scratched by a cat
It’s like rubbing chilli in your eyes. Such regret. Much pain.
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Always double check the recipient before you hit send
BMS – Before Mr Smags – I sent a text to one of my girlfriends.
‘Tonight’s the night. He’s getting full access to my lady garden.’
I then got a reply from the guy saying…
‘Sweet. I won’t bother buying you dinner then. :-)’
*facepalm*
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Don’t hold frogs too tightly
RIP Tiny Kermit friend.
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Fire is hot
I re-learn this lesson at least once a week. Note to self: Your hands are made of skin, not oven mitt.
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Don’t date guys who do musical theatre
Unless you’re impossibly gorgeous. I know quite a few women who have struck it lucky with straight chorus boys but these women dead set look like supermodels. If you look more like a brunette version of Eep from the Croods (*cough* like me *cough*) you’ll end dating a string of very charming, very lovely but extremely closeted young men. Having a gay boyfriend is fabulous for a while but pretty soon it just becomes a collosal waste of everyone’s time.
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Don’t kiss a cat when you’ve just put on lipgloss
Every time I whip out the Chapstick, I will find a cat and smooch it. Every. Single. Time.
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Tell me… what lessons did you learn the hard way?
15 Comments
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Don’t talk shit about your mother-in-law on Twitter. I was *this* close to getting caught by my father in law when he casually mentioned one day “oh why am I seeing your tweets in my Yahoo Mail feed?”. Oh bugger.
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Oh my god that’s horrifying! I would die. I haven’t so much as REFERRED to my mother-in-law on social media or even on my blog. Fabulous lesson to share though. Shudder!
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Metal conducts electricity.
I grew up on a farm, and while this had been explained to me MANY times, I still very stupidly had to learn this the hard way. I was standing on a metal box which was beside an electric fence. I wanted to get over said fence. I decided to stand on the box and to drop a metal fence post onto the fence to squash the fence down so I could jump over it…
I woke up on my back on the lawn with my ears ringing.
I was easily 15 at the time too :S
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Holy shit! That’s totally something I would do… I almost blinded myself with a Pantone laser colour tester. You put laser on a surface and it tells which Pantone colour is the most similar. Obviously I immediately went to Pantone my eye before I was stopped by the guy that owned it who was like ‘Did you seriously just point a laser gun at your eyeball and go to pull the trigger?’… moron.
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You can’t change people, so if there is someone in your life that is doing something that you don’t love you either have to accept them as they are an get over your beef, or get feck away from them as fast as you can.
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So freaking true.
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And that typing quickly will always lead to typos 😉
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Excellent.
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1. Your husband will never find the washing basket no matter where you put it, so GIVE UP.
2. If the question is tequila, the answer should always be no.
3. You can never have enough sparkles, leopard or wine.-
Lies! Tequila is liquid sunshine! I’m like the only person I know who doesn’t have tequila regret. Mama Smaggle taught me how to do tequila properly so perhaps that’s why.
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Can we please have a post on how to do tequila the right way??? I didn’t think this was possible haha!
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My latest life lesson was not to put on lip gloss before I get my hair cut. The hairs just stick to your lip gloss and look gross and feel awful and are hard to get off.
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That is so true! I always end up with hair EVERYWHERE!!!!
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1. Don’t drink hot things in moving vehicles — cars, subways, trains… So many burns!
2. Don’t talk shit about people. Especially to a person who also knows that person. It always ends badly.
3. Always have a tampon in the purse, gym bag and car. Ya never know!
4. Don’t waste your money on white pants. The stains!
5. Don’t ever put box color on your hair. -
oh your writing style is just fantastic! Normally I spend most my time scrolling through photos (yeah I might have a slight addiction to pinterest) but I love reading what you write 😀
