This is an open letter for those poor souls who are unlucky enough to have a co-worker with boundary issues. I am one of those poor souls.Â
Dear Co-worker,
We’ve been thrown into a situation where we have to share an office which is fine, most of the time. We don’t work for the same people, so apart from the occasional pleasantry exchanged in the kitchen, there’s not really much need for us to ever speak to each other. I am a friendly person though. You know this because, although I wouldn’t exactly say we’re friends, we’ll often have a chat of a morning or exchange a jolly little quip as we pass each other outside our office door.
However, there are a few little habits you have that are extremely annoying.
Any of these actions in isolation or performed on a rare occassion would be totally reasonable. It’s the un-relenting daily occurrence of these incidences that has me permanently gritting my teeth in your presence.
Here are a few things you need to consider in regards to your office conduct because you’re pissing me off.
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It doesn’t matter what time I eat my lunch
Whenever I go to the office fridge to heat up my lunch, it seems to cause you undue amounts of shock and outrage. ‘Are you eating your lunch NOW???’Â you always shriek as I try to ease the fridge open as quietly as possible, lest I wake the beast. If it’s 11.30am, it’s far too early for me to be eating lunch. If it’s 1.30pm, it’s far too late and I won’t be hungry for dinner. If it’s at any time other than the exact time that you eat your lunch, it’s not the right time. I have 2 news flashes for you Co-worker. 1. I always eat my lunch around 5 hours after I’ve had breakfast to allow for full digestion and as I am a human not a robot, this will vary from time to time. 2. It’s really strange that you care so much about this. Please find something else to yell about between the hours of 11am and 2pm.
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My desk is my desk
I’m a freelancer so I’m only at my desk a few days a week. Sometimes I work from home, sometimes I work at a cafe and sometimes I work at my desk in our shared office. I know you like to spread your shit all over my desk when I’m not there and it honestly doesn’t bother me. HOWEVER I don’t have to provide you with a timetable of when I’m going to be at the office. If I’m there, I’m there and you can’t use my desk. If I’m not there, I’m not there and you can totally use my desk. Stop asking me every single day ‘What time are you leaving today?’. I don’t know what time I’m leaving. A spare desk is a luxury, not a right.
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Wearing headphones is the international symbol for ‘Fuck off’
When I’m wearing headphones it means, ‘Please don’t speak to me.’ It doesn’t mean ‘Come and sit on my desk with your morning tea and coffee and gesticulate for me to remove my headphones so you can tell me all about how the managers screwed up your invoicing this month.‘ It also doesn’t mean ‘Please tell me every story 5 times in a row.’ Stop doing that okay?
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It’s none of your business where I’m going
I’m a friendly person, I promise. If I walk past you on my way out the door with my handbag and you happen to walk past me, by all means we can have a little chat and you can casually ask me where I’m going. When you holler at me from across the room EVERY SINGLE TIME I LEAVE demanding to know where I’m going it makes me hate you. A lot.
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If the mugs have specific owners, you should have told me this when I first moved into the office
You told me FROM YOUR OWN LIPS that I could use any mug I wanted. So naturally it’s really fucking irritating having you whisper urgently at me that I shouldn’t use the blue mug because it belongs to ‘Mike’. Now, ‘Mike’ hasn’t been in the office for three months but still, he might come in and want to use his mug. So now I’ve brought in my own mug and you comment every time I use it that ‘You didn’t need to bring in a mug! Just use any mug!‘. Do you mean any mug? Or any mug except Mike’s Magic Mug? I’ve had my own mug for a month now. Stop talking about the fucking mugs.
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Do you have an office mate who’s pissing you off? Do feel free to write them a Dearest Co-worker letter in the comments.
45 Comments
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I freaking LOVE this! My worker is currently my Mother, and she talks all day non stop. It drives me crazy, and I can’t be too mean to her because 1. She’s annoyingly enough my Mother, so I love her really, and 2. I need her to feed my cat when I go on holiday.
Your co-worker sounds like she needs some more human contact in her life so that she doesn’t cling to you so much.
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She’s a nightmare. And it’s a co-working space so we don’t even work together at all. I literally have no idea what she does for a job. I couldn’t work with my mum I don’t think. I love her but I think we’d kill each other! 🙂
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I don’t have any co-workers at the moment (hel-lo maternity leave!), but NOTHING irritates me as much as commentary on my food! It’s one thing to utter “ooh, that looks delicious!” (why thank-you!) or to politely enquire “so, what’s for lunch today?” (I’ll happily tell you), but start lecturing/judging me or offering your unsolicited opinions on what I eat, and that’s it, I’m finding somewhere new to sit! Some of my (least) favourite, most-heard statements include:
“I just don’t understand *how* you’re a vegetarian. Why would you WANT to be a vegetarian? It can’t be good for you. *I* could *never* be a vegetarian!” (Excellent, because I don’t remember anyone, least of all me – heck, I’m raising my own child to eat meat, because it’s MY choice to not consume it, not hers! She can make her own decisions – asking you to become one!)
“Wow, you’re eating… carbs? AGAIN?! You had bread with your lunch yesterday too, didn’t you?” (Um, I have no idea… and I also don’t care. WHY DO YOU?!)
”You’re so GOOD to be eating vegetables all the time, aren’t you?” (Uh, it’s food… pretty sure it has no moral value and no impact whatsoever on what kind of a person I am!)
”Is that chocolate I see? NAUGHTY!” (Again, it’s FOOD!)-
Food commentary shits me too! I’m like just calm down, it’s not that interesting. How people still think vegetarianism is an interesting thing is beyond me. It’s so common it’s just not even an issue.
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YES! I get “You always eat so healthy!” Dude, I like vegetables. I also eat a lot of gelato and pasta, you just don’t see it because I buy it across the road.
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Whattt!! Every paragraph brought escalating outrage. How utterly annoying!!
Personal space invaders are a big one for me – if I’m looking at something in my email to answer your question, you do NOT need to lean over my shoulder to see for yourself. And you can wait until I’m finished at the sink, we don’t have to share so you can rinse your dishes 2 seconds sooner (that happened today, still sore about it apparently).
And I’m with frockandroll, food commentary is always a no no – plus like her examples show, whether you’re eating well or having a treat or whatever, you can never win! Somebody always has something to say. Phooey.
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Oh yes!!! The reading over the shoulder is THE WORST!!! I once had an office mate that would always wash my mug out for me but was really resentful of it. I never asked her to but having a dirty mug on my desk really pissed her off and she’d always just take it and clean it. It was really weird. If you’re going to do me a favour at least be gracious about it otherwise bugger off!
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I want to punch your co-worker.
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I want to punch her. We don’t even WORK together, she just happens to be at the desk next to me. Drives me mental.
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Oh god, yes on so many of these – particularly the food ones. Not only do I not want you to comment on my food, but I also don’t need to hear you loudly exclaiming about your own food every day! I’m glad you’re enjoying what you’re eating, but constantly going ‘yummmmm, this is so delicious’ next to me isn’t fun, particularly when you’re eating something you know I won’t like (ie it involves meat!)
I can go one better though – today a colleague actually said to me ‘oh, you’ve put on weight’. Not only is that incredibly rude, but it’s also untrue – I’ve actually dropped a size recently!
Phew, that felt good to get off my chest – thanks Carly!-
Oh my god! You should NEVER comment on a another person’s weight. That’s a WORLD of not cool. I used to work with a stupid bitch who knows I’m always on a diet and she’d seductively eat delicious things in front of me. I was like ‘Thanks bitch. Not helpful.’ I mean what even IS that?
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Please don’t get me started, for I fear I may not stop…
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Something tells me you have some excellent stories to share.
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Ack, I’m in an open office, and can identify with lots of this! Also the space-invaders looking over your shoulder at your computer… And, the co-worker who gives me a blow-by-blow description of the previous night’s argument with their mother and the X factor lo-(and hi-)down. I go for the slow fade-out but it doesn’t stop even when I’ve turned back to my desk and started getting on with my work 10 minutes later…
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SPACE INVADERS!!! The WORST! Time wasters piss me off something chronic. If you’ve got time to waste, go for it just don’t drag me into your procrastination bullshit.
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Lady Smags, You always sound so lovely and reasonable, and this sounds foul. I am thinking you need to get yourself some freedom and find a new desk…in a new office…in a new part of town. I imagine one of the joys of freelancing is that you are a empowered to be the master of your own destiny. Time to make like a banana and split.
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I AM lovely and reasonable! Thank you! This woman had me thinking I was going crazy and that I’d lost all tolerance. She’s not nasty which makes it difficult to even say anything to her. I can’t just decide to move desks (I’m doing a short term, part time contract so the desk kind of comes with the job) BUT I heard a rumour that they might be moving my desk. Watch this space! 🙂
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They sound annoying as hell. But I’m intrigued by this communal office type thing.
When I used to work in an office environment, my biggest issue with co-workers was always invasion of privacy and just having them say the most unnecessary, inappropriate things to me. I’m a really socially anxious person so I was always just about going to work, keeping my head down, and getting my work done. But it seems people just think it’s their right and obligation to put constant commentary on every aspect of your life. At one location, after I came off a two year long eating disorder and put on weight because of a mental break, I had many, MANY people telling me how fat I had gotten. Even the taxi driver that took employees home, who I had met twice, but never spoken to was all “Wow, you’re very fat now”. That was all very fun for someone whose depression is very much tangled in hatred for her own appearance.
Then at another work location, my boss told me that my marriage was “pointless” and “a sin” because we didn’t plan to have children. Another lady from that same office got on the same train home as me and mirrored similar ideas, telling me that my husband and I were going to get bored of one another so I might as well have kids then. And while at work she would monitor what I was eating and make comments on what she thought about it every day.Oh and cycling back, when I did have the eating disorder, a different boss and all her favourites would come around to my desk when they ordered in pizza and literally (not using that word incorrectly) wave slices of pizza in my face.
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It’s a co-working space so one of the places I work rents a desk. The desk is rented full time but I just go in on the few days that I work for them. They’re very popular these days for start ups etc to save costs on rent etc.
I cannot believe that people commented in your weight how frigging dumb is that? I never comment on anyone’s weight unless I know they’ve actively been trying to lose weight and are succeeding after their hard work. How awful for you, I’m glad you aren’t there anymore.
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The co-working space sounds like a cool idea, especially for people who work from home, but sometimes find it isolating.
Yeah, the constant commentary on my weight and the very obvious link that these people believed I was then of less worth really fucked with my head. Especially coming down from one kind of eating disorder to, I guess another kind. I agree that mentioning someone’s weight is almost never necessary or a good idea. It’s one thing like you said if the person has made it public “hey I’m trying to lose/gain weight” and you are supportive when they achieve their wanted result. But otherwise, I think it’s best to keep the lips zipped. We really can’t know what that person’s circumstances are.
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Man, reading these comments – what the actual fuck is wrong with people?!?!?!!! (Also, can I swear here…?)
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Fuck yes!
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Yes, yes you can … and in these circumstances I most certainly would! I am going to work tomorrow and hugging a bunch of my co-workers who are, quite frankly, damned awesome, very few annoying ones among them and I usually manage to avoid them. To all those dealing with office dicks I hope your situation improves.
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Oh, phew 😉
And yep, I think I’ll do the same Melanie!
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Everyone else who works there is great! They don’t speak at all… I love them. Just this one woman who can’t keep every bloody thought to herself. ARGH!
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I totally agree. There are some comments here, and some things that I have experienced, that also make me wonder what the actual fuck is wrong with people.
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We have the martyr co-worker – first she tells me I look really tired and when I say “oh. Uh thanks” then she was just being concerned and I didn’t need to jump down her throat! Also, by the way, she’s not a mind reader – and there are three stories a day minimum. MINIMUM – to that effect. No wonder I drink when I get home!
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Oh and what about over apologisers? Like they’ll say something really offensive like how you look tired and then apologise for the rest of the day about it. *facepalm*
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I wish I saw this when I was still working in an office in Malaysia. I would so print this post out and stick it on my cubicle wall. SO MUCH RAGE FOR IDIOTS. >.<
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I actually found a similar thing in Singapore but it’s more cultural than anything. I did some work with a hotel earlier this year and Singaporeans LOVE meetings. They want to have meetings all the time, even if there’s nothing to talk about. I found it so weird. The manager would make a big deal about having a meeting and then when we had the meeting we’d have nothing to say because we had literally had a meeting before lunch. I had to be very firm and stop with all the meetings.
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My co worker is currently a 2 year old, he is an arsehole of a whole different kind, I love him so cannot punch him in the face even though at times I would like to!!
Im not sure I would have the same restraint with said co worker above!!-
I just tolerate her. She actually very well intentioned and I think she is just trying to be friendly but I want to write a How Not To Piss People Off Manual and dedicate it to her.
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This scares me about going back to work – I’ve been freelancing from home but there’s a few really good opportunities coming up in my field I’m thinking about. The food judgement. What you’re eating. When you’re eating it. Where you’re eating it. I don’t miss those conversations!
At the moment my only direct colleague is an aging Labrador who has been known to snore & fart so loudly that I have to vacate the room so I can make professional phone calls, hahaha.
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Oh he sounds like the best ever work mate! All the food talk… it’s doing my head in! Thankfully it’s only a few weeks until the contract ends. It’s a shame though because I’m really loving the work… if they offer me more work it might be on a desk-swtiching proviso!
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Oh goodness, thank you this is fantastic. I’m going to write to a co-worker of mine who sends me to the edge of insanity….bear with me, this is going to be cathartic!
Dear Co-Worker
You drive me to the edge of insanity with your verbal diarrhoea.
I do not need to know: when you need to go to the toilet, you might make a cup of tea, , what time you are having lunch, why your mother is pissing you off, why your husband is pissing you off, why your sister-in-law is a cow, who in the office is pissing you off, what shoes you think you might buy on the weekend, which school you might send your daughter to, who you just spoke to on the phone (I heard every word of the conversation, believe me), who your cousin is dating, what diet you are going on, that you have a headache/period pain, when your last period was, that you think you are heading towards menopause, how your hairdresser got the colour wrong, how you think keratin treatment is the best thing ever, who you saw on the train this morning, how much you hate your boss, what eyeliner you have chosen from the nutrimetrics catalogue etc. And stop asking me what I think of all the crap that comes out of your mouth. I don’t care.
Co-worker you don’t shut your mouth all day. In all seriousness, you need to seek a psychologist, there is something wrong with a 40 something that seeks attention ALL DAY. Stop asking me personal questions too.
Think that about covers my gripe.
Yours in the hope you shut up
Miss P.-
Have you watched the English office? She sounds like the chick that replaces Gareth when he gets promoted. Over sharers are THE WORST!!!! Particularly if you aren’t friends with them.
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Hehe! I sure have, I cry with laughter when I watch it. Yep, over sharers are the worst! So bad it almost makes me laugh.
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Dear Co-worker, just wanted to say that it seems like you feel neglected at home because of the amount of time you decide to proselytize to the rest of us in weekly meetings. When the boss asks if you have anything for the group, it’s not time to brag about the project you finished or wax on and on about something you really only need to discuss with one other co-worker. Please shut up and value my time because when it’s my time to “share” I value yours.
Also, other co-worker, please stop knocking things off my desk like it’s funny and turning off my light. It’s not funny; it’s disrespectful. I’m trying to work when you bust in loudly to my office space and need attention. We are not five. Please act your age and stop knocking sh*t over.
And lastly, other co-worker, please stop with the shitty attitude. If you don’t want to be here then quit. Stop acting like the entire office is plotting against you when really you’re just doing less work because you don’t care any more. No one else is to blame for your absolute and utter lack of caring but yourself. Either renew your commitment to your position in this company or get the F*** out for my sake. I don’t need to listen to your whining and whimpering, and I’m tired of dealing with the backlash of your laziness. I have enough to take care of on my own.
That is all.
Thanks for letting me vent!
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Gasp! You poor thing. I cannot handle people who are lazy or who have shitty attitudes. That must be an absolute nightmare!
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This seems kind of appropriate… 🙂
http://youtu.be/6Lh7Zg8WXwU -
Dear Shouty teacher,
1. There is no need to shout
2. Just because you get to work at 7.30am and go home at 7pm does not mean you run the place.
3. Getting to work early and checking your emails, planning family holidays and buying bike parts on the internet does not mean you work harder than everyone else.
4. Staff meetings are not a listen-to-shouty-teacher’s-opinion-on-every-possible-topic fest
5. Eatting chops and hard boiled eggs at your desk is not cool
6. Flossing at your desk is super not cool.
7. When people a wearing down jackets inside it is yes because they are cold, and yes I would like you to close the windows -
Dear coworker,
Every day your boyfriend calls 3-6 times to have long chats about nothing. You answer every time he calls except when you are on the other line with a customer. You then call him right back and apologize that you were not free to take his call. You also pay your bills at your desk during work hours. Please wait to do these things during your lunch hour like i do. Also do not flaunt your brand new camaro at work and then bitch that you need to make more money. Shut the fuck up or leave
Thank you! -
I have a coworker with major boundary issues. He has, on occasion, crossed the line into possible sexual harassment, which was when I informed my boss. One time, we got pears as a product sample. They were 2 WW points. I did the math. Coworker made a snide remark about “You’re eating these NOW?” I told him they were only 2 points and to mind his own business. He is extremely fat-phobic and has a better-than-thou attitude — he thinks everyone can run for 2 hours, yes literally 2 hours, on a treadmill every day. Sorry but I’m an MBA student and have papers to write, and also, I’m hypothyroid. I don’t have the energy to exercise for 2 hours. 1 hour, some days. Hypo is crappy. I’m starting a gluten-free diet to see if it helps any.
Anyway, coworker keeps thinking he can tell me what to do, and he has been at the company for less than 1 year. I’ve been there for 6 years and this recent job was a promotion for me. He won’t let things go. I spoke on the phone last week to an accounting specialist, who informed me that the addresses in Lawson were remit to and not the same as the warehouse ship from addresses. He kept demanding that he train me in Lawson specifically for the purpose of using these addresses into our transportation database, even after our boss had told me that I didn’t need to do that. The accounting specialist told me he’s really confused. He keeps telling me she knows nothing. What’s more likely, the new guy being confused or someone who has been there for several years knows what she is talking about? The fact that coworker refuses to admit when he might possibly be wrong or confused about something, and would apparently risk making mistakes instead, is a poor combination.
What’s worse is that the boss keeps protecting him. This guy has made screw-up after screw-up, of mostly which I cleaned up after him. I have several more months before I can apply for a transfer position, which I probably will since I will have my MBA at the end of May. The boss talks to the guy but that is all that ever gets done. He’s good for a little while, and then the bad behavior repeats itself. If the boss thinks I’m going to stay long-term in this job as long as coworker with boundary issues is there, he’s got another think coming.
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I also should add, he’s done things like stand up in his cube and look down at me while I work for a bit, using “stretching” as an excuse for it, and also followed me around a few times at the old building we were in when I went on breaks. I said nothing to him about the following me, he brought it up as he walked by me “oh, I’m not following you.” Um, yeah, right!! If you want to stretch, just go for a walk like everyone else does. Nobody else stands up in their cubes looking down at their coworkers, at least not for more than a few seconds at a time. That was the behavior I went to the boss about. Ugh!
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My coworker comes in one day and states “I am tired of washing your coffee mug out”. I politely reply “Good I don’t wash it out until the next morning before my first cup.” I thought this was over. The a**hole waits until I go home for the day at 5 and then washes my mug and puts it back. If it isn’t yours don’t touch it. I also work 6am to 5 pm. He comes in and works 2pm to 8pm. I work with the lights dim in my office. First thing he does walking in is flip the switch to bright. No courtesy that I have been here all morning and he hasn’t. So frustrating.
