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How To Not Be A Dick On The Internet

How To Not Be A Dick On The Internet
Carly Jacobs
I

‘m somewhat of an internet veteran and if there’s a mistake you can make on the internet, I can guarantee I’ve made it multiple times. It takes a bit of practice to learn to drive the old interwebs so here’s a handy guide for How Not To Be A Dick On The Internet… from someone who has definitely been a dick on the internet on more than one occasion.

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Accept apologiesΒ 

In the last few days I’ve seen many celebrities, companies and brands make genuine public apologies for accidentally causing offence through their words and actions. Women’s Health Magazine apologised for their inappropriate body painted models at the I Support Women in Sport awards ceremony,Β Mark Holden apologised for his rather weird clown performance on Dancing With The Stars and Mia Freedman apologised for her clumsy and unfortunate analogy of comparing the rehabilitation of pedophiles to the rehabilitation of homosexuals. In every single one of these cases there have been dozens of people who have commented along the lines of β€˜Too little late.’ β€˜Apology NOT accepted!’ or β€˜Should never have happened in the first place!’. We’re all human, we all make mistakes and once someone issues a decent public apology, that should be it. Unless someone has slaughtered a litter of kittens, blown up a shopping mall or been intentionally racist or offensive, then they deserve the opportunity to ask for and receive forgiveness for their unintentional mistakes. A slip of the tongue or a badly worded analogy is not cause for pitch forks, so if someone genuinely apologises, I always accept it and move on.

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Understand the difference between fact and opinionΒ 

I recently saw an article about Hugh Jackman and this guy commented on the Facebook post saying β€˜Deborah Lee Furness is ugly. Fact.’ This guy is 100% incorrect. It’s not a fact that Deborah Lee Furness is ugly, it’s his opinion. I think she’s gorgeous which also isn’t a fact, it’s my opinion. I think healthy debate is excellent and it should happen more often but too many people fall back on abuse as the crutch of their argument.Β  If I’m having an internet argument, I always imagine that I’ve got two roads I can choose to go down.

Response A: β€˜You’ve said some things that I don’t agree with and here are some facts to back up my argument.’ 

Response B: β€˜You’re a fuckwit.’ 

As tempting as it is to go with the latter comment, the former will be far more effective and will leave me looking less like a douchebag. Always choose Response A.

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Always assume the best in peopleΒ 

I once wrote an article about education in Australia and I said that rural universities accept lower scores from out-of-town students if they pay full tuition up front and move to the rural city, I was unaware that this practice had stopped in the last year or two. I had a commenter point this out to me in what felt like an aggressive manner, where they quoted what I said and asked for clarification.Β I replied that it was my understanding that what I wrote was correct, and if this practice had changed I would love to know more about it. She replied in a really positive manner and we had a great conversation about it. I could have taken major offence, bit back and had a horrible argument but instead, I assumed she had good intentions and it turns out, she did. Never assume that people are out to get you, because most of the time they’re just asking for clarification. I’m always overly sensitive when I get things wrong but that’s my problem as a self publisher, not the problem of the people who stumble upon my mistakes. I need to keep reminding myself of that so I can reply to all comments with a clear and level head.

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But sometimes assume the worst in peopleΒ 

You have to imagine that the internet is a street. When you walk down a real street, most people are courteous and kind. Some people however are aggressive and intoxicated and they’ll yell incoherent things at you as you walk by. If ever anyone says anything to you on the internet that’s abusive, threatening or just plain weird, you need to imagine that they’re a gross drunk dude in the street, with vomit on his t-shirt, who’s yelling crap at you as they walk by. How much time do you give to people like this on the street? None. So don’t waste your time on the internet equivalent. It’s just not worth it.

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Reply with rainbows and unicorn sparkles

Some people just don’t fucking understand how easy it is for people to misread their tone!!! AM I RIGHT???

Passion often expresses itself in metric-fuck-tonnes ofΒ swearing, multiple punctuation marks(!!!) and CAPITALΒ LETTERS which usually comes across as unnecessarily aggressive. Try keeping your tone light, use smiley faces wherever possible (I love smiley faces!) and always end a comment on a positive note. Β Fairy floss hooray!!!

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Read everything properly before you throw your opinion out there

There was a rather large ruckus not long ago about a teacher at a special needs school in Victoria that shaved the underarms of one her students. The mother went public with the story and lots of people started posting about it in utter outrage on their Facebook walls saying how the teacher should be sacked and thrown in jail. People love to get all riled up about supposed injustices without bothering to check out the facts. I wrote a response to the harsh public criticism of this teacher and I wasn’t surprised when no one really cared. Internet dicks love gossip, they love a scandal and they love jumping on the bandwagon to support β€˜causes’ that they are misinformed about. It’s fine to have an opinion but it’s better to have an informed one. It’s also great to question things and ask for answers but it’s important to leave the discussion lines open for a mature and respectful debate. I always check my sources before I go all social vigilante on Facebook because it’s really embarrassing to get it wrong. I know from experience.

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Any advice for would be internet dicks to keep themselves in check? Have you maybe been an internet dick yourself?

29 Comments

  1. Kathryn 9 years ago

    I read the comments on news sites and think ‘you are a fuckwit’ all the time! Racist, homophobes they all love to put it in writing, makes me cringe. Can’t stop reading them though πŸ™‚

    • Author
      Carly Jacobs 9 years ago

      I do the same thing but calling a fuckwit out on being a fuckwit is a huge mistake! It’s better just to think it! πŸ™‚

  2. Carly Findlay 9 years ago

    Don’t plagiarize.
    Speead the word about awesome people you know.
    And yes, accept apology. I apologized to someone recently and while the person may still be annoyed at me, there was no reply of a thank you.

    • Author
      Carly Jacobs 9 years ago

      I don’t get this not accepting an apology thing. It’s bizarre. Unless the person truly did something awful people just need to get over themselves and let it go. Sorry that person is being shit for you. x

  3. “Read everything properly before you throw your opinion out there”

    If only everyone did this.

    If only everyone stopped sharing articles based on just the headline.

    If only everyone re-read something before reacting to it just to double check that in skimming the words they didn’t read something into it that wasn’t there to be read.

    Now THAT would be cause for unicorns and rainbow sparkles!!

    • Author
      Carly Jacobs 9 years ago

      I’ve so many people take my own writing and misquote it in my own comments section. I also wanted to add something about people not covering all bases but it was hard to articulate. I write a lot about positive mental health and every time I write something about how exercising improves your mood someone will yell at me for belittling depression. It’s really difficult to write about good mental well being practices without mentioning diagnosed and clinical depression do you know what I mean? I have zero experience with mental illness which is why I never write about it but I get slammed for not repsecting it and mentioning it my other articles. It’s really weird.

  4. Alex 9 years ago

    Fairy floss hooray! I am going to end all of my sentences this way today. Fairy floss hooray!

    • Author
      Carly Jacobs 9 years ago

      You totally should. Everyone will love you for it! πŸ™‚ Fairy floss hooray!

    • Aitch 9 years ago

      Me too, I love it! Fairy floss hooray!

  5. mumabulous 9 years ago

    Get the facts straight before you delve into an argument. Thanks! It’s simple but we all need reminding of it – much like my kids need reminding to brush their teeth.

    • Author
      Carly Jacobs 9 years ago

      I even need to remind myself of that often! It’s so important to know what you’re fighting for before you go into battle.

  6. nonnuclearmaven 9 years ago

    Don’t feed the trolls!
    I’m guilty of reposting things without reading on occasion, I now know the Onion is satirical, after some serious egg on my internetz face.

    • Author
      Carly Jacobs 9 years ago

      Oh no! What a way to learn that. We’ve all done it! πŸ™‚

  7. Christine 9 years ago

    I find it quite bewildering how vicious people can be on the internet, when you rarely find it in daily face to face dealings with your fellow man. Is it because of the anonymity, perhaps? People let go of acceptable social behaviour and manners when they feel they won’t be identified. If that’s the case, I think it’s a bit scary – Lord of the Flies-ish. But, FAIRY FLOSS HOORAY!!!!

    • Author
      Carly Jacobs 9 years ago

      I don’t get it either. I think it’s also different for bloggers who put their whole lives and opinions out there because we need to be so careful about we say and when we’re arguing with anonymous people, it’s not a fair fight. I love how everyone is totally getting on board with Fairy Floss Hooray!!! It’s making my day!

  8. Sandra | Photobook Moments 9 years ago

    I’m happy for everyone to give their opinions as long as it is courteous. Unfortunately, most of the time, it is not. That’s when I stop reading. I don’t like conflicts πŸ™‚

    • Author
      Carly Jacobs 9 years ago

      Totally! That’s why I think tone is so important. The second I feel like someone is yelling at me, I just back away.

  9. Lisa McLean 9 years ago

    Some people like being dicks ie trolls.

    • Author
      Carly Jacobs 9 years ago

      That’s true… I imagine those people won’t be reading this! πŸ™‚

  10. Kate - DDGDaily.com 9 years ago

    And if all else fails, before you hit send/submit/reply … just watch this for at least 60 seconds…. and you will forget entirely about whatever it was you were about to be dickish over πŸ˜‰ – http://replygif.net/i/203.gif

  11. Marsha Calhoun 9 years ago

    Grand advice. In short, always imagine that whatever you write could be read aloud in a court of law to a jury of unfriendly peers, so watch your language and tone, and check your facts. And I don’t know whether you have seen this, but I refer to it often: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0la5DBtOVNI I find that it keeps me civil.

    • Author
      Carly Jacobs 9 years ago

      I have seen that! It’s my absolute favourite! I love the court of law trick! Will definitely remember that.

  12. Bec @ The Plumbette 9 years ago

    GREAT post! Opinion and fact gets confused so much on the net.

    • Author
      Carly Jacobs 9 years ago

      Totally and they often don’t realise how awful they sound when they reply to things!

  13. So much yes here, lovely one. You’re more than just a pretty face (FACT)! x

  14. Author
    Carly Jacobs 9 years ago

    Oh thank you petal! xxx

  15. Melinda 9 years ago

    GREAT post! I’m a caps user, and an exclamation point enthusiast so I often include smiley faces so that people know, no I’m not shouting at you, I’m just a passionate/over-excited human being πŸ™‚

    I think that many of the nasty people on the internet forget that there is a real person on the other end of that blog/comment/username.

    Here’s to an internet with more healthy debates, more fairy floss and less being a dickhead!

  16. LB 9 years ago

    Thoughts on the facebook gloat? Can you share accomplishments you’re genuinely proud of but retain humility and not be an Internet dick?

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