asked my lovely readers a few weeks ago what their biggest challenge is at Christmas time and I received three almost identical emails – all from single gals who are sick to death of hearing the question ‘So are you seeing anyone?‘ four thousand times over the course of the Christmas season.
Even though I’ve been with Mr Smaggle for just shy of a decade, before him I was very, very single. He was the first boyfriend that my extended family met so I had a good couple of awkward Christmases where I was the single one and inevitably I would be asked many times throughout the day how my love life was going. I felt a bit shit about being single because my gorgeous cousins always had boyfriends and it seemed like I was disappointing everyone by not having a significant other that they could torture on Christmas day. It wasn’t just Christmas day though, it was any time I saw people I hadn’t seen in a while and it was always ‘Have you got yourself a man?’ and I notice that things haven’t changed since I was single. For example there’s always this odd sense of relief amongst my peers when one of my single friends hooks up with someone in a serious way. It’s almost like we can tick them off the list and stop worrying about them. It’s stupid, particularly because no relationships are permanent and there’s actually not anything interesting about whether or not someone is in a relationship. 
So why does everyone get grilled about their divorce, unhappy marriage, permanent state of singledom at almost every festive gathering? I’ve certainly been guilty of thoughtlessly handing out these questions in the past so this year, I’m calling a stop to it. I do declare that I will not inquire about the relationship status of anyone over the Christmas season. I’ll be talking about other things instead. Want to join me? Here are a few suggestions for conversation if you’re stuck for topics.
What’s happening with work?
Have you been watching That Amazing TV Show?
Hey, if you could only eat one food for the rest of your life what would it be?
Tell me about that awesome roller derby team/knitting club/ukulele band you’re part of?
How was your trip to That Awesome Place?
Did you hear about That Awesome Thing That Happened?
If you could choose one superpower, what would it be?
If you could have dinner with three famous people, who would they be?
Of course if anyone wants to talk about how they hate being single, how they’re thinking of getting divorced, how much they love living alone or want to tell me about their hot new Italian lover they are more than welcome to. In fact, if you pour me a glass of red you can talk about relationships all night… but I will not be starting the conversation because there are way important things in the lives of single people than the fact that they aren’t dating anyone.[divider type=”standard” width=”1/1″ el_position=”first last”]
Will you take the pledge this year? Let’s take singles off the grill shall we?
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16 Comments
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I’m in-guilty as charged-not going to say anything to the nephews and niece 🙂
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Good on you! Just quietly in my family the aunties are usually the worst! 🙂
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It’s exactly the same when you have your first child. EVERYONE asks when you’re having the next one. I took the pledge not to ask that question many years ago and I will certainly take the pledge for this one too. Xx
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Oh totally! That’s one of the reasons why Mr Smags and I aren’t married… if we get married people will start in on the kids questions!
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I didn’t initially know how to handle that after we got married until my hubby was there when someone asked when are you going to have kids & he replied ‘we’re doing that on Wednesday’. Now it’s my standard response!
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Yes! Thank you! I will definitely be asked this by the friend I go to on Christmas Eve and for once, I don’t have a clear answer. I just started seeing a new guy and I don’t want to jinx it by talking about it until I know if it’s going to turn into something. He’s lovely but I can’t figure out if he’s shy, very respectful or just not that into me. So I guess I’ll just say my usual “nah, not seeing anyone at the moment” while secretly wanting to punch my smug married friend in the throat…
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Oh totally keep it a secret! Otherwise she’ll spend the day grilling you about it! Also you know she’s only asking because she’s bored and wants to live vicariously through you. 🙂
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Lucky for me the only single peeps at our Christmas Day gathering are under the age of 8…or so I’m guessing. They may well have already hooked themselves up with some hottie tottie little gals. Best just stick to gabbing about Lego and basketball methinks (and by that I mean Chris can talk to them about that stuff, I’ll just sip champers with their mum). x
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Oh we have new little ones this year! I’m so excited! We’ve had only grown up cousins for years now – makes christmas so much better with the added bonus of them not getting snippy if you ask why they’re still single!
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My lovely daughter cops this occasionally and it shits her, and me, massively. I was guilty of doing it before I had my own darlings but now I see how it affects her – no way do those words ever pass these lips. And I’ve noticed it’s always the girls that get asked, nobody asks my son!
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It IS always the girls! That’s a whole thing! My state of singledom was always far more concerning than my brothers ever was.
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yes smags that is being thoughtful and mindful!
many people are hurting at Christmas time and it isn’t easy for anyone who doesn’t fit the status quo criteria! … cheers to you! love m:)X-
Exactly! Thank you! It’s also because so some people are happily single and other people aren’t and either way it’s super awkward to talk about… x
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I get this every once and a while. Usually from one of my crazy uncles, mostly not from grandparents though, and every once and a while from friends I haven’t seen in a while. Thankfully most of the people in my life consistently know the answer to this, and I don’t have a huge extended family to be asking. A quick, “Nothing to see here” will redirect the conversation quick enough.
The question I get less frequently, but don’t mind a bit from the right person is, “Do you have a crush on anyone?” A friend of mine asked that a few weeks ago and I didn’t mind sharing a bit. I do, she knows him, and she’s not one to make it awkward, so I told her.
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People get foot in mouth and just.don’t.think! My kids uncles consistently ask them if they have a girlfriend (from the age of9!) and how’s school…yawn!
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I’ve been single for so long that my standard answer to ‘have you found yourself a husband yet?’ has become ‘Actually, I prefer other people’s husbands!’. Funnily enough that tends to shut people up quite promptly!!
