was having a glass of wine with a mate of mine recently, let’s call her Tanya, and she casually mentioned that she had joined The Mile High Club. If you’re a sweet lil’ thang and you don’t know what the mile high club is, brace yourself as I’m about to tell you. It’s pretty much having sex a mile high. Like on a plane, helicopter or hot air balloon.
It’s notoriously difficult to orchestrate such an act hence why it’s a ‘club’ that you have to ‘join’. I find air travel stressful enough without having to worry about getting my rocks off too but for those of you that are interested in ticking this off your bucket list, here’s how to join the mile high club.
Don’t make friends in the lounge before the flightΒ
Tanya and her beloved had planned to join the club a few months ago but their flight got delayed and they accidentally made friends with all of the other passengers on their lay over. It was very awkward trying to walk to the toilet together in front of all the people they’d just spent the day getting to know so they had to cancel their mission. If you’re determined to make your membership happen, it’s best to keep to yourselves during any delays.
Choose the right aircraft
The toilets on a 777 aircraft have doors that aren’t visible to the rest of the plane. Once everyone is asleep you can just seamlessly follow each other in there. Don’t even try to use the toilets where the doors are visible to the entire aircraft. I read on a forum (yes there are forums about this) that there’s a community of Anti-Mile High Clubbers who make it their duty to stop people from gaining membership so it’s best to be as discreet as humanly possible.
Fluff yourself in your seatΒ
You don’t have any time to lose so make sure you start getting yourself in the right space physically and mentally. You’re not going to have a lot of time in the toilet so make sure you’re… ready… before you get up out of your seat.
…or be really hard up for sexΒ
If frequency has an effect on your sex drive, make sure you’re a bit hard up by the time you’re on a flight. If you’ve just spent the week shagging your brains out in Paris, you’re not exactly going to be gagging for it on the flight home.
Choose your moment
The prime time, according to Tanya and some other very helpful plane-sex enthusiasts is a few hours into a long haul flight. Almost everyone else will be asleep and only skeleton cabin crew will be operating.
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Have you joined The Mile High Club? Are you interested in joining? Or could you not care less?
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P.S Also you should totally follow Smaggle onΒ FacebookΒ or sign up for theΒ Smaggle weekly newsletterΒ because thereβs usually Beyonce in those places.
24 Comments
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This is hilariously awesome. I can’t believe that someone had the balls to share tips about this. I would love it if you would link up for #wednesdaywanderlust this week, everyone should know how to do this π
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Ha! Sure! Send me the link. That’s why I wrote about it, I was like there’s a method to this??? Awesome.
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Totally bookmarking this one. I will leave it to you to determine whether that is #sarcasm or not.
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I think I can tell. x
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And I thought you’d somehow scored a ride on Etihad…the new ad with Nicole reclining on a double bed, in a private cabin with separate lounge and en-suite!
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Ha! I wish! I’d totally join the mile high club if that was the case but then I’m not really sure it would count. I feel like you need to be uncomfortable to earn it. π
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I reckon I would have enough trouble fitting myself into an airline toilet, let alone my partner as well! Sigh. After too many years of marriage, and two kids Im just gonna have to accept that some things have just passed me by (probably quite happily too, for all concerned!!)
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I know! I thought that too! My mate is pretty small and so her beloved. There’s NO WAY Mr Smags and I could do it. I am very bendy though so you can never really tell.
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At over 2000mt above sea level, stay at the hotel on top of Mt Pilatus, Switzerland and join the club in privacy. Magical views for an unforgettable memory.
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That sounds like my kind of Mile High Club. π
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I’m too scared of touching anything in aircraft bathrooms, let alone wanting to get jiggy in there. And don’t get me started on the flush. Scares the shit outta me every single time. Pun intended.
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Yeah. I agree on the hygiene factor! I couldn’t bring a bag of anti bacterial wipes big enough in my carry-on to deal with the revolted/gagging fall out afterwards
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Oh totally they are so stinky. They smell like crap that smells like soap.
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Nothing about those teeny tiny airline bathrooms gets me turned on. I’ve heard they hold the most germs of all – rightly so as just about EVERYONE uses them. Ew!! I’m 5″11.5 and husband is a large 6″2er! No freakin chance anyways, we’d end up laughing our asses off falling through the door! Some things can wait, that’s half the excitement!!
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Oh totally. I’m 5’8 and Mr Smags is 6’3. He’s skinny and I’m bendy so I’m sure logistically we could pull it off but I can’t say we’d enjoy it much. π
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Hah, I just thought of the times I got innocently into the stall with my partner to brush my teeth etc… I wonder how suspicious that might have looked. But maybe carrying your toothbrush with you is the perfect cover for the meetup and you don’t need the other sneaky tricks?
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That’s so many wasted opportunities!!! Hilarious! I think you’ve cracked the code on that one.
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This made me laugh so so much. The first time I read it I missed the first paragraph. Made for an interesting qantas club.
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I’ve changed far too many dirty nappies in plane dunnies to even remotely think about the little room a mile up in a romantic fashion. Poo nappies on planes are a parents night mare !! But thanks for the tips.
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Oh you’re welcome! I thought people would find it interesting and yes I imagine once you’ve flown with children all the sexiness goes out the window on a plane. I get really bad swollen ankles on planes too so I don’t even feel remotely sexy on planes.
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Haha, I am a two time member of the mile high. I swear i dont plan it!
First was in economy and second in Business, both were just a result of boredom.Smaggs is right though, any activity is going to skive off those swollen ankles, so jump on it.
Funny story, I travel a lot, so on long hauls, always wear the flight socks. Second time I was actually wearing my lovely flesh colored mid thigh support stockings. Sex-ay…
Amazing what you will do to pass the time on the MEL -LAX -
I’m totally with the anti-mile highers. It’s bad enough having to queue for the toilets on a plane without having to wait for people to finish sexing! We saw a couple dryhumping in the check in line once, so happy when they got on another flight!
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You teach me all the life skills, Smagz.
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I’ve read lots about the mile high club. Apparently it’s hideously uncomfortable and not at all conducive to good sex. You’re doing it in a tiny toilet (TOILET! SMELLY AIRPLANE TOILET!!!) and it’s cramped and under bright neon lights and just yuck. Plenty of better places to bonk. I recommend dark stairwells. Or so I’ve heard.
