t the moment, I’m a child-free woman. Child-free meaning I don’t have a child and right now, I don’t want one. This may change, it may not change but that’s where I am.
As a person who writes things on the internet and shares stuff about my life I get a lot of crap from parents. I mean a lot of crap. If I mention sleeping in, inevitably there’s going to be a parent who says ‘Sleep in??? What’s a sleep in? You clearly don’t have kids. LOL!’. If I write an article about deep conditioning my hair there will be a comment of ‘Snort! Some of us can’t deep condition our hair with three kids under three running around the house!’.
A mate of mine is a rather wealthy entrepreneur and he owns two Lamborghinis. His brother continuously comments that he wishes he could afford two Lamborghinis and it really pisses my mate off. It costs about $500,000 to raise a child from birth to nest-fleeing time. The other brother has two kids. That’s two Lamborghinis. Each brother made a choice in life and it seems that one brother has to continually justify his choice and constantly apologise for leading a child-free life, a life that was a viable option for both brothers.
I don’t want to have to defend my choice for the rest of my life if I choose to never have children. I know how hard it is to have children. I’m not saying that flippantly. I know how hard it is because I have eyes and I can see that it’s hard. I also have the internet and as a result any rose-coloured glasses I may have had about being a parent have been smashed to smithereens. I am told daily, often hourly how incredibly difficult it is to be a parent. My Facebook feed is littered with updates from parents that are stressed, tired, worried and totally at their wits end. Parenting is really fucking hard. Believe me, I am under no delusions about that.
It’s okay for parents to vent, I’d just appreciate it if their frustration wasn’t aimed at people without children. It’s like saying to someone ‘You have NO idea how hard it is to go to work everyday!’ to someone who is unemployed. It would be just as inappropriate for me to say to parents ‘You’re idiots for having kids.’ It’s rude. As a child-free person, it’s not my fault if a parent had a bad night’s sleep last night. Me not having children has nothing to do with anyone else’s parental struggles. I’m a top-notch listener and I actually really love kids. Everyone is welcome to come at me with their parenting woes but the second someone starts hating on me for my personal life choices that have nothing to do with them, I’m done. I also feel terrible for people who are child-less (people who wanted children and couldn’t have them) and experience the same weird vitriol from parents. It pisses me off but it must absolutely break their hearts, which is so much worse.
Bottom line? Please stop telling me that I have no idea how hard it is to have children. I’ve been told. I’m totally aware. The reason why I don’t have children is because I know it’s hard.
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Are you child-free or child-less? Have you ever experienced this strange behaviour from parents?
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P.S Did you know there’s a Smaggle weekly newsletter? And a Smaggle Facebook page? You should get all up in both their faces. It’s totally worth it, I promise.
90 Comments
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A-freaking-men Smags!
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Agreed! I too am child-free – and at 41 and with a partner who has the same mindset, I don’t see it ever changing – and am happy that way. I have wonderful children in my life, including 2 nephews and a niece; my brother is young enough to be my child and has said he’d like to be a dad one day, so there’s the very really possiblity of more kids in my future.
I enjoy the fact that I can spend time with my niece and nephews, or my cousins’ kids or friends’ kids (with or without their parents) but don’t have the responsibility and stress of late night feeds, bedwetting and tantrums etc. Selfish? Maybe. But to me, having a child when I know I don’t want to be a parent would be irresponsible. We’ve all seen people who produced children, but really shouldn’t be parents… I wouldn’t want to raise kids in that sort of environment.
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I’m so glad this didn’t come across as snarky! I was so worried about it!
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I’m the primary bread winner and primary carer of my son. I work 2 jobs, plus most of the stuff that needs to be done in and around the house. It’s only as difficult as you want it to be. Routine and being organised makes it super easy for me. I’ve had a few people make comments, but Im usually too damn busy to take any notice.
Different strokes for Differnt folks ????
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Absolutely. I’ve noticed that parenting comes a lot more easily to my mates who lead busy lives before they had children. I think a lot of the shock comes when your life goes from very manageable to not at all manageable.
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I get this all the time. And I was a nanny, so I truly get how hard parenting is. This pisses me off about as much as people I’ve just met asking when I’m going to have kids (because I’m married). I will have them, when we’re good and ready, but not a minute before. It’s so invasive and personal!
Thank you Carly! Xxx
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Urgh! I get asked that all the time! It’s okay from my close mates and family but anyone else I’m like ‘You don’t even know me!’
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you don’t have to answer to anyone smags! … your life, your call!
it’s all in the choices hun! … everyone has a right to decide! … informed decisions!
jealousy, rears it’s ugly head as usual! … tell them they had choices too!
i’ve had a child and she doesn’t have kids! … so I am free and it is heaps easier than other people who have grandies to look after constantly! … when would I do my higher self work?
my creative life of contemplation! …
everyone is different and we can march to our own drum if we set it up right!
I know which is the easiest option and I go for it! KISSWEETHEART! … my saying!
keep deep conditioning those beautiful locks of yours hun! … because you can!
all good lots of love m:)X-
Thank you love! It’s just that isn’t it? Everyone has choices. x
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As someone who has been at their wits end with having 3 children under 4, there are times when I have ENVIED the life of someone without children. How much I could get done without having three little tackers at my ankles? But we all live different lives and the difficult times should never be compared to the good times or even difficult times of others. Our life decisions shouldn’t make others feel bad or guilty either. I agree that comments like that should stop but also understand human nature and at the core, we envy each other at some point of time and unfortunately the venting will come in the form of a dig about not having children. It’s not right. But it will happen.
It’s also important for parents to know and probably share the joys of parenting too. Gosh it is hard, but gee it’s bloody joyful too and if I had the choice of choosing to live in a home with or without kids, the one with kids would be chosen hands down. (and sadly, some of us don’t get given that choice due to infertility or a number of reasons) I apologise for parents who make those that don’t have kids feel bad but I would be lying if I hadn’t thought it myself and it’s because of my own envy at a crappy parenting time. You’ve pointed out a great message here that so many will relate to. xx-
I tried hard not to be snarky about it and most of my friends and family are great I think I end up being the faceless representative of a child free live online so I cop a lot of the stuff that people wish they could say to their friends but don’t. x
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I get this all the time , my son died at 2 days old and I would of loved for him to of lived , I work in retail so their is always the Parent moaning and several weird Mums who have said to “take them from me please ” I look at them and think if you only knew!! They seem very ignorant !
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Oh my goodness that’s awful. It’s so much worse for those who want children or have lost children. x
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You know what I have kids and they often shit me. I want to leave them behind and run away. I dream of the days when I just had my dogs. But I also love when I see them playing together and they do funny things when we are out and about. But I CHOOSE to have these whiny bimbos. I feel like people who complain about singles lifestyle are big fat idiots. They are either jealous of your single or smug that you don’t. I wish more people would say “Hey kids are not for me” and therefore don’t have them and then don’t whine about how hard it is.
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That’s exactly it. I also don’t see how people don’t know how hard it’s going to be. I’m like ‘Have you been living in a bubble?’
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I have encounter some people like this – funnily enough, before these people had kids they were like this as well. ‘OMG you can afford to go backpacking! Lucky for some’ no I just saved and didn’t buy a brand new car (like this friend just had). I must admit I do talk about sleeps in a lot when ever I see this person. Mean – maybe, satisfying – yes.
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You are so right, I think some people are like this kids-or-no-kids! Some people use comparison to make themselves feel better, to play the martyr, to get recognised, and its just not necessary!
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Ha! That’s hilarious! That’s so true about the money thing. It’s all about prioritising!
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Well said Carly. As a mother of two daughters and step mother to three I hear you. I love being a mother and a step mother but that does not allow me to judge anyone or their choices whether they have children or not. Just like no one should be complaining, yes motherhood is bloody hard, we all make our choices but we should not have to complain if someone else’s choice is not like our own. I do not envy anyone that has made the decision to maybe not have children, it is clearly none of our business and we should offer support no matter anyones decision. Why complain to someone that it is hard, it is your life and if others get to sleep in then good luck to them it is all part of parenting.
Yes it is bloody hard but it is all how you take it and handle the job at hand. I would not change any day of my life as this is what makes me who I am today.
You know what this makes me a little angry as parents should not complain to those who do not have children or judge them in any way. We are all different and that is what makes us US. Enjoy life beautiful lady and cherish all that you have.
Sorry for the rant – but no one should imply their situation on others and that it is hard. Life is hard no matter your choices. V x
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Thank you! I agree. I’m totally happy for people to have problems and want to discuss them but if they present them to me in a ‘You have no idea what I’m talking about’ kind if way, I’m totally gone.
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It really doesn’t matter what you do people will make comments. I have 4 boys – and yrs at times it is bloody hard, but also so very rewarding too. I am a stay at home/studying mum and constantly get the “you are so lucky” nope not lucky we make sacrifices so i can do this luck has nothing to do with it.
People make choices – enjoy them life is to short.
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Exactly! I’d never say someone is lucky for anything… except maybe having a killer metabolism! A lot of people mistake hard work for luck. x
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I can relate to this on another level. I am 38 and recently had a baby (7weeks ago) and am observing (with love) how my ‘parent’ friends have now accepted me into their inner circle of motherhood and our relationship has completely changed. Whereas once I used to receive comments and judgement such as you have listed, I now get unconditional support, acceptance and might I say love from these girls. It’s not that I dont appreciate it (I really do) but it would be nice for this behaviour to be unconditional, and not dependent on being a mother.
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Congrats on your new baby! And Yay you for recognising this challenge – I”m a step mom to older kids and my friends (we are about your age) really don’t include me in their ‘kid lives’. I do get that it’s a different path, but sometimes can be lonely! So glad things are working out for you xx Enjoy!
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That’s so weird and nice/awful at the same time. I have a few mother mates and they’re all wonderful but our friendships have certainly changed.
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That’s actually really sad. I’ve lost a friends and some see me a lot less since they had kids. I’m never having any, so I guess I’ll never be as close to them again as I used to be. I would never base my friendships around whether they are in the same place in their lives as I am. I hate to say it, but were they ever really true friends??
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I got that from some friends who had kids while i didn’t
It was all ‘you haven’t really lived or been fufiled or been a real women until you’ve become a mother’ made me feel like a 2nd class citizen and really on the outside of their mummy group
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Well said Carly!! I especially hate all the comments I’m getting at the moment being pregnant.
If I say I’m tired, parents will whip around and say ‘you think you’re tired now? Oh just you wait til the baby is here’. Almost anything I say at the moment it’s all ‘wait til the baby is here, wait until she’s a toddler/teenager/doesn’t eat/doesn’t sleep’ etc.
I’m allowed to complain that I didn’t sleep well without it turning into some kind of weird one-upmanship with parents!!
Every one has their own type of hard in their own version of a normal life. For child-free people and parents ‘normal life’ is very different so of course the hard stuff also looks different. But it doesn’t make the hard stuff for either group any less valid.-
Yes Lauren, isn’t it funny how people come out with all these scenarios. Life is what we make it and complaining is allowed without making judgement on others. Enjoy being pregnant and enjoy each moment of the journey after. Life will be what it will be and it is up to us on how we choose to handle it. V x
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Thanks lovely! xx
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Oh totally you must be copping it all the time!
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I am a parent and I totally agree with you! Firstly i would never never whinge about being a parent because there are plenty of people that would give their left leg to have what I have and that’s just rude. I would rather have my two kids than those Lamborghini’s but that’s my choice. I don’t find comparing lives very helpful for anyone but I do respect people who put effort in to understanding others struggles, like you. Its called not being a dickhead. For the record I want to read articles about deep conditioning rather than what to put in my kids lunch box. So continue being fabulous please:)
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Exactly! I’ll make sure I steer clear of lunchbox posts! x
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YES! My worst experience was when I was passed over for a promotion, I had seniority, and was perfectly as capable as the 2 others that were promoted. I was told that because they had kids, they needed the promotion more than me. ..ugh! Fucking frustrating!
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Wow Alison, that’s rough! I’ve often seen mothers overlooked for promotion because ‘the long hours will take you away from your family’, yet the fathers that got promoted weren’t considered to have the same issue… but your scenario is one I haven’t heard about since history books!
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That is so frustrating. I also found when I was working in an office that parents had a lot more flexibility with hours etc. As in they got in less trouble if they were late or had to leave early.
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I would very much like to high five you right now!
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Virtual high five!!!
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Yes yes yes, you nailed it on the head. Everything you said is spot on. Being in my late 30’s and not having kids, I can relate to it all. I love kids but have had medical issues so not as easy as I would have wanted it to be. I get so sick of hearing all my friends complain how hard it is,and I have no idea. It’s a life choice!
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Exactly!
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So aagree! I’m a stepmom of 6 years (full time) and still get the ‘you don’t know what it’s like’ comments! Thanks for putting your perspective out there x??????
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those ??? were love hearts <3 !!
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Agreeeeeeee! Life is based on our own personal experience, we get to do whatever the hell we want. That’s the beauty of it. Kids I’m sure are lovely but so is getting on a plane at a moments notice for a getaway
I once had a relo tell me I’ll DEFINITELY MORE THAN LIKELY have post natal depression if and when I have children because I’m used to being busy/working for myself/a go-getter/enjoy me time. Um WTF?! If and when I have kids it’s because i’ll put alot of thought behind the “I’m having a child” task and not just to have a kid.
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What an awful thing to say to someone! The messages are so mixed it’s confusing.
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Well said. Your line about not hating on you for your life? YES. And as you suggest with the car example, it extends beyond kids. People can be so rude about the things that seem to ‘go right’ in your life. No thought to the work behind the scenes, or the sacrifices made to afford the nice house, or to be awarded that amazing job.
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Yes! I get told daily how ‘lucky’ I am to be a full time blogger. There’s actually very little luck involved! 🙂
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I’m a young mama of 3, and I put a deep conditioning treatment in my hair 3 times a week!! I’m a bleached blonde, it’d be a sin not to. I also wear makeup every day!
It seems that for some of this generation of parents whinging is almost like competition. The first time I encountered this was not long after the birth of my first son, when a woman was telling me how her labour was longer and much more painful than mine.
I adore my kids, I happen to think they’re pretty cool, sometimes they annoy me, but I try to make sure I get some time out to do things I like doing. We chose to have 3 close together, but we are very lucky they are healthy, and happy, there’s not muchto complain about! I can think of many worse things to go through than having kids, there are people out there living truly hard lives, some parents really need a reality check.-
I totally agree – I think it’s very generational. I think it’s great that parents have become more honest about their experiences so other parents feel less alone but honestly it sometimes feels like all parents are trying to do is convince child-less people to not have children.
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It’s your life and your choice Carly,tell them to F off lovely Xx
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You can count on that from me! 🙂
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30 years ago having children was all about having a roll in the hay, and then after 9 months giving parenthood the best crack you can.
The way some people go on nowadays, one would think that parenthood confers wisdom, sainthood, knowledge on all life matters and moral superiority over everybody.
I blame the internet.-
Yes! Let’s blame the internet!
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Amen sister!
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Absolutely. I don’t have kids, but it’s not by choice. I’ve always been single (still am) and tried to get pregnant (via fertility treatment at centre, rather than randomly picking up men!!!) in my early 40s and was unsuccessful. So it irks me when my friends (who should know better) tell me how lucky I am to lie in the bath every night for 2hrs. I would happily have given up baths for 15 or so years if it meant I could have had a child.
PS. I spent a lot of time with my niece who didn’t sleep through the night til she was 2, so I’ve never assumed having kids would be a walk in the park. I know I would have moaned from time to time and occasionally I’d have begrudged them from old life, but I’d never wish them gone…. which is what it feels like when people tell me how lucky I am!
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It’s so true it’s like parents think we’re stupid and can’t see how hard it is. I love kids, I used to be a teacher and they are fucking exhausting.
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Completely get you and geez I hope I never unintentionally come across this way. Sometimes we can all have our head shoved up our own asses so far we don’t think about what we are saying. Then there are others that go about with their little violins asking for a medal.
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Most people in real life are totally awesome. It’s generally internet randoms that are the issue but I do understand because I’m a faceless representation of what they don’t have so they feel the need to have a jab.
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I have four kids, but I’d never tell you how hard it is, because this is my life, not yours! People just get off on telling each other how BUSY, how TIRED, how BLAHBLAHBLAH they all are lately I think. Just be you is my motto!
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I’m trying so hard to stop glorifying busy and tired. What works best is taking everything one step at a time and concentrating on my health.
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Really interesting. Usually I love to complain about my children with my friends who have children. And with my friends who don’t I just love to hang out, drink wine and go dancing, because they feel free to go out. I’m sure that most of parents who don’t allow themselves to have their own life except parenting are a bit jealous and envious when they read that you could sleep or whatever. Don’t you think? xx cathy
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I’m totally that friend! And yes I do think that lots of parents over parent and need to give themselves some time to still be a human!
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Amen sista! I have 2 kids, one with special needs but i would NEVER go at someone about their choice of not having kids or having no idea. I like to think of my 2 as classic car investments!
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Excellent way to think about it! x
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BAM
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I worked with a woman who would get really angry at me if I mentioned doing things like going to the gym after work. Truth was most of what consumed her time was going to every committee meeting you could think of and oh, she knew all about every reality show on telly. Oh and driving the kids to school because it was such a long trip (seriously, wouldn’t you buy a house closer to the school!).
My son had left home by that stage but I’d had my years of raising a kid alone while working full time and getting my degree. I still had a life and time for the things I wanted to do so I had no patience for anyone else’s excuses.
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Oh my god that would drive me batty.
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All. The. Time. This is a pet peeve of mine, and I’m a firm believer that I shouldn’t have to feel bad or feel like I have to change my lifestyle because someone else has had children. I had nothing to do with your decision making when it comes to having kids, so if I feel like spending twelve hours on the couch eating ice cream I don’t want to listen to you complain it’s unfair. You get unconditional love from tiny humans, I get pants off Fridays and drinking til 2am without feeling irresponsible.
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Exactly. Like I went to uni straight out of school and was qualified teacher at 21, earning $200 a day as a relief teacher and my mates were all ‘I can’t believe you earn $200 a day! You’re so lucky!’ and I was like – um… you dicked around in Greece for a year, changed courses 3 times and smoked pot non-stop. I worked my arse off. Shut up. 🙂
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I have two children so I’m not in the child-less or child-free category but one thing that really bothers me is the way we all seem to judge each other. Want to have ten children? Go for it. Want to have none? Absolutely your choice. Want to build a giant tree house to live in and change your name to Princess Consuela Bananahammock? Do it.
There needs to be a whole other internet-land for those who judge or act like someone is less of a person because of how they choose to spend their own life.
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Oh yes! I’ve seen some very up tight mothers judging more relaxed mothers and you know what? The kids that come from relaxed mothers are HEAPS easier to teach/take care of.
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I get this all the time. Sometimes it feels like *some* mothers think they have to have the monopoly on how “hard” life can be, how tired they are etc etc
Also the comments of “but why” and sad faces, when I tell them Guv and I have been together for 16 years and yet it’s just us two [that scene out of Sex and the City 2 at Stanford and Anthony’s wedding when that woman is so taken aback when Carrie and Big explain to her that they’re not going to have kids and so yes, it’s just going to be “just us two” – I have lived that over and over more times than I care to count!! I now collect the desperately sad faces that appear to form at the mere thought of Guv and I not procreating!]
When I tell people that we don’t have children, I have been told that my life will be ‘meaningless’, ‘pointless’, ‘filled with nothing’ and of course my PERSONAL favourite ‘but how will you know REAL LOVE, if you never have children???’. This has left me in tears far too many times than I wish to recount here because it’s not because we didn’t WANT children because we did, we do but for some of us, no matter how much we ‘want’ or ‘hope’ for it, nothing is going to work and we’re just going to be left disappointed.
So now when asked about children, I don’t bother to even explain. Conversations where the question “Do you have children?” is asked, is always followed by the answer “No, we don’t. We have white carpets you see”, which ALWAYS results in a puzzling look from said questioner and then I smile and just slowly walk away….
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You know every time I write something about this I always think about you? I know how badly you wanted to have kids and how you have similar struggles with people questioning you about not having kids and I really appreciate your responses to these articles. I always feel like a bit of a dick being in a loving relationship and probably (if I got mother’s genes!) quite fertile and possibly not going to have children. It would be easy (and understandable!) for you to not understand where I’m coming from at all but you always write such gorgeous, thoughtful and non-judgemental comments. You are very awesome. x
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Oh thank you! It’s a topic that I’m quite vocal about because I believe it needs to be discussed more.
Everyone’s choices when it comes to whether or not they have children [be it through choice or circumstance] is valid and no one should be judged or berated for it and people need to learn to refrain from commenting on others procreation choices!
While you are in a position of choosing not to have children, verse my inability to have them, we both arrive at the same outcome – we’re in loving long term relationships that find us “just the two of us” with our respective partners and that for some strange reason, seems to encourage people to comment on our lack of popping out a sprog!
And as for being understanding. Your probable fertility, has zero to do with my infertility! Sure I have my ragey, teary, sad as all hell days, where it just gets to me but it comes down to this – someone elses ability to have a baby, isn’t them taking away my ability to have children, it’s just that their body works and mine doesn’t!
x
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Love it Rach. Can you imagine how filthy the white sofa would get? Ha!
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When it comes to relationships and babies, people think they have the right to ask very personal questions. When are you going to get married? When are you going to have a baby? When are you going to give your baby a sibling? That is the point I am at now but that is no-ones business but mine, oh and my husbands. I must say that parenting is hard but the joy my daughter has brought me completely outweighs the challenges.
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Only a person who doesn’t have children would have the time to read this… laugh hysterically… spill their cup of tea… laugh some more… and then leave this comment! Love you smags! xx
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It’s like you’ve been crawling around in my head. x
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I’m a little confused… ‘Childfree’ is the term for someone who doesn’t want kids and knows they will never want them!! You say that for you it might change, so really you are actually childLess. Luckily, I don’t have too much of this crap thrown at me, but I see it online every day and it does my head in. My biggest pet peeve is Martyr Mummies (and daddies as that’s becoming a ‘thing’ now!), who think they’re better because they procreated. Nothing amazing about it, cockroaches do it better! lol
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Childfree is actually the correct term here. For the moment, Carly is choosing to be childfree, she doesn’t want children, she is making that choice, she is ABLE to make that choice.
If you’re childless, it means the decision has been taken out of your hands. You may want a child but for reasons that are beyond your control, you can’t have them.
Carly, right now, has chosen not to have children – so she is childfree.
I want children but am unable to have them, I have no choice in the matter – so I am childless.
🙂
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Thanks Rach, you’re actually the person who taught me that in the first place!
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Amen! The worst part for me is that i want to have kids and always have but im seriously second thinking it because all parents ever do is tell you how terrible it is ans how lucky you are to be free. Im close to petrified thatll ill have kids and regret it cos its awful!! I dont think its fair for other people to put that kind of negativity on me.
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I’m so happy that you wrote this, i’m much the same, 28 never wanted children, can’t see me wanting children in future, but anything can happen. I must admit while it’s take a while my family have come to accept that the only children coming from my partner and I are of the fury variety.
However I do struggle to understand the behavior of some who just can’t grasp why I wouldn’t want them. Its to the point I just want to say I can’t have them just to shut them up.
I love my two nieces and nephew, I love my friends kids, but I don’t want to keep them.
My partner and I both went through a lot growing up and just want to enjoy ourselves, make our home and travel.
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I actually quietly blame the internet for my reluctance to have kids. In the good old days everyone was like ‘Parenthood is amazing! Blessings! Children are a gift!’ and now it’s all ‘Children are the devil! This is shit! Don’t do this thing I’ve done! It’s the worst thing ever!’ It’s a world of mixed messages and I’m confused as fuck.
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Ok. So having kids is a bit like having a tooth pulled. You know getting a tooth pulled hurts, because you’d have to be an idiot not to know that, right? Yet until you get some dental work done, you don’t know how it feels. I grew up taking care of younger siblings, and basically fostered my younger brother the first 6 months of his life, yet being a parent is still way more challenging than I thought. because kids are PEOPLE, with their own personalities and feelings and stuff. Being a parent is hard in the same way marriage is sometimes hard. You have to learn how to work around other people’s issues, how they learn, how they express themselves, the best way to interact. And there is an infinite array of possible situations, and ways you and they might handle them, that no one prepares you for. You just don’t know, until you do it.And even if you are completely prepared and ready for kids, you don’t know what things in life might pop up to make parenting more challenging, like developing a chronic illness or having something that was stable become uncontrolled. All of the other challenges in life don’t stop just because one has children. There is absolutely nothing wrong with people choosing not to have children, and I completely agree that snark from random strangers is completely inappropriate and rude. But please cut your friends and readers who have children some slack for knowing it would be hard, just not THIS hard. And yes, there are also lots of good times that compensate for the challenges and make it worth it, and the challenges push your personal growth exponentially. 🙂
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I struggled with infertility for four years before I was lucky enough to become a mum and I can’t tell you how many times people would make remarks about me not having kids yet. It hurts so bad when you’re going through so much pain to have people throw it in your face like your subhuman for not having kids yet by a certain age. You never know what people are going through. The world would be a nicer place if people would think before they speak 🙂
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Not snarky at all. Intelligent and justified. x
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Absolutely brilliant opinion piece! So many parents seem to feel the need to ‘diss’ child-free lifestyles as frivolous and without deep meaning in an effort to validate and justify their own decision to have children. I can’t stand it when friends tell me I don’t know what it is to be tired simply because I don’t have children. I’m so glad parents are automatically granted this magical meter that reads tiredness and I’m so glad this is a competition. I also love your example of the Lamborghinis – parents in my workplace who know they earn more than I do frequently point to my clothes and can get quite snarky about how they wish they could afford to waste money like that. You’re right – they have no right to talk like that because they have the money, they simply chose to channel it into something else. I understand the envy – it can come from both sides – but it really feels like it’s the parents who do the competition-making.
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I get this all the time from family, friends with children, and coworkers. I know how hard it is the raise children because I am the oldest of 5 with 2 parents that were never home. I went to school, cooked, cleaned, and made sure everyone was up for school in time and had lunch or lunch money. Just because I don’t share this information with people doesn’t mean I don’t understand how difficult something is. It’s odd to me that they don’t think that I fully comprehend and have made a conscious decision, a very difficult well thought out decision.
Interesting enough my grandmother gave me the best advice she said, “The people saying these things to you, they don’t pay your bills, they won’t baby sit, and they don’t really care. Do what makes you happy. Everyone says they are defined by their children well, I most certainly am not. I’m defined by the lives I’ve saved the patients hands I’ve held when their friends and family stopped showing up and the people that have returned years later to thank me for the wonderful job I did even though I delivered bad news. Not one time did it matter if I had children or not.” -
I have 1 child and I get this from people with multiple kids. Like I am sitting back drinking latte’s all day because I “only have 1”. Hey that was your choice to have 3…. that’s why I didn’t have 3.
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