his is a weird piece to write because Iโm actually in an incredibly happy relationship. Iโm talking gross happy. Like if I donโt see my partner all day and he walks in the door I launch myself at him and cover him in kisses (that was a lie I usually hump him because it’s funnier). Weโre best mates, we hardly ever fight and we laugh together every single day. Itโs pretty bloody blissful. Thereโs a bucket in the corner over there if you need to puke. Weโve been together for almost a decade and although I wouldnโt have it any other way, I do sometimes think about what it would be like to be single.
My partner and I travel a lot. Sometimes together and sometimes apart but every few months I get a week or so alone in our flat and it makes me realise how, under different circumstances, I could quite easily be just as happy flying soloโฆ here’s why I miss being single.
I would get so much more done
Whenever my partner is away I feel like I get given an extra 5 hours in the day. Itโs not that heโs a giant time suck, itโs just that when youโre in a couple thereโs lots of reciprocal waiting. Waiting for the shower, waiting while each other packs up their stuff before leaving the house, waiting for each other to wake up on the weekends, waiting until the other person gets home before you can go somewhere. Itโs not bad and I donโt resent it but being single is like living in an amazing time machine that that you’re the driver of. It’s wondrous.
I wouldnโt have to be considerate
If I lived alone, Iโd crank my music really loudly in the morning and sing like a moron in the shower. Although my partner wouldnโt mind if I did this, itโs a bit rude to go full Courtney Love at 6am when heโs trying to sleep. When heโs not around I pump my favourite tunes, eat all the chocolate without saving him any and watch hours and hours of shit shows he hatesโฆ and itโs awesome.
My time would be my own
When my man is away I never have to stand around for half an hour in camera stores while he looks at tripods. I never have to watch Top Gear. I never have to turn down the TV when his phone rings and I never have to stop at the shops on the way home because heโs run out of deodorant. Not that I mind doing any of the above, I really donโt, itโs just that when those things disappear for a weekend,ย I end up with all this stuff called ‘spare time’… and I like it.
Again, I donโt want to sound like I resent being in a relationship. Thatโs the opposite of how I feel but relationships take a lot of work and a hellย of a lot of compromise, even the really, really good ones. Iโm grateful for my guy every single day and I wouldnโt choose any other life than the one I have with him but honestly? I love my โsingleโ weekends and if my life had worked out differently and I had never met my partner, I could see myself having a pretty fabulous solo life.
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Are you single? Coupled up? What do you miss about the opposite of your current relationship status?
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34 Comments
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Hehehe all of the above. I get asked a LOT of questions, like “how do you do blah?” Or “should I do/not do blah?” I love that my opinion is valued but I know he manages this stuff just fine when I’m not around! Sounds like you’re getting the best of both by having regular time outs from one another x
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Author
I do really love my relationship but when I have a weekend alone it’s like ‘Where is all this time coming from???’
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Nicely timed piece Smags, now that I’m single again after 4 years. Good to be reminded about the positives!
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There are SO many positives to both and neither states are permanent! x
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I’ve been in a long term relationship too but now I feel like being single!
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I certainly don’t feel like being single but sometimes a Saturday afternoon when he’s not in the house is pretty bloody lovely.
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ive been single more than not for the past 3 years. I’ve loved it for all the reasons you say and also: not having junk food in the house. Not having to cook if I don’t want to (not that I did have to before but I eat a lot more randomly now), not having an excuse to skip morning workouts for cuddles and the snooze button, having my mess be my own and more.
Buy I also loved living with a man and look forward to that period of my life again.
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That’s exactly it I think people put too much emphasis on there relationship status – neither state is permanent so you’ve got the best attitude to enjoy the good bits when you can!
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When my husband travels, I indulge in all of my Secret Single Behaviour – and love it! But then I can’t open a jar and he comes home and I’m happy again. It’s the best of both worlds! x
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Exactly! I’m always like ‘Hooray!’ when Mr Smags goes away for a bit but then after a few hours I’m like ‘Come home!’
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yes I get it smags!
an excellent book is “intimacy and solitude” … Stephanie Dowrick
a balance is needed!
we are retired and we get on very well,
because we give each other the desired space!
we are the perfect hermits living together!
the thing is to be honest and speak your truth!
love m:)X-
Oh thanks for the book rec!
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Married, so happy – but agree with all your points; I get pretty damn excited when hubby pops away for a business trip – although it is lovely to realise it is just a few days and not forever – I like part time single…my gorgeous 95 year old grandma had the flat next door to her long-time boyfriend for 25 years until he passed away. They had dinner every night together, went on holidays and the rest of the time was their own – that was a fine set up…x
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Oh that is so cute! I love that. Real Woody and Mia situation… except a lot less creepy.
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Ditto to all of the above!
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I miss leaving the toilet door open so I can listen to the TV while spending a relaxing half hour pooing and catching up on the days junk mail on the sunny
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On a side note I totally caught Mr Smags going to the toilet with the door open when I came home unexpectedly the other day. Hilarious! ๐
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I let all the dishes pile up when my other half is away then madly spend an hr doing them right before he’s due back, but I’ve squeezed in so much more not doing them up until then……!
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I’m actually more today when my Mr is away. It’s more manageable cleaning up after one person rather than 2!
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I’m in a wonderful relationship of 4 years (plus an amazing ring on my finger) but I totally get where you’re coming from an agree. I think it’s the selfish part of me that hates sharing chocolate and wants to watch all the reality TV and party with my mates till 1AM and flop around the house like a beast. But then I stop and think I couldn’t be single again because I love my partner too much ( still not sharing my food LOL ) x
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I’m exactly the same. And it also has nothing to do with Mr Smags who is utter, utter perfection. It’s just that living with anyone requires at least a little compromise and sometimes you just don’t want to play!
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I totally get this. I’ve been with my other half for about a decade too (I suck at actually knowing dates/years). I really feel it on the “you get more done” side. Especially as he’s been unable to work due to sickness for a few years, I just literally get zero time at home alone. And my productivity feels like zero all the time.
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Oh no that sounds like an actual problem and mine’s just me having a whinge. xxx
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I guess it’s a bit like the kids thing. Balance would be nice but most of us want what we don’t have.
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Definitely! I can’t imagine adding kids to the equation.
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I’ve been single for the past two years after my six-year relationship ended. Honestly? I sometimes miss the companionship and comfort that a relationship can bring, but 95% of the time I’m really enjoying myself! My friends always urge me to get out more or try online dating, but I always say that I’ll do it when it gets to the point that I’m unhappy about being alone. Right now, I love that my decisions are my own, my time is my own, and any compromises I make are for me, and no one else. Also getting to know myself again as an individual after being coupled for so long. All good things! When the time is right for a new relationship, I’ll be ready. ๐
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I actually think this is an excellent point and it’s one of the reasons why Mr Smaggle and I are so happy together because when we met we were very happily single. We both quite like ourselves so it’s easy for us to like each other.
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Agree. ๐ Also in a happy five and a half year relationship, but I was single for most of my twenties so am very independent. I mostly miss things like being able to up and travel when I want – now I have to consult my partner and coordinate leave from work, then realise we don’t have the same amount of leave… etc etc. I also love getting ‘starfish’ in bed when he’s not there. ๐
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Oh yes! A bed starfish is the BEST!!!
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Single for a year after 20 year marriage. I’d love someone to love again and the companionship (and sex!!) but I LOVE having my own place.. Like seriously love it. I have the whole wardrobe, healthy food in the kitchen, no wet towels, no big shoes and no bad boy smells!! (I call it the no poo/no shoe effect) I do have a teen son so all is not perfect ha ha.. But love the selfishness of it. I do wonder how I’d adjust to living with someone again.. Definitely not ready yet
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I really enjoy my alone time too,we have been married for 30 years,I love him dearly but do cherish the times I get to be on my own,I understand Carly x
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I so get this! People always worry about me and offer me to stay at their house if my husband has to go away for work (which is usually only once or twicd a year anyway) and im like ‘are you serious, i love being alone occasionally’! Its almost like a mini holiday, no one to cook for or clean up after or get up with at 5.30am to have a morning coffee with. I can watch whatever tv shows i want without any complaining and dont have to check with anyone else their plans or ideas for the weekend. Its great being in a relationship but being temporaryily single is great too!!
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Looove this! It used to bug me when my partner would be away on work trips but now I totally relish the time to myself. I eat what I want without worrying about making it for 2, binge on Project Runway re-runs, not worry about being loud in the morning getting ready for work, etc. It’s pretty awesome. ๐
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Loved your blog Carly, very well-written. Thanks for sharing.
