’m starting this post with a very big confession and I’m pretty embarrassed about it to be honest. I used to be a social smoker. I absolutely hate that about myself because I live an extraordinarily clean life. I don’t do drugs, I’m not a problem drinker, I exercise daily and I spend my life encouraging people to lead healthy, whole and happy lives but since I was about 18 years old, up until a year ago, I’d have a couple of cigarettes most months. Sometimes I’d have none in a month and sometimes I’d have ten but it was pretty regular and if I was having a few drinks with friends, eventually I’d end up bumming one… or two… or three.
I never bought them, I never smoked during the day and I never smoked at any of my jobs or in front of my family or my partner. It was a sneaky thing I did and I liked the thrill of hiding it from people, tip toeing around so no one would see me. It’s been a full year since I had a cigarette and quitting is the best thing I’ve ever done. Here’s how I quit social smoking.
1. I admitted I was a smoker
I always said ‘I’m not a real smoker, I just smoke on weekends.’ or ‘I’m not a real smoker, I only smoke when I’m doing theatre shows.’ One of my friends said to me a few years ago that I actually was a smoker and I was I like ‘Ew! I am not!’ but she was dead right. I was a smoker. If you smoke with any kind of regularity, you’re a smoker. If I didn’t admit it to myself, I never would have quit. I hate saying it because it’s gross but I was smoker. It’s pretty cool now that I get to say ‘was’ and that’s what I focus on.
2. I avoided smokers for a very long time
I have a close friend who smokes and I had to stop spending time with her for the first few months that I was trying to quit. It was hard but I couldn’t hang out with her while she was smoking and not be tempted. We ended up not drinking together and going for power walks instead which was great – we got to catch up, we both drank less alcohol and I didn’t have to sit there being tempted while she smoked. I can happily catch up with her now for a drink and not be tempted but it was crucial in those first few months to avoid situations where I might give in.
3. I stopped romanticising smoking
I never, ever smoked alone and I realised that the whole smoking thing was a bit of show for me. I used to think it was kind of dangerous and cool. I’d sneak around and try to ‘get away with it’. I stopped painting it as this weird treat and started looking at it for what it was – a really gross and incredibly harmful habit that made me feel like shit. It was a lot easier to stop doing it when I admitted that I wasn’t James Dean and that smoking actually really isn’t cool.
4. I gave myself a time limit
I gave myself a full year to go without a cigarette and then I told myself I could have one if I wanted it. It’s been a week since my no-smoke-aversary and I’m not even tempted. The thought of it gives me a headache. A year ago, the thought of never having a cigarette again felt very unachievable but after a year of abstaining, I feel very underwhelmed by the thought of smoking.
5. I did it for myself and no one else
My partner hated it when I smoked. It wasn’t often but once every few weeks I’d come home smelling like cigarettes and he hated it. Unfortunately it wasn’t enough to make me stop. It sucks to say that because I would do anything for him but I needed to make quitting about me. I needed to be disappointed in myself if I broke my vow because I could rationalise his disappointment into him being judgemental or him being too hard on me. I can’t lie to myself, so it was really important to own the decision.
6. I used the fact that I wasn’t addicted to my advantage
I was never properly addicted to smoking. I could go on a month-long holiday with my partner and not even think about it. If I happened to not hang around smokers for a few months, I just wouldn’t smoke. I never smoked unless I was drinking and I never smoked unless other people were. I wasn’t waking up and having a cigarette first thing in the morning or suffering withdrawals if I went a few days without a cigarette. I used this as my excuse for ages. I didn’t need to quit because I wasn’t addicted right? But that’s precisely why I had to quit. If I wasn’t addicted, why the hell was I doing it? Why could I go weeks without one and then automatically reach for my mate’s pack on a Saturday night at the pub? It was a silly habit that had to go and if people with pack-a-day habits could do it, so could I.
7. I looked towards my addicted friends for inspiration
I have several friends who used to be heavy smokers who have totally quit and they are my heroes. They all quit years ago and I sang their praises and told them how proud I was and then I’d sneak outside for a quick cigarette during dinner parties when they’d just been talking about it. I felt like a dick every time I had a casual cigarette in front of them and it just seemed like the best thing to do was ditch it altogether.
So that’s it. That’s how I did it. The reason why I wanted to share this story was because if I didn’t quit, I might have done it for the rest of my life which is a really, really scary thought. I always assumed I’d just casually stop one day but I never did. I had to make a decision and I had to make the effort to do it. I’m really, really glad I did.
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Do you smoke? Have you quit? Any social smokers out there thinking about quitting?
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P.S If you’re a blogger from Adelaide, and you’re stuck in your blogging journey I’d love to help you!
18 Comments
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Well done Carly! I must admit when I read the title of today’s post, I thought “Carly’s got a guest poster today”. I confess I was a little shocked – never would have pegged you as a smoker. Good on you for quitting and more importantly for sharing. I really liked the theme of some of the recent TV quit ads, which said if it doesn’t work the first time you quit, try again and keep trying – it doesn’t matter how many tries it takes. Good message xx
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Oh totally! It shocked me! I’d have a few cigarettes in a random Saturday night be like ‘What are you DOING?’. It was a cultural thing for me – I was a theatre kid and most of us smoked. I got offered the best roles of my life out the back of theatres having a cigarette with directors.
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that makes it so hard to quit! My friend said musos often take a break from recording to get ‘fresh ears’ and they go outside and that ciggie really fits into that 5 minutes – so hard to break from that!
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I totally understand you on the social smoking thing and I was the same way when living in Melbs. I feel like way more people smoke there then in Vancouver (then again, people smoke more EVERYWHERE other than Van) and while at times (music festivals, camping, periods of more drunken debauchery) I would buy my own packs just because I didn’t want to be the asshole who smokes 1/2 a pack of a mates cigarettes over a weekend, I was never addicted and used that fact to justify the habit.
Since breaking up with the bf (smoker) and moving back to Van I cut way back (a few times a year instead of a few times a month) just because it is so frowned upon, but now that only one friend whom I see regularly smokes, and everyone else is SO, SO judgy about it I have yet to have a cigarette in 2015 and I intend to keep it that way. I also won’t say ‘never’ (way to make me want one!) but my goal is to get through the year and then go from there.-
It’s so worth it and it’s also just a proximity thing. I grew up with most of my friends smoking and my family used to smoke so it just didn’t seem that gross but then I had a wake up call I was like ‘This is foul and goes against everything I stand for.’ That’s when I decided to get hard core about it.
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Go girl! I’m super proud of you! I’ve tried smoking twice and just didn’t get the appeal. I find shopping far more addictive. Funny that…! x
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Ha! I figure drinking is naught enough – I don’t need to smoke on top of that!
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Awesome work, awesome lady. I’m super proud of you and everyone else who is able to give it away!
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Thanks lady! You were the one who told me I was a smoker and I was like ‘Yuck! Lies!’ x
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🙂 glad to be the b*tch that got you through 😉
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one friend sat me down and said ‘so I just had dinner with my dad who has emphysema and spent the whole night on a breathing machine and it was awful. Please give up’. I couldn’t even give up my few ciggies a week then. Another friend said ‘you don’t call yourself a smoker but you are’. I’m trying to give up now.
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I had to read this when I saw it. I was a full-time smoker for about 5 years. Gave them up entirely for another 5 and then found myself having one here and there socially in much the same way you describe. I smoke when I drink has been uttered by these lips, let me tell YOU. I was in a conversation about this very topic the other day and how now it’s a thing. We prepare to smoke socially, we look forward to it, go nuts and then wake up regretting it but ready to do it again. So we’re smokers again. Not just socially, but smokers like you said. It might be time to tackle this beast again.
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It’s so hard to slip back into that mentality. I had to give it three months before I could be around other smokers. I don’t even really think about it anymore, I find it really repulsive. I used to like catching a whiff of it as I walking done the street and now I think it’s just foul.
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I’m currently in the exact same position.. I smoked fulltime for 2 years and then ‘quit’ but I still reach for my mates if were having a night out. 5 minutes into meeting up with them.. and smoke 6! This ends now!!!
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Hey.. I’m 15 and I’ve been socially smoking for a few months now. I don’t know what to do about it. My whole friend group smokes, my closest friend at school has been since she was 13. I don’t like the idea of being a smoker, because I know it’s bad for you. I just.. I actually started in the first place because if I had a shirt or scarf that smelled like smoke, I would curl up with it when I went to bed and the smell would make me feel safe and so happy. The smell is pretty comforting to me for some reason. It seems loving, I don’t know why.
I know I should stop smoking, because I do it every week and that’ll definitely take its toll over tie if I continue like this. I smoke nearly every day at lunch, actually, even if it’s just a few drags.
But it’s bad. I want to stop, but I don’t know how. I don’t want to alienate my friends by not wanting to smoke. They really are great friends and I see them every day so I don’t want to avoid them or cut them out of my life.. And I’m embarrassed to tell them that I don’t want to anymore because I’ll seem weak I guess.
I don’t know. Sorry for writing so much but I’m really in a tough situation with this.-
Hey Claire,
you should just be honest with your friends and tell them you dont want to smoke. If you are worried about what they will think then maybe tell them you want to quit for health reasons, such as, it gives you asthma or blocked sinuses or something. I could say the typical cliche’ thing, ” that if they were your true friends they wouldnt judge you and, that they should support you” but Im not sure that will make you feel better.
You will however feel better in the long run, be true to yourself, dont do things for other people or in fear of what others will think of you. Trust me I have been there, and when you get older you will look back and regret doing things that werent’what you wanted to do, in fear of what other will think of you. You will also be glad you stopped smoking, because when you do really get into smoking it can be difficult to quit.
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Hi Carly.
Thanks for your blog. I’ve stopped smoking for a week now and to get home on a Friday not and roll a cigarette really stressed me out. It showed me how certain situations really trigger that addiction. I’m on low dose nicotine gum which is taking the edge off a bit.
I’ve been a social smoker my entire adult life. I think the biggest problem for me is in reading the facts that really hindered my quitting ability. The facts are – only 10% or less of smokers get lung cancer. Smoking is worse for your cardiovascular system than getting cancer. And because my life has been so clean, exercise, eat pretty well, balanced life, normal weight etc I find it really hard to not smoke because the risk factors aren’t really really high.
The things I’ve got going for me is I told a lot of people that I’ve stopped and they’re so happy for me. Plus, I actually do feel better the next day for not having two or three cigarettes that’s for sure.
Let’s see how I go 🙂
Kelly
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Social smoking is soooo gooood, especialy, when you start to feel this little buzz after first drink, and then this kick nicotine kick in your head, a little bit of dizziness. I love this! And also those are the reasons I had to quit. Everytime I was telling myself that it will be only one, maybe two smokes, and not more, because next day will be very awful… guess what… every time the next day was awful. For me a big help was reading this book – net-bossorg/shop/the-easiest-way-to-quit-smoking-for-life – it really change my point of view.
