ots of my friends had younger sisters when I was at university, so I got to see a lot of teenage breakups during this time. Honestly, they were amongst the most dramatic events I’d ever witnessed. There was food refusal, there was Whitney Houston played on repeat, there was moping, there was sulking. At the time I thought it was a touch over the top but now I look back on it, I realise it was actually very healthy. Broken hearts really hurt and it’s important not to ignore them. As adults we’re taught to be mature about break ups and we’re expected to act like we aren’t falling apart but honestly, fuck it. If your hearts been trampled on, here are a few of the best ways to mend it. Embrace your inner teenager, whip out your Alanis Morrisette Jagged Little Pill cd and adolescent the shit out of your break up.
Invite your best mate over for pyjama wine drinking
This is exactly what best mates are for. To show up at your door with a bottle of wine (each) on a weeknight, in her pyjamas, ready to laugh and cry and hold you for a few hours. You actually won’t feel like doing this but your bestie will know you need it and she’ll make it happen. Embrace it. It will probably go down in history as one of the bet nights of your life.
Do something you’ve never done before
If you’ve been in a relationship for a while, you’re probably going to feel disoriented after the break up. There will be gaps in your schedule that used to be permanently filled – brunch on Sundays, date night on Tuesdays. The trick is to fill these gaps before they hit you. So if you used to have dinner at your ex’s parents place every Monday it’s time to book yourself in for trapeze classes, wine tastings or TV marathon nights with friends. Use your extra time to do the things you’ve always wanted to do.
Do a ritual cleanse
After you’ve cried for a few hours into the pillow your ex used that still smells all perfumey (oh come one we’ve all done it!) it’s time to put your big kid pants on and have a cleanse. Wash your sheets, get rid of any toiletries of his/hers and give your life a big clean out. Nothing will mend a broken heart like a clean house, delicious fresh sheets, scented candles and flowers. Note – this part comes after three days of wallowing in your own filth. It’s totally cool to do that. You can even skip showers. Showers are hard when you’re too sad to turn on the tap.
Be very, very kind to yourself
You need to watch your language around yourself. It’s very easy to put yourself down when someone has rejected you but if you keep getting all up in your own grill for not being perfect, pretty, thin or charming enough, you will definitely slow down your healing process. Most people feel like total losers after break ups and you really don’t need to add to those feelings. Write a list of things you love about yourself and hang out with people who make you feel good.
Allow yourself to wallow/scream in to a pillow/be really sad for a while
It’s important to get your shit together sooner rather than later but it’s totally okay to lose your shit for a few days. When your heart is broken, it’s not just your heart that hurts, your whole body aches as if you’ve climbed a mountain. If you need to cry for an hour, do it. If washing the dishes seems like the most daunting task in the world, skip it. Ditch the gym. Buy new underwear instead of doing the washing. You can have a bit of time to be a mess, it’s totally okay.
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Have you had your heart broken recently? Any tips for dealing with the dreaded heart break sads?
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4 Comments
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Carly, great advice. The one thing I will add is that I agree that when this happens a little grief is ok, in fact would be thinking either you were ready for it to end, or you think that you are too strong for that (ie that crying is a bad thing). It is totally healthy to let out the tears and frustration, then get it back together, remember YOU are AMAZING and that your value does not exist in what someone else thinks, believes or feels. The most important thing is that while you leave your value in what someone else thinks, says, feels you will never be all that you can be. Your happiness needs to come from within, so then it really doesn’t matter how the rest of life goes, you will be able to get through everything because the most important person in your life (you) is ok.
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Oh absolutely! It’s the suddenness I think that hurts the most for some people. Grief is the perfect word for it because it is like something dying isn’t it?
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I quite literally did all of these things at the end of my 4-year relationship earlier this year. The girls came over with wine and Mexican food, I bought new bedding and towels and picked up about a million new hobbies (some stuck, some didn’t!). I didn’t write an actual list of good things about myself, but I did make sure to focus on all the reasons why the relationship wasn’t right. All of these things helped tremendously so I can be living proof that your advice is spot on! xx
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Oh good! You did do a lot of hobbies… did you do like ceramics or something? Was that a thing?
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