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Awkward Conversations: How To Have Them Without Totally Freaking Out

Awkward Conversations: How To Have Them Without Totally Freaking Out
Carly Jacobs
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onversations are hard because no one ever knows what the other person is about to say. Conversing with other humans isn’t like being in a play or movie where you know what’s going to happen next. It’s like being in an improv class. Literally anything could happen which is quite terrifying when you think about it. Awkward conversations are the hardest to deal with so here are a few tips for dealing with them like a grown up.

Photo 8-02-2016, 4 37 50 PM

When you’ve put your foot in your mouth

I once said very loudly that I would never call my child *insert not terribly classy female name here* because she could only grow up to be a stripper with that name. The girl at the end of the table said dead pan ‘My mother’s name is Not Terribly Classy Female Name’. I was mortified. Granted I was mouthing off and being quite unkind so there was only one thing to do. I apologised immediately and made a joke about how badly I’d just screwed up. Everyone laughed and moved on very quickly (thank god) and I learned to never ridicule other people’s names because it’s mean and also I’m not the boss of names. If you screw up, apologise and move on.

When someone else has put their foot in their mouth

If someone else has seriously put their foot in their mouth, the kind thing to do is to save them – much like the time all those lovely people saved me when I was all ‘Your mother has a stripper’s name!!!’. For example if someone is going hardcore on their anti-vax campaign at a mother who’s been up all night with her child who is seriously ill with who0ping cough, shut that shit down. Change the subject, channel the conversation in a positive direction and don’t let anyone say ‘vaccine’ again for the rest of the afternoon. Boom.

When racism/homophobia/discrimination happens

There’s actually no excuse for this and I find the best way to deal with this is a short, sharp reply followed by unwavering eye contact and solid silence. If someone is saying hateful things just say ‘My wife is Muslim’ or ‘My brother is gay’. Then just hold their gaze and make them be the next person to speak. It will make them so uncomfortable, they’ll definitely think twice before spreading their venom in the future.

When you’re giving someone bad news

Avoid fluffing it out. Just state the facts and offer your help. That’s all you can do. This works for all kinds of bad news situations – someone getting fired, break ups, evictions. These conversations don’t go very well because they’re unexpected for the person receiving the bad news. Logically, whoever is giving the bad news needs to be in control of the conversation to stop it from getting too uncomfortable. Giving bad news is yucky but receiving it is a lot worse.

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How do you cope with awkward conversations? Are you okay at managing them? Or would rather hide in a hole than deal with an awkward conversation?

 

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8 Comments

  1. I hear you, opining on baby names can be a minefield so I usually only give specific examples if they are next-level extreme (eg: Xtream) or if I’m in a safe zone where I already know the names of everyone’s nearest and dearest.

    • Author
      Carly Jacobs 8 years ago

      Oh totally – I think next level extreme is fine! I have lots of teacher friends so this comes up in private very often. 🙂

  2. Sarah 8 years ago

    Just the other night a family member of my boyf said something highly offensive and I had NO idea how to handle it. I didn’t want to let it go because I wanted to be clear that it was not ok, but I also didn’t want to make a scene amongst boyf’s family who were all willing to just let it slide for whatever reason/s. In the end I just looked a bit shocked and disappointed (or at least, I think that’s what my face was saying)… In hindsight, I probably should have said, “I don’t appreciate that language” or, “one of my good friends is _____”. Good tip lady.

    • Author
      Carly Jacobs 8 years ago

      It’s so awkward when that happens right? I’m getting less tolerant of it as I’m getting older. It’s just not cool to be racist or sexist so I just shut that shit down.

  3. thgourmande 8 years ago

    I once had to deliver tragic news about a dear friend to my girlfriends. Every one of them answered the call joyous to chat and I resorted to warning them to sit or checking their partner was there before delivering the news. That experience vividly sticks in my mind. It was a horrible experience for both and one I hope I never have to repeat.

    • Author
      Carly Jacobs 8 years ago

      That’s so awful and I’m so sorry you had to do that. I don’t think anyone can offer advice on how to manage that. I think in situations like that the best thing is to be okay that you were able to do that so your other girlfriends didn’t have to. I think delayed grief comes into it as well. When something tragic happens to a close friend, their grief is your priority and you tend to put off your own grieving process until they’re functioning a bit better so close mates seem to get delayed grief. Thinking about you. xxx

  4. Harlow 8 years ago

    My husband’s cousins wife is one of those people who will give you TMI about the most inappropriate stuff at a seconds notice when the conversation is completely innocent – and it is always really graphic sexual stuff…. like porno level reallllllllly graphic. Not even going to reiterate or paraphrase in case someone reading this comment falls off their chair and there are no smelling salts around. I have never really known how to handle this other than doing my best poker face and going “Oh really? That’s interesting.True” and then do my best to change the subject. Unfortunately my mind still bares the scars of things that I would preferred to have lived my whole life without hearing. But this is a burden everyone in my husbands family bares! I spent our whole wedding reception terrified over the things she would say in front of people and ended up finding out from our wedding photographer the next day that she over shared a lot……

    • Author
      Carly Jacobs 8 years ago

      I come from a whole TMI family! Not usually about personal stuff but all my aunties are nurses so dinners at our house aren’t good for those with weak stomachs! 🙂

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