et me tell you the grossest story in the world, a story which perfectly illustrates how little fine dining means to me. I went to a restaurant many years ago and I managed to eat half a rotten chicken breast before I noticed it didn’t taste quite right. Everyone else at the table took one bite and flagged down the waiter, meanwhile I had happily inhaled half of mine, barely even noticing that it tasted like dead feet. Classy right? I’ve also been known to cut the mould off a piece of cheese and eat it anyway. I’m the opposite of a food snob. Most of the time I don’t notice if food is ‘good’ or ‘bad’ to me it’s just ‘edible’ or ‘probably won’t kill me so there for edible’. I actually can’t see the point in spending $200 on a meal when I can get return flights to Sydney and some Singapore noodles for the same amount of money. Food snobs tease me mercilessly about my guilty food pleasures but I have a theory that everyone secretly loves these…
Space Food Sticks
These were the child-safe protein bar of the early 90s and for some reason I could not get my mother to buy them for me. They became The Thing I Most Desired and I’d spend most of recess trying to trade my BBQ shapes for a sweet, weird, powdery chocolate treat. A friend recently ate one and chortled at how disgusting it was so naturally I had to try one. It was fucking delicious. Space Food Sticks 4eva.
Pot noodles
The dinner of choice for theatre kids. There was nothing like rocking up to the theatre in my school uniform, kicking off my uncomfortable black leather school shoes, making myself a sweet pot of dehydrated noodles with it’s own little bag of MSG and setting myself up for an evening of chronic water drinking to compensate for the excess salt I consumed, followed by chronic peeing. As an adult, nothing will cure a hangover faster than a chicken pot noodle. Fact.
Crumbed or battered oven goods
I had no idea that frozen goods designed to be baked in the oven were considered an inferior food stuff. A friend of mine once made these crazy billion times baked potatoes and had spent something ridiculous like 8 hours making them. They were great… but so are oven baked wedges with bottled sweet chilli sauce and sour cream. Also fish fingers are always awesome. Even if they’re a bit fishy, it’s still somehow okay.
Instant coffee
If I can’t get a decent barista coffee (like at almost any hotel in Sydney – seriously can someone sort that shit out?) I’d rather an instant coffee. I know it’s weird and coffee enthusiasts will kill me, but I just love that conference dining room taste. I’ll also never say no to a hot chocolate or a cappuccino sachet. Coffee flavoured chemicals thrill me.
Microwave meals
If I get home from a work trip or from a show at it’s 11pm at night, the best thing in the world is a Lean Cuisine. It doesn’t even matter which flavour. It’s all hot and delicious and good. Some people get snooty about microwave meals but they can get stuffed – they’re portion controlled, calorie controlled and available everywhere. If I’ve been on a 30 hour flight, the only cure is to bury my face in a microwave lasagne.
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What guilty pleasure convenience foods do you seamlessly indulge in? Or are you a food snob who’d rather die than chow down on some 2 minute noodles?
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22 Comments
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Total food and coffee snob here, but I think the old bunnings sausage in bread with onion and sauce is food of the Gods.
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Absolutely. I can never get one because Mr Smaggle is allergic to wheat and it would just be mean for me to go chowing down on a yummy sausage but if I’m alone? All over that shit.
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A McMuffin for breakfast when I’m on a road trip.
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Oh good one! I haven’t had one of those in years.
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Love pot noodles a little too much, any excuse to eat them! I love them so much that I literally just posted a ‘healthier’ homemade version on my site so now I can eat them always. Also crumbed oven goodness like fish fingers or potato gems!!!
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Oh post the link here? I’d love to try them. It’s the health thing that always turns me off. There is literally no health benefits in a pot noodle.
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Recently read a comment on Woogsworld about frozen mashed potatoes. I immediately had to check it out and ordered some, along with frozen potato scallops. I tried the mash last night – not bad for a few minutes in the microwave to creamy mashed potatoes – but honestly ones I make are better (there’s the food snob). Yet to try the potato scallops.xx
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So, update. Have just tried potato scallops. For goodness sake, somebody put a lock on my freezer. I am now only a few minutes in the dry fryer away from golden, crispy, salty, battered potato yumminess at any time!
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I love any kind of potato. Chips, mash, frozen. Although steamed potato I can live without. I’d rather have it baked or mashed.
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Oh, I have too many guilty food pleasures! Maccas hash browns when hung over hit the spot big time for me! But anything with pastry, in particular, party pies, sausage rolls & spinach & fetta puffs, SO good!
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I forgot all about Maccas hash browns! I love them!
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I LOVE cooking usually, but to be honest, frozen meals save my sanity at least once a week when it’s been a shit day and the thought of doing dishes makes me want to cry…
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That’s so true. Half the issue with cooking is the clean up!
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My husband once ploughed through a chicken pack while complaining the whole time that it tasted wrong and it was the worst chicken pack ever and subsequently spent the night in hospital with severe food poisoning. I lived in Port Hedland, away from everything remotely civilised and then moved to Melbourne, and my relatives were appalled at my chronic need for KFC. I am also a huge fan of oven baked goods including chicken kievs, potato gems, oven chips and pies. I care not for food snobbery.
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My Dad lives in the country and his first port of call on any rare trip to the city is Hungry Jacks for a Whopper with cheese. I use it as an opportunity to indulge that once a year junk food binge 🙂
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That’s so me except I have guts of steal so I’ve only had food poisoning once ever and it was from a bad prawn. I’ve had gastro but food poisoning is rare – if I eat something off my tummy just kind of grumbles its way through it and then I’m totally fine.
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All of these except the space food sticks, I have never heard of them. I recently had surgery and knew I was going to feel crappy so stocked up on pot noodles for those days when I knew I would be feeling super crappy!
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Oh they so good! I actually don’t even know if you can get them any more – I should check out the supermarket! I actually haven’t had a pot noodle in ages and now I feel like I need to make that happen.
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Hell yaaass add battered sav on a stick dipped in tomato sauce to the list though
Half the reason I went to so many festivals/ fairs in my 20s. Revolting deliciousness in equal amounts.
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I’m not entirely convinced I know what a battered sav is – is it like a battered hot dog on a stick? Is that right?
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Ask any of my friends what my last meal is going to be and they’ll tell you- sausage in WHITE bread with sauce! My absolute guilty pleasure!
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So good! I once went to an after wedding BBQ and there gourmet hamburgers for the adults but I was like just fang me a sausage in bread!
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