spend a lot of time trying to be less of a dick. Not that I’m a huge dick or anything, I’m just a regular selfish old human. Most of us are naturally pretty selfish. We like to pretend we aren’t but most of what we do, we do to improve our own comfort levels. Avoiding talking to the boring person at work, being short with the assistant working the checkout so you don’t have to engage in a proper conversation with them or simply not answering the phone when someone calls.
None of this behaviour makes anyone a bad person, it’s just that each isolated incident like this can make you look like a bit of dick. I’d know – I’m guilty of all three. Sometimes I like to look at this kind of behaviour and concentrate for a week on not doing those things. These are the things I’m going to be looking at this week.
Be affectionate
I might be making that up but it does seem that I get less pats on the back and affectionate squeezes than I used to. This kind of sucks because it’s really rather nice to have someone give you a little unexpected hug. I noticed it recently when I was at my mate’s house for dinner and her new partner is very affectionate. If he offers me a drink it comes with a little shoulder squeeze or he’ll grab my arm as he’s laughing at one of my jokes. It’s really rather lovely. This week, maybe think about slipping a bit more affection into your week. I’m not asking you to be a creeper or to start feeling people up everywhere you go but a shoulder squeeze here or a little hand hold there might be just the thing that makes somebody else’s week. If you’re truly uncomfortable with touching people though, don’t do it. There’s nothing worse than a forced hug and make sure you read the situation – a lot of people don’t like being touched. Just be gentle and test it out. Touch can be extremely healing so next time your ask someone how they are, maybe add a little arm pat to let them now you actually care about their response.
Unplug
Every week I see an article pop up about how rude the younger generation is for constantly being on our phones when we’re hanging out with each other. I don’t know who they’re talking about but it’s certainly not my friends – we leave our phones in our bags when we’re out together and I’ve seen most other people at restaurants doing the same thing. One thing we don’t do though, is unplug when we’re alone. Walking around, catching public transport, doing the shopping. I recently did a weekend long digital detox and found myself waiting outside the bakery for my brother-in-law. I had no phone, no email, no music. So I was forced to look at my surroundings. I found a second hand bookshop I might have ordinarily missed and I made friends with a giant St Bernard dog – all because I was unplugged. I highly recommend it. I think we’re all evolved enough to not be on our phones constantly around other people but maybe it’s time we were a bit less phone obsessed in a broader sense. Perhaps you could have a rule where you only touch your phone if you get a call or a message? It’s the perfect way to have a mini digital detox without having to give up your phone completely.
Listen
Confession: I’m a rubbish listener. Actually that’s not totally true – I love listening to what other people have to say, I just want them to finish super quick so I join in the conversation. No one ever speaks fast enough for me so I have to concentrate really hard to not talk over the top of people all the time. I’ve managed to master this as I’ve gotten older but the struggle was real when I was a teenager. If you’re not a good listener and you’d like to be better at it (Hint: We could probably all be better at it!) give this little tip a try. Only talk about yourself every third time you speak. So it should go like this.
Friend: Says a thing.
You: Ask a question about the thing.
Friends: Says a thing.
You: Acknowledge what your friend said about the thing.
Friend: Says a thing.
You: Offer your perspective or anecdote.
I write a lot of article about saying no and valuing your own time (which is obviously super important) but people are important too and sometimes you need to sacrifice your own time or comfort to help out other people. Let that be this week’s theme yes?
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What behaviours of yours could do with improvement? Are you a good listener? Do you never ever put your phone down?
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6 Comments
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I feel like I’m a shit listener because I’m such a huge talker. I always feel like I need to apologise to my friends for talking to much ( & often I do apologise ). I need to work on that. Also, I feel like I’m being a bit of a dick to myself lately. The words I use about myself, inside my own head, are getting a bit mean. I need to put a stop to that.
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Oh that’s a wonderful content idea – how to be kinder yourself! Thanks for the inspo – I’ll do something like this this week!
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I do the talking thing too, at the moment I am trying to work on waiting till someone else has finished talking before I start, which sounds ridiculous when I type it but it totally something I do all the time!
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Oh it’s a whole thing! And just because someone is quiet doesn’t mean they’re listening so smug introverts can stop smirking right about now. 🙂
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I am also a big talker, I can’t help it especially when I get excited about something. Although, funnily enough I do get told I am a good listener. Unplugging is a great thing to do. Looking forward to the ‘Be kinder to yourself’ blog post as I definitely need lessons in that. Recently set up my own business and I am my own worse critic.
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