o you know the difference between an introvert and an extrovert? I didn’t until quite recently. I thought the difference was loud vs quiet but it’s a little bit more complex than that.
Loosely speaking introverts need time alone to recharge after spending time with people, extroverts don’t require this and can spend time with people without needing a break, ambiverts are both – if they spend time alone, they need people to re-charge and if they spend time with people they need alone time to re-charge.
I identify as an extrovert but I have big ambivert tendencies. I enjoy my alone time and I enjoy socialising but time alone depletes my energy stores more than time spent with other people. If I spent a whole weekend completely alone, I’d be climbing the walls by Sunday night. I’d be worse off than if I spent the weekend socialising with other people so that places me more in the extrovert camp.
My partner is a hard core introvert. It took me a little while to get the hang of co-habitating with him. I’d be all ‘Let’s have such and such over for dinner!’ and he’d be like ‘Yeah… or not?’. It’s got nothing to do with how much he loves the people in his life, he just has a limited amount of energy he can spend in this way. Here are a few things I do to make our lives a bit easier.
I don’t force him to do things
I have friends who have partners who will happily sit outside at a BBQ all day and well in to the evening chatting, cooking and just hanging out. In fact some of my mates have a very hard time dragging their partners home at night. If my partner did that, it would deplete his energy stores for an entire week. He shows up for a few hours at the start or end of events like this and leaves the marathon socialising to me.
I don’t make him lie
I never say that my partner has other plans, I just say that he can’t make it. I go out alone more than I go out with him and it’s not an issue at all. Honestly, it’s more fun than watching him whither in a corner at a loud party. When I get home I have a fully charged, energetic wonderful person to hang out with who wants to make me tea and hear all about my night out. One of my biggest pet peeves is that introverts have to lie and say they’re busy or sick. They should just be able to say they’re not up for it tonight and let that be that.
I give him time to recharge
I honestly don’t know how my partner handles living with me because I’m not exactly quiet but I always give him space when he needs it. It also works out perfectly because I get energised from socialising and he doesn’t so I’m often out and he’s often home alone so we both get recharged for our time together.
This week on Straight and Curly, Kelly and I are talking about introverts, extroverts and what it’s like to be with someone who’s very different to you.
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Are you an introvert or an extrovert? Do you live with people the same or the opposite of you?
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P.S If you’re keen to learn to crochet, Crochet Coach pre-sale spots are up and I have a live beginner lesson on Sunday morning 9th at 11am. The Facebook group is so awesome – I finally have crochet buddies! Yay!
6 Comments
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Hells yes to this! I’m a hard core introvert who lives alone. For years I lived with a very extroverted housemate who always wanted to be in my face and continually bugged me to come out with her. After a freak-out one evening (because not only am I introverted, but I suck at raising issues with housemates) we came to an understanding. You’re right, it’s not that introverts don’t love the people in our lives. But sometimes if we have to be in the same room as another person it will lead to us hiding under a table, wanting to tear our hair out. Alone recharging time is a godsend, and a live-in partner or roommate who gets that is invaluable.
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It took me a good 2 years to get it but we’re totally on track now. It changes everything once you know who’s an introvert and who’s not.
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Love this Carly! My husband and I are both hardcore introverts. Some people think we just are antisocial because we say no to most things, but so be it. It’s all in the name of self preservation!
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I have friends who are a couple and both introverts and they pretty much never leave their house but it just works. I see them when they’re energised enough to cope with me. 🙂
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I am an introvert and my husband is an ambivert. It works out well for us.
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Ambiverts are great! Best of both worlds.
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