I just don’t get tattoos, although obviously, some of them are insanely beautiful. I live in a very boho area and I’m often caught coping an eye full of a Rockabilly chick with sparrows on her chest but really. That shit is permanent. I’m fully aware that people with tattoos love them and seldom regret them, but I could no sooner permanently dye my skin, than I could stub cigarettes out on my arm.
Going to Nightclubs and Bars
I can’t understand why people would want to stand on sticky floors, surrounded by strangers, drinking expensive liquor, listening to bad music and trying to lip read because the music is too damn loud.
So. Boring. Unless it’s figure skating and I’m laughing at Russia in their 80s sequins and shoulder pads, I’m not interested.
Going to the Coast
I don’t do beach. There’s no shade, no running water, no accessible toilets and no way to stop sand getting in my special area. Sure it’s lovely to have a shower, wear a pretty dress and sip cocktails after a day at the beach but that’s only because the beach sucks, and I’m celebrating because I’m not there anymore. I can also do number twos without resorting to what a family friend calls an ‘aqua turd’. I’m a snow baby. I do mountains. I do skiing. I do red wine in front of roaring fires. The beach is just far too variable for me.
Caring About Cars
I drive a Hyundai Getz. It’s the only car model in the world that I can accurately identify without reading the brand tag. When I’m out with my man he’s all ‘Flipping sweet… new Porshe GST 411 Excel… nice.’ I just don’t notice cars. Ever. I’m also completely aware that there’s no such thing as a Porsche GST 411 Excel, but that’s what it sounds like when people say car models at me. An indistinguishable combination of letters and numbers that I don’t give a rats about.
Attending Music Festivals
Unless Madonna, Cher, Whitney Housten (from 1992), Michael Jackson (when he was alive) and Pink were all to perform at the same festival, it’s unlikely that I’ll ever attend one. However I’ve seen photos of these so called ‘music festivals’ and they look awful. Sunburn, crowds, mud, drunk people, toilet lines, heat, flies, expensive and revolting food and serious potential for getting lost/mugged/groped. I know people who plan their whole summer around festivals and drop serious coin to get tickets for them. You couldn’t PAY me to go to one. Give me an air-conditioned theatre, a glass of champagne and a 30 piece orchestra any day.
I have respect for the enjoyment that most normal people get from these things, but I have decided that I must have a fairly vital lobe missing from my brain to have never been remotely impressed by any of the above.
What about you? What things did you miss the enjoyment injection on that everyone else seemed to get double doses of?