I asked my followers on Instagram (I’m @smaggle there BTW) last week what content they wanted to see more of on Smaggle. ‘Random life musings’ was a very popular choice so I thought I’d kick it old school style and do an opinion piece here on the ol’ blog. I don’t do light-hearted opinion pieces very often anymore, mainly because there’s always someone who will take it way too seriously and get offended if I suggest, for example, that anyone who likes pineapple on pizza is sure to have serial killer tendencies. Obviously, I was joking, Greg. You’re getting a little bit too defensive about your disgusting pizza.
It’s a been a while since I had a proper argument with anyone on the internet, so I thought it was about time I stirred the pot a little. I was watching a show the other day when one of the characters said ‘Unpopular opinion alert: Avocado tastes like rotten butter!’
I actually love avocado so I completely disagreed with her but I thought the idea of an unpopular opinion post was rad.
Here are some unpopular opinions I hold dear…
1. The beach sucks in summer
It’s hot, there are people everywhere, sand gets in all your holes, you can never find a parking spot and the toilets are miles away and disgusting. I’d much rather sit in my own shady backyard where there’s a fridge and clean toilet within my sight line. If someone suggested a summer day at the beach to me 15 years ago, I’d go and hate it. Now? You go and have fun. I’ll be here in the air con with a book and an ice cold glass of sav blanc.
The beach in winter? Majestic. Add a scarf, a takeaway coffee and a decent podcast and it’s just about my ideal scenario. I might even dip my toes in the water. Then later I’ll snuggle down in bed and appreciate how not sunburned and full of sand I am.
2. Tapas is overrated
And so is degustation. Any restaurant experience that involves expensive, tiny plates of food is wasted on me. I like food and trying fancy things but I find the whole small morsel style dining experience so frustrating. For a start, I eat really fast. So I’ll wolf down my single scallop and tiny smear of caviar foam in 2 seconds and then I’m left sitting waiting for the next bite of food that always seems to take another full half hour to appear. Secondly, it never seems to be enough food and I always leave feeling hungry. It probably IS a full meal worth of food but if you take 3 hours to eat it, you’re due for another meal. Paying $200 for a slow, tiny dinner is my worst nightmare. I’d rather go for a $15 bowl of laksa, buy a new pair of shoes and save myself three hours.
3. The Princess Bride is a very average movie
The Princess Bride fans – calm your farm. This movie is only good if you watched it 50 times as a child. If you watch it as an adult for the first time, it’s pretty dull. Added note to The Princess Bride fans – If you’re making someone watch this movie for the first time, quoting all your favourite lines as the actor is saying them does not add to the experience. In fact, it makes it worse.
4. Spiders are fine and so are snakes
As long I don’t have a spider the size of my face running at me or a snake snapping at my heels, I’m fine. If there’s a huge spider in the corner of the room, I’m cool. He can do his thing and I can do mine. I don’t love seeing snakes in the wild but if they’re just slithering along minding their own business, that’s grand. As long as they don’t try to bite me (and so far none of them have), we’re chill. Let us co-exist freely my persecuted little friends. Also pet snakes are awesome and so are the people who have them. Invite me over to your house please.
5. Summer is the worst
Who enjoys it when you can’t breathe because the air so hot and your thighs chafe from simply sitting in the car? When your head feels like it’s full of cement because you’ve been in an overly airconditioned office all week? You need to break out the industrial strength deodorant because you stink all the time? Forget sleep. Your body temperature won’t be low enough for those shenanigans until Autumn. I do think my hatred for summer is very much an Australian thing because our summers are brutal. I’m particularly angry at summer this year because I had a newborn baby I couldn’t leave the house with because she would have cooked in the car/carrier/pram. I don’t need it to be above 25 degrees ever. Anything you do on a 30-degree day – go swimming, go to an airconditioned movie, have a picnic, run under the sprinkler – you can do on a 25-degree day much more comfortably.
6. Will Ferrell isn’t funny
I don’t hate Will Ferrell but his comedy chops are one dimensional. He just shouts all the time.
7. Jelly is gross and so are ice cream floats
I want to like jelly. It seems like such a fun treat but every time I eat it, I experience a world of regret. The texture, the flavour. It’s all bad. Same with ice cream floats or as we call them in Australia ‘spiders’. To me, it’s a waste of ice cream and Coke. Just give me a glass of Coke and a bowl of ice cream and I’ll consume one, then I’ll consume the other. I don’t need to ruin a perfect scoop of ice cream by dunking it in a glass of Coke. It gets all scummy and it separates like curdled cream. Vom.
8. Nickelback don’t deserve all the hate they get
I did some very basic research on this phenomenon and it seems that ‘basic’ is the answer. People hate them because they’re basic. They lack depth. I’m not overly familiar with their music but sure, I’ll agree that their waters don’t run super deep but since when has that been a barrier to success? It seems like a good old fashioned case of tall poppy syndrome coupled with mob mentality. For some reason, it’s cool to think Nickelback suck and I reckon it’s a bit mean and unnecessary.
9. Cooking dinner isn’t that bad
I’m not a foodie and I don’t particularly enjoy cooking but I cook dinner almost every night and it’s never really been a chore I feel deserves the vitriol it gets. Most people complain daily about having to cook dinner or they hate it so much they spend hundreds of dollars on takeaway and meal kit deliveries to try to avoid it. Not cooking dinner is a multi-million dollar industry and I don’t really get it. I’m an adult – I’ve been cooking dinner almost every night for close to 20 years and it’s just not that big a deal. It’s no different to brushing my teeth, making the bed or having a shower. It’s just a thing I do to make sure I don’t die of starvation.
And just to cause further outrage to those who disagree with me, I also haven’t seen the original Mary Poppins movie. As you were.