‘R-E-S-P-E-C-T! Find out what it means to me!’
‘URETHRA FRANKLIN!!!’ Mama Smaggle squealed as she dashed towards the living room to dance with with my cousins. This was problematic for two reasons.
1. In her haste to boogie she said ‘Urethra’ instead of ‘Aretha’ and it’s the funniest shit I’ve ever heard.
2. In her haste to boogie she smashed right into me and spilled an enormous glass of pinot noir right down the front of my Christmas outfit; a delicious and brand new cream dress.
This is not the first time this has happened. It’s happened three times in total. Only on Christmas Day and only when I wear white. Mama Smags is usually in very good control of her extremities but there’s just something about a fresh vanilla hued frock that her makes red wine wielding hand a touch unsteady. The last incident was in 2012 and I haven’t worn white on Christmas Day since. I just can’t trust her to contain herself when ‘Urethra’ Franklin comes on.
1. Wear something breathable
Christmas in Australia is usually fairly warm but it can really go either way. Whether or not it’s hot or cold, you need to wear something breathable. Christmas in Australia means sitting at cramped tables, stuffed into full cars on the way to Christmas celebrations and every few years it’s so damn hot you can barely move. Go with linen or cotton and make sure you take layers. Christmas Day weather is weird and you never know if you’re going to need a cardigan or snow boots.
2. Wear something you’ve worn before
I generally like to wear something new on Christmas Day but in the last few years I’ve worn a new-ish dress and it’s been a game changer. If you wear something you’ve worn before you know all the issues you might have. For example it might work better with different underwear or you might need to wear something under it because it’s see-through. You also know which cardigans or jackets look good with it in case it gets a bit chilly. I’m finding Christmas Day outfit rehearsals to be quite useful. For example I’m planning on wearing this dress on Christmas Day but I road tested it this week at a ladies lunch with some mates. It passed the test.
3. Avoid white
Or avoid Mama Smaggle. You really only need to do one of those things.
4. Give yourself some breathing room
I’ve made the mistake of wearing firm fitting clothing and it never ends well. Wear something comfortable and flowy so you’re super comfy after you’ve had a second helping of grandma’s pudding.
5. Wear comfortable shoes
In Australia, most Christmas Day celebrations end with some kind of activity like street cricket or a walk near a body of water. My cousins and I used to go on what we called Toby Watch. They live in the same street as Toby from Human Nature‘s parents so we’d stalk around the suburb trying to catch a glimpse of him, which we never did but it was still fun. All of these activities require very comfortable foot wear. You never know if you going to have to jump up for a quick game of footy with the kids or go torment a local celebrity while they’re celebrating with their family.
This is last post on Smaggle until after Christmas Day so I wanted to wish everyone a very merry Christmas and a happy New Year.
I also have to say this every year but be safe on the roads please. I watched the road tolls with horror every year so I just wanted to remind people to buckle up, be calm, be sober and be well rested whenever they drive.