Full disclosure. I’ve never really experienced heartbreak in the traditional sense of the word. I had many un-reciprocated crushes growing up (in fact, all of my crushes were un-reciprocated) and at the time they felt like heartbreak but now that I’m an old lady I can see these experiences for what they truly were. For example, my short lived relationship that ended when my boyfriend figured out that he preferred salami to taco is not the same thing as a marriage break down. And even though my little 19 year old heart was bruised, it recovered very quickly. On a scale of Well-That-Sucks to My-Life-Is-Totally-Ruined, all of my break ups fall in the first category. Which is obviously excellent for me but it renders me rather useless when it comes to helping other people through their heartbreak.
I’ve been in a very solid relationship for the past 11 years so my personal experience with heartbreak is not only very vintage it’s also very teenaged. For your amusement, here it is in a nutshell.
1. Listen to Alanis Morrisette’s Jagged Little Pill on repeat (discover the hidden track if you haven’t already)
2. Remove the naughty heart-breaker from MSN Messenger and delete their number from your Nokia 3210
3. Drink a lot of Vodka Stolis
4. Pash one of your dude mates
5. Immediately regret it
There was also an odd fad when I was a late-teen where you’d have an ex-boyfriend bonfire and burn all the stuff they gave you. So many leather bracelets with shells and books of weird poetry went up in flames in the early 2000s. It was a weird time for everyone.
Dealing With Heartbreak
Having said all that, I’ve witnessed a lot of heartbreak and I’ve been a very good drinking buddy for many broken-hearted friends. There have been some pretty fabulous heart mending techniques I’ve witnessed and I wanted to share them with you in case you’re experiencing heart break.
1. Give your self destruction an end date
I’m not a huge fan of self medicating, but sometimes you’ve got to do what you’ve got to do. A mate of mine gave herself a month when her marriage ended to drink a lot of wine, eat badly, skip the gym, stay out late at night and have sex with really inappropriate men. 30 days later she had it all out of her system, got her shit back together again and made moves to rebuild her life. It was one of the healthiest things I’ve ever witnessed. She also explained the concept of the ‘cleanser’ where you have sex with someone quite soon after the break up so you don’t get weird about it. I really liked that concept. That method is not for everyone, obviously but there was something appealing about about having a cleansing shag to reset yourself. Like brushing your teeth after dinner.
2. Once your self destruction end date is up, focus on self care
It’s okay to give yourself a lot of time to get over a heartbreak, you just need to not be self destructive in that time. Set a date for the end of your self destruction and then switch to self care mode. You can stay in self care mode for as long as you need, forever if you like! Do things that are very good for you like exercise, eat healthy food, learn how to do something you’ve always wanted to learn to do, go on girls weekends away. In fact, I think everyone should do these things all the time just because. More self care for everyone please.
3. Don’t be shocked when the heartbreak comes back to stab you when you thought you were over it
You can never fully mend a properly broken heart, you have to learn to live around it. We’re all in the same boat, nursing our own scars. You may have had an amazing two years of recovery from whatever it was that broke your heart and then all of a sudden you fall to pieces for no reason. This is totally normal and it probably won’t even be the last time it happens. Unfortunately our hearts have excellent memories and sometimes when you least expect it your heart will pipe up and remind you of something that almost destroyed you. Look at it as a reminder of how strong you are and what you’ve been through and how you’re still standing tall. Also remember it’s just one day, or sometimes a few hours that has you feeling this awful. Tomorrow is another day, and you’ll probably be fine tomorrow… or the next day.
This week on Straight & Curly, Kelly and I talking about heartbreak and how to deal with it. We cover the whole she-bang. Romantic heartbreak, friendship heartbreak, death of a loved one heartbreak. Our readers gave some beautiful advice which we share in this episode and we hope it helps anyone who may need it right now. You can find it wherever you listen to your favourite podcasts.
In other news Kelly and I have published a book, which is just so insane I can’t even deal with it. My copy arrived shortly after I moved and now I can’t find it (it’s in a box somewhere) but it was beyond thrilling seeing my name on the cover of a book. It’s actually quite bizarre. If you want to get your hands on a copy, you can buy it here.
It’s a no bullshit, straight up conversation about diets and lifestyle detoxes. Should you give up coffee? Should you take a weekend away from your phone? Does Weight Watchers actually work? What the hell is F45? All these questions are answered (extremely honestly) in this book. It’s a great little stocking stuffer for the self improvement junkie in your life or a lovely gift to yourself if you want to set some hardcore New Year goals.
We also finally got around to creating a Patreon page for those who would like to support the podcast. We already have 15 amazing people supporting our show monthly which is unbelievable. Kelly and I are astounded at the support and growth we’ve experienced in the last two years of this podcast and we want to so much more with it. With support from our listeners we can expand the show to include guest experts and eventually an Aussie tour. If you want to see our faces in your city, you can become a Patron here. Most people pledge $4 per month which is the cost of a coffee and equals about $1 per episode. Bargain right?
Have you recovered from a heartbreak? What’s your greatest tip?