It’s hard to admit but sometimes there are people you just shouldn’t be friends with. Obviously not everyone is going to be perfect all the time and sometimes people go through some nasty stuff and it’s important to be a good friend and be there for them when they need you. However if you’ve been doing little more than dealing with a friend’s drama for years you might need to think about whether or not there’s room for them in your life. Here are 7 signs your friend may be toxic…
1. You feel inexplicably tired whenever you spend time with them
That horrible, slightly hungover feeling you get from spending all afternoon being aurally attacked by your friend who’s giving you a blow by blow of a hideous three day ‘relationship’ she had five years ago but is still obsessing over.
2. You often end up apologising for their bad behaviour
Like that time you had to apologise to your whole family at your own wedding because your toxic friend spent the day hitting on your cousin’s wife and then puked in the backseat of your Dad’s convertible.
3. A text message from them will render you paralized with fear…
… and you have to carefully control your face in public, in case she’s lurking around a corner, ready to pounce on you for grimacing at her name on the screen.
4. They have no ambitions
Like your mate from high school who for no real reason doesn’t have a job, still lives at home with his parents and is in no hurry to do anything other than play Xbox all day and borrow money from you.
5. You spend lots of time with them, yet they know nothing about what’s going on in your life
You know exactly how many freckles her new boyfriend has on his back yet she isn’t even aware that you just bought your first home. Also you’ve told her. Twice.
6. You’ve never really felt like you can trust them
If you lend them something, you’re pretty much guaranteed to never get it back and you feel a bit weird leaving your handbag unattended around them.
7. Everything you do is wrong
Like that time you dared to actually go to work on the day your toxic friend got a bad spray tan, instead of holding her hand and stroking her all day like you were supposed to.
Have you ever had a toxic friend? What warning signs did you see?
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12 Comments
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Eek – who needs enemies if you have a friend like that? Happy to say, I have never had a toxic friend or if I have known a person like that, I have never actually considered them a friend. x
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Author
Oh my goodness that’s awesome! I wish I was like that! 🙂
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I’ve had to take a step back from certain people who can make you feel icky about yourself after you’ve seen them. Are the insecurities all mine sometimes? Essentially, yep. But by the same token, I reason that there are so many other people in my life who don’t make me feel like that (and I swear they’re not all enablers haha). Sometimes you’ve gotta cut them loose. Can’t click with everyone. Life’s too short. We have choices! x
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Exactly – why spend time with people who make you feel like shit right? That’s my philosophy!
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Definitely had one of these. Always dreaded catching up, it felt like more of a chore than sorting clean laundry (and I HATE sorting clean laundry). She’d spend every catch up bitching about people we went to high school with who I hadn’t seen in 6+ years. Straw that broke the camel’s back was her being inexplicably rude to my boyfriend. Didn’t even bother with the slow fade after that – just ditched her. My life was much happier!
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It’s so weird isn’t it that people think they can be negative and horrible all the time and expect people to want to hang out with them? It’s nuts!
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I ended a toxic friendship about a year ago. It made me very sad, but I feel so free without it. All your signs were there, plus she was constantly criticising my husband, family & friends. What on Earth was I thinking??
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Retrospect is weird right? You look back on all those times and you’re like whaaaaaat? I’m just becoming increasingly stooge like about my time. I have about five people I’m willing to spend it on and the rest I’m like ‘Soz!’
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Yep I have that friend – especially No 5 – my marriage was falling apart & she didn’t notice even when I told her the nasty details of his behaviour she somehow managed to make my cheating husband & my broken heart all about her dramas- coz God knows I have/ had nothing going on in my life to beat her drama!!! Not that it’s a competition!! And then there was that clairvoyant that once read her life as mine!!
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That’s so weird! I’ve met lots of people like that who can’t let other people have their moments. It’s like no one ever taught them that other people have lives too.
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In the past, I’ve had to part company with some so-called friends for some of these very reasons. These days I choose to surround myself with people who boost me up, not bring me down. Life is too short to spend it with people who don’t make you feel good.
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Exactly! I think it’s very grown up to analyse the way you feel after parting company with someone and if you feel good, you keep hanging out with them and if you feel bad, you ditch them!
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